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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29737680">Mostly Bad Timing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CozyVaquita/pseuds/CozyVaquita'>CozyVaquita</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mostly Bad Timing [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02, Digimon Adventure tri., Digimon Adventure: (Anime 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>10 is where the smut happens, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Relationships, College, Joumato, M/M, Multi, Mutual Healing, New York City, Romance, Slash, Slow Burn, kind of a romcom, matt/joe, rated E solely for chapter 10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:07:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>134,163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29737680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CozyVaquita/pseuds/CozyVaquita</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe’s been working too much, his friends say. College is supposed to be fun, they point out. Joe needs to blow off some steam, they decide. T.K. has a proposal: set Joe up on a date with his older brother that his friends have never met.<br/>Meanwhile, Matt’s friends have dared him to stop using men to deal with his abandonment issues and stay single for a month.<br/>The timing is. Bad.<br/>A modern day AU set in New York; all the older kids are in college, while the younger ones are in high school.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ishida Yamato | Matt Ishida/Kido Jou | Joe Kido, Takaishi Takeru | T.K. Takaishi/Yagami Hikari | Kari Kamiya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mostly Bad Timing [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2270078</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Don't mind me, just another nostalgic 90s kid. Still in love with these characters. And now, apparently, still writing about them. </p><p>Mega-shout out to my friend Taylor for reading all of this so far and offering input along the way!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Look, Joe, I’m just <em> saying </em> , you’ve <b>got </b>to unwind, man.” </p><p>Joe waved the concern away, “I’m fine, guys, seriously, drop it. It’s my senior year, I’ve got a lot of work to do and applications to think about. Interviews eventually. Hopefully. This is normal. I’m sorry- I’m <em> really </em>sorry that I haven’t been around much lately, but it’s just how it is. I’ve been busy! There’s a lot to study for this semester.” </p><p>“But, <em> Joe </em> ,” Mimi whined, “you didn’t even want to come today because you wanted to work on a lab report. I mean, come on, a <b> lab report</b>? What are we, chopped liver?” </p><p>Joe sighed and sank back into the couch, aware that this 3rd degree interrogation was only going to continue. All 10 of his friends had been intermittently fussing over Joe’s workload for the past few months with more rigor than usual; it was only a matter of time before they ganged up on him like this. He and the others had congregated for a Saturday afternoon at the Kamiya residence. While Tai had been in dorms and apartments for the past few years of college, it was more convenient for Kari and the other younger members of their group of friends.</p><p>“Of course you’re not liver, Mimi. But the lab report comes with a deadline.”</p><p>“Isn’t your senior year a time to unwind and celebrate the past four years?” Yolei chimed in, quick as always to back Mimi up, who she so greatly admired (or had a crush on; it was still hard to say). Joe pressed his palms into his eyes momentarily and groaned. </p><p>“Maybe if you’re <b>actually </b> graduating, but I’m just going back into school. <em> More </em>school. For longer this time. Med school.” </p><p>“Well, don’t say ‘<em> actually </em> graduating’ like that, dude,” said Tai, waving his hand holding a glass at Joe, “you <b>are </b>graduating. You’re just going to graduate again. Later. Like, way later.” </p><p>Sora sighed and fixed her eyes on Joe, “You’re sure, right? Med school’s the next move?” </p><p>“Absolutely, that’s been the plan forever,” Joe said, the lack of enthusiasm not going unnoticed by the others. T.K. hummed thoughtfully and fiddled with the rim of his beanie. </p><p>“Look, all we’re saying is that you need <em> balance </em> ,” Sora continued, “You can’t just do school all the time and then make time for us every now and then. See your other friends from your classes. Take up a hobby! Do <em> something </em> else!” </p><p>“Sora’s right, Joe!” Mimi jumped in, and Joe had to wonder whether his friends had planned out this coordinated attack in advance. “You’re getting so high strung- well, more high strung than usual. <b>Higher </b>strung.” </p><p>“Yeah, you gotta blow off some steam or something,” said Tai, kicking his feet up on the coffee table that the massive couch wrapped around. The living room in the Kamiya apartment was spacious and warm, welcoming, ready to accommodate their rather large group of friends. The high schoolers of the group—T.K., Davis, Yolei, Ken, Cody, and Kari (obviously)—were all still located nearby. And while the older members of the group had spread out across the city for their various colleges and pursuits, it was only a matter of riding the train over to get everyone together like today. </p><p>“Blow off some steam…” T.K. mumbled out loud before making that humming noise again, “Hey! I know!” </p><p>Everyone looked over, and T.K. grinned widely at Joe. Joe shrank further into the couch. He didn’t like where this was going. </p><p>“My brother’s single right now. Want me to set you two up for a date or something?” </p><p>This declaration was met with a brief pause before the room erupted into questions. </p><p>“<b>Your</b> brother? <em> The </em>brother?” </p><p>“The brother we <em> still </em>haven’t met after all these years?!” </p><p>“Yeah, hey, what’s with that again? I mean, how busy can both of you actually be?” </p><p>“Also, what is this? You’re pimping him out for Joe?” </p><p>“<b>The</b> elusive Yamato?” </p><p>Joe’s face had initially reddened at the offer to set him up, but it faded a little as the interrogators shifted their focus (momentarily) to T.K. </p><p>“Alright, alright,” T.K. held up his hands, “I get it. Weird offer. And I don’t know what to say? We’ve had this conversation before. He’s busy, I’m busy, we’re all busy. It’s not like he’s obligated to meet all of you; we haven’t lived together in over a decade.” </p><p>T.K. and Yamato’s parents had divorced back when T.K. was virtually too young to remember it, though he said he had vague recollections of the arguments and yelling. The divorce had, according to T.K., been much harder on his brother, Yamato. Old enough to remember and old enough to know that his custody had been granted to his father largely because his mom hadn’t wanted to raise both sons. Regardless, Yamato grew up with his dad and currently lived in Brooklyn, and, while the two brothers always made time for each other and remained close, had a social life totally separate from his younger brother. </p><p>“Why would you even think to set him up with Joe in the first place?” Kari asked, “I try never to think about Tai’s personal life.” She added, gesturing at her brother who let out a “Hey!” </p><p>“I don’t know,” T.K. shrugged, “Tai said ‘blow off some steam?’ Yamato has a fun life? Guys are into him? He’s single right now? He’s definitely dated people for fun before. And he doesn’t stay single for long, so I figured while the window’s open… And besides, Joe hasn’t dated anyone in, what, over a year?”</p><p>A short pause followed this before Izzy spoke up for the first time, “It’s not a bad idea.”</p><p>“I like it!” Mimi punched her palm decisively, “Joe, you need a life.”</p><p>Joe rolled his eyes, “I see you over there, Mimi, swiping right all the time. I’m not interested right now.” </p><p>“Aw, come on, Joe,” Davis added, and Joe braced himself. <em> Everyone is really going to jump in on this, aren’t they? </em>“You haven’t had a boyfriend in forever. If T.K.’s offering why not let him pimp his brother out-” </p><p>“I’m <b> <em>not </em> </b>pimping h-”</p><p> “Besides, if you date him, maybe we’ll actually get to meet him.” </p><p>“Also, a good point,” said Izzy, “and, speaking as your roommate, you haven’t brought <b>any </b>guys home.” </p><p>Joe threw his arms up and made an exacerbated noise that made all his friends snicker at him. “I’m sorry, is that what you want? A parade of guys coming through our apartment all the time? And you’ve never brought <b>anyone </b>back to our place for a date!” </p><p>“I’m asexual,” Izzy responded easily, and Joe deflated at the immediate rebuttal, “and that’s besides the point, it’s great that you’re not the type to parade guys through our apartment, but that doesn’t mean I want you to stay single forever if you’re unhappy.” </p><p>“I’m <b>not </b> unhappy!” Joe exclaimed, only to be met by 10 skeptical faces blinking back at him. He groaned and changed tactics, “Besides, T.K., I would feel <em> so </em>weird going on a date with your brother. I’ve known you since you were a little kid! It’d just be weird.” </p><p>“We’re not twins, you know. It’s not like we’re identical. He takes after our mom more than me- oh!” T.K. looked around excitedly, “I’m almost positive I’m going to pass him up in height before high school’s over.” </p><p>“That would mean a lot more to us if we had ever, uh, met the guy, T.K.,” said Yolei, “anyways, come on, Joe, what’s the worst that could happen?”</p><p>“Oh my god, you guys, just <b>drop </b>it.” </p><p>Something in Joe’s tone signaled to the others that the conversation was, at least for now, over. Kari shifted in her seat and turned to ask T.K. what his brother had been up to lately (besides being, apparently, single) and the conversation turned to that, followed by updates on other family members: Davis’s sister, Cody’s grandpa, Yolei’s siblings, etc. </p><p>Joe fiddled with his glasses, aware that Izzy would probably circle back to this the next time both of them were waking up with coffee in their kitchen or decompressing from the day’s classes in front of the TV at night. He sighed, tuning out the conversation about Mimi’s dad’s work trips. </p><p>It <em> had </em> been a long time since his last boyfriend, really his only <b>real </b>boyfriend. He and Shigure had met freshmen year of college, both of them having been pretty deeply closeted up until that point, bogged down by the pressures of Asian immigrant parents that expected the world of them—including a wife and kids. The relationship had lasted into their sophomore years before falling apart. After that, Joe, at the prompting of his friends (mostly Mimi out of an abundance of concern for his sex life), had tried a dating app or two and gone on a few dates which always fell flat. That phase had lasted for a few months before Joe finally settled into a comfortable single life focused on his studies, straight through junior year and into his ongoing senior year. Comfortable. </p><p><em> Yeah, </em> Joe thought to himself before pulling his attention back to the group’s conversation, <em> I am comfortable </em>.  </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“One month? That’s nothing!” </p><p>Min and Dennis looked over at each other and raised their eyebrows simultaneously. </p><p>“Matt, think carefully,” said Dennis, as if he was explaining something complicated to a toddler (a particularly sensitive toddler), “when was the last time you were single for a full month?”</p><p>Matt paused, “I mean, I’ve been single for the past couple of months. And before Trei, I was s-” </p><p>“No, no, no,” Min shook her head, her straight black bangs swinging rapidly, and reached across their dining room table to clasp Matt’s hands, “you don’t understand.” </p><p>“We mean no guys, Matt,” said Dennis, taking a calculated sip from his tea, “No relationships, no dates, no hook ups, no flirting. <b>Nada</b>.”  </p><p>Matt blinked at them. </p><p>“But. <em> Why </em>?” </p><p>His roommates and best friends since childhood exchanged another look before turning their attention back to the blonde. </p><p>“Matt, you have a problem,” said Min gently, still holding his hands. </p><p>“Uh. What’s the problem?”</p><p>Dennis sighed and pushed his glasses up on his face, “We think you’ve been using guys to cope with your obvious abandonment issues for, well, as long as you’ve been dating. So like, since high school.” </p><p>Matt blinked, “I mean, yeah, that’s the joke, right? We’ve always said that? Like, <em> ‘haha, Matt can’t stay single because of his crippling fear of loneliness, am I right?’ </em>” </p><p>Min pursed her lips, “Right. But. We feel it’s time to deal with this.” </p><p>“It’s just…” Dennis sighed. “It’s been a <b>lot </b>of guys since you and Trei broke up. And you never actually seem happy about it.” </p><p> “I’m just having some fun, blowing off some steam, it’s not like I’m taking risks, I’m being safe, I get tested, I-” </p><p>“We <em> know </em>, Matt, we know. This isn’t a safe sex talk.” </p><p>“Well then, <em> what’s </em>the problem?” </p><p>Min lifted her hands and waved them around, “You’re making you sad! Okay? This string of guys isn’t helping! And you need to focus on you for a while! It’s healthy! Just look at Dennis!” She gestured wildly at their roommate, “He almost never dates and he’s got his life <b>way </b>more together than you or me! An emotional stronghold! Bedrock of stability!” </p><p>“It’s true.” Dennis smirked. </p><p>Matt rested his chin in his palm and pouted, “You’re really not going to drop this? Even if I think it’s stupid?” </p><p>“<b>One</b> month. <b>Celibate</b>. Consider it a dare!” </p><p>Matt’s competitiveness perked up at that, and he sat up a little. Min and Dennis grinned. So, the challenge angle would be what made this stick. </p><p>“A dare? What do I get if I win?” </p><p>“Uh,” Min panicked, “we can no longer issue opinions on your love life unless you specifically request them!”  </p><p>“Done.” </p><p>The confidence in Matt’s response momentarily shook his friends, and they exchanged nervous glances. Matt leaned back in his seat and smirked at them. </p><p>“One month, huh? <em> Easy </em>.” </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>A couple of weeks passed, and Friday night rolled around. T.K., whose mom had a work event, offered up his apartment for a relaxing movie night and Too Much Pizza. Joe, in an effort to mitigate his friends’ concern (see also: obsession) with his workload (and now, apparently, his love life) made a point to show and have a good time. As he’d predicted, Izzy had been occasionally pestering him about going on some dates and having some fun ever since the group’s initial conversation. It’s not like Izzy was a particularly pushy person… but still. Joe didn’t need to explain on a bi-weekly basis that he was perfectly content with how things were. </p><p>It was standard practice for the group to worry about Joe’s stress levels, in the same way that they worried about Mimi’s frivolous spending, Sora’s indecisiveness regarding her future, Tai’s impulsivity, Ken’s family issues, Izzy’s obsessive tendencies whenever he started a new computer project that enveloped him, and Davis, well… being Davis. </p><p>They had all met when they were kids attending Japanese Sunday School on weekends during the school year and an Asian American heritage camp during their summers off. As siblings, Tai and Kari bridged the age gap between the two portions of their group, cementing them all together despite the 3-5 year age differences between them all. Joe was the oldest of the group by one year, but that year (combined with his strict parents) had been enough to set him apart as the designated Overworked Elder of the group. Even with most of the older kids in college, that still hadn’t really changed. </p><p>“Tai, I’m serious! You can’t hog that much of the pizza!” </p><p>“Sora, <em> chill </em>, we ordered plenty, and besides I’m a growing boy! Don’t you want me to grow up big and strong?” </p><p>“Last I checked, you were fully grown, and still using that hair fluff to add a few inches of height.” </p><p>“Too bad his brain’s not fully grown,” Kari jumped in, smirking around her pizza slice. Tai looked betrayed. Affronted. </p><p>“My own sister!” </p><p>Davis, also hoarding pizza slices on the plate in front of him, jumped to Tai’s defense, “Don’t even worry about it, man. You can’t count on sisters for <em> anything </em>. Last week, Jun actually told my parents that-” </p><p>The sound of keys clinking and turning in the doorway prompted Davis to cut himself off, and T.K. leaned back in his seat at the end of the dining room table to peer down the hallway at the front door of the apartment. Everyone else seated along the large table couldn’t see around the corner of the wall dividing the kitchen and dining room. </p><p>The door opened and a voice immediately rang out, “Anyone home?” </p><p>T.K.’s eyebrows scrunched, “Yamato? Hey, what’s up? What are you doing here?” </p><p>“Takeru! Yeah, sorry sorry, is mom home?” </p><p>“No, she’s got a work thing-” </p><p>“Thank <b>god-</b>” </p><p>“<em> Yama- </em>” </p><p>“Listen, I left some sheet music here last week. I’m just swinging by to grab it and then I can get out of your way.” This was all accompanied by the rustling and shuffling sounds, Joe assumed, of Yamato kicking his shoes off and putting his keys away. </p><p>“Oh yeah, those papers? They’re in my room,” said T.K. before grinning sheepishly at the others seated around him. The group had by and large decided that T.K. had a lot of nerve bringing up his brother, whom they’d never met, as a solution to Joe’s problems, and had generally been heckling T.K. about Yamato’s existence for the past couple of weeks. </p><p>“Cool cool, yeah, I’ll just grab ‘em and be on my-” The older brother paused at the corner of the dining room now that he could see how many people were in the apartment, “-way… Oh. Sorry! I didn’t realize you were hosting. Uh, hey all, I’m Matt.” </p><p>Joe looked up from his pizza and felt his brain break in half. </p><p>“It’s fine,” said T.K., “do you know how much shit these guys have been giving me about not having met you? This is perfect.” </p><p>Yamato (<em> Matt??? </em>) laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, “Well, you’ve barely met my friends too. It’s not a one way issue.” </p><p>“I know, I tried telling them that,” T.K. shot a few pointed looks at his friends, while Yamato disappeared into his bedroom. </p><p>Joe, brain still broken, was frozen in place, a slice of pizza pathetically raised halfway off his plate now unmoving. Yamato/Matt was… not what he was expecting. <em> Holy shit </em> . He was gorgeous. Too gorgeous? <em> Ridiculously </em> attractive? How had T.K. even managed to <b>entertain </b> the idea of setting them up on a date? <em> What the f- </em></p><p>“Matt? <em> Matt </em> ???” Mimi leaned forward across the table, practically hissing at T.K., and bringing Joe crashing back into reality, “You didn’t tell us your brother was <em> MATT </em>???” </p><p>“Yamato, Matt. It’s a nickname. I’m the only one who calls him Yamato, I guess. You heard; he calls me Takeru, too.” </p><p>“Not just <b>A </b> Matt!!! <b>That </b>Matt!” </p><p>Izzy raised his eyebrows, “What do you mean ‘That Matt?’” </p><p>“I recognize him!” Mimi whisper-shouted. “He’s in a band! I’ve been to one of his concerts with Michael! Michael’s a fan! A fan of <b>THAT </b> MATT. T.K., how did you <em> NOT </em>mention this?!” </p><p>T.K. shrugged, largely unphased by Mimi’s energy. “I said he’s a musician, and he plays with his friends?” </p><p>“That’s a <b>little </b> different from actually being in a band and booking concerts around the city, don’t you think? Haven’t they released an <em> album </em>too?” </p><p>“Holy shit, T.K., your brother’s big time?” </p><p>“Not big time! It’s mostly local stuff. Yamato doesn’t make a fuss over it either!” </p><p>“Doesn’t make a fuss??? T.K., you- I mean, you haven’t even <em> acknowledged </em>! You only said-” </p><p>“What’d he say?” </p><p>Everyone looked up to see Yamato/Matt (see also: <b>That </b>Matt, per Mimi) standing in the entryway to the small hall that led to T.K.’s room and his mother’s small office, shuffling through some papers in his hands. Matt smirked and raised a questioning eyebrow at T.K. </p><p>“He failed to mention,” Mimi said loudly before T.K. could respond, “that you are in a <b>band</b>. I’ve seen you in concert! My-” she paused briefly to consider what to refer to Michael as, “-friend is a fan of you guys! Also, your drummer’s hot but don’t tell him I said that.” </p><p>Matt snorted, “I’ll be sure not to. Haida doesn’t need the ego boost. And it’s really no big deal. We’re just local…” He trailed off, frowning at the papers in his hands that he was leafing through, “This isn’t everything…” He turned and went back to T.K.’s room.  </p><p>With Matt back to digging around his brother’s room, the group turned on T.K. once more, accusations that T.K. had kept his famous singer brother a secret from all of them on purpose, while T.K. continued to insist that he and his brother had simply never made a big deal out of his musical career. </p><p>Matt eventually re-emerged, stuffing the papers he’d grabbed into the messenger bag he was wearing and putting an end to the assault on his brother when he insisted that he preferred Takeru didn’t make a big deal out of it or brag about him or “any cheesy shit like that.” </p><p>Joe took advantage of the conversational chaos to sneak another look at Matt. The blonde’s sense of style was pretty distinct from his younger brother’s. Where T.K. 's wardrobe had taken a dip towards the hipster end of things in high school (partially to justify his hat obsession), Matt’s wardrobe was toeing the line between hipster and punk. He had on a leather (faux leather?) jacket over a grey t-shirt and unbuttoned blue flannel, some kind of leather cord necklace that wrapped around his neck a few times, and dark jeans that had been previously tucked into black ankle boots. Blonde hair, lighter and softer looking than T.K.’s, barely brushed his shoulders. <em> And his eyes- ow! </em>Joe jerked and shook his head, snapping himself out of his thoughts and glaring at Izzy who had pinched him under the table. </p><p><em> Shoot. Was I staring? </em> One look at the smirk Mimi was giving him across the table confirmed that, yes, he had been staring. <em> Damnit.  </em></p><p>“Are you in a hurry or something?” T.K. suddenly asked as Matt was zipping his jacket back up. </p><p>“Not really, no plans. Just want to get out of your way since you’ve got friends over.” </p><p>T.K. glanced up and down the table at the others before looking back at his brother, “Do you want to stay? You can meet everyone, and I haven’t seen you since last week.” </p><p>Matt hesitated, “I don’t want to intrude…” </p><p>T.K. and several others at the table spoke simultaneously, insisting it was fine and that they’d ordered a metric ton of pizza for the night. Matt bit his lip, “Are you sure?” </p><p>“Yeah! Just sit down already and stop being stubborn.” T.K. waved a hand around, and everyone on the side of the table closest to the kitchen and front door shifted one chair down so that Matt could take the seat next to his brother. Matt had gone to remove his jacket and hang it up in the front hallway; when he returned, he was also tying the flannel around his waist, and it took genuine effort on Joe’s part not to start staring again. </p><p>Matt sat next to T.K., accepting a paper plate that Sora passed over to him and grabbing a slice of pepperoni pizza at the same time, “So what are you guys doing tonight?”</p><p>“Just hanging out,” said Tai, “maybe some movies later. School’s been busy for all of us lately.” </p><p>“Joe’s definitely the busiest though,” added Mimi, jerking her thumb at him from across the table. </p><p>Joe rolled his eyes, and added as a brief explanation to Matt’s curious look, “Pre-med.”</p><p>“What about you?” T.K. prodded his brother, “You really don’t have any plans on a Friday night? I’m surprised.” </p><p>“I told you, didn’t I? Min and Dennis dared me to stay single and uninvolved for a month?” Matt rolled his eyes. “So, I’ve been staying in a little more.” </p><p>10 sets of eyes bore into T.K., who shrank in his seat at the looks he was getting, “Listen. I only found out about that last week.” </p><p>Matt arched an eyebrow, “What?” </p><p>“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it,” T.K.’s voice was airy but his eyes said <em> FEAR </em>, he pressed on, “so how’s that going? The whole staying single thing?” </p><p>“It’s only been two weeks,” Matt shrugged, “no big deal though.” </p><p>Cody leaned forward curiously, “Why would your friends dare you to stay single? I mean, we’ve basically been having the opposite conversation with-” </p><p>“Yeah!” Mimi chimed in loudly, shooting a quick glance at Joe as she proceeded to override Cody’s sentence, “Why would they do that? I mean, I spend the most time on dates out of any of us, and no one’s ever said <b>anything</b> .” She leaned forward and spoke to Matt conspiratorially, “Matt… Are you being… <em> slut-shamed </em>?”</p><p>Matt snorted, “They <em> are </em>nearing that line, but no. They’re my best friends, and they’re worried I’m using guys for the wrong reasons or whatever. You know, that kind of thing.” He smirked at T.K. and sighed dramatically. “Those pesky abandonment issues.” </p><p>T.K. frowned at that, but the others at the table seemed to appreciate the humor. </p><p>“You know what? I kind of have abandonment issues too,” said Sora, following Matt’s own joking tone, “but I’m pretty sure they just cut me off from dating almost altogether.”   </p><p>“Hey, we cope how we cope,” said Matt, before toasting her with a pizza slice. </p><p>The rest of the night carried on in similar tone. Aside from the initial awkwardness of the situation, Matt fit in well with their group of friends, although Joe had always felt that their group was easy to fit in to. They were so eclectic and spanned such a wide array of interests, talents, and personalities. That said, they’d never had anyone so musically or artistically inclined, but, although they couldn’t offer specific responses to some of the things Matt said about music, their enthusiasm was authentic nonetheless, and Matt responded in kind with genuine curiosity about everyone around the table. </p><p>Eventually, about halfway through the pizza supply, the conversation turned towards movies, and, for reasons Joe could not explain (see also: Tai and Davis bullied the rest of them), they ended up watching<em> Jurassic Park </em> movies back to back. Matt left after the first one, citing band practice the next day and a need for rest (“Glad we finally met!”). Later in the night, the more reasonable members of the group exclaimed that they couldn’t take another dinosaur movie and were calling it quits. </p><p>This included Joe and Izzy, who were on their own shortly after departing the Kamiya’s and waving bye to Sora, Mimi, and Tai. The highschoolers were staying behind for a sleepover. </p><p>Joe shoved his hands in his pockets while he and Izzy walked, inhaling the brisk October air. Beside him, Izzy quickly checked a few notifications on his phone before pocketing it and turning to his roommate. </p><p>“So we finally met T.K.’s brother after all these years. That’s something, huh?”</p><p>“Yeah,” said Joe absently. Izzy leaned a little closer to Joe and raised his eyebrows. </p><p>“You were <b>staring </b>at him.” </p><p>That broke Joe out of whatever quiet meditation he’d been settling into. The taller of the two balked and shook his head immediately, “I wasn’t staring! It’s just- <em> weird </em>! Meeting him after all this time!” </p><p>“Uh-huh,” Izzy couldn’t have sounded more sarcastic if he tried, “so you don’t feel any differently about T.K.’s offer to set the two of you up on a date?” </p><p>Joe’s face reddened, “Of course, I do. It’s even more ridiculous now than it was before.” </p><p>“Why’s that? ‘Cause his friends are challenging him to stay single? It’s only a month.” </p><p>“Sure, that, and,” Joe hesitated, “he’s <em> completely </em> out of my league. I can’t believe T.K. even thought that was a viable option. I mean, I get that it’s his brother, but is he <em> blind </em>? What was he even thinking?”</p><p>Izzy frowned deeply at that, “Oh, come on, Joe. That’s a little too self-deprecating. I mean, I’m no expert, but I’d say you’re a good enough looking guy. Don’t beat yourself up like that.” </p><p>“‘A good enough looking guy,’” Joe rolled his eyes.</p><p>“What do you want me to say? That I’m deeply attracted to you and have been for years?” Izzy laughed, “I can’t do that for you, not even for the sake of your self-esteem, but seriously, Joe. Don’t talk about yourself that way. What does Mimi always say to you? Confidence is sexy?” </p><p>“Yeah, well, she and Tai have enough confidence for all of us. Someone’s gotta even it out by having none.” </p><p>“That’s not how that works,” said Izzy unnecessarily, “Anyways, ‘out of your league?’ Joe, please, he’s just a human.” </p><p>“Izzy, did you ever look at him, like, at any point tonight? He might actually be the most attractive person I’ve ever seen. He’s <em> gorgeous </em> . And <em> talented </em> ? <em> And nice </em>? Ridiculous.” </p><p>Izzy opened his mouth and closed it. Joe, who had been stomping along and generally avoiding eye contact with the shorter redhead, actually glanced over at his companion’s sudden speechlessness. It wasn’t like Izzy to have nothing to say. </p><p>“Uh, Iz, you okay?” </p><p>Izzy shook his head and took out his phone, which he began furiously typing away on, “I’m fine, Joe. I’ve just… never heard you talk about a guy like that before. Not even Shigure.”</p><p>Joe pursed his lips and was about to rebuttal when he focused in on Izzy’s fingers tapping away on his phone. Horror crashed over him. “Iz. What. Are you. <b>Doing</b>?” </p><p>Izzy was completely unphased by Joe’s tone and answered easily, “I’m texting Mimi that you have a crush and that I’ve never heard you talk about a guy like this before.” </p><p> “<b> <em>No</em> </b> ! Izzy, NO, oh my <b>god</b>!” A struggle ensued as Joe tried desperately to grab Izzy’s phone from him, but, although Joe had the advantage in reach, Izzy was prepared, dodging underneath Joe’s arms all while remaining laser focused on the message he was typing. </p><p>“Done.” Izzy chirped, smirking at Joe as the older of the two hung his head in defeat. </p><p>“<em> Izzy </em> ,” Joe ground out his name through gritted teeth, “Why would you <b>do this to me</b>? You know Mimi’s never going to let this go.” </p><p>“Exactly,” said Izzy, giving Joe an uncharacteristic pat on the back and prompting them to resume their walk to the subway, “I want to support you on this, and Mimi’s the best woman for the job, really.”</p><p>Joe groaned and continued to gripe as they continued their trip home for the night.</p><p>It wasn’t long before Mimi responded to Izzy’s message with unbridled enthusiasm and support for Joe, followed by a string of ideas (some far more outlandish than others) about how they could go about making this happen for Joe. Izzy read these ideas out loud to Joe, who rejected every single one outright. </p><p> </p><p><b>Izzy:</b> He’s saying no to all of these you know. </p><p> </p><p><b>Mimi:</b> of course he is lol </p><p> </p><p><b>Mimi:</b> bet seeing matt again would change his mind. eyes on the prize right? </p><p> </p><p><b>Mimi:</b> whatever, keep working on warming him up to the idea. I’ll keep brainstorming! </p><p> </p><p><b>Izzy: </b>Got it. </p><p> </p><p>Izzy looked over at Joe, standing next to him on the train, and frowned thoughtfully. The group’s fussing over Joe’s workload always veered off into humorous territory, but, as his roommate, Izzy had been growing increasingly aware of the monotony of Joe’s routine. How little was happening in Joe’s life, and how few choices (if any) Joe was making for himself, as opposed to for his parents or even for his friends. It wasn’t that Izzy was desperate to improve Joe’s love life in particular, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that his roommate needed something to liven things up. Something to spark some joy or excitement. </p><p>He pocketed his phone once more to re-engage Joe in conversation. <em> Something’s gotta give.  </em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>New York was supposed to be a big city. Supposed to be. You weren’t supposed to just run into people at random street corners. Bump into a friend on the subway. Stumble across a classmate in Central Park… Encounter an attractive acquaintance at your favorite Korean take-out spot. That wasn’t supposed to happen. </p><p>Another week had passed, and Joe couldn’t get Matt out of his head. Not for lack of trying on his part. He’d wanted desperately to resume his previous pattern, focus on school, focus on applications, focus on working as a tutor for underclassmen… <em> Focus, focus, focus </em>. </p><p>His friends (if he still felt like calling them that) had other plans. </p><p>The previous week’s pizza night had set off a spark that Joe honestly couldn’t have seen coming even if he’d tried. Izzy and Mimi had never been the closest pair within their group of friends, but their joint focus on Joe’s apparent crush (their words, Joe continued to insist that he did <b>not </b> have a “crush” on a guy he’d just met who was, in his words, miles out of his league) had turned them into an unstoppable juggernaut of a team. It didn’t help that Joe lived with Izzy. It was constant. If it wasn’t Mimi texting him or sending him articles about the importance of work life balance, it was Izzy making calculated small talk with Joe that always <em> always </em>somehow turned towards Joe’s personal life and a certain blonde musician. </p><p>Joe supposed that, at the very least, he could count his lucky stars that Mimi and Izzy hadn’t gotten the rest of their friends involved. <em> Yet </em>, he thought grimly. It was only a matter of time before they called in the reinforcements. </p><p>At first, Joe had tried deflecting their efforts by citing the apparent dare Matt’s friends had issued him. The blonde was staying single; they needed to respect that. This argument never held up because, as Mimi and Izzy pointed out, a month was hardly a long time to stay single and soon enough the dare would be over, and Matt would theoretically be available again. From there, Joe tried the T.K. argument, that, if he were to approach Matt and it went poorly, he’d risk damaging his friendship with T.K. But, Izzy and Mimi chided, T.K. had thought of the idea in the first place. As a last resort, Joe resumed his usual rhetoric, insisting that this was not a good idea. Matt would never go for Joe. They were leagues apart. But this line of self-pity always backfired spectacularly. Mimi and Izzy, fueled by their determination to help Joe out, fought back against his self-deprecation with a ferocity that was genuinely alarming. </p><p>And so Joe found himself making his way to Koreatown to pick up his early dinner on a Friday afternoon trying very hard to <b>not </b>think about Matt. </p><p>It wasn’t working. </p><p>Partially because Mimi had spent the better part of her day insisting that Joe either had to let her and Izzy set a plan in motion to hook him up with Matt or else she would create multiple accounts for Joe spanning multiple dating apps because “Joe Kido, you <b>are </b>going to get laid one way or another. I won’t have it any other way.” </p><p>But also partially because…</p><p>“Joe?” </p><p>Joe blinked multiple times and stared. </p><p>Matt grinned and waved a hand in front of his face, “You there?” </p><p>
  <em> What. The. Fuck.  </em>
</p><p>Joe blinked again and rubbed his eyes before confirming that, yes, it had come to this. Matt was standing in front of him in his favorite Korean take-out restaurant in the city. He squinted around the restaurant and even turned to look out the entrance and windows. <em> Where are they? Where are those two little sneaks? How did they manage to set th- </em> </p><p>“Uh, Joe?” </p><p>Joe’s attention snapped back to the man standing in front of him in line, his usual dedication to politeness taking over. Matt’s grin had faltered, and his head was tilted in concern. </p><p>“Sorry!” Joe shook his head and smiled sheepishly, “Sorry about that. I was… uh, really out of it. Big test earlier today.” </p><p>“Oh, <em> phew </em>, okay,” Matt laughed, “For a second, I was like, ‘shit, is that not one of Takeru’s friends?’ That would’ve been…Anyways, hi.” </p><p>“Hi,” Joe laughed apologetically, “Again, sorry. I didn’t expect to run into anybody. What are you doing here?” </p><p>“Waiting to order,” Matt said, stating the obvious, “Don’t feel like cooking tonight. Thought I would treat myself. This place is dope, too. I’ve only ordered from here a couple of times, but it’s been really good.” </p><p>“Yeah, it’s one of my favorite take-out spots.” </p><p>Matt smiled, “You’ve got good taste. Nice sweater, by the way.” </p><p>“Ah, thanks,” Joe looked down and tried unsuccessfully not to blush at that. He was wearing a navy quarter-zip sweater, jeans, and dark brown suede sneakers; the sweater was warm enough that he hadn’t needed a jacket for New York in October. On the other hand, Matt was wearing the same leather jacket that he’d been wearing at T.K.’s apartment, jeans, and grey Timbs. He was also, Joe noted, wearing a small smirk on his face, which Joe sincerely hoped wasn’t in response to Joe blushing. </p><p>“So how’d your test go?” As usual, there was a line to order and a queue to pick up food as well; Matt was right to seek out some conversation to pass the time. Joe scratched the back of his neck and grimaced. </p><p>“Fine, I think,” he sighed, “it’s for a microbiology course. Tough professor. I think I’ll be able to scrape by though.” </p><p>“That’s rough,” Matt said, nodding to himself, “I hate when hard classes get professors that just make it worse. You said you’re pre-med, right? Hence the bio?” </p><p>“Yeah, majoring in bio, minoring in anthropology.” said Joe. He paused and realized, “We only asked you about the band. What’s your major? T.K.’s never said.” </p><p>“Oh, mechanical engineering.” </p><p>Joe blinked rapidly. Matt took one look at his face and burst out laughing. </p><p>“I know, my friends think I’m insane. They’re all in fine arts or humanities. I mean, we went to BFA for crying out loud.” </p><p>“BFA?” </p><p>“Wow, T.K. really doesn’t talk? Brooklyn Fine Arts Academy.” </p><p>“The magnet school? So that’s how all of you got so into music and theater and everything else?” </p><p>“Yeah- well, we already were. That’s why we worked to get into BFA. But I- Oh, wait.” </p><p>Matt’s turn to order came up: galbi and one or two sides or appetizers that Joe couldn’t hear over the din of the crowded tiny storefront. Joe placed his order immediately afterwards—bibimbap and their seafood pancakes, his usual order—and joined Matt standing off to the side in the designated waiting area. </p><p>“So why engineering?” he asked while tucking his receipt away, “That seems pretty disparate from your interests.” </p><p>Matt shrugged, “I guess I don’t see it that way. There’s lots of studies that show music improves math scores and vice versa. And I always liked math and problem solving. It doesn’t feel that different from arranging a score to me.”  </p><p>“Huh. That’s,” Joe smiled sincerely, “really impressive, Matt.” </p><p>“Thanks,” said Matt, a very mild blush rising up his face, “people don’t usually react that way.” </p><p>“Really? No, I’m… I’m really impressed.” </p><p>The pink tinge on Matt’s face reddened, “Alright, stop. But. Thanks.” He shook his head. “What you’re doing is impressive too. Pre-med? Very cool stuff.” </p><p>“I guess. It’s really just because it’s what my parents want,” said Joe. Matt looked like he was about to say something in response to that, but before he could Joe went on, “Doesn’t T.K. want to be a writer? You two have really different goals.” </p><p>“Yeah, I guess we do. I mean, our mom’s a journalist, and she’s the one who raised him, so I guess that’s where it’s coming from. I never really liked writing.” </p><p>“Don’t you write lyrics, though?” </p><p>“Not the same. And I don’t consider myself particularly good at that anyways.”</p><p>“You d-” </p><p>Matt’s number was called at the counter and the blonde dipped his head and stepped away to go grab the bag. When he returned to Joe’s side, the taller of the two expected a good bye and a wave, but instead Matt settled back into his previous spot standing next to Joe. In response to the curious look on Joe’s face, Matt blinked up at him, “What? I’m waiting for yours.” </p><p>“Oh, thanks,” Joe flushed, “you don’t have to… If, you know, you have to go somewhere...”  </p><p>Matt made a weird face at Joe, “If you want me gone, just say so.” </p><p>“Wh- no! I didn’t mean-” Joe cut himself off when Matt’s face broke into a grin. The blonde started laughing a little. </p><p>“Sorry, sorry,” he gave Joe a quick pat on the arm, “Anyways, don’t worry about it. Your order’s coming up next. And besides, I’m not looking forward to going all the way back to Brooklyn to eat this. So I guess I’m procrastinating a little.” </p><p>In retrospect, Joe would never be able to explain what possessed him to say what he said next. </p><p>“My apartment’s walking distance. Do you want to come over and eat there?”  </p><p>Matt tilted his head and looked a little surprised at the invitation, but a small smile popped up a moment later, “Yeah, sure, that sounds nice.” </p><p>Joe swallowed. Izzy and Mimi were never going to let him live this down.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Heheh. SO, that's our starting point. \o/ Joe's feelin' a little brave. Next chapter will begin with Matt's POV of the restaurant run-in, so we'll get some insight into what he's thinking then. :'D </p><p>There are multiple chapters for this fic already written, so regular updates are guaranteed for at least a while. And, honestly, my writing pace has been great so far; I'm not worried about falling behind on this. &gt;:) Future chapters get longer FYI, if that's your thing. </p><p>It's been a minute since I wrote any fanfiction, so any comments, kudos, whatever is super appreciated! &gt;&lt; I'm definitely writing this one for me though, so I'll keep trucking along even if there's minimal engagement.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello again! \o Like I said before, multiple chapters are already written, so I'm really just uploading these as I see fit. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Min: </b>
  <span>Remember? dennis is with his family this weekend </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Min: </b>
  <span>grandparent’s anniversary </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> right forgot about that… well as long as he brings us back his mom’s empanadas</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Min: </b>
  <span>yessssssSSSSSSSSSSSS omg texting him that now </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> You’re filming a project tonight right?  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Min:</b>
  <span> yeh</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Min: </b>
  <span>tonight was the only night we could book the space so i’ll be back late prob</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt: </b>
  <span>cool good luck with that! I’m gonna get take out and chill. maybe work on some songs</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His last text sent, Matt pocketed his phone and quickened his pace to Koreatown. After his Friday classes had ended, he had to check out a venue that the band would be playing at in a few weeks. Just to see the space and check in with the staff there. The meeting went well but took longer than expected, and, by the end of it, Matt no longer felt like following through on his original plan to cook that night. Besides, this little takeout place that Min and Chelsea had shown him was great and not too far from the concert hall.</span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I do deserve a break from cooking</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought while turning the corner into Koreatown and stretching his arms above his head. Min and Dennis were… not culinary humans. Never had been. So Matt was the chef of their cozy 3 bedroom apartment. Which was fine. That was how it had always been. Matt grew up cooking for himself and his dad. By the time he met Min and Dennis in junior high, he was so used to it that he offered to help Min’s mom cook dinner without a second thought, thus igniting the longstanding tradition of him and June spending hours together in the kitchen while Min and Dennis waited on standby. Matt always said that June was more his mom than his own mother ever was, and those countless hours with her in the kitchen were treasures to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the present, Matt opened the door to the little restaurant and was immediately hit by waves of smells crashing over each other. Kimchi. More garlic. Various soups. Seafood. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Meat</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The sizzling of which was audible even over all the chatter of customers and workers milling about in the small space. He smiled, already content with this choice, and stationed himself at the end of the line to order. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door to the restaurant opened again behind him, and Matt turned to take a cursory glance—really just to gauge how crowded the place might get—and paused. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is that- </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The older man blinked a few times but didn’t really give a reaction. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The dude seems super out of it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Matt leaned forward and waved a hand around, “You there?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At that point, Joe’s reaction became downright bizarre, and he rubbed his eyes before looking in any direction that </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>Matt’s. Matt frowned, genuinely concerned he had just greeted a total stranger, mistaking them for Takeru’s friend. “Uh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry!” Joe finally came to, “Sorry about that. I was… uh, really out of it. Big test earlier today.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked once, a little startled by how earnest and genuine Joe’s stress seemed, and then laughed in relief, “Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>phew</span>
  </em>
  <span>, okay. For a second, I was like, ‘shit, is that not one of Takeru’s friends?’ That would’ve been…Anyways, hi.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” Joe laughed, and it was nice. Charming. Sincere. His voice wasn’t particularly deep but had a naturally friendly, trustworthy energy to it. “Again, sorry. I didn’t expect to run into anybody. What are you doing here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Waiting to order,” Matt rolled his eyes at the obviousness of his own answer and elaborated, “Don’t feel like cooking tonight. Thought I would treat myself. This place </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>dope, too. I’ve only ordered from here a couple of times, but it’s been really good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s one of my favorite take-out spots.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve got good taste,” Matt gave Joe a quick once over with his eyes, “Nice sweater, by the way.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, thanks.” The taller man seemed taken aback at the casual compliment and even </span>
  <em>
    <span>blushed </span>
  </em>
  <span>about it while looking down. Matt smirked. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That </span>
  </em>
  <span>was interesting. He took advantage of the other’s embarrassment to really let his eyes roam. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt never thought of guys as “handsome,” really. Hot, sure. Sexy even. Cute. Charming. Whatever. But he’d never actually looked at a guy and thought “handsome” before. But Joe was… Handsome kind of seemed like the right word for it. He was tall—</span>
  <em>
    <span>really tall</span>
  </em>
  <span>—and had a naturally thin frame. Joe’s posture also seemed ridiculously good by default, and Matt couldn’t help but feel a little self-conscious about how he casually slouched around sometimes. Beyond all that, Matt peered up at Joe, he had a deceptively strong jawline too. And his eyes were friendly behind his glasses. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The glasses are kind of sexy on him. Sort of has that smart/sexy vibe going on</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His dark blue hair also lent itself to the same dignified look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s smirk transitioned to a smile, and he went for the small talk, “So how’d your test go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, I think. It’s for a microbiology course. Tough professor. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>think </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’ll be able to scrape by though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s rough. I hate when hard classes get professors that just make it worse.” Matt could certainly sympathize with that plight. “You said you’re pre-med, right? Hence the bio?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, majoring in bio, minoring in anthropology.” Matt was about to comment on how cool it was that Joe had added a minor to his studies, but the blue haired man went on, “We only asked you about the band. What’s your major? T.K.’s never said.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, mechanical engineering.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was the same casual response Matt had grown accustomed to giving, and it got the same flabbergasted response Matt had grown accustomed to receiving. Still, Joe’s dumbstruck expression was particularly priceless, and Matt couldn’t help but laugh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, my friends think I’m insane. They’re all in fine arts or humanities. I mean, we went to BFA for crying out loud.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“BFA?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seriously? </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Wow, T.K. really doesn’t talk? Brooklyn Fine Arts Academy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The magnet school? So that’s how all of you got so into music and theater and everything else?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah- well, we already were. That’s why we worked to get into BFA. But I- Oh, wait.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt stepped up to the counter to place his order: galbi, some dumplings, and an extra side of kimchi if that was okay (Matt was too lazy to look into making his own, but it was nice to have around). He went off to the waiting area before he could hear Joe’s, but the older man was quick to follow Matt and resume their conversation from before, asking about Matt’s major. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was something disarming about Joe’s genuine admiration for Matt’s response. It was certainly a far cry from the usual skepticism people gave him when he explained that music and engineering didn’t feel all that different to him. And an even further cry from the actual condescension he’d received from some guys before, who questioned whether or not Matt would actually make it through an engineering program. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Matt’s number was called and he went to grab his food, it felt natural to return to where Joe was still waiting to continue the conversation, but Joe didn’t seem to expect that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? I’m waiting for yours,” said Matt easily by way of explanation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, thanks,” Joe flushed bright red (</span>
  <b>
    <em>Very</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> interesting</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Matt thought), “you don’t have to… If, you know, you have to go somewhere...”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Is he serious? Oh </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>brother</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“If you want me gone, just say so.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh- no! I didn’t mean-” Matt started laughing again at the distress Joe seemed to fall into so easily. Joe was… fun to mess with. And his concern over saying the wrong thing as well as how he’d behaved throughout this entire encounter only confirmed what Takeru had always said about him. Joe was a </span>
  <b>really </b>
  <span>nice guy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, sorry. Anyways, don’t worry about it. Your order’s coming up next. And besides, I’m not looking forward to going all the way back to Brooklyn to eat this. So I guess I’m procrastinating a little.” He hefted his bag of take-out up and down to illustrate his point, but he wasn’t expecting what came next. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My apartment’s walking distance. Do you want to come over and eat there?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s lips parted in surprise at the offer. It seemed… very forward coming from Joe. Uncharacteristic even from what Matt knew about him so far. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is he… flirting? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Matt tilted his head and smiled. It was just eating take-out after all. Surely that didn’t cross any lines. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure, that sounds nice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t tell if the surprised expression on Joe’s face was a reaction to him saying yes or if Joe had startled himself by inviting Matt over in the first place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. Great.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A mildly awkward silence ensued in which Matt continued watching Joe expectantly, and Joe seemed to be trying to avoid eye contact without making it obvious that he was doing so. Matt would have snickered if he wasn’t half convinced that any sudden moves on his part would send Joe running. The senior seemed… skittish. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This pause in their conversation was broken up as Joe’s order was called out, and the older man stepped up to grab his bag from the counter. Matt studied Joe’s hands as the older man grabbed his order from the counter. Joe’s hands were dexterous, his fingers long and thin, almost elegant. Matt smirked and followed him out of the restaurant. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe has nice hands. Also interesting. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He turned to Joe once they were back outside in Koreatown, “So which way?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s only about 5 blocks,” said Joe, mildly and still a little dazed seeming. He turned onto 5th Avenue with Matt following alongside him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweet,” said Matt, taking longer strides to keep up with Joe’s naturally bigger steps, “I fucking love Brooklyn and Dumbo, but being closer to this area, </span>
  <b>especially </b>
  <span>Koreatown, </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>be nice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s been a really nice place for me and Izzy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! You two are roommates?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, yeah,” said Joe, finally looking at Matt again, “We lived together last year too. He’s a great roommate; we have similar habits. And it’s nice that we’re both at Columbia.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Columbia huh? Impressive. And that’s nice,” said Matt, “Sucks when living with friends doesn’t work out. Min, Dennis, and I haven’t had any problems really, but some of our friends who’ve lived together really get into it sometimes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt jumped into a couple of stories about Chelsea and Trei’s bad run as roommates together, describing them as two forces of nature that weren’t actually meant to cohabitate with one another despite their usually strong friendship. He’d been dating Trei for part of that year and had, for better or worse, a front row seat to much of the roommate squabbling that had ensued. This included the infamous Condom War, which began with Chelsea accusing Trei of taking from her condom/lube stash and escalated when Trei demanded that Chelsea stop tossing used condoms in the trash can in their shared bathroom. That they had salvaged their friendship at the end of their time living together was ultimately a testament to how laid back both of them really were at the end of the day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, was Trei your last serious boyfriend?” Joe asked casually, though a faint hue had appeared on his cheeks again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah yeah,” said Matt, “That ended a few months ago or so. Maybe more. Well the last month was… Anyways, yeah. We sort of dated briefly in high school too and then just kind of circled back to each other last year.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, okay,” said Joe before stumbling and tripping over… Matt honestly wasn’t sure. His own feet? A crack in the sidewalk? It was a short mishap, and Joe managed to right himself quickly, so Matt opted to avoid commenting on it to spare the taller man’s pride. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about you?” Matt asked, trying, for Joe’s sake, to resume conversation quickly with the first topic he could think of, “Last boyfriend?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know-?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I mean, Takeru’s given me the rundown of the group,” said Matt, wondering if that was a problem or not. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It shouldn’t be, right? </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Oh! I’ve been meaning to ask someone. Mimi’s bi, right? Is she single right now? I kind of think she’s my friend Alex’s type.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, Mimi’s always sort of single.” said Joe, fidgeting with his glasses, “She dates around a lot. I can see if she’s available though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks. Yeah, I think Alex would be into her. She’s into femmes, and Mimi seems… lively, too.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lively is one word for it,” said Joe, rolling his eyes and turning the corner onto his block, “my place is just up there by the way.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice,” said Matt, letting the conversation fade as the two of them approached Joe’s building and the older man had to fiddle with his keys around the takeout bag. Joe offered some commentary on the building, rent, space, etc., while they made their way upstairs before reaching the door to his apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The blue haired man opened the front door, and Matt eagerly stepped inside, quick to look around and check things out, “</span>
  <b>
    <em>Wow</em>
  </b>
  <span>, this is…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...Clean.” Matt spun around in the entryway, taking in the main area of the apartment. An open floor plan combined the kitchen, dining, and living room space. Izzy and Joe had done their best to establish clear sections using furniture, but the end result was still pretty open and airy. Not bad, all things considered, but a little stark since they were both minimalists by nature. The best part of this apartment, Joe had always felt, was that the bedrooms were actually on opposite ends of the open main area, affording them both some privacy when they were in their rooms, and each one came with its own small bathroom. Izzy’s bathroom was a little bigger since it also connected to the main room for guests.</span>
</p>
<h4>
<span>Matt blinked around some more and reiterated, “Like, </span><em><span>really </span></em><span>clean. Holy shit.” He turned to Joe, eyes wide and a little afraid. It almost felt like Joe needed to apologize for the state of the place. </span>
</h4>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I- well, we’re both really clean people, and we don’t have a lot of stuff,” Joe explained, while placing his takeout bag on the kitchen counter to remove his shoes. Matt followed suit, removing his jacket as well. He was wearing a long sleeve teal crewneck underneath. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s a nice color on him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, thought Joe before continuing his explanation. “Izzy’s room is a little more cluttered with computer stuff. Some projects that he works on for fun. That kind of thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about yours?” Matt asked, the authentic curiosity evident in his voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pretty sparse,” said Joe, “I take it your apartment isn’t like this?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt barked out a laugh, “No, but Dennis wishes it were. Ah… He tries, he really does. To keep it clean. But he just can’t keep up with me and Min. I mean, between the three of us, there’s sheet music everywhere. And that’s not getting into props or camera equipment that Min needs for her projects. Or our socks.” He ducked his head a little and looked at Joe uncomfortably, “I’m… not sure I’d want you to see it at this point. It’d probably drive you nuts.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe waved off Matt’s concerns, “No, are you kidding? I’m friends with Tai of all people. It can’t be worse, or that much worse, than his rooms have been throughout the years.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not so sure about that,” said Matt, wiping a finger along the counter and still looking around nervously at the spotless environment he’d found himself in. Joe felt bad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bowl or plate?” he asked the shorter of the two, while reaching up into the cabinets and grabbing a bowl for himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, plate. Want me to grab the silverware?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, it’s in the drawer to the right of the sink.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An affirmative noise from Matt was followed by the sound of the drawer opening and then… Disgust. “</span>
  <b>
    <em>Dude</em>
  </b>
  <span>. Where’s the chopsticks?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah,” Joe laughed nervously, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Well</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh- I thought you all met each other at Japanese school and Asian heritage camp or whatever, but you and Izzy don’t have- wh- you- Where’s the </span>
  <b>heritage</b>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe scratched his face a little while setting up the table for them, “We don’t cook a lot, so the kitchen’s stocked pretty minimally. I mean,” he pointed at the other end of the kitchen space, “we have a rice cooker?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s outrage didn’t really fade at that, but he let it go after muttering a couple more choice complaints about the shame and disgrace of it all. Joe smiled. The indignant anger was… </span>
  <em>
    <span>cute</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two of them settled into seats at the end of the dining room table, and Joe fetched a couple of glasses of water. Matt shot Joe a quick but playful glare when he picked up the fork he’d grabbed but grinned after that as he focused on the food.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Those look good,” he said, poking it in the direction of the seafood pancakes Joe was starting with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, do you want one?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I mean-” Matt hesitated, “Well, if you want a dumpling. We can trade.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed, “Sure, but I’ve had their dumplings before. Here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt wasted no time shoving the small pancake into his mouth, virtually whole, “Mmf. Yeah. Those are good. Maybe some more… hm.” He mulled over ingredients.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you or your roommates cook much?” asked Joe, picking up on Matt’s apparently serious consideration of recipes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do the cooking,” said Matt, shaking his head, “Min and Dennis aren’t helpless, but they don’t really… It’s mostly me, and I feed them too out of pity. I’m just used to it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe hesitated, not sure how sore this subject would be, “Your dad-?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, he’s- I mean, he’s a functional adult, he can cook, obviously,” Matt laughed, “but his work hours were always insane, and he’s not, like, an expert in the kitchen. I just always took care of it for both of us. Since high school, I still stop over, usually on Sundays, to do some meal prep for him for the week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s nice of you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shrugged, “I guess. We’re a team. We always were. That doesn’t change just because I’ve moved out. What about you? You said you and Izzy don’t cook much?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not really,” said Joe, “we mostly get by.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is a nice place though, and a </span>
  <b>great </b>
  <span>location,” said Matt, waving a fork around, “you guys are fine on the rent just between the two of you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Izzy’s got decent scholarship money, because of course he does, and he’s an only child. And my dad's the head of his cardio department, so...” Joe paused and bit his lip, but… Obviously, Matt would be receptive to this, “So, I get a free ride for as long as my parents think I’m straight. So, yeah, we’re fine on rent.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt winced, “Ah, shit. Really? I’m sorry, that sucks.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not that bad,” Joe shrugged, “well, for now, it’s been fine. I’m… used to it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Still,” said Matt, anger on Joe’s behalf had caused his eyes to narrow, “I hate that. People having kids without being ready to accept them.” He stabbed at his food, and Joe suspected some of his anger wasn’t just for Joe’s sake. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your mom, right? T.K. said he’s always gotta brace for impact when the three of you have dinner together.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Matt sighed, “she’s still… Well, it’s not as bad now. Back when I was in high school and early college even, she’d sometimes have pictures lined up to show me.” At the questioning look on Joe’s face, he smirked and clarified, “Pictures of her coworkers’ daughters. Shit like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’m lucky on that end.” said Joe, “My parents never wanted me or any of my brothers to date. Just focus on school. Then, as soon as they hit a certain age, it’s ‘When are you going to settle down?’ I haven’t hit that point yet, so I don’t have to field a lot of questions about my personal life, which is nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded along in understanding and seemed to be thinking something over before he spoke again, “You didn’t get a chance to answer earlier.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s brows furrowed, “Hm?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Last serious boyfriend?” Matt grinned and leaned forward. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah…</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Oh- I mean- if it’s not a good topic, don’t worry about it,” Matt said quickly, leaning back and waving his hands to emphasize it, “I wouldn’t want to in-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s… It’s okay. It was a long time ago now,” said Joe, feeling some heat creep up his face. Talking about Shigure was… not something he did very often, but not a particularly sore spot anymore. It was mostly uncomfortable, and, in this case, potentially embarrassing. Staying single for a prolonged period of time seemed like a foreign concept to Matt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, how long ago?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shrugged, “We started dating freshman year and broke things off in the middle of our sophomore year.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt tilted his head, “No one since then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um,” Joe scratched his nose with his free hand, “not really. Just a little dating that didn’t go anywhere. And last year I really focused on school.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm, that’s cool,” said Matt, and Joe looked up. There was no judgement in his tone or expression. “Min and Dennis would say I could learn something from that, I guess.” He gave a weak laugh and trailed off, refocusing on his plate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a short silence followed by, “So you have brothers?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Three older ones.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy shit. What was </span>
  <b>that </b>
  <span>like for your mom?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed lightly, “Well, she and my dad are very much on the same page. They wanted clones of my dad more than they wanted actual sons. We weren’t really supposed to be autonomous individuals.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned, “So, pre-med?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Joe pushed some of his food around in his bowl, “it’s fine. It’s not a bad line of work. I’ve had a long time to get used to the idea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you’re okay with that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked up from his bowl and immediately wished he hadn’t. Matt was staring him down, and the blonde’s gaze was </span>
  <em>
    <span>intense</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Joe gulped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s really okay,” he deflected, “like I said, I’m used to the idea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not the same as </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanting </span>
  </em>
  <span>it for your future,” said Matt. His plate was pushed forward, and he folded both of his arms on the table to lean towards Joe. Bright blue eyes lasering in on him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe opened his mouth and closed it wordlessly. This wasn’t a topic he got into with a lot of people. Sora brought it up sometimes, but she was always so gentle about it that she didn’t get very far in terms of pushing Joe to defend his choices or lack thereof. Izzy did too but always gave up quickly. A lot of the others would occasionally bring it up but without necessarily recognizing the severity of the situation the way Matt currently was. Or who knows? Perhaps they’d known Joe for so long, they’d grown just as accustomed to the path laid out before him as he had. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took a tremendous amount of effort for Joe to tear his eyes off of Matt’s, but he succeeded and went back to pushing the trace amounts of food left in his bowl around, “Look, here’s the real answer, and I don’t say this very often.” He paused, and his fork scraped along the bottom of the bowl. Who had he said this to? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shigure. Maybe Izzy? </span>
  </em>
  <span>“At this point, I wouldn’t even know how to decide for myself anyways. So this is good enough.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a long pause following this statement, but then Matt spoke to Joe very deliberately, “Isn’t part of their assumption for your future that you’re marrying a woman and having kids, too? Do you plan on following through on </span>
  <b>that</b>
  <span>?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe swallowed. “No” was the answer to that question, or at least Joe had told himself he wouldn’t be the person who lived that sort of lie. But he knew someone who would, and Matt’s question brought those memories back unbidden. The way Shigure had pulled away after the winter break of their sophomore year. Grown cold. And eventually… the breakup.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe wiped his mouth on a napkin and stood from the table, “No, I’m not planning on that, but I am going to go to the bathroom. Excuse me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was an abrupt departure, far more abrupt than Joe was comfortable with, and he didn’t turn to look at Matt while he walked away either. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once he was in the bathroom with the door shut behind him, he pressed both palms down onto the sink, leaning forward and exhaling slowly.  After taking a couple more breaths, he finally looked up into the mirror and steadied himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Okay, Joe, get it together. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He dragged one hand along the side of his face, and removed his glasses in order to splash some cold water on his face. This wasn’t fair to Matt. The blonde has obviously just invested himself in Joe’s wellbeing, seeking answers that so many of Joe’s friends had pushed for before, though, Joe noted, not with that level of intensity. Matt seemed diametrically opposed to the idea of Joe or perhaps anyone allowing their parents to determine the course of their life like this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That makes sense,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought. Considering how focused Matt was on his own goals, regardless of whether or not a musician majoring in engineering made sense to anyone else. And Matt obviously had to figure out a lot of things on his own, independent of parental influence. Joe patted himself on the face a couple more times with a towel, gave himself a determined nod in the mirror, and headed back out to the main room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked up from pushing food around on his plate as soon as Joe opened the bathroom door, looking supremely guilty.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe, I’m </span>
  <b>really </b>
  <span>sorry.” He blurted out, and Joe almost stumbled backwards at the force of it, “That wasn’t my place. That was </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>shitty of me. I was being a pushy asshole. I mean I don’t actually know you that well, and here I am acting like- that was </span>
  <b>so </b>
  <span>stupid of me. Really. I mean it. I’m sorry for turning that into some weird interrogation. I shouldn’t have-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” said Joe, smiling a little at Matt’s over the top apology, “it’s fine really. You were asking fair questions, but I didn’t give you a fair response. I’m sorry I reacted that way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s eyebrows knit together, “Are you serious? </span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>, absolutely not. </span>
  <b>
    <em>I </em>
  </b>
  <span>crossed the line. I’ve been pushy and nosy all day probably- I don’t know why- and you were being a really good sport. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>took things too far there and should have known to drop it. You didn’t-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Joe held up a hand, and Matt fell silent immediately. “Apology accepted then.” He scratched the back of his neck, “Look, without getting into it, your question was fine, it just… brought up some stuff for me. That’s all. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have been an issue. And I think… These are harder questions to deal with my senior year of undergrad too. That’s all. I wouldn’t actually say you did anything wrong.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt seemed unhappy about how much Joe was still letting him off the hook but didn’t argue the point further, “Okay, well… Let me help with the dishes after we finish eating. I would have offered anyways, but yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t let you do that. Didn’t you get takeout to let yourself off the hook from cooking tonight?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt rolled his eyes, “cooking and taking care of the dishes are </span>
  <b>not </b>
  <span>the same thing, and if you think I handle the dishes every time I cook, you should see the stack we’ve got building up in our kitchen right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe grimaced at that, and a lot of bickering about the merits of a clean kitchen ensued—Joe obviously arguing for a hygienic space for meal prep while Matt argued that, by Joe’s own admission, he didn’t know anything about meal prep anyways. This lasted until the end of dinner, which didn’t take long since both of them had been close to finished even before Joe stepped away. At which point, Matt gathered up his dishes and stood, raising a challenging eyebrow at Joe, as if daring the older of the two to try to stop him. Joe just smiled and showed him where the dishwasher was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt ended up leaning against the counter, while Joe continued to load the dishes from the rest of the day—breakfast mainly, since Joe and Izzy had both eaten their lunches while out and about for school and work. As usual, it would take the two of them multiple days to really fill the dishwasher enough to justify running it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for inviting me over,” said Matt. “I had fun. And I’m glad I ran into you guys at Takeru’s last week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, we’re glad too,” said Joe and internally he rolled his eyes at himself.</span>
  <em>
    <span> “We’re” glad too? Oh my god.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He could have smacked himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smirked, “You speak for the group?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I am the oldest,” he replied before opening the fridge to grab himself… he paused. Hesitated. Glanced back at Matt who was watching him curiously. Steeled his nerves. “You know, Izzy asked me to pick up these packs of hard cider when they were on sale ages ago, and we still haven’t finished them…” He hesitated one more time. “Do you want to stay for a drink?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked and then grinned, pushing off from the counter to walk over towards Joe, “Sure. Sounds good.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> Izzy was turning his keys in the front door when he paused. It was hard to tell, but… It sounded like people were talking in the apartment. He wondered if Tai or one of the others had stopped by to hang out. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That would be fun. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The redhead took exactly two steps into the apartment and then froze. The back of the couch in the living room was towards the door, so Izzy could only see the backs of its occupants’ heads, but Joe was definitely hanging out with someone who was blonde but also distinctly </span>
  <b>not </b>
  <span>T.K. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, hey, everyone,” he said, removing his denim jacket and kicking his shoes off. Both men turned to look over the back of the couch, confirming what Izzy had suspected but couldn’t believe: Matt was in their apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, welcome back,” said Joe, shooting Izzy a furtive look that Matt couldn’t see from his angle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi!” said Matt, waving over the back of the couch, “Sorry for crashing. Joe and I ran into each other getting takeout, and he said I could eat here. Let me know if you need me to head out though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took a lot of willpower on Izzy’s part to not shoot Joe a look.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Really? After arguing with Mimi and I every time we brought it up? </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Really? </em>
  </b>
  <span>Joe at least had the decency to look a little ashamed of himself when he did make eye contact with Izzy. Matt seemed totally unaware of any of this, which was probably for the best. Izzy shook his head and smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine. What are you two doing?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just watching the Food Network and shooting the shit,” said Matt, gesturing to a very humble but growing collection of bottles on the coffee table, “well, I’m complaining about their cooking too. You want in?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A quick glance at Joe’s face confirmed what the right answer to that question was. And Izzy didn’t miss a beat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I’m pretty tired from classes, and I told some friends I’d unwind and play some games with them tonight, so I’m just gonna,” he gestured towards his room, “be in there. Maybe I’ll see you guys later though. Have fun!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He waved casually and made his way into the room. Both Joe and Matt gave him a casual good bye, and then, just before he closed the door to his room, Matt called someone on the TV a “fucking idiot.” Izzy exhaled as the door shut. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as he was in his room, he whipped out his phone and opened up his messages with Mimi. The two of them had a robust back and forth going on for the past week. It was mostly Mimi sending Izzy ideas about how to get Matt and Joe in the same room together again, and Izzy reviewing her ideas and providing some logistical feedback on how feasible they were. There were also regular updates on the types of responses both of them were getting from Joe whenever they broached the subject. Charting out the degrees of Joe’s self-deprecation.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy typed out a message to see if Mimi was on her phone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Izzy: </b>
  <span>Mimi. I have an update. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t take long for the “seen” notification to pop up followed by “...” while Mimi began typing a response. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Mimi:</b>
  <span> ??? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Izzy:</b>
  <span> Matt is sitting in my apartment right now. On the couch. With Joe. I think they’re drinking too. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Mimi:</b>
  <span> askjwekjw;tk i’m sorry WHAT </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Izzy:</b>
  <span> I know. They ran into each other, and Joe invited him over to eat dinner??? The nerve on this guy. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Mimi:</b>
  <span> the AUDACITY </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Mimi:</b>
  <span> we still deserve some credit for this i’ve been MANIFESTING </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Izzy:</b>
  <span> I don’t know what to do now tbh </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Mimi: </b>
  <span>what do you mean? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Izzy: </b>
  <span>Well I’m in my room right now, but I don’t know. Should I just stay in here? They’re right outside in the living room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Mimi: </b>
  <span>YES. Stay in your room!!! Give them some privacy! You gotta give Joe a chance! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Izzy:</b>
  <span> But… I haven’t eaten dinner :/ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Mimi:</b>
  <span> KOUSHIRO IZUMI. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. YOU STAY IN THAT ROOM. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Izzy: </b>
  <span>I haven’t eaten since lunch! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Mimi: </b>
  <span>STARVE FOR THIS. SO HELP ME IF YOU RUIN THIS FOR JOE, I WILL WRECK YOU </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy hesitated before responding. He glanced around nervously, thinking back to when Mimi decided to punish Tai for blowing Sora off on a date at the beginning of high school. Or that time with Davis and Ken… He nodded to himself and typed a reply. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Izzy: </b>
  <span>Got it. Staying in here. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sighed and sat himself down in front of the computer, determined to at least take his mind off his hunger with some games. Later on, he would go rummaging around his bags in the room to see if there were any errant granola bars lying around. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>come </span>
  </em>
  <b>on</b>
  <span>!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe gave an uncharacteristic snort and braced himself for Matt’s next rant, but the blonde seemed too frustrated for words at this point. Or maybe he was getting tired. The two of them had definitely lost track of time, drinking very casually and switching back and forth between commenting on the various cooking mishaps the Food Network provided them and chatting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At one point, Matt had tentatively brought up Joe’s family again, curious to see whether his three older brothers were an open topic. They were, and so Joe indulged all of Matt’s curiosity about what it had been like to actually grow up around his siblings under one roof. Joe reciprocated with questions about Matt’s life: his relationship with his dad, and how Min and Dennis had become his surrogate family as well. But all this personal sharing was interspersed with Matt heckling people on the TV. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought the point of the Food Network was to unwind?” Joe asked innocently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt glared at him, “This </span>
  <b>is </b>
  <span>unwinding. Releasing anger is cathartic. Also, someone explain to me how this woman got on this show if she doesn’t even know how to deal with fucking garlic cloves. I just…” He trailed off in disgust and ran a hand through his hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt had a habit of messing with his hair. It definitely didn’t seem like it was out of vanity, but for the life of him Joe couldn’t take his eyes off Matt whenever the blonde did it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At this point, Joe was having a hard time keeping track of the day’s events and how they’d led to him listening to Matt yell at homecooks on </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>TV in </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>living room on </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>couch. He was acutely aware that he had played a significant role in making this happen by extending multiple invitations to keep Matt around, but… Matt had said yes each time. Still, it was hard to know what the blonde was thinking. He said yes, he stuck around each time Joe asked, had even waited around for Joe’s order at the restaurant on his own, and he seemed like he was enjoying himself, but… Beyond all that, Joe wasn’t sure what they were doing together at this point, except that it was getting really close to 11 PM and the only light in the room was coming from the TV and a single lamp. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A new segment of the episode began, and Chef Robert Irvine was announced as a guest judge for this round of competition. Matt leaned back and sighed, “The things I would let that man do to me…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe inhaled cider and started choking and laughing at the same time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s initial concern dissipated pretty quickly even as he thumped Joe on the back, and the two of them were eventually just laughing, though Joe was beet red in the face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Matt asked, wiping a tear from his eye and gesturing vaguely at the screen, “You don’t agree?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>No</em>
  </b>
  <span>!” Joe wheezed, “Oh my god, </span>
  <b>what</b>
  <span>???” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? He’s impressive. It’s the arms, you know. I saw that man cut a cereal box clean open with a butcher knife once. Just one whack and it was done. The guy rips watermelons open with his bare hands.” Matt paused to take a strategic sip of his drink and added, “He could rip me open with his bare hands, and I’d say, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe choked out a laugh and buried his head in his hands, groaning, “Don’t </span>
  <b>
    <em>ever </em>
  </b>
  <span>say that again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, okay,” said Matt, and Joe realized the blonde’s hand was still on Joe’s back, “I’m not the only one who feels this way though, he definitely has a certain- wait a sec.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two of them were already seated closely together because Matt had moved to help when Joe started choking on his drink, but Matt’s hand slid off Joe’s back and he leaned in even closer to peer at Joe’s face.  Joe barely had time to think that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>Matt’s hand on his back before the blonde reached up to Joe’s face with both hands to… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adjust his glasses. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You knocked them out of place,” said Matt, smiling like this was totally natural, “You know, glasses are a good look on you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Joe replied, and his voice sounded weirdly hoarse all of a sudden. His face also felt like it was going to melt off, and he could only hope it didn’t look </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>red in the low lighting of the room. Matt’s hands were no longer on his glasses, but the blonde still hadn’t moved away, and seemed content to stare openly at Joe. Joe shifted uncomfortably, “Is everything okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s blue eyes blinked once, and he shook his head, blonde hair swishing around in a way that was mesmerizing, “Yeah, totally fine. Do people tell you you have a really nice jawline?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh,” the heat in Joe’s face intensified, and he barely managed to say, “no, not really.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh,” said Matt thoughtfully, “that’s too bad. They should.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was still staring closely at Joe’s face, still leaned in and giving no signs that he was about to move away. The voices of reason in Joe’s mind were screaming at him to do something—that it was </span>
  <b>profoundly </b>
  <span>obvious what he should do next but… He needed another sign, just to be sure- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt bit his lower lip, and his eyes clearly traveled and honed in on Joe’s lips. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Well. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe began dipping his head down, but, before he could even get there, Matt met him halfway, stretching up to meet Joe’s lips with his. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt like a shock to Joe’s entire system.</span>
  <em>
    <span> God, it’s been… so long. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One of Joe’s hands flew up to do what he’d been thinking about for hours and entwined itself in Matt’s hair, which was as soft and silky as it looked. Both of Matt’s hands rested on Joe’s shoulders, and the blonde went ahead and started sliding onto Joe’s lap, moaning quietly into the kiss while he did so. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The kissing was… soft. Joe wasn’t generally forceful, and Matt was melting into him every step of the way. One of Matt’s hands started delicately tracing Joe’s jaw and the other was tugging at the front of Joe’s sweater as if he was desperate to get as close to Joe as possible. The blue haired man had been bracing himself with his other arm, but, in response to Matt’s tugging, he brought his hand up to the small of Matt’s back and gently pushed the blonde closer to him so that their torsos were flush, and, without Joe’s arm bracing him upright, both men sank into the couch cushions together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s fingers were callused from guitar playing and rough on Joe’s skin, but he couldn’t even begin to mind. It was a physical reminder that Matt was </span>
  <em>
    <span>talented </span>
  </em>
  <span>and that Matt was </span>
  <em>
    <span>here </span>
  </em>
  <span>with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe </span>
  </em>
  <span>in his apartment </span>
  <em>
    <span>right now</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Joe opened his eyes momentarily and the visual reinforcement of where they were located prompted him to break off the kiss for a second. Matt made a small noise of complaint and pushed their noses alongside each other instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you- we should-” Joe cleared his throat, “uh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>should </span>
  </em>
  <span>we move to my room?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded, his nose brushing up and down Joe’s face, and made an affirmative noise. When Joe moved to push himself off the back of the couch, Matt slid off of him easily but immediately re-established contact once they were standing and followed Joe closely once Joe had turned the TV off and switched the living room lamp off. It was hard to tell if it was the sudden darkness prompting Matt to stick close to Joe, who knew the layout of the apartment, or if this was just a tendency for clinginess. Either way, Joe grabbed Matt’s wrist while they shuffled over to his room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once inside, Joe moved to turn on the lamp at his bedside table, and once the light was on: </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, you weren’t kidding about how clean your room is, I see.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed at the faux (or maybe real) horror in Matt’s voice, and he would have moved to close the gap between them immediately, but… there wasn’t one. Matt had stuck close to him when he’d gone to turn on the lamp. Both of Joe’s hands rose to cradle Matt’s face, and he brought their lips back together. Matt’s hands went to Joe’s waist and one of his thumbs dug into Joe’s pelvis, massaging the area and eliciting an appreciative noise from the taller man. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe sat down on the edge of his bed, and Matt was quick to clamber back onto his lap, causing them both to fall backwards—legs hanging off the side of the mattress. Things escalated pretty quickly from there. Matt’s hips rolled forward and downward, and both of them groaned at the contact. One of Joe’s hands gripped Matt’s waist, and he turned Matt off of him and onto his back, climbing on top of the shorter one and kissing along his neck. The noises Matt started making in response to this were </span>
  <em>
    <span>insane</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and the blonde’s hands were digging into Joe’s back through his sweater. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This doesn’t feel real,” Joe mumbled into the other’s neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt hummed contently, “Hm?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” Joe paused, placing a kiss at the base of Matt’s jaw, “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since last Friday. You realize how gorgeous you are, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nn, funny,” Matt mumbled before pushing Joe lower to kiss up his neck, eventually reaching his ear, “you’ve been driving me wild all day.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Under any other circumstances that would have been impossible for Joe to believe, but with Matt situated below him like this—practically clawing at Joe’s back—anything seemed possible. He bent his head to recapture Matt’s mouth with his, and they resumed making out. At one point, Matt wrapped both of his legs around Joe’s waist, seeking more friction, and Joe ran a hand along Matt’s thigh to help the other secure his leg in place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What,” Joe broke off the kiss, out of breath, “what are we doing tonight? Where do you want this to go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt had made a quick whining noise when Joe pulled back, and that on its own was driving Joe out of his mind, but then the blonde responded to his question, “Whatever. Wherever you want.” He made a noise and went back to Joe’s neck, mumbling in between kisses there, “I’d let you do whatever you want to me right now.”       </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe couldn’t really manage a response to that, so they picked up where they left off. Matt was particularly good with his hips; Joe remembered Matt mentioning that he’d been on the boy’s freestyle dance crew at BFA earlier. The idea of Matt on a dance team was already maddening, but the evidence of it in bed was honestly too much to handle, and Joe had never been more thankful for Korean food in his entire goddamn life…    </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe would look back to this instance the following morning, wondering if there had been an earlier sign that he had missed. A moment where Matt’s hands might have stopped gripping at his back, or the blonde’s legs might have loosened around Joe’s waist. But the truth was that if there had been any signs they were too small—too imperceptible—for Joe to pick up on. Not until… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s voice was small, and one of his hands was spread across Joe’s chest, all five fingers splayed out but with no force whatsoever—barely there, almost a ghost. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe came to a complete stop immediately. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked down at Matt, taking in the other’s expression. Matt was frozen, unmoving, but his eyes were darting around frantically; he looked like he was thinking something over… and panicking. Joe pushed backwards, off the mattress. Matt’s legs had gone completely slack and fell off to the side with no resistance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sitting back and observing the other, Joe waited for an explanation, but when none came, he prompted gently, “Matt? What’s going on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That seemed to snap Matt out of the daze, but when he spoke it didn’t really seem like he was talking to Joe. He stared at the ceiling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” the blonde whispered, “... ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’d let you do whatever you want to me right now???</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ Oh my </span>
  <b>god</b>
  <span>.” He dragged one of his hands along the side of his face, “I-... I have a problem. What is </span>
  <b>wrong </b>
  <span>with me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe opened his mouth, but no words came out. Matt pushed himself off the bed and swung his legs over the side in one fluid motion—sitting with his feet on the floor, elbows resting on his knees, hunched over, gripping his hair. Instinctively, Joe moved to place a hand on Matt’s shoulder but stopped himself before making contact and pulled back. Given the nature of the situation, that seemed like the wrong move right now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt?” he prompted again, breaking the silence. Matt seemed to register Joe’s presence more clearly this time, and he looked over at the other with a pained expression. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe, holy shit, I’m </span>
  <b>
    <em>so </em>
  </b>
  <span>sorry, I-...”  he shook his head and looked down at the floor, “Something’s wrong with me. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’d let you do whatever you want to me right now</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ I… Oh my </span>
  <b>god</b>
  <span>,” he repeated the phrase for the third time and pressed his palms into his eyes, “I meant that. I actually meant that. I would have let you do whatever- I mean, I barely even know you, and I would’ve seriously… What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”   </span>
</p>
<p> <span>Joe’s insides twisted uncomfortably. He thought back to what Matt had said a week ago at T.K.’s apartment. </span><em><span>“They’re my best friends, and they’re worried I’m using guys for the wrong reasons or whatever.”</span></em><span> Snapshots of the day flew through his mind. Asking Matt to eat dinner at his place. Asking Matt to stay for a drink. Asking if they should move to his bedroom. All punctuated in Joe’s mind by the resignation in Matt’s voice when he’d turned to his brother a week ago and said, </span><em><span>“Those pesky abandonment issues.” </span></em></p>
<p>
  <span>Guilt settled in the pit of Joe’s stomach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt, I’m sorry,” Joe began, and the words prompted Matt to look up from the floor at Joe with wide eyes, “if-... If I took advantage in any way. I didn’t mean for this… I’m s-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, oh my god, </span>
  <b>
    <em>no</em>
  </b>
  <span>,” Matt turned towards Joe fully, “no, no, </span>
  <b>no</b>
  <span>. I’m serious. This isn’t on you, Joe. You’ve been great. This is a me thing. I-...” He shook his head frantically. “We were having a good time, really. I mean that. I don’t regret- I just-...” He trailed off and looked to the side. “I think… I think I need to figure some stuff out. I don’t… I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe nodded slowly, “Okay. I understand. You don’t have anything to apologize for either, Matt. It’s okay. I mean that, too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded, still looking profoundly unhappy, “Okay… I-... Thanks for understanding. I’m- I’m gonna get out of your way now.” He stood and kept talking, rambling at this point, “I’m really sorry though, Joe. I really was having fun, and you’re a great guy, you didn’t deserve this mess-” he gestured to the bed and kept going, “-so I’m really sorry- I’m just gonna go-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait,” Joe stood and grabbed Matt’s arm, gentle but firm, “go where?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- home?” Matt replied like this was obvious. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But- </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>midnight</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Joe emphasized, gesturing needlessly towards the clock with his free hand, “it’s midnight, and you’re upset. You shouldn’t head out right now. Crash here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” Matt hesitated, “I can’t do that. You’ve been generous enough-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This isn’t generous,” Joe insisted, “we have room. You shouldn’t have to travel all the way home right now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have a roommate, and, oh my god,” Matt ran both of his hands up and down his face, “and you’re both friends with Takeru. If I crash here- holy shit, I’m an </span>
  <em>
    <span>idiot-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt,” Joe planted both of his hands firmly on Matt’s shoulders, “you’re not an idiot. It’s </span>
  <b>
    <em>fine</em>
  </b>
  <span>. But you should get some sleep. You can leave first thing in the morning if you really want, but get some </span>
  <em>
    <span>rest</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You can have the bed if you want, and I’ll crash on the couch.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No way,” said Matt, “I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t mind. Couch or bed. Choice is yours.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked around the room helplessly, “If one of us is sleeping on the couch, Izzy will-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Izzy already knows you came over tonight; it’s not a big deal one way or another.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but what’s he going to say if-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing,” Joe gave Matt’s shoulders a little shake to emphasize this, “Izzy’s not a gossip. Trust me. I’ll handle it.” He bent his head down to re-establish eye contact with Matt, who was genuinely agonizing over the situation, “So where do you want to sleep?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt opened his mouth as if to protest again, then paused and finally said, “Couch.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay then,” said Joe, simply, and he turned and headed over to his dresser. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What- what are you doing?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Grabbing some pajamas for you to borrow.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can just crash in what I’m wearing, you don’t have to-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be ridiculous,” Joe interrupted, tossing a pair of warm pajama pants and a t-shirt onto the bed. Part of his determination to get Matt into pajamas was to deter the other from panicking and leaving in the middle of the night. Matt was in no state to trek across the city. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked at the pajamas lying on the bed, took one look at the determination on Joe’s face, and picked them up quietly. He looked around and hesitated; Joe pointed to the door to his bathroom, and Matt proceeded to go in and shut the door behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once Matt was in the bathroom, Joe collected some pajamas for himself to change into and also ducked into his small closet to fish out his extra blanket. It wasn’t particularly warm, which was why Joe had picked out thicker fabric pajama pants for Matt. Hopefully, all that would be enough to keep the blonde comfortable in the living room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt returned from the bathroom dressed in Joe’s pajamas. He looked more comfortable, more resigned to spending the night in this apartment, which was good. The exhaustion of the day and the week was finally starting to settle on Joe, and he had a lot on his mind, but he still took a moment to note the cute way his pajama pants were dragging on the floor a little because of the height difference.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here,” he said, handing off the extra blanket to Matt, “if it gets cold, let me know if you want an extra sweater, or feel free to mess with the thermostat. I’m not sure how warm that room is for sleeping in.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine,” Matt mumbled, “I-... Thanks, Joe. This is really nice of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe rubbed at his eyes and yawned, before grabbing an extra pillow from his bed and shoving it into Matt’s arms, “I meant what I said. It’s fine. Happy to help you out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Matt worried his lips, thinking something over, “let me cook you breakfast in the morning then. As a thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Normally, Joe would push back against that unnecessary generosity, but, between Matt’s fierce determination (which was cute), his own exhaustion, and the fact that cooking breakfast meant Matt wouldn’t be able to panic and decide to escape their apartment at some odd hour of the night or early morning, he relented, “Okay, just keep in mind we don’t have a lot of groceries right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Matt paused and hesitated on his way out of the bedroom, “uh, night, Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good night, Matt,” said Joe, stretching and yawning again. He sat down on the bed and pulled his pajamas closer to him, almost too tired to convince himself to change at this point, but he followed through. His mind was racing, but… It had been a long week and an even longer day, so sleep came easily enough for Joe, though he fell asleep with Matt’s eyes and hair on his mind as well as the ghostlike hand that had placed itself over his chest. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Poor Izzy has to be exiled to his room for all this ;-;</p>
<p>Anyways, hope that wasn't too much of a tease heheheheheh. </p>
<p>Comments, kudos, etc. all appreciated! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alright, so we left off in the middle of the night... We resume with the morning after.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following morning, Joe woke up at about 9 o’clock, which was pretty late for him, even on a Saturday. Whether because it had been drilled into him or it was his natural setting, Joe had always been a morning person. He rubbed at his eyes, groped blindly for his glasses, and then, once they were situated on his face, made his way over to his bathroom. </p><p>When he was on his way out of his room, he paused at the door. Matt’s clothes from the previous day were still in a pile on his bathroom floor, so really there was no way the blonde had taken off in the middle of the night. Which meant…</p><p>He opened the door to his room as quietly as he could manage and looked towards the couch. Yup, sure enough, Matt was curled up, right where he should be. He had the blanket wrapped tightly around himself and was simultaneously using the pillow as a pillow while also hugging it. Joe frowned. He hoped this was a normal sleeping pattern for the blonde and that it hadn’t been too chilly in here. </p><p>Still trying to stay as quiet as possible, Joe padded over to the kitchen counter and turned the coffee maker on. He wasn’t sure, but Matt didn’t seem like a morning person, and the least he could do was have coffee ready when the other eventually woke up. He cast a guilty glance at the closed door to Izzy’s bedroom, wondering what the night had been like for his roommate, and set the coffee maker up for four cups of coffee (in case either of the others wanted extra). It was the least he could do. </p><p>From there, he leaned against the kitchen counter and waited, replaying the events of the previous night in his mind. Wondering if he’d missed something—a signal that he should back off. Anything. He shook his head. At this point, he was just microanalyzing. Beside him, the coffee maker bubbled to life. It wasn’t particularly loud, but Joe could hear stirring coming from the couch. He busied himself grabbing mugs, creamer, and sugar—determined to let Matt’s first moments of the morning retain some semblance of privacy.</p><p>“Hey,” Matt’s voice was rough from waking up, and he was rubbing at his eyes while wandering into the kitchen area, the bottoms of the pants still dragging along the floor, “you’re making coffee?” </p><p>“Yeah, good morning, it’ll be done in another minute or so,” Joe smiled at the other, hoping it would be reassuring after everything that had happened, but Matt didn’t even seem to register it. <em> Yeah, definitely not a morning person. </em> Although, Joe reasoned, it probably wasn’t fair to consider this a typical morning for Matt. “Do you want cream or sugar?” </p><p>“No, just black,” Matt grumbled. He leaned on the counter next to Joe, just blinking at the floor and seeming completely out of it. <em> Well, that’s better than panicking and running out the door </em> . Joe snuck a couple more glances at Matt from his peripheries. <em> It is ridiculous how cute his bed head is. </em>Was it even appropriate to be thinking that way after what had happened last night? He bit his lip, uncertain.  </p><p>The coffee finished, and Joe turned to start pouring it into two of the mugs he’d grabbed, adding a little cream to his, and leaving Izzy’s mug empty for now. He had no way of predicting whether or not Izzy would wander out here if Matt was still around; this was foreign territory in their relationship as roommates. </p><p>Matt accepted the mug gratefully and started blowing on the coffee, determined to ingest caffeine as soon as possible. The existence of the coffee in and of itself appeared to have a rallying effect on the blonde though. He seemed to be avoiding eye contact with Joe, but he spoke nonetheless, “Thanks… for, well, everything. Last night. The coffee. I, um… that wasn’t a normal night for me.” </p><p>“No, I could tell,” said Joe, adding, “It wasn’t for me either.” </p><p>“Mm” was Matt’s only acknowledgement to that, and they settled back into a semi-comfortable silence. Joe stirred his coffee slowly, while Matt switched back and forth between trying to cool his off faster and sipping at it anyways.  After Matt had finally started successfully drinking his coffee without flinching as it burned him, he put the mug down momentarily and blinked around some more. </p><p>“Alright,” he said, “so what <em> do </em>you guys have around here?” </p><p>“What?” Joe startled and stood up a little straighter. </p><p>“Breakfast,” Matt reminded him. </p><p>Joe shook his head, smiling, “Matt, really, you don’t have to-”</p><p>“Shut up,” said Matt, but there was no bite to it, “just tell me if you’re a picky eat-... Oh.” He had frozen after opening the door to the refrigerator, apparently struck speechless by the nearly empty insides. </p><p>Joe snorted, “I tried to warn you.” </p><p>“Wow, you two, uh,” Matt looked over his shoulder at Joe, “you really just subsist don’t you?” </p><p>“Pretty much.” </p><p>“At least you have eggs,” muttered Matt, pulling the carton out of the fridge before diving back into the desolate space. </p><p>“Ah yeah,” Joe shrugged, “I usually just boil them.” </p><p>Matt made a noise of disbelief, rooting around in the drawers of the fridge and emerging with some vegetables. He glanced around and made his way over to their largely untouched spice rack. Joe watched his progress back and forth around their kitchen in amusement, occasionally answering Matt’s quick questions about where to find certain things. </p><p>After confirming for the third or fourth time that Joe was not a picky eater, Matt proceeded to make the best vegetarian omelette Joe had ever had. He’d even chopped up a couple of the sandwich slices of cheese he’d found in the fridge to add into it. The whole process lasted for about 20 minutes total, including the cooking time, and Matt even managed to get away with handling the clean up while Joe was distracted by eating. </p><p>Once the corresponding dishes were handled, Matt stood around awkwardly, avoiding eye contact again as he spoke, “I’m gonna… go change back into my clothes. Uh, you keep eating. I’ll just- be right back.” </p><p>Joe nodded and took another sip of his coffee; there wasn’t any need to make the situation more awkward at this point. Matt was back quickly, dressed in his clothes from the previous day and running a hand through his hair to try to fix it.<em> It still looks great though </em> , Joe mused to himself, <em> even messy </em>. </p><p>“So, uh,” Matt hesitated, “look, I- I don’t like to keep secrets from Takeru. Um, I usually tell him about, y’know, whatever’s going on with me and stuff, so, uh… But I would understand if you… I mean I don’t even know what I’d say to him anyways…” </p><p>Joe nodded; he had assumed this would come up. He shrugged at Matt, “I don’t know either, but he’s your brother.” </p><p>“Right,” Matt nodded jerkily, “So you won’t…?” </p><p>“I won’t say anything unless he brings it up because you’ve already talked to him.” </p><p>“Okay,” said Matt, nodding again, “Okay, yeah, thanks for that. Um.” </p><p>He looked around, aimless and nervous. </p><p>“Matt,” said Joe calmly, and the blonde’s eyes settled back on him, “I, um… I did have fun yesterday. Promise. Everything’s fine on my end.” </p><p>Matt finally smiled back at him for the first time that morning, “I did too. Thanks. Again. Uh, for all of- everything. Yeah.” He scratched at his hair again, “Okay, so I guess I’ll just-” </p><p>“Wait,” Joe reached out, “let me put my number in your phone.” </p><p>Matt flushed, “Why-” </p><p>“Just,” Joe hesitated, “just let me know when you make it back to your apartment, okay?” </p><p>“Oh,” Matt took out his phone and handed it over, “okay.” </p><p>“There,” Joe handed it back, “text me when you get home. And, um, take care of yourself? I’ll see you around?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Matt nodded, fumbling his phone while he pocketed it and fumbling around some more as he put his Timbs back on and grabbed his jacket off the wall rack. Joe saw him off to the front door, and the two exchanged one last awkward bye before Matt was taking off down the stairs. </p><p>Joe locked the door to the apartment back up behind him and sat back down at the table to finish his breakfast. It was nice, <em> really nice </em>, eating freshly prepared food in the morning. The silence didn’t last for long though. </p><p>The door to Izzy’s room creaked open, and a certain roommate poked his head out of the room, surveying the scene outside. </p><p>“Is it finally safe?” he asked dryly. </p><p>Joe ducked his head apologetically, “Iz, I’m- wow- did you stay in there straight through the night?” </p><p>Izzy shook his head, “I managed to sneak out here to grab a snack a little before midnight. Don’t worry,” he added and held up both of his hands, “I didn’t hear anything happening in your room.” </p><p><em> I have no idea what you would have heard before midnight anyways </em>, thought Joe, but outwardly he just winced and said, “Sorry… I should have texted you to give you a head’s up, but everything… All of this was really unplanned. There’s coffee by the way.” </p><p>Izzy raised his eyebrows, “Uh, yeah, I’d imagine it was ‘unplanned.’ Considering how hard Mimi and I have been working <b> <em>to </em> </b>plan.” He grinned at Joe’s shame and made his way to the coffee maker before joining Joe at the table. </p><p>Joe rubbed the back of his neck, frowning, “I’m glad you managed to get some food later. God, I’m really sorry about that. Thanks for being so good about yesterday.” </p><p>“Well, the least you can do now is answer my questions,” replied Izzy, completely nonchalant. Joe flushed. He’d been doing a lot of that in the past 24 hours. </p><p>“I mean, okay, but I’m not going to-” </p><p>“Please, Joe, I’m not interested in the juicy details,” said Izzy, holding up a hand, “I just want an explanation.” </p><p>“We ran into each other at Woori Jib,” said Joe. “He was getting takeout, and I… invited him to eat here when he complained about taking the food all the way back to Brooklyn.” </p><p>“Yeah, I didn’t mean an explanation about that,” Izzy cut in, and, at Joe’s confusion, pointed to the couch. “How’d he end up sleeping out here when both of you were obviously in your room in the middle of the night?” </p><p>Joe blinked repeatedly, and Izzy rolled his eyes. </p><p>“Do you really think I just woke up? I got up a while ago and tried to come out here to eat some actual food and start my day, but then I found him passed out on the couch snoring away.” </p><p>“Does he really snore?” Joe blurted out only to be met by Izzy’s deadpan stare, “Er. I mean. Sorry about that?” </p><p>Izzy sighed, “No, he wasn’t actually snoring. I was being flippant. But seriously, what happened?” </p><p>Joe drank some more of  his coffee and thought over his answer. Matt’s privacy was important here, but Izzy already had multiple pieces of the puzzle. He frowned at Izzy, “Promise you won’t tell the others?” </p><p>“Of course I won’t,” said Izzy, but he paused to scratch his nose, “although… We will have to tell Mimi <em> something </em>.” </p><p> Joe groaned dramatically, “<b>What</b> did you tell her???” </p><p>“She knows that Matt was here, and she threatened to wreck me if I left my bedroom while you two were hanging out in the living room,” said Izzy. “That’s about it. I told her I’d update her in the morning.” He glanced at the clock, “I’m sure she’s not awake yet though.” </p><p>“We’ll have to figure out what to tell her later.” </p><p>“Yeah, I’ll follow your lead on that,” said Izzy, clearly picking up on the fact that last night was at least some form of sensitive subject, “you were saying though?” </p><p>Joe sighed and sat back in his seat, “Yeah, uh… last night…” He trailed off, looking towards his room to collect his thoughts. Izzy waited patiently, and soon enough Joe launched into an explanation, general but accurate. After all, Matt had freely shared about Min and Dennis’s dare in front of their whole group of friends, so Izzy already had that context. At one point during his explanation, Izzy went to the kitchen to grab one of the extra bagels he had picked up a couple of days ago, complaining about starvation.  </p><p>When Joe wrapped up his story, there was a long pause before Izzy spoke. </p><p>“Huh. So, that’s…” </p><p>“Yeah, I don’t know what to say,” Joe mumbled while fiddling with his now empty mug, “I guess there’s nothing <em> to </em>say, is there? I have to let it go.” </p><p>Now it was Izzy’s turn to blink. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Well, I,” Joe’s brows furrowed at Izzy’s confusion, “he’s not ready for anything right now. He was pretty freaked out. It would… just be insensitive to ignore that. He needs space.” </p><p>“Let me ask you something, Joe,” said Izzy, leaning forward, “why’d you invite him over to eat here?” </p><p>Joe shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know. It seemed like… It seemed like there was a good opening since he didn’t want to go all the way back to his place, and I-... It just sort of slipped out. It was an impulse.” </p><p>“Uh-huh, and… asking him to stay for a drink?” </p><p>Again, Joe opened his mouth and shrugged, “I just…”</p><p>“An impulse?” Izzy took another bite of his bagel and stared Joe down. </p><p>“Well, yeah.”</p><p> Izzy folded his hands together on the table in front of him and leveled with Joe, “I’ve <em> never </em>seen you behave that way.”</p><p>“I know, I know, I said I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me, really-” </p><p>“No,” Izzy shook his head, “I mean, I’ve never seen you take that kind of initiative. With <em> anything </em>. Much less a guy. You and Shigure were never this spontaneous, with you two everything was slow and calculated-” </p><p>“That’s not a fair comparison,” Joe interjected, “we were younger. Everything we were doing was new to both of us. And spontaneous isn’t necessarily better.” </p><p>“Sure, spontaneous isn’t necessarily better, but I’m talking about you wanting something or <em> someone </em> enough to be spontaneous over it in the first place. To just <b>go </b>for it. And, Joe, it’s not like you completely dropped off the grid after Shigure. You went on dates-” </p><p>“Yeah, with just random guys-” </p><p>“Guys that you knew about as well as you knew Matt before yesterday! So what was the difference?” </p><p>Joe folded his arms. He could see roughly where Izzy was going with this, “What are you trying to imply, Iz? That this was something special? Isn’t that kind of cheesy for you? A little superstitious even?” </p><p>“I don’t need this to be fate or ‘love at first sight’ to make my point, Joe,” Izzy retorted, “my point is that one way or another, for whatever reason, you’re <em> really </em> into him. And when I say I haven’t seen you like this before, I mean about <em> anything </em> . Not just guys. We haven’t been bothering you about your love life as a group because we need you to fall in love with someone. We need you to fall in love with <em> anything </em>. Your love life just seemed like the easier option compared to, oh I don’t know, your field of study?” </p><p>Joe was speechless. He looked down at the table and blinked a little. His eyes stung. </p><p>Izzy’s voice was softer when he spoke again, “We just want you to be happy, Joe. And if this is a way for that to happen, then I don’t want you to just let it go.” </p><p>“I don’t-” Joe said thickly. He shook his head and inhaled. When he spoke again, his voice had returned to normal, “That doesn’t change what happened last night, Iz. Matt’s not available right now.” </p><p>“Did he actually say that?” asked Izzy. </p><p>Joe frowned and combed over their conversation in Joe’s room, “He said… He doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore, and he needs to figure some stuff out.”</p><p>“That doesn’t necessarily mean he can’t handle a relationship,” said Izzy, trying to be the voice of reason per usual. </p><p>“Sure, but don’t you think it would be pretty thoughtless to just keep bothering him after this?” </p><p>“I think,” said Izzy thoughtfully, “that what Matt can or can’t handle is up to Matt. It’s not your place to assume he can’t spend time with you right now. And besides,” Izzy tapped a few fingers along the table, “if you believe in him then you believe he’s going to figure out whatever he needs to figure out. So don’t you want to be around for it when he does?” </p><p> “I-... Yes, but-...” </p><p>“But what?” </p><p>A vibrating noise prevented Joe from answering, and both men turned towards the kitchen counter where Joe’s phone had gone off. Joe stood to check his phone and smiled when he looked at the screen. Watching from the table, Izzy smirked and took another bite of his bagel. </p><p>“Something good?” </p><p>“No, not really just…” Joe trailed off while typing a response. </p><p> </p><p><b>[Unknown Number]:</b> this is matt. I’m about to head in to my building since you wanted me to let you know </p><p> </p><p><b>Joe:</b> Thanks for letting me know. </p><p> </p><p><b>[Unknown Number]:</b> i meant everything i said yesterday btw</p><p> </p><p><b>Joe:</b> So did I.  </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Matt fought the blush rising up on his cheeks when he saw Joe’s response and shook his head. <em> You have a problem </em> , he thought to himself sternly. <em> And Min’s going to kill you. </em>He added, while looking up at his building. </p><p>Sighing heavily and hanging his head in shame, Matt trekked up the front stairs to the building, making his way quickly through the halls to the front door of his apartment. <em> At least Dennis is out. Not sure I could handle them teaming up right now.  </em></p><p>He tried to turn open the front door quietly. There was always the chance that Min had crashed at someone else’s place after working on her project late. Or that she was still asleep even though it was around 10 AM at this point. Or- </p><p>“Well, well, well… Look who it is.” </p><p>
  <em> Or that she’s sitting around waiting for me.  </em>
</p><p>Min was sitting in their dining room area, smirking at Matt over a large mug of coffee. She was dressed in one of her gigantic hoodies and thick socks, opting to wear either short shorts or even just underwear underneath the hoody (it was so large that it really didn’t matter either way). Her usual straight bangs were pushed back by a large terry cloth headband, and the rest of her long straight black hair was, as usual, still falling around her head like a perfect waterfall. Matt loved Min’s hair; back when they were younger, the two of them had struck up a pattern of Matt playing with, fiddling with, or even braiding it for her whenever he was bored or she was upset. It was a small part of the dynamic between the two of them that Dennis was left out of. </p><p>“H-hey,” he said in a would be casual voice, losing his shoes and jacket and making his way over to the dining room to sit with her. </p><p>The floor plan to their 3 bedroom apartment was… interesting. The kitchen, a little cramped and caged in by three sides of counters, was immediately to the left after walking through the front door. The counter side furthest from the door also had a bar/mid rise wall behind it which divided the kitchen from the dining area. This mid rise wall also included a built in booth on the dining room side. The three roommates had set up the dining room table along this booth, placing kitchen chairs on the other side of the table. Min was currently situated in a chair—probably an intentional choice so that she could stare Matt down as soon as he entered through the front door—and Matt sat in the booth across from her. </p><p>  From the dining room, a narrow open space stretched outwards to the right. This long narrow space was, essentially, their living room, and there were four doors leading out of it. Two of them were Min’s: her bedroom and the adjacent larger bathroom, which guests also used. The other two were Matt and Dennis’s rooms, which were joined by a shared smaller bathroom. There had been a brief debate, when they first moved in, over who should share the bathroom with Matt—Dennis, a straight man, or Min, a straight woman—but Min had ultimately won that war with the power of tampons. </p><p>Min drummed her fingers along their table and arched an eyebrow at Matt, “So.” </p><p>“So,” Matt laughed weakly, “how’d your, uh, project go last night?” </p><p>Min’s other eyebrow joined her first, “You sure you want to start this off by asking about my project, Mr. Walk-of-Shame? Nice outfit by the way. Feels like I’ve seen you in that top recently. Like yesterday morning.” </p><p>Matt deflated instantly and slouched down in his seat. </p><p>“So, what happened?” Min began, settling into the line of questioning that she’d no doubt  been preparing in her head, “You’ve been doing so well. Three whole weeks and you haven’t so much as <em> mentioned </em> thinking a guy was cute to me or Dennis. I mean, I don’t even know what to think- or <em> who </em> to think you might have been with. You said you were getting takeout, did you hook up with a waiter? Was it someone at the concert venue? Did you run into Travis? You know, Travis won’t stop giving me and Dennis shit about this dare, by the way. He’s saying we’ve done the world a disservice by taking you off the market, but I told him, I said, ‘look, Matt needs to focus on Matt, right now, so you can just take your piercings and your stupid tattoos and shove them’- Matt? <em> Matt </em>, are you okay?”</p><p>Matt had started slowly sinking lower in his seat throughout Min’s monologue, but the process finally ended with both of his arms folded on the table and his head buried in them. Nothing but a sad blonde mop of hair visible to Min. </p><p>He vaguely registered the sound of Min pushing her mug away and her chair scraping back as she left her seat, and then she was beside him—squeezing into the small space he’d left on the booth and nudging him over enough to just barely fit. </p><p>“Matt, what happened?” </p><p>There was no more joking in her tone. This was the Min who answered the phone immediately after he’d come out to his mom. The Min who found him in the waiting area of the principal’s office after he’d punched a boy who made her cry in junior high. Who sat next to him on the floor in his room after his first ever breakup with Sammy… She put a hand on Matt’s shoulder. </p><p>“Tell me.” </p><p>Matt turned his head enough so that his face was visible, “Sorry, I fucked up the challenge.” </p><p>Min’s eyebrows knit together at Matt’s “I let you down” voice—which was his second worst voice, second only to his “everybody hates me and I deserve it” voice. It wasn’t that she had expected Matt to fail. Frankly, given how well he’d been doing, she had started to really believe he’d last a month. But beyond that, she’d thought that, if he did fall off the wagon, they’d lecture, laugh about it, and move on. But this was… </p><p>“Matt, you didn’t ‘fuck up,’” she said, rubbing small circles in his back, “I’m not actually mad. You know that, right? And Dennis won’t be either. We were- I mean, we were serious about you taking a break from guys, but the dare was just a bit to go along with it. You don’t have to beat yourself up. We-” </p><p>“I think something’s really wrong with me.” </p><p>Min blinked and opened her mouth. Then closed it. She frowned at Matt. The blonde was staring vacantly at the wall, head still half buried in his arms. </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“I-...” Matt trailed off and didn’t seem to know how to explain. </p><p>Min gave him a few quick rousing pats on his back, “Why don’t you take a couple of steps back and tell me what happened yesterday? You texted that you were getting takeout.” </p><p>“I <em> did </em>get takeout,” Matt stressed, “but I ran into… one of Takeru’s friends.” </p><p>“One of <em> Takeru’s </em> friends? <em> Matt- </em>” </p><p>“Yeah, you know how their friend group is like half in college half in high school? Anyways, Joe’s a year older than us.” </p><p>“Okay, so then what?” </p><p>Matt hesitated one last time, but Min leaned down to interrupt his staring contest with the wall and set him with her most determined look, so he steeled himself and launched into the story of his night, ending with his awkward departure from Joe’s this morning. </p><p>“Ah man,” Min mumbled, “I want an omelette…”</p><p>“<em> Min </em>.” </p><p>“What? Sorry, it’s true, I haven’t eaten breakfast yet,” she said, “Okay, so…” </p><p>She trailed off and twiddled some of her hair around her finger, still absently rubbing circles in Matt’s back. </p><p>“Can you explain… why all of that happened?” </p><p> Matt buried his face and rubbed it back and forth before sitting back in his seat, “I-... I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain. He was really nice. I did really like him. So when he asked, I just…” </p><p>“Well, he was only asking you to keep hanging out,” Min pointed out, “would you say you did most of the flirting?” </p><p>“I-... yeah, probably,” Matt looked ashamed before adding, “he did most of the blushing. Oh! Dude blushes <b> <em>super </em> </b>easy. It’s actually really sweet, kind of endearing, like-...” He trailed off at the look on Min’s face, “Anyways, uh, yeah, probably.” </p><p>“And you said <em> he </em> kissed <em> you </em>, but did you…?” </p><p>Matt worried his lip and hung his head, “I baited, yeah. I baited it.” </p><p>Min was friends with enough of Matt’s exes to know what that meant, had heard enough of them describe how hot it was the way Matt would make it obvious what he wanted a guy to do to him, inviting them with words or body language or whatever other form of communication he could manage to pull off. It was, so they said, a great ego boost—to feel so wanted. </p><p>“Okay,” Min inhaled and drew herself upright, “So you said yes when he asked you to stick around, you flirted, you baited… Why would you say you did all those things?” </p><p> Matt was silent. </p><p>“Did you think about the dare at all? I mean did you, like, make a conscious decision to break your staying-totally-single streak?” </p><p>“No,” Matt shook his head miserably, “I wasn’t thinking about any of that. I just wanted…” </p><p>“What? Sex?” </p><p>“<em> No </em> ! No,” he shook his head more frantically, “It’s really not that. I-... I don’t know. I don’t know. I really don’t know what I wanted… I mean, I like Joe. He was really nice. Even after we stopped- after <em> I </em>stopped- he was… really good about it. But I don't know why I did any of that. I can’t… I can’t explain it.” </p><p>Min stopped toying with her hair and put a hand back on Matt’s back, “Matt…” She hesitated, long enough for Matt to look at her. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“I think…” she took a breath and looked him in the eyes, “I think you should try therapy.”</p><p>Matt blinked and shook his head, “Don’t you think that’s a little dramatic? I mean, this is just me being an idiot, it’s not like-” </p><p>“You’re <b>not </b> an idiot,” Min said sternly, and Matt got a vivid flashback to Joe saying the same thing the night before, “but you can’t… Oh, Matt, you can’t explain your own behavior.  You scared yourself last night. <em> That’s </em>the problem. Why not try talking to a professional?”</p><p>“I don’t…” Matt looked away, “I don’t know, Min.” </p><p>“Matt, look at me,” she insisted, and he turned back to her, “Freshman year. I was sad. <em> I </em> felt lost. <em> You </em>told me to go to therapy. And I did. And it helped. Can’t I do the same for you right now?” </p><p>Matt pursed his lips. </p><p>“And you’ve <em> never </em>talked to a professional about your parents’ divorce-” </p><p>“That was <em> ages </em>ago, Min-”</p><p>“Do you <em> really </em>think it doesn’t have anything to do with this?” She shook his shoulder gently. “You’ve always been so scared of being alone.” </p><p>“I just don’t know if…” </p><p>“For me? Please? Try it?” </p><p>Matt took in the worried expression on Min’s face. He sighed, “Okay.” </p><p>Min smiled and sat back in her seat. She knew making it a personal request on her own behalf would work on Matt, though she wished the blonde would be willing to do things like this for himself. <em> Speaking of doing things for himself…  </em></p><p>“Hey, Matt.” </p><p>“Nn?” </p><p>“Did you have breakfast with Joe?” </p><p>“Huh? No, I just wanted to get out of there pretty quickly.”</p><p>Min grinned up at him, “So you haven’t eaten yet either?” </p><p>There was a short pause and then Matt shook his head at Min in disbelief, “Alright, what do you want? Spoiled brat.” </p><p>“Yes!” she cheered and scooted out of her seat so that Matt could move into the kitchen. It was midday now; breakfast or lunch both felt like viable options to the two friends, and the familiar routine of Matt in the kitchen, mocking Min for being helpless while also indulging her every request, was cheery and comforting. She smiled and went back to her now lukewarm coffee while watching Matt work. </p><p>She hoped, and she had always hoped for this, that there’d be a day when Matt’s sense of obligation to be there for people would be reciprocated by a partner—an actual partner who could be there for Matt the way he so clearly needed someone to be there for him. It wasn’t that he dated bad guys; he never did. Matt had good taste. But none of them had ever been able to last, to meet Matt’s emotional needs. They came for his looks, his talents, for a good time. If they stuck around, they did so because of how profoundly he cared and took care of people—his insight into what others need and his determination to meet those needs. But always, <em> always </em>, they eventually got tired, unable to understand Matt’s emotional baggage and support him.  </p><p>In the meantime, Min and Dennis were around to pick up the slack, and she smiled as Matt resumed asking her about her film project from last night.<em> At least there’s us. </em></p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>“Mimi’s going to lose it if I don’t get back to her soon, Joe.” </p><p>“I know, I know,” Joe sighed and pushed the textbook he’d been flipping through to the side, “Fine, let’s take care of this now.” </p><p>“I told her I would update her in the morning after all.” </p><p>“Right,” Joe pushed his glasses up before joining Izzy on their couch, “Well, we can’t tell her he slept here.” </p><p>“Obviously. What time should I say he left?” </p><p>“You got home at… what? 9 ish? And texted her right away once you were in your room?” </p><p>“Yeah. I mean, it’s not a stretch to say that me walking in might have reminded him that it was getting late.” </p><p>“Mmhm,” Joe paused to consider, “Say he left at 10, then she can’t blame you for making him leave immediately.” </p><p>“Your concern for my well being is heartwarming,” said Izzy already beginning to type a message out on his phone. “Should I say anything else? What if she has questions?” </p><p>“She’s the one who forbid you from leaving your room,” said Joe. “What else could she expect you to know?” </p><p>“Good point. I’ll tell her to bother you if she wants to know anything else.” </p><p>“Hey, wait a minute!”</p><p>“You’re the one being secretive. If she does ask me anything, we should be on the same page though.” </p><p>“Just say we hung out, it was fun, but nothing happened.” </p><p>“What if she asks me how you seem to be about that?” </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“Well, when we fake-talked after he fake-left, were you happy you hung out, sad that nothing happened, head over heels, realized you’re not that into him..?” </p><p>“I-...” Joe squinted at Izzy. “Why do I feel like this is turning into an actual interrogation from you?” </p><p>Izzy shrugged, “Think what you like, but I still need an answer.” </p><p>Joe got up and walked back to the table and his textbooks, “If <em> ‘Mimi’ </em> asks then you can tell <em> ‘Mimi’ </em>that I’m… happy I got to hang out with him, but confident it won’t happen again. And that’s okay.” </p><p>Izzy frowned, “I’m sure <em> ‘Mimi’ </em>won’t think that’s okay.” </p><p>“Well,” Joe huffed and opened his microbiology book again, “<em> ‘Mimi’s’ </em> just going to have to get over that.” </p><p>Izzy finished sending his update to Mimi and rolled his eyes. <em> We’ll see about that.  </em></p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Matt tugged on the zipper of his jacket even though it was already fully zipped and shivered. November was just around the corner which meant, for him, Scarf Season soon enough. In Matt’s social circle, the cold brought about vigorous concern for his vocal cords, and everyone around him, <em> especially </em>his bandmates, would be fussing over his state of dress whenever he went outside. Just a lot of insistence that he wear a scarf and protect his neck as much as possible. </p><p>He checked his phone again before looking up at the high school in front of him. It was a Thursday—6 days after his run in with Joe—and his classes ended pretty early in the afternoon on Thursdays, so he had bugged Takeru to hang out with him. They hadn’t seen each other in a little over a week, and Matt… Well, he still wasn’t sure what he’d actually say, but he didn’t like thinking that Takeru didn’t know about… recent events. </p><p>As he waited for the school day to end for the high school, his mind drifted back to those recent events or rather the follow up. When Dennis returned from seeing his family, Matt had hid out in his room working on music by himself—too ashamed to face his other roommate and admit to his disaster night with Joe. Telling Min had been mortifying enough, and so he delegated telling Dennis to her. She clearly handled it well enough because, shortly after he’d come home, Dennis wandered into Matt’s rooms with a plate of empanadas to sit with him and calmly talk it all over while also voicing his support for Min’s therapy recommendation. </p><p>The bell to announce school ending went off, and Matt alternated between checking his phone and watching the front entrance to the building. Takeru had already said that he would meet Matt out at the front of the building.<em> Where is this kid?  </em></p><p>Teenagers started milling around, spilling out of the building from seemingly every direction. A few of them gave Matt curious looks while walking past, but, for the most part, everyone was hustling along with their days. Matt was keeping his eyes open for a hat in the sea of heads. <em> Takeru and his stupid hat obsession… There he is! </em> </p><p> He thought better of yelling over the crowd of teens and sent Takeru a quick text to let him know he was right by the front gate. As his little brother got closer, Matt could see he wasn’t walking alone, which made sense; Kari, Yolei, and Ken were all walking alongside him. Matt waved, “Hey!” </p><p>His three companions waved back as well, offering quick greetings. Takeru grinned, “Hey, long time no see. I told Mom I’m hanging out with you all night, so she’s not making me dinner or anything.” </p><p>“That’s cool,” said Matt, “we can eat out somewhere. My treat.” </p><p> “You don’t have to do that, you know. It’s not like she leaves me high and dry. I have money, too, Mr. Big Time Musician.” </p><p>Matt shook his head, “I’m serious, Takeru. Let me.” </p><p>Kari folded her hands in front of her and smiled, “I think it’s really sweet that you both call each other by your full names.” </p><p>“Ooh, yeah, my siblings and I don’t have anything cute like that,” said Yolei. “Of course,” she added scratching her nose, “they’re all losers so-” </p><p>“Yolei!” Kari smacked the purple haired girl lightly. </p><p>“Ow! What? You make fun of Tai.” </p><p>“That’s true…” </p><p>Ken laughed lightly at the two girls’ antics before turning back to the two brothers, “It’s nice seeing you again, Matt. Where are you two going to dinner?” </p><p>Matt blinked. Takeru was right; Ken was just as formal as the first time Matt had met them all a few weeks ago. He shrugged, “Not sure. What do you feel like?” He asked, turning to the younger of the two. </p><p>“Huh? What?” Takeru shook his head and pulled his hand back, “Sorry, I wasn’t-” </p><p>“I know exactly what you were doing, you little shit,” Matt growled, “Keep measuring all you like, kid, you’re still not taller than me.” </p><p>Takeru grinned and openly brought a hand from the top of his head to Matt’s forehead, “Getting there. Soon enough.” </p><p>Matt swatted his hand away, “As if.” </p><p>“Rooting for you, T.K.,” Kari chirped, and the very <em> very </em> faint blush on Takeru’s face did <b>not </b>go unnoticed by Matt. He rolled his eyes and brought a hand down on Takeru’s hat of the day (a grey knit cap), mussing his brother’s hair through the hat while Takeru yelped at him.</p><p>“Alright, I’m taking Short Stuff out on the town,” he threw a wave at the others, “It was nice running into you three again.” </p><p>“Nice seeing you again! Bye, T.K.!” </p><p>“Ciao, you two!” </p><p>“Bye!” </p><p>The two brothers turned and started walking aimlessly away from the school, departing from the others. Matt shoved his hands in his pockets to keep warm now that he was done messing with Takeru’s hair. </p><p>“You know,” Takeru muttered, trying to fix his cap, “you didn’t have to-” </p><p>“Mess up your hat-do in front of Kari?” </p><p>“Yamato!” Takeru snapped at him, quickly looking back to make sure the others had walked off in the opposite direction, far enough away to not hear. </p><p>“Relax, dude, and besides, you’re both pretty obvious. When do you think one of you will do something about that, anyways?” Takeru’s long standing feelings for Kari (crush didn’t even really do it justice) were no secret between the two brothers, and it had been on Matt’s mind more than usual now that he’d actually met Kari in person this month. </p><p>“It’s not that simple,” Takeru muttered, “Kari and I have known each other for… <em> years </em>. And then some! It feels like I’ve known her my whole life. I can’t just…” </p><p>Matt smiled, “That’s sweet… But high school’s going to be over before you know it. You should say something to her sooner than later. Make this time mean something for both of you.” </p><p>“Ooh, very poetic. Is that from one of your songs?” </p><p>Matt shoved him playfully, “I’m serious. You might regret it if you don’t make something happen.” </p><p>“Easy for you to say as the guy whose friends had to dare him to stay single,” Takeru fired back, smirking with his hands behind his head. Matt managed to bark out a weak laugh in response. He also swiftly changed the topic by prompting Takeru to pick a place to eat where they could hang out and talk as well, and the two of them settled on a Thai place in the area that Takeru said had a nice laid back atmosphere and was around the corner from a anime/ manga/comic store that had an upstairs cafe (“Weeb cafe,” Matt clarified) in case they wanted to keep hanging out afterwards. </p><p>As they made their way over, Matt indulged Takeru’s favorite topics, letting the high schooler go off on a long explanation about the book he was currently reading for AP Lang and the essay he had in mind for when he finished. Really anything to keep the conversation off of Matt’s personal life. At least until they were at the restaurant. </p><p>It worked for almost the entire walk there, but Takeru apparently picked up on the fact that he was doing most of the talking and decided to shift the balance. </p><p>“So how are you doing? Are you excited about the concert in, what, two weeks?” </p><p>“Yeah, it’s a nice space. We’ve never played there before, so it’ll be cool. Let me know if you want tickets or anything.” </p><p>“What day of the week?”</p><p>“Friday.” </p><p>“Hm, maybe yeah,” Takeru paused thoughtfully, “just let me see what’s going on that week, but I’d like to go. I haven’t seen you guys perform in a while. Hey! Maybe my friends can come too? How many tickets can you get? Is that too many?” </p><p> “Ah,” Matt stopped short and tried to ignore the small fluttering sensation he got thinking about Joe seeing him perform, “Um, I’m not sure. I can check. I…” He thought it over. “They showed me the VIP section for our guests. I guess it’s… pretty spacious. I’d need to ask the guys who they’re inviting too though.” </p><p>“Okay,” said Takeru, nodding enthusiastically, “yeah, that would be really cool. Man, it’s weird that you’ve met them now. I hate when they tease me about it, but it is kinda funny that it took so long.” </p><p>“Haha, <em> yeah… </em>” </p><p>Takeru tilted his head at Matt, “You okay? You’ve been a little weird so far.” </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired. Long week. We had practice last night, and I had a tough lab today.” </p><p>“<em> Bullshit </em>.”</p><p>Matt almost fell over, “<em> Takeru </em>!” </p><p>“What? Don’t ask me to hang out and then lie to me like that, Yamato. I don’t want to waste time trying to figure out what’s really going on with you. Just tell me.” Takeru’s glare was a work in progress, but the spirit sure was there. </p><p>Matt sighed and shook his head, “And people think we don’t have the same temper…” </p><p>“Don’t change the subject… But also, I know, right?” </p><p>Both brothers snickered. </p><p>Takeru straightened up, “Seriously. Just tell me what’s going on. The way you asked to hang out today was more urgent than usual too, you know.” </p><p>“Man,” Matt scratched behind his head, “when’d you get so good at reading me? I miss dopey kid Takeru. I could sneak anything past him.” </p><p>“You don’t mean that,” said Takeru, “You’re supposed to tell me what’s going on with you too. You promised; it’s not just going to be me coming to you with my problems anymore.” </p><p>“I know, Takeru, just…” Matt sighed, “Just wait’ll we’re at the restaurant, alright? It’s not like I didn’t want to talk today. I promise I’ll spill.” </p><p>“Well, you better be ready to spill then,” said Takeru, pointing down the block he had just had them turn onto. Matt followed Takeru’s finger and identified the Thai restaurant he’d described earlier. It was, as Takeru had said, a nice laid back atmosphere. Well lit, but there were dividers between the tables and booths, so it felt easy to talk. </p><p>While waiting to be seated and waiting to order, an awkward silence settled between the two of them. Takeru kept watching Matt, evidently waiting for the older one to talk, and Matt shifted around uncomfortably until they’d finally ordered. He opened his mouth to talk, paused, and by the time he was about to say anything the water came by with their Thai iced teas. </p><p>Matt stirred his drink, and Takeru followed suit, though his stare was beginning to turn into a glare as Matt continued to drag out the quiet. </p><p>“I’m just figuring out what to say first,” said Matt quietly, well aware that Takeru was about to blow a fuse if this dragged out much longer. Takeru, noting his brother’s tone, was immediately nullified—frustration turning to concern.  </p><p>“Okay, so,” Matt pushed some of his hair back and ruffled it, looking around the restaurant to avoid eye contact with his brother, “it’s not, like, a <em> huge </em>deal, okay? I don’t want you to freak out or anything-” </p><p>“Yamato, you’re freaking me out.” </p><p>“Ta- I- Look, I said don’t-...” Matt sighed in frustration and stared hard at his tea, “Fine. I’ll get to the point. I failed the dare, and also I’m starting therapy next week.” </p><p>Takeru blinked rapidly, “You what?” </p><p>Matt looked up at his brother and spoke slower, “I screwed up the whole no boys thing. I guess I couldn’t do it? So Min and Dennis peer pressured me into starting therapy.” </p><p>Takeru’s face drew together in confusion, “Um… how do you feel about all that?” </p><p>“Shitty.” </p><p>“Shitty about starting therapy?” </p><p>“Shitty about probably needing it.” </p><p>“Why, uh, why would <em> you </em>say you need it? Irrespective of Min and Dennis.” Takeru leaned forward and started drinking his tea. Matt smiled at this; there was no judgement there. </p><p>“I think…” He scratched his head again. “I don’t know how to be alone without losing my mind. Or flipping out. And I… I don’t know. I guess I don’t trust my judgement anymore.” </p><p>Takeru frowned, “Because of the guys?” </p><p>“Well that’s, like, how the problem more obviously shows up, I guess. Does any of that make sense?” </p><p>“It does,” said Takeru, “I guess what’s confusing to me is why it’s coming up now. You’ve always, uh, had a hard time staying single.”  </p><p>“Yeah, and we always joked about it,” said Matt, “Just acknowledged it as me sort of having a problem but in, like, a funny way. This was the first time anyone tried to put their foot down and get me to <em> stop </em> , and I… <em> couldn’t </em>stop.” </p><p>“Hm,” Takeru was staring down at his drink, deep in thought. Soon, the Thai egg rolls they’d ordered arrived. Matt picked up his chopsticks and grabbed an egg roll when Takeru spoke again, “Matt?” </p><p>“Hm?” </p><p>“Is it… Is it because of the divorce? Or me? I mean, we always- you always joke about abandonment issues…” </p><p>“It’s not…” Matt sighed sadly at his brother, “Maybe the divorce. I don’t know. It’s not fair to blame mom and dad though. Obviously, they needed to split. And don’t for a second blame anything on yourself.” He jabbed his sticks across the table a few times to emphasize this last point before starting on an egg roll. </p><p>“Okay,” said Takeru, dipping an egg roll and taking a bite. He chewed and eventually spoke again, “What can I do to help?” </p><p>Matt shifted in his seat and looked to the side, “Uh, you can… be very, <em> very </em>cool about what I’m about to say next. Because… there’s kind of more. Well, one thing more.” </p><p>Takeru stared his brother down while finishing off another egg roll, “...<em> Matt </em>.” </p><p>“Eheh, yeah, I-...” Matt cleared his throat and felt heat rising up his face. When he spoke it was in a pseudo-casual voice, “<b> <em>So</em> </b>. I ran into your friend Joe last Friday.” </p><p>Takeru blinked. </p><p>He stared at Matt. </p><p>Matt looked at the ceiling. </p><p>The waiter came by with their entrees—bami khob lad nar and pad see ewe—took one look at the mutually silent brothers and left the food behind without a word. </p><p>Takeru pinched the bridge of his nose, “I’m sorry. I must have blacked out. What were you saying?” </p><p>“<em> Takeru </em>.” </p><p>“I-” Takeru made an exasperated noise, “Joe- you- what even-...” </p><p>Matt started sinking lower in his seat and groaned. Takeru gave his brother a pitying look and gathered himself with a breath. </p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“I would rather not tell you what happened,” said Matt but at the look of alarm on the younger one’s face he quickly added, “Oh! I mean, Joe was nice. <b>Really </b>nice. He didn’t do anything wrong at all. In fact… Well, anyways, I just, um. Yeah. Just wanted to make sure you, uh, were aware.”</p><p>Takeru pushed some noodles around on his plate and went for a bite of broccoli before speaking again, “You promise he didn’t do anything wrong?” </p><p>“<em> Promise </em>,” said Matt firmly, “he was really nice. It just kind of…” He coughed. “So, uh, yeah, now you know. About. That…” </p><p>Beyond just being nice on Friday and the morning after, Joe had actually continued to take a vested interest in Matt’s wellbeing. He had followed up with Matt on Monday via text to see how the blonde was doing and ask whether Min or Dennis gave him a hard time (assuming he’d told them what happened). Matt had sent him a brief update: he was fine, and Min and Dennis were worried but supportive. After that, the texting dropped off, which made sense. Matt couldn’t hold that against him after having essentially experienced a breakdown in the older man’s room in the middle of the night. What else was there to say? </p><p>In the present, Takeru rolled his eyes, “Honestly, I’m mainly annoyed because I offered to set you two up on a date before I found out about Min and Dennis’s dare.” </p><p>Matt started choking on noodles, “I’m sorry- <em> what </em>?” </p><p>Takeru flinched, “Uh, yeah, sorry about that. We, uh… I mean I figured you were single, and you go on dates casually sometimes, and everyone was talking about how Joe needs to ‘blow off some steam’ or whatever, so I just- yeah.” </p><p>“Wh- so what I was going to be his <em> distraction </em>?” </p><p>“No!” Takeru threw up his arms and sat back in his seat, “It wasn’t supposed to be like that. I mean, I just figured I could offer since… You know, you were single and maybe you would be interested. I <b>obviously </b>wouldn’t have done anything if you weren’t interested. It was only an idea!” </p><p>“So then,” Matt ran his hand through his hair and frowned, “so that didn’t happen because I told you about Min and Dennis’s thing?” </p><p>“No,” Takeru shook his head, “it didn’t happen because Joe said no.” </p><p>“O-oh,” Matt pushed some more of his crispy noodles down into the gravy and tried his best to look uninterested in the answer when he asked, “why’d he say no?” </p><p>Takeru narrowed his eyes, “<em> Yamato </em>.” </p><p>“I’m <em> just </em>curious!” Matt exclaimed, dunking his noodles a little more vigorously. </p><p>“He just,” Takeru sighed and rolled his eyes, “he just didn’t want to? I think the idea weirded him out—me setting him up—and he’s… well, I don’t know, did you guys talk, like,<em> at all </em> or just-?” </p><p>Now it was Matt’s turn to narrow his eyes, “<em> Yes </em>, we talked. We ran into each other getting takeout from the same place.” </p><p>“Huh, small world,” muttered Takeru, “Well, you can see how he is then. He’s just really focused on school and stuff. We were trying to convince him to have some fun.” </p><p>“I’m glad you think I’m fun,” Matt muttered. </p><p>“It’s not like <em> that </em>, Yamato,” said Takeru, “but your life is really different from his, and I just thought it might be a nice change of pace for him and just another date or whatever for you.” </p><p>“I just really don’t know whether to be insulted or flattered by any of this.” </p><p>“Be flattered,” said Takeru. </p><p>Matt smirked at him, “Fine. Wow, Takeru, I’m really flattered.” </p><p>“Don’t be an ass. I’m serious; it was just an idea I threw out there. Sounds like it kind of happened anyways, not that I want the details-”</p><p>“Don’t worry, you are <b>not </b>getting the details-”</p><p>“Good,” said Takeru firmly. He studied his brother for a moment and hesitated before asking, “but, like, are you going to see him again? I mean, is this-?” </p><p>“Oh, I-” Matt hesitated, “I mean, I don’t think so…? I, uh, I kind of freaked out when I realized what I was doing.” </p><p>Takeru’s eyebrows furrowed, “What do you mean you freaked out?” </p><p>“No details, remember?” Matt smirked and then looked to the side, “I had a <em> bit </em>of a meltdown when I realized I failed the dare and what the implications of that were… So, things are probably awkward with Joe. He texted me after to check that I was okay, but nothing else since. That makes sense. I’m a mess. He shouldn’t have to deal with me.” </p><p>Takeru frowned deeply and leaned forward, “Yamato, did you <em> like </em>him?” </p><p>Matt shrugged, “Well yeah, I- like I said, he’s a really nice guy. He was fun to hang out with too. But it’s no big deal, it was just a one time thing, and I was basically a disaster. So.” </p><p>“So you had the ‘meltdown’ in front of him, right?” </p><p>“Well, yeah.” </p><p>“Did he handle that well?” </p><p>Matt took a large bite of noodles and pondered this. He was impressed, <em> deeply </em> impressed, that Joe had backed off so instantly and completely when Matt had frozen. Someone else might have tried to keep things going, and Matt wasn’t sure what would have happened if that had been the case. <em> I probably would have gone along with it. </em>And all the ways Joe had made sure Matt stayed the night—rather than roaming the city upset and alone. The pajamas, the blanket, the pillow… The coffee the next morning. And still wanting Matt to text him and let him know he got home safely. </p><p>“Yeah,” Matt’s voice was soft, “he handled it really well.” </p><p>Takeru smiled, “That’s good then. So you’re… I mean, do you feel like you’re doing okay right now?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Matt blinked and smiled at his brother, “Totally fine. Just gonna take some time for myself I guess. Think about things or whatever…”</p><p>“Okay,” Takeru nodded and started assembling a large bite of noodles and beef for himself, “I’m glad. And I’m glad you told me. I don’t want to feel left out of the loop.” </p><p>“Same to you,” Matt grinned and leaned forward, “So tell me more about how things have been with Kari lately…” </p><p>He laughed over Takeru’s protests, and the conversation moved forward from there. It was a weight off Matt’s chest, knowing he wasn’t keeping anything from his brother. Secrets made Takeru feel more distant from him, and, on top of being separated as siblings the majority of the time, that kind of added emotional distance was more than Matt could handle.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Big fan of T.K. and Izzy in this fic. They may be the MVPs. </p><p>Thanks to everyone who's left kudos and comments so far! :D I super appreciate it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello again! \o Hope you're enjoying. We clear the air in this chapter and go on a very cute not-date (it's a date tho).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h4>
  <span>Joe squirmed and looked to the side at Izzy who elbowed him. </span>
</h4>
<p>
  <span>“Stop being weird,” Izzy hissed at Joe under his breath.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t help it,” Joe whispered back out of the side of his mouth, “do you think he’s going to kill me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>No</b>
  <span>, now quit worrying about it and focus on </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe bit his lip and forcefully turned his attention back to the gallery walk they were in. Fashion and Design students in Mimi’s cohort were a part of a major local showcase to highlight student talent across the New York area. Mimi had a line of clothing on display that she was particularly proud of and had spent the past two weeks dropping hint after hint that she would be so honored, and so flattered, and so happy if all of her best friends in the world were there. Sora had finally taken the bait and organized their group of friends into stopping by on the same night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With Sora at the helm of the coordinating, there really was no way out of this. The woman was single handedly able to corral their group like no one else, and would go out of her way to rearrange peoples’ schedules for them if it came to that. And so, the whole crew had gathered at the gallery. Mimi was delighted. Joe, on the other hand, was carrying a lot of nervous energy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>About an hour before Joe and Izzy left their apartment for the gallery, Joe had received a text from T.K., popping up beneath their previous conversation about what AP classes Joe had taken in high school and what he thought about T.K.’s schedule for his senior year. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>T.K.:</b>
  <span> Hey, can we hang out just us after the gallery? Maybe grab Starbucks or something. Whatever you feel like. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Joe stared at the text for a long moment and swallowed. The suddenness of the request combined with the fact that he and T.K. never spent much time alone together was confirmation enough; this had to be about Matt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Izzy!” Joe called out, pulling on the grey sweater he was layering with and crossing the main room of their apartment. Izzy was in his room scrolling through the internet and raised an eyebrow at Joe when the blue haired man entered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... Look,” said Joe pitifully, holding his phone out to Izzy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy took one look at the screen and smirked, “Looks like Matt and T.K. had some time to hang out with each other recently. Have fun with that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What should I say?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Say yes,” said Izzy easily, “Obviously. You can’t avoid this.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, but… do you think he’s upset?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy shrugged, “You’ll just have to find out. I suppose it depends on how Matt’s doing… which you might have some idea about if you would just text him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re </span>
  <b>not </b>
  <span>having that conversation again,” Joe muttered, “He needs space.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’ll ask for it if he needs it,” Izzy said, turning back to his computer. Joe grumbled and left the room while replying to T.K. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> Sure. You can pick the place. We’re leaving our apartment in an hour. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>T.K.: </b>
  <span>Great, see you then! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That T.K.’s reply had come through almost instantly spoke volumes, Joe thought, and did not alleviate his nerves one bit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is everything okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe snapped out of his reverie and blinked down at Kari standing next to him in the gallery. The two of them were standing a little apart from the rest of the group. She smiled up at him and nudged him, “You’re jumpy. And being weird. Weirder than usual.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Joe smiled back at her, “Just a little tired.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kari rolled her eyes and gave him a gentle shove, “Do you know that all of you older guys always use being tired as an excuse when you don’t want to say what’s really bugging you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, and Kari giggled and shook her head, “It’s okay, I know it has something to do with T.K. right? He’s being weird too. He said you two are hanging out after this?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah,” Joe hesitated, “what else did he tell you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing else really. And he only told me because I wanted to grab a bite to eat after.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry about that,” said Joe, frowning, “we’re just grabbing coffee, I think.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re just grabbing coffee, then it means you’re really meeting to talk about something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, you should really thank Tai,” said Joe, shoving his hands in his pockets and trailing after the larger chunk of their group. Kari followed suit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He skipped out on the family brains so you could take all of them.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kari started laughing hard enough that she felt the need to cover her mouth, and Joe smiled at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyways, don’t worry about me and T.K.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shook her head, “I’m not. You’re both too good for it to be anything </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>bad. I just wanted to make sure you knew that too, I guess. I told him this too, but, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s okay to share with the group when you can. We all care about each other.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe stared at her and nodded. Kari really was something else. He opened his mouth to thank her, but a loud squeal cut him off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>You guys</em>
  </b>
  <span>!!!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi was wearing a sharp black mini dress with ultramarine tights and black leather boots that hit just below her knees; her hair was straightened and tied back in a sleek pony. She came bouncing towards the group and hugged Sora immediately before proceeding to thank everyone for coming profusely, giving them a long ramble about how happy she was, how excited, how proud, etc. The list went on and on. Joe and Kari exchanged resigned smiles, as everyone in the group indulged Mimi’s excitement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The art gallery </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>impressive. It was a conglomerate of work from all across the city; young people trying to show their stuff. Joe thought of Matt and what he’d said about his friends all being in the fine arts or humanities; he wondered if the singer had any friends whose work was also on display here. Then he shook his head and refocused on Mimi. Mimi had to, for the most part, stay in the fashion and design section where her work was displayed, so the group lingered there the longest to spend time with her and let her tell them all about her work process. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When all was said and done, the gallery had made for a fun afternoon get together. Huddled near the exit, everyone started saying their goodbyes and, in some cases, making some last minute plans to continue hanging out. Tai and Izzy were going back to the Kamiya residence to hang out, but Joe turned Tai’s invitation down, citing that he had some plans. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Suit yourself,” said Tai, as he, Izzy, and Kari left together. Sora joined them, though she was going home to visit her mother. The remaining high school students asked T.K. if he wanted to hang out; Davis offered to host. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, I fell behind on the independent reading project for Lang,” Takeru’s fake-sheepish tone was convincing.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Maybe he actually did fall behind, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Joe thought. “So I gotta head home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once Davis and the others had exited the building, T.K. and Joe finally made eye contact, something they had avoided doing for most of the afternoon although they’d both caught each other glancing over on several occasions. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. pulled out his phone and said, in response to Joe’s questioning stare, “I’m just looking up the nearest Starbucks. That’s fine for you, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s fine,” said Joe. The two settled into an awkward silence although the awkwardness was tempered by their mutual understanding that they’d be talking soon enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they reached Starbucks, Joe insisted on paying for the highschooler, who protested per usual but ultimately ordered his white chocolate mocha and banana bread. Joe went with a plain cappuccino, and the two were luckily able to grab a small table far from the door and the chilly early November wind coming through it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe fiddled with his coffee cup, waiting for T.K. to get things started. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. fiddled with the brim of today’s hat (forest green beanie) and finally spoke, “You know, Yamato’s birthday is in November.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“O-oh, really?” Joe wasn’t sure what to think of this starting point for the conversation, but, given the look on T.K.’s face, he hadn’t been sure of where to begin anyways. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, it’s later in the month,” said the blonde before dragging a hand over his face, chuckling and adding, “Sorry, that was stupid, I just didn’t know what to say first.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed too, “That’s okay. I don’t know what to say either, but I guess I wanted you to get things started. I’m, uh, sorry though, if you’re mad that is… When did you and Matt hang out?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thursday,” T.K. replied. It was now Sunday, so he’d had a few days to think all of this over. “And I mean, I don’t know, Joe, I offered to set you two up on a date, and you seemed like you hated the idea, but then you went and…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Joe grimaced, “Sorry. Again. I, uh-... It wasn’t planned. I just ran into him and asked him to hang out without even thinking about it. How that would look. Even the whole staying single thing his friends had him on. It was pretty thoughtless of me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm,” T.K. took a tentative sip of his drink to see if it had cooled down, “why did you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, I mean,” Joe blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, “that is… He was on my mind a lot after we met him because of Izzy and Mimi.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Might as well be honest about the whole thing with him</span>
  </em>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K.’s face scrunched up in confusion, “Because of Izzy and Mimi?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, they, uh, kind of took your idea and ran with it,” Joe explained, “they both spent the better part of that week trying to figure out how to get us together and bugging me about it because they decided I had a massive crush on him-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>you have a crush on him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe opened his mouth and hesitated, “Uh, I mean… I wouldn’t say… I guess I felt… differently about your idea after we met him. He wasn’t what I was expecting.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. raised an eyebrow and smirked, “Uh-huh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s really easy to talk to. I guess I wasn’t expecting that. And you never mentioned that he’s in engineering while also in a band. It’s just really impressive… Like he really knows exactly what he wants to do. And can explain why he’s interested in those things. And still seems like he takes care of the people around him on top of all that. The way he talks about your dad is really sweet. I wasn’t expecting that either. So I asked him to hang out, and then I asked him to stay longer, and-...” Joe trailed off and refocused his gaze on T.K. whose eyebrows had risen higher and higher up his forehead while Joe spoke. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> T.K. frowned a little, and Joe braced himself for impact.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why haven’t you called him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- huh?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K.’s voice was stern and his gaze was leveled at Joe, but the question wasn’t any of the accusations Joe had been bracing for. Joe blinked rapidly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-... what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He said you texted him to check on him a few days later, but after that you stopped,” T.K.’s position and expression were unchanging. “Why’d you stop? Why haven’t you called?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He...” Joe hesitated, “What did he tell you about what happened? I stopped because I figured he needs some space. I don’t want to bother him after what happened. It would be insensitive.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. leaned back in his chair, but he was still frowning, still pensive, “Yeah, he said he was a mess, but he also said…” T.K. hesitated, “he said </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>handled it really well… So why haven’t you called?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe leaned forward and repeated himself, “I told you. He needs some space.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did he tell you to give him space?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, no, but I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why haven’t you called? You spent time with him and you liked him right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, yes, but-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you spent time with him, and you liked him, and you handled it well when he had a moment or whatever at your apartment, and he </span>
  <b>
    <em>didn’t </em>
  </b>
  <span>tell you to give him space. So why-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>T.K.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. stopped short in his line of questioning and waited for Joe to explain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe opened his hands as if offering up his explanation, “I’m not… Look I know he’s your brother, but Matt is way out of my league. It’s… It’s really hard for me to believe he’d be interested in hearing from me </span>
  <em>
    <span>regardless </span>
  </em>
  <span>of what happened that Friday.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked up and froze because T.K. was </span>
  <b>definitely </b>
  <span>glaring at him now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yamato doesn’t think that way. He wouldn’t think about people like that. And you shouldn’t expect so little of him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know he’s better than that, but it doesn’t change… Whenever he is ready to date again, he’ll have endless options. I don’t really fit into that. It’s not my scene. And again, he seems like he needs to be single for a while. He said he’s got some stuff to figure out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still frowning, T.K. leaned forward, “But you don’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>any of that… And you keep talking about what you </span>
  <em>
    <span>think </span>
  </em>
  <span>he needs. Like you care about him. But if you care about him, then you should </span>
  <em>
    <span>call </span>
  </em>
  <span>him and see how he’s doing for yourself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  It was getting difficult to argue with T.K.’s reasoning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Izzy’s been saying a lot of the same stuff.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Izzy’s smarter than both of us. You should listen to him too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed, and some of the tension that had been building up eased, “Maybe… I-... Okay. Sure, T.K. I’ll call.” He hesitated and asked, “Are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>sure you want me to call your brother?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. smiled, “Yeah, I want you to call him, Joe. As if I haven’t made that obvious enough. Come on, I know you. You’re a good guy. Of course I want you to call my brother.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe nodded, feeling weirdly grateful for the younger blonde, and smiled, “Okay then.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. hesitated, “It’s… It’s really, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>easy for Yamato to feel unwanted.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should have called him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe took in the steady stare T.K. had fixed him with and felt the weight of guilt pressing in on him. He frowned, “Okay. I’ll fix that tonight.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. smiled and nodded, “Okay, then. Good.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sunday night was passing in its usual manner in the MDM apartment (Min-Dennis-Matt, or Matt-Dennis-Min, depending on who was winning that ongoing argument). This meant a frenzy of homework and work spanning an almost alarming variety of topics between Matt’s engineering, Min’s film studies and editing, Dennis’s music production/English studies, Matt’s band, as well as all three’s ongoing dedication to making music (and the YouTube channel they occasionally posted videos to). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All three roommates were situated around the dining room table, working and eating some of the barbeque pork fried rice that Matt had cooked to sustain them all. Matt and Min on the booth side, and Dennis sitting in one of their mismatched chairs—mismatched because all of them had simply stolen one or two chairs from their parents’ kitchens in order to furnish the dining area. Dennis was also wearing his sound cancelling headphones, which he always cited as the only way he could conceivably get any work done around the Disaster Twins—Matt and Min.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min frowned in annoyance as Matt put his pencil down to check his phone for what seemed like the millionth time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright,” she said, putting her pen down and tearing her eyes away from her cinema studies textbook, “what are you doing? You’re not getting any work done, and you keep checking your phone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked up, startled, “I, uh. It’s nothing. I’m just checking messages.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min rolled her eyes at the obvious deflection, and Dennis—sensing that something was going on—removed his headphones to tune in to their conversation. Matt shifted in his seat and tried to subtly scoot his phone away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Spill,” Min insisted, “who are you texting?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> not texting anyone, he keeps-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He? </span>
  <b>
    <em>He</em>
  </b>
  <span>???” Min started grappling for his phone, which Matt held at arm’s length away from her. “</span>
  <b>Who</b>
  <span> is it?! Which boy?! Who’s texting you!!!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis had begun massaging his forehead while his roommates squabbled back and forth like this. Finally, Matt, now shoving Min’s face away from him with one hand while his other hand held his phone far far away from her, relented, “It’s Travis, okay??? He won’t stop bugging me to hang out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Travis</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
  <b>
    <em>Travis</em>
  </b>
  <span>?” Min fumed and steam might as well have poured forth from her ears, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Travis</span>
  </em>
  <span> wants to hang out with you? </span>
  <b>
    <em>Alone</em>
  </b>
  <span>??? We all know what that means, Matt. He’s only got one thing on his mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Travis</span>
  </em>
  <span>, of all the stupid-” she started muttering rapid pace, “unbelievable, incessant, can’t take a hint, I told him, I </span>
  <b>TOLD </b>
  <span>him, but does he listen to me? No, </span>
  <b>no</b>
  <span>, who listens to me, who even- I am going to fucking murder him, where’s my phone, I’m gonna destroy this fuckboy, thinks he’s so hot with his tattoos and his nasty piercings, I will tear him limb from-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Min.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both Matt and Min froze and looked across the table at Dennis, who had taken his phone out. Min’s hand was hovering over her contacts list on her phone. Dennis heaved himself out of his chair and shook his head at her, “Don’t. </span>
  <b>My </b>
  <span>turn. I’ll get him to back off.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis departed the table and left to his bedroom. The two of them were barely able to make out the terse greeting he offered on the phone as his bedroom door shut behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was an awkward pause. Matt sighed and started spooning large amounts of fried rice into his bowl. Min huffed and sat back in the booth with her arms folded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you </span>
  <b>ever </b>
  <span>see in Travis anyways?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not much,” said Matt, his tone fairly hollow, “he’s hot. He’s kind of cool. He likes music. He’s laid back.” He rolled his eyes and added. “Good in bed, I guess. It’s not like it was ever anything serious. He’s just around when I’m not seeing anyone since he never does relationships.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What an enthusiastic response,” Min’s voice was dry, “The two of you are honestly not compatible at all, you know that right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s never really been about compatibility with Travis,” said Matt, and he still sounded vaguely empty, “just convenience. I wasn’t planning on doing anything, by the way, you know that right? I was just having a hard time getting him to stop asking to make plans.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know,” she said, giving Matt a few pats on the back and peering curiously towards Dennis’s room, “you think Dennis is going to kill him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smirked, “No, he’s too calm for that. Probably some threats being made though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min made an affirmative noise around a large bite of rice, “Mmf, yeah, you’re right.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In less than ten minutes, Dennis emerged from his room—expression distinctly satisfied. While he walked back to their table, Matt’s phone lit up with a quick notification. Matt looked at it and smirked at Dennis while the other was taking his seat back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice job, Dennis. He just said ‘sorry for bugging you.’” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis stretched lazily, “What can I say? Someone had to put their foot down.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’d you say to him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not at liberty to discuss what I may or may not have said.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh, spooky,” said Min, and for a moment it seemed like all three of them were about to resume working…  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Matt’s phone started vibrating on the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis finally snapped, “Matt, if that’s Travis, I swear to god, I’m gonna-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not Travis.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min and Dennis both stopped short. Matt was blinking down at his phone and- </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is he blushing??? Oh my </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>god</em>
  </b>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s, uh, it’s Joe.” He said before ducking his head and answering, “Hello?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min was waving her arms around frantically and mouthing</span>
  <em>
    <span> What the fuck? </span>
  </em>
  <span>at Matt, while Dennis just shook his head before dropping his forehead to the table with an audible ‘thunk.’ Matt ignored both of them and scooped his bowl up in his free hand before making his way to his room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Matt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One sec, I’m just moving rooms.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A moment later, Matt was gently kicking the door to his room shut and settled into his large armchair in the corner. The bowl of rice situated comfortably on the small end table next to it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry about that. Min and Dennis are still trying to get some homework done.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, sorry, if you’re in the middle of anything, I can always-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s totally fine. I don’t have too much to do tonight.” Matt was quick to jump in and crossed both of his legs on the chair, getting comfortable, “What’s going on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, just putting some laundry away right now and thought I’d call. I just-” there was a short pause and then an embarrassed laugh, “Sorry that was awful. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>putting laundry away, but I called because I wanted to check in and see how you were doing. I know I didn’t reach out again after Monday. Sorry about that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head even though the other couldn’t see, “Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t necessarily expecting to hear from you again. I figured…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, just figured I probably scared you off or something. Sorry again. For freaking out in your room and stuff.” Matt chewed on his lip nervously and fiddled with his spoon, pushing rice around the bowl. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt, it’s okay, really. I didn’t have any problem with what happened that night. If anything I-...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The pause dragged out long enough for Matt to prompt, “Joe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe cleared his throat, “If anything, I’m glad you felt like you could… be honest… and stop before things went further.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt swallowed and blinked around his room, “That’s… yeah, well, you were really good about the situation, Joe. Someone else might have… Well, they might not have backed off, y’know? So, I really appreciate how you handled that,” he mumbled and traced shapeless patterns into the arm of the chair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You were upset. There was nothing else to do. I still feel like I took advantage a little… You told all of us that your friends were worried about you and guys. I ignored that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t,” Matt said, “don’t feel guilty. It was my job to monitor myself, and I just kind of didn’t. I really-... Well, I’m going to work on that.” He twiddled with some of his hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does that mean you’re going back to the no guys at all challenge?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt paused. There was a potential ulterior motive behind that question that went beyond general curiosity, coming from Joe that is. Matt also wasn’t even sure what the answer to that question really was. He and his friends hadn’t really discussed if total abstinence was part of the solution beyond therapy. They had certainly all agreed that Travis was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>horrible </span>
  </em>
  <span>idea without even needing to discuss it, but that didn’t necessarily mean… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, I was just thinking…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay if it’s not my business.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it is, it’s fair game, I just… I guess I don’t really know if that’s what that means.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. Hm.” Joe paused, and there were some shuffling noises from his end. “I, uh, want to be honest with you if that’s okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked and started pushing rice around his bowl more vigorously, “Okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“T.K. told me to call. We talked earlier today.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Takeru</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” If Matt had had any rice in his mouth, he would have choked on it. “What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he, uh-,” Joe laughed a little, “you two really look out for each other y’know? He’s… younger but protective. I don’t feel like I have what you two have with </span>
  <em>
    <span>any </span>
  </em>
  <span>of my brothers. Not really.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt couldn’t help but smile at that, but he still felt conflicted, “I’m sorry if Takeru came on too strong. I promise I didn’t give him any reason to be mad at you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it was the fact that I didn’t call you. He wanted me to. He, uh…” Another pause. “He made me realize that I might have sent the wrong message by not calling.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned and tugged at the cushion he was sitting on, “What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to think… that I didn’t like spending time with you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Heat crept up Matt’s face, “O-oh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t reach out again because I thought it was important to give you space, and, I mean, you can still have- I mean, whatever space you want, definitely! But I just also want you to know that I’m around if… Uh, if you don’t want space.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt bit his lip. He knew what he wanted to say. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No space, no space, no space. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But was that what he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to say? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want space,” said Matt, “but I’m worried I need it. I don’t know. Sorry I don’t have an actual answer to that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Being honest is an actual answer,” Joe’s reply seemed to come easily at first but he hesitated, “Do you think we should… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Should </span>
  </em>
  <span>we avoid seeing each other then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I don’t want to do that, unless you want to,” Matt replied quickly. “I guess. I still want to hang out. If that’s okay with you, I mean. But I don’t want you to just… Like, wait around for me or whatever.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm,” Joe paused to think, and Matt realized he was holding his breath, “I-... Matt, it’s not like I had an active dating life before this. I was kind of already waiting around. So I don’t mind, really… On Friday, you said we barely know each other. You were right. But we could get to know each other. We can just be friends and hang out while you work on figuring things out on your end."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt started forming a mound of rice in his bowl before flattening it, repeating this process a few times, “Are you sure that’s okay? I would understand if you wanted space too. I think I might be kind of a mess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not a mess. And I don’t mind. I think…” A pause. Matt tapped the spoon on the bowl a couple of times and then- “I just think that you’d be worth waiting around for.” </span>
</p>
<p><span>Matt fumbled his spoon and flushed bright red. A very small smile started. </span><span><br/></span> <span>“Matt?” </span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah, sorry, I-” The smile broke wider, “Thanks, Joe. So, I guess, we can just. Spend some time together or something. Kind of like taking things slow but no strings attached?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m okay with that. If you are.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Hm, I don’t think…” Matt laughed nervously, “I’m not sure if I’ve ever tried to take things slow before.”    </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay. I’ve never done no strings attached before.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled and started actually scooping some rice up to eat, feeling some of his usual confidence returning, “Hey, y’know how you said we barely know each other but we could get to know each other?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For what it’s worth, I like everything I do know about you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah-” It sounded like Joe had dropped something and went a little too far trying to catch it midair from the fumbling noises coming through. Matt laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, I gotta ask, are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>blushing </span>
  </em>
  <span>right now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Probably,” Joe was mumbling but his voice was muffled even on top of that, and Matt had to wonder if Joe had actually fallen over onto his bed or something equally ridiculous like that, “I like what I know about you too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Heh,” Matt ducked his head and started eating some fried rice, “So other than laundry, you met up with Takeru this Sunday?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We all went to this art gallery thing. Mimi had a clothing line on display there and wanted us to come. T.K. hijacked me afterwards.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You mean the citywide show for, like, college students?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I was wondering if you had any friends with work up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmhm, Dustin. I stopped by in the afternoon yesterday on my way to band practice. I didn’t have time to walk the whole gallery though, so I just went to his display. He does sculpture work, uh, his were the clay pieces focused on hands. Like holding each other and stuff. Kind of sensual, which I think is what he was going for.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, we did walk the whole thing. I remember those; they were really good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, Dustin’s talented. Good dancer too. He was in the dance crew at BFA with me and Trei and Dennis.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm, yeah, tell me more about the dance team stuff.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt started laughing, “What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is… very distracting that you were on a dance team.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned widely.</span>
  <em>
    <span> He </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>is </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>flirting</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He took another bite of rice and settled himself against the arm of the chair closer to the table, “Hm, so I can tell you about… The time we won the state competition right at the start of junior year.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Listening intently.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt burst out laughing some more and launched into the story of that weekend’s competition. The choreography Trei had largely planned out for the team (including Matt’s solo in particular), the general one-upmanship that all the teams took part in at the hotel hosting them, and what it was like winning—knowing the juniors on the team had largely pulled off the victory. Joe was a good audience member the whole time and added in some commentary that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>his means of flirting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The conversation lasted for about an hour all combined, and Matt knew he’d have to answer to Min and Dennis when he finally emerged (and contend with a mountain of homework; he had lied earlier when he said he didn’t have much to do that night), but it was completely worth it. Before leaving his room, he sent a quick text to Takeru. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Yamato: </b>
  <span>hey thanks for threatening Joe or whatever you did, little psycho </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Takeru:</b>
  <span> Someone had to do something. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wednesday afternoon came, and Min’s fingers danced across the keyboard. It was a lazier dance. She was just practicing the arrangement for<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1mSODr7BtM&amp;ab_channel=JustinBieberVEVO"> “Monster”</a> by Bieber and Mendes that Matt had put together for them and making sure she had committed it to memory. The three roommates were planning on recording their cover and posting it to YouTube later this week, Friday or Saturday, whenever they had the time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their YouTube channel got decent steady views all things considered, especially given how sporadic their posts were. It was essentially a for-fun collaborative outlet for them, and they occasionally brought other friends on for different performances. The spillover from Matt’s band’s fans got them enough attention for the covers and the rare original songs to keep getting views. It brought in some extra money. Beyond all that, Min got to put her video skills to work for the channel, and Dennis jumped in on sound mixing and editing when he had the time. And Matt was someone who needed music like he needed oxygen, so it all worked out pretty well for the three of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis was on the couch working through </span>
  <em>
    <span>Invisible Man</span>
  </em>
  <span> by Ralph Ellison, still focused despite Min’s casual playing in the background. It was late enough in the afternoon that both of them were home from classes, but Matt was still out and they both knew why. Today was his first therapy session at the City College’s counseling center. The morning had seen a pretty massive spat in which Matt had casually floated bailing on the session (“I’m really busy anyways”), and Dennis and Min had all but rioted in response. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their determination to get Matt to therapy had actually only increased in the past few days in response to the fact that Matt and Joe were texting regularly. Matt was insistent that they didn’t need to worry about it, that he and Joe weren’t doing anything overtly romantic </span>
  <em>
    <span>or </span>
  </em>
  <span>sexual. They were just chatting and </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe </span>
  </em>
  <span>would hang out because, surely, Matt argued, it would be weird to leave things the way he’d originally left things with Joe—one of his brother’s close friends. Besides, Matt liked him and wanted him around, and Joe seemed fine with that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min had argued back that it didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>seem in the spirit of recovery to keep a guy around who wasn’t exactly a friend and was in fact someone Matt had a weird history with now. Dennis had eventually relented first and declared that Joe was something of a nicotine patch for Matt and maybe that was just what he needed right now. Matt seemed insulted by the metaphor but had let it go in the interest of getting his roommates off his back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door to the apartment opened suddenly followed by the usual sounds of Matt removing coat, scarf (November had brought chillier winds with it hence Scarf Season for the singer), and shoes. Min and Dennis yelled out greetings but didn’t get a reply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, Matt turned the corner and stopped short of the living room. Min and Dennis looked up from their work. Matt blinked at them a few times but didn’t say anything. His eyes looked… a little red. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min spoke up first, “How’d it go?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t get a response. Instead, Matt walked past both roommates to his room (it was farther down than Dennis’s) and shut the door behind him. Min and Dennis stared at the shut door for a long moment without saying anything. Eventually, Min bit her lip and looked at Dennis—a little guilty. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe therapy was a bad idea?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis’s eyes lingered on the door longer than hers, but, in response to her question, he turned back to her and shook his head, “No, I think, if anything, that means it was a good idea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min worried her lip, her hands folded in her lap and no longer resting on the keyboard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis sighed and pushed off from the couch, “I’m gonna go grab the take out menus.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh, good idea,” said Min, and she got up to follow him. There was a small basket of take out menus from nearby places on one of their kitchen counters, and the two of them dug through it, debating what the best comfort food option was for Matt right now. Pizza seemed promising, but the blonde was partial to a large bowl of pho as well (“Pho’s not as good delivered, though”). After cycling through and going back and forth for a while, they settled on a specialty pizza restaurant because they had absolute confidence in what Matt’s favorite order was (carne asada pizza dipped in the salsa verde that came with it), and Min went ahead and ordered delivery for them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They agreed to leave Matt alone until the food arrived, which would take about an hour at this point in the day. Halfway through their waiting, they heard faint guitar playing coming from Matt’s room—a good sign. Coaxing Matt out of his solitude when he was upset was always an interesting game. Dennis and Min had gotten quite good at it over the years and, since living with him, had learned it was easier with food. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the food arrived, Dennis went about setting up the pizza boxes on the dining room table, while Min ventured bravely to Matt’s room. He hadn’t locked the door—also a good sign—so she tentatively peaked inside before stepping in. Matt was, as expected, curled up in the large slouchy armchair in the corner and had been plucking at his acoustic guitar, which was a deep shade of amber. He didn’t look up when Min entered but couldn’t ignore her after she perched on one of the chair’s arms and put a hand on his wrist, “Hey.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His head kind of jerked in response, and he kept playing absently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk about it at all?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Blonde hair swished a little when he shook his head and his voice was hoarse, “Already did a lot of talking today.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” she squeezed his wrist a bit, “we ordered pizza. Come on.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The talking had been a request, but the eating was not, and Matt seemed to recognize that because he sighed and put the guitar to the side, letting Min tug him out of his room without putting up any fight. The pizza boxes were open on the dining room table, but all three roommates grabbed plates and drinks and headed over to their living room couch. Min immediately opened Netflix and pulled up </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Great British Bake Off</span>
  </em>
  <span>—which </span>
  <b>actually </b>
  <span>functioned as a comfort show for Matt because the blonde didn’t bake and therefore didn’t feel entitled to yell at the contestants. The next few hours were spent like that, all three of them huddled up on the couch, eating way too much pizza and eventually dispersing to work on whatever they needed to get done for the following Thursday. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Saturday morning found Joe taking the train out to Brooklyn. He and Matt had been texting intermittently throughout the week; both of them swamped with school work and their other responsibilities (preparing for a concert, in Matt’s case, and helping underclassmen study for the Biology 202 exam that was coming up, in Joe’s case). On Thursday evening, Matt had asked if Joe would be interested in walking around Dumbo on Saturday for an early lunch/taking in the sights (i.e. seeing a couple of Matt’s favorite spots in the area). Joe had agreed easily, and the idea of seeing Matt had carried him through his Friday and every frustrating interaction he had with spoiled underclassmen who hadn’t actually learned how to study in high school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The weather that Saturday was nice—forgiving for November at least; they wouldn’t need to duck into stores just to avoid the cold, Joe thought. Not a bad day to spend walking around. Joe was wearing a grey rainproof/windbreaker jacket over an indigo crewneck sweater and jeans. Since they would be walking around, he was wearing his usual suede sneakers.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he climbed the steps out of the subway, he looked around for Matt. They had confirmed exactly which stop he’d be getting off at to meet the blonde, but Matt wasn’t in his immediate line of sight. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe he’s on the wrong side of the street? </span>
  </em>
  <span>That was when Joe’s ears picked up on music playing behind him. On a hunch, he turned around. There were a few street musicians playing—a saxophone, a bass, a tenor, and… Matt on harmonica. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled in disbelief and joined the small crowd that had gathered around. He didn’t recognize <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3d3QbwWnLbc&amp;ab_channel=LakeshoreRecords">the song</a>, and he didn’t know enough about music to conclude with confidence whether the song was more jazz or soul. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe soul?</span>
  </em>
  <span> For the most part, Matt’s eyes were closed while he played, but he spotted Joe at one point when he opened them and threw the senior a wink. It was a really silly and stupid thing to blush at, but Joe did nonetheless. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the song concluded, Joe and the other people watching clapped. A handful of them stepped forward to toss some money in one of the musician’s cases which was sitting open. Matt grinned—broader than Joe had seen him grin before—and turned to his compatriots, bowing quickly to them, “Thanks, guys. That was sweet. I gotta head out now though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All three of the musicians waved at Matt, thanking him for joining in, and one of them even threw in a, “Hey, good luck at your concert, man!” Matt waved one more time before making his way over to Joe. The grin didn’t fade. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! Sorry I wasn’t right by the entrance.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t apologize, that was great,” said Joe, “I didn’t realize you played harmonica.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah yeah, my dad bought it for me when I was a kid, so I started on harmonica before I talked him into getting me a guitar.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you just had it on you today?” Joe asked. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Although</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he noted,</span>
  <em>
    <span> he </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>is </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>wearing a backpack. And a scarf. What the- it’s not </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>that </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>cold today. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Matt shook his head, tucking the harmonica into an inside pocket of the short black trench coat he was wearing, “I pretty much always have my harmonica on me. You never know when you’ll need it.” He added, smirking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was already smiling, but he smiled a little wider at that and fell into step beside Matt. Behind them, the musicians had started up another song. Combined with the crisp fresh air, it already felt like a great day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What song was that by the way?” Joe asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you didn’t recognize it?” Matt gave Joe a disappointed look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <b>really </b>
  <span>don’t listen to a lot of music, Matt,” said Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should work on that,” said the blonde, but he was smiling again, “Anyways, it was that, y’know, the San Francisco song? Y’know, like</span>
  <em>
    <span> if you’re going to San Francisco be sure to wear flowers in your hair</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He sang the lyrics, and Joe stumbled and almost fell over. He hadn’t actually heard Matt sing before. Unlike the last time he had tripped in front of Matt, the singer didn’t ignore it and started laughing, but it was a nice sound, and Joe smiled while flushed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he said sheepishly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt just grinned, “Don’t. It’s charming.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was actually starting to worry about the long term implications of blushing this often around Matt. Were there health consequences? Surely your face shouldn’t be this hot this often. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Speaking of heat… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you get cold easily?” Joe asked, and Matt blinked before looking down at his outfit. In addition to the black trench coat, he was wearing jeans and those grey Timbs from before, but the dark red plaid scarf around his neck was what had drawn Joe’s question. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head and rolled his eyes, “No, not really. I’m just not allowed to leave the house without a scarf on once it’s colder out.” At Joe’s questioning look, he added, “Vocal cords.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” said Joe, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, really?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I lost my voice before a concert once, and the band vowed never again. They’re pretty serious about it, and they get the rest of my friends to enforce Scarf Season too. This one year? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Everyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>bought me scarves for Christmas.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before he could stop himself, Joe reached out and tucked a portion of the scarf that had slipped out of place back against Matt’s neck. A faint blush colored Matt’s cheeks, and he smiled at Joe warmly, “Thanks.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No problem,” said Joe absently before snapping himself out of it, “So where did you want to grab lunch? I meant what I said, I’m fine with anything.” He was referring to the text messages Matt had sent him that morning, asking repeatedly if Joe was </span>
  <b>sure </b>
  <span>he wasn’t a picky eater and did Joe have any dietary needs or concerns or wants. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re eating right by the water,” said Matt, and he looked delighted with himself. “C’mon!” At that, he tugged on Joe’s arm once to speed up their walking pace. Joe realized they were walking towards the piers and looked at Matt curiously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Which restaurant?” He got a little nervous. There </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>affordable options by the water—sandwiches, burgers, etc.—but the majority were pricey. Had he misread Matt’s plan for the day? Wasn’t this supposed to be a casual walk around the area? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snickered, “Don’t worry about it. It’s on me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s eyes traveled to the backpack Matt was wearing, and the previously out of place outfit choice suddenly clicked in his head. He blinked at Matt in disbelief, “You packed us lunch?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s smile faltered for a second, “Is- is that okay with you? If you want to eat somewhere we can still-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s perfect,” said Joe immediately, “I was just surprised. You didn’t have to go through the trouble.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s confidence hitched up again, “It’s no big. You’ll see. I made a ton last night, so I repurposed the leftovers for us this morning. Easy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They reached the pier shortly and looked around for a bench with a nice view. Matt removed the back pack as he sat down and started digging through the contents, assembling the components of their meal on the bench in between them. Everything was either wrapped in foil or in a tupperware. There were also two thermos. The blonde was being cuter about the whole thing than was really fair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was originally thinking we’d just grab burgers at Shake Shack or something,” Matt explained, handing Joe something wrapped in foil, “but the band came over after practice yesterday, and I made a </span>
  <em>
    <span>ton </span>
  </em>
  <span>of katsu for everyone. So. Repurposed them this morning.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe unwrapped the foil and found a katsu sandwich that was still warm. Matt must have reheated them before packing them up. He blinked down at everything else Matt had set up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tea. Egg rolls (I just microwaved those). Sweet potato fries.” Matt pointed as he identified the things that were still in their containers or wrapped up. He grabbed what Joe assumed was a second katsu sandwich, unwrapped it, and turned to the water—taking a bite and looking extremely satisfied with himself.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow, Matt, I-,” Joe cleared his throat, “This is really nice. Thanks. Next time it’s my treat, okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Next time, huh?” Matt smiled at Joe, “Okay. Sounds good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled back at him and followed his lead, turning towards the water to eat the sandwich. They ate in comfortable silence for a while, and Joe couldn’t help but marvel a little at how the day was going. And Matt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hadn’t seen much of Matt outside before. The blonde was radiant in the sunlight, and the breeze was playing with his hair. Joe kept turning away from the view of Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge just to sneak glances at him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And on top of all that</span>
  </em>
  <span>… After whatever his Friday classes were, Matt had gone to band practice and then proceeded to feed the band members and his roommates—cooking for a presumably large group. Then, he had woken up on a Saturday morning to pack an impressive lunch for the two of them, only to join in on an impromptu music session with strangers…  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> The thought of all that tugged at Joe’s mind. It was heartwarming and wonderful even, but… He glanced at Matt, who looked so content in that moment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Does anyone take care of him like that?</span>
  </em>
  <span> From everything the blonde had said, he obviously had supportive friends—Min and Dennis, particularly—and a strong relationship with his dad.</span>
  <em>
    <span> But still</span>
  </em>
  <span>… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Hey,” Joe broke the silence, but his voice surprised him by how soft it had gotten. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked and looked over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you- how-,” He shook his head, crumpled up the now empty foil his sandwich had been in and reached for the thermos Matt had placed closer to him, “How are you doing? You said you were going to start really focusing on yourself this week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Matt looked taken aback, “Yeah, I guess I did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What does that mean exactly?” Joe tilted his head, carefully sipping from the thermos to check the temperature of the tea Matt had brewed for them. “Self care stuff?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, kind of,” Matt fidgeted with the foil his sandwich had been in before crumpling it up and unwrapping four egg rolls for the two of them to split. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe grabbed an egg roll when Matt did, “What’s ‘kind of?’” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt worried his lips, “Min and Dennis, uh, convinced me to try therapy. So I went to CUNY’s counseling center on Wednesday…” He trailed off, egg roll hanging absently in his hand. Joe opened his mouth and closed it. Unsure of what to say or how to feel about that. Matt glanced at Joe uncomfortably, and Joe could have slapped himself.</span>
  <em>
    <span> That’s not about how I feel</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He leveled a small steady smile at Matt, “I know a lot of people who’ve had to go to their school’s counseling center at one point or another. Did it feel helpful? Productive?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>fun</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt grumbled, but he looked a little more comfortable now that Joe had spoken. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe hoped his smile was appropriately sympathetic, “Well, I guess it wouldn’t be. But productive? Did you feel like it was helpful to talk?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess,” Matt fidgeted, “It mainly confirmed that I don’t really know how to explain… I don’t know, some of the things I do. Except I…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe waited patiently for Matt to go on, eating his egg rolls in the meantime. Matt glanced in a few different directions before he continued talking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think I ever stopped being scared of being alone. Which is ridiculous, right? I should be used to it. I mean, I spent so much time on my own growing up. This shouldn’t still be an issue.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were occasional moments between Joe and Matt that were… unusual. Odd because Joe was drawing from information he already knew about Matt from knowing T.K. for years. T.K. had always painted a pretty stark picture of Matt’s life after the divorce. There was a reason why Matt’s dad hadn’t won custody of his kids; his work schedule was insane. But their mom hadn’t wanted both of them… Thinking back on T.K.’s narration felt different now that he knew Matt. He could picture Matt as a kid, coming home to a messy empty apartment, cooking dinner for two, eating it by himself, and then wrapping the rest of it up to leave in the fridge. Maybe trying to keep the place clean. Certainly working on his homework alone. Putting himself to bed on the especially late nights of work for his father. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe frowned. He couldn’t relate at all. His family—his parents, especially—certainly had their shortcomings, but Joe had never been alone. Had never even really had a moment to himself, to even think for himself. It was, in so many ways, the opposite of what Matt had contended with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think it makes sense to be scared then,” Joe finally spoke, and Matt blinked at him. Joe sat back on the bench and drank some more tea. It didn’t feel right to not be open with Matt after the blonde had shared what he had. And it wasn’t fair that Joe knew and understood more about Matt’s childhood than the other knew about his. So, he went on. “You’re scared to be alone because you know how hard it is. I’m… I don’t know what that’s like. But I’m scared to make decisions for myself because I never got the chance to. Sometimes it feels like I can’t think for myself at all, and that scares me.” He scratched at his cheek with a finger, “So I don’t know what it’s like to be scared of being alone, but I get being scared because of how you grew up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt finally started eating his egg rolls, thinking this over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks… for saying that,” the blonde said quietly, “And I’m sorry again for what I said the first time we hung out. About your major and stuff. I don’t know what that’s like either.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You already apologized for that,” Joe smiled, and then he pointed at the remaining tupperware, “You said you just microwaved the egg rolls, but did you make the sweet potatoes?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweet potato fries,” Matt corrected, “And yeah, I did those last night too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a good cook, but I’m assuming you hear that a lot.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not as often as you might think anymore. I think everyone’s just used to it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The pivot to cooking lightened the conversation back up considerably. Joe asked how prep for the concert was going; Matt said he was excited T.K. would be at this concert since it had been a while. Matt asked about Joe’s applications for med school; Joe’s first round of applications had already been sent out (he applied early to all his choices) and was waiting to hear back for interviews. This piqued Matt’s interest, and he asked where Joe was applying, what his preferences were, how he felt about his odds, etc. His eyebrows rose high when Joe rattled off his list of schools—blinking every time an Ivy League was mentioned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn, Joe,” he bobbed his head and chuckled, “I mean, I know you’re at Columbia but holy shit. That’s pretty badass.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe flushed for what could have easily been the thousandth time that day. He was certain beyond all reasonable doubt that no one had ever used to word badass to describe him or anything he’d ever done in his entire life. “Thanks… It’s really not-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh come on, don’t sell that short,” said Matt, popping the last of the fries in his mouth and washing it down with some tea. Joe didn’t really have a response to anything Matt had said, so he silently helped Matt pack up the containers, foil, and whatever else from their lunch. Matt pulled the backpack back on and stood. “Let’s walk?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they made their way along the piers, they resumed chatting but about more everyday things. Matt wanted to hear about Joe’s tutoring, and Joe was mostly stunned that Matt was actually interested in any of it. The studying, the classes, the tutoring… It was all so academic and dry, but Matt listened and asked questions like Joe was competing in the Olympics. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, by the way,” Matt took out his phone, “What’s your Instagram? I guess I could have just found you through Takeru, but I didn’t really want to creep like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe ducked his head, “I hardly post anything on any socials. None of it is very interesting.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, still,” Matt waved his phone in Joe’s face, “Don’t worry. I only follow people I know from my private accounts.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, “Instead of?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s turn to blink, “My public accounts? Y’know, for the band. If I follow people on those it sometimes sends a wave of nosy followers to them. So, I don’t post anything really on my private accounts. Or almost nothing. But I follow my friends there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” Joe thought this over. Somehow, he hadn’t really thought about the implications of Matt being in a band that actually booked shows and had put out an album. Matt wordlessly pushed his phone into one of Joe’s hands; the search bar on Instagram was already open, and Joe looked himself up for Matt before handing it back. Matt clicked the request to follow button once he had his phone and smiled at Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Accept it later, okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” He grinned a little teasingly and took out his own phone, “So what happens if I look up your public accounts?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted, “Hopefully nothing embarrassing. At least, I hope it doesn’t seem vain. Min’s really into photography, so I pretty much never resort to selfies. She’s always taking candids of people.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe hummed in response and looked Matt up by name. A public profile popped up immediately, but Joe glanced at Matt sideways and asked, “Is it weird to you? People you know looking at these accounts?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, but it’s nice of you to ask,” Matt shook his head, “I really don’t need two accounts to post to, so the private accounts are almost completely empty. So if any friends want to see posts from me they pretty much have to follow the public ones.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I see,” said Joe, clicking into the profile, hitting the follow button, and then immediately closing the window. Pictures of Matt were… far too distracting for right now. And the real thing was walking next to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed in Dumbo for another hour or so, roaming the piers (Matt lamenting that it was too cold to justify ice cream at his favorite place), and eventually wandering back to the streets before ending up in front of the subway. The goodbye was a little awkward; neither of them seemed to know exactly what kind of goodbye to go for, so it defaulted to casual and a little stilted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Joe got home, he worked slowly through some of his schoolwork, trying to save his Sunday from being truly awful. Izzy was doing the same. Eventually, he heated up a frozen dinner—which was sad and disappointing compared to his lunch—and kept at it. It wasn’t until later in the evening that he retired to his room, showering and getting into bed, and thought to pull up Matt’s profile again. He blinked at his phone (he had put it to the side when he went to work). There were multiple messages from Matt waiting for him.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> just taking a casual scroll through your insta don’t mind me… </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> those shots of columbia’s campus are nice </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt: </b>
  <span>OMGGGGGGGGG YOU HAD LONG HAIR IN HIGH SCHOOL</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Joe went scarlet in the face and typed a response immediately. Matt’s replies came right away, and the two entered a back and forth.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> How far did you scroll????? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> lmfao not that far, you hardly post LONG HAIR DON’T CARE </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> Shhhhhhhhhhh. We don’t talk about that hair anymore. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> it looked good! why’d you cut it?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> I don’t know, I had some kind of crisis in high school and did it to piss my parents off. Decided to let it go in college. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> lol fair </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> did you used to tie it up when you were working and stuff? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> Yeah, if it was bothering me. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt: </b>
  <span>are there any pictures of that?? I bet that looked hot: hair tied up, sleeves rolled back, focused, intelligent. very sexy stuff. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Joe almost dropped his phone and had to pull himself back together before replying. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> Trust me: no one thought I was sexy in high school. I can guarantee that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> nope. everyone’s hot to someone. I would’ve been into you. totally would have faked needing a tutor to get you alone. ;)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> Alright, this is unfair. I’m going to your profile. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> lol good luck getting all the way back to high school mine’s got way more posts than yours </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> I’m not as determined to creep as you either. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> ouch! I promise I’m interesting too :( </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shook his head before pulling Matt’s Instagram back up. There was a picture of him packing their lunch up on his Story with text that read “november picnics????” Joe smiled and started scrolling through the actual posts. It was mostly pictures interspersed with the occasional video. As Matt had indicated earlier, most of the pictures of him were candids that Min must have taken, generally music related: singing at what looked like an open mic night, playing guitar next to a woman with short hair, performing with a redheaded woman, bent over a mess of sheet music with headphones on, practicing (often with the band), and some shots of him on stage during concerts. Min was a good photographer; Matt looked great in everything. The rare selfies were nice too, but the candids always seemed to capture Matt during moments of peace or focus when the blonde was fully engaged in whatever he was doing.   </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe: </b>
  <span>Still unfair. Where are the old pictures of your past embarrassing haircuts? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> i guess i’ve never had a bad hair day B) </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> lmfao but seriously i think the long hair looked good. I would support you if you wanted it back</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> Is that an insult to my current hair? :/ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt: </b>
  <span>no! pls. the short hair highlights how tall you are. also dude your posture is ridiculous  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe: </b>
  <span>Thanks because I’m not growing it out again. Too much hassle for me. And I don’t really think I pulled it off anyways. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> agree to disagree ;)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> alright i gotta stop texting min’s gonna kill me if i keep ignoring this party we’re at</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> thanks for hanging out today i had fun </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> Me too and I meant what I said. Next time I’ll pay.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s “okay” popped up on the screen just before Joe transitioned back to Instagram. He hadn’t clicked into any of the video posts earlier; they all seemed to be clips of Matt singing, practicing, or Matt and the band at practice or during actual performances. He’d only heard Matt sing for that one moment earlier today. Under normal circumstances, he’d feel like a completely creepy loser sitting on the other’s profile like this, but Matt had virtually eliminated those feelings by taking the initiative to creep on Joe first and flirting with him like that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He clicked through some of the videos. Matt had an impressive range. His vocals with the band were rougher and shredded whenever necessary for rock purposes, but he was perfectly capable of singing pop music covers with his roommates and other friends as well. The redheaded woman, identified as Chelsea by Matt’s captions, was a musical theater major at NYU and seemed to rope Matt into duet performances with her sometimes as well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After watching some of these clips for a while and feeling the weight of sleep coming on, Joe clicked onto one more video post. It was Matt by himself with an acoustic guitar in an armchair, covering a song called <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kehqCLudyg&amp;ab_channel=WaveMusic">“Way Back Home”</a> according to the text under the post. It was a sweet simple song, but something about Matt or maybe the intimacy of him covering it alone in what could have been his bedroom made it feel personal. And Joe drifted off to sleep shortly after listening to it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>\o/ I'm going to post chapter 5 sooner probably. I'm currently writing chapter 9 so. </p>
<p>Kudos, comments, etc. super appreciated :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matt turns 21. Matt gets wasted. Joe is super nice.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is a monster in length, but, I promise, things start to get VERY cute in this chap.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In the VIP booth, T.K. and the other guests of the band were standing for the last song of the night. On stage, the band was hitting it hard, and that always meant big vocals for Yamato. It had been multiple months since T.K. had made it to one of his brother’s concerts, but he tried to show up as often as he could, and it was pretty much the only time he ever got to say hi to Yamato’s bandmates: Tori (lead guitarist), Haida (drums), Julian (keyboard), and Aaron (also on guitar). They were all good guys; Haida, in particular, acted as the big brother of the group and was especially protective of Yamato. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tori’s girlfriend, Mirei, was almost always at their concerts too, and she always kept an eye on T.K. and hung out with him if the high schooler was there alone. She also updated him on the gossip in between songs, little things that Yamato failed to mention sometimes. Today, a girl named Rita was also looking out for T.K. and assisting Mirei in dishing out the gossip. Apparently, she was Haida’s new girlfriend; Yamato had wing-manned Haida at a club and gotten him Rita’s number. Rita said she’d mainly been impressed that Haida, a straight guy, was so comfortable dancing up close with Yamato and looked out for the blonde whenever anyone got creepy with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Center stage, Yamato hit one last drawn out belt in the song, and the instruments fell off one at a time until it was only the blonde’s vocals and Julian’s keyboard bringing the show to its final notes. Applause erupted around the room; Mirei and T.K. were doing their usual screaming with new assistance from Rita. However, the three of them also had to stop and move quickly. An usher had stopped by the booth to indicate that it was time to hustle backstage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This venue made it pretty easy for them to do so while avoiding the crowds and the fans, and soon enough they encountered the band’s typical after show scene. Aaron and Julian were packing up and goofing off together. Haida had Yamato in an affectionate headlock while Tori thumped both of them on the back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Having safely delivered T.K. for the night, Mirei ran directly up to Tori for her usual post concert kiss, while Haida (with occasional assistance from Yamato) called them a gross old married couple since they’d been dating since freshman year of high school. Yamato finally managed to break free of Haida (the orange haired man’s attention had turned to Rita) and finished putting his electric bass guitar away. He grinned at T.K. as the younger of the two walked over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Takeru, how was it from the booth?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great!” Both brothers hugged, and T.K. gave him a proud pat on the back. “You guys sound awesome right now. I really like the new song you put together. And covering ‘Call Your Girlfriend’ was also an… interesting call.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Julian’s idea,” Yamato supplied quickly, while hitching his guitar case up,“we want to plan a funnier introduction for it though. What’d you think?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t ask me,” T.K. laughed, “Listening to people joke that my brother’s pretty enough to get a straight guy to make out with him has never really cracked me up before. I liked the cover though; your performance was good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamato thanked him and was about to say more but was quickly interrupted by Aaron and Julian asking who was coming to the after party with them. Haida and Rita said they were, but Tori was adamant that he was heading out with Mirei to hit the town alone. Yamato jerked his head at T.K. and said he was hanging out with his brother for the night. Shortly after, the band and their guests exited the building from a side door that was safely apart from the main entrance and eventually broke off into different directions. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. turned to his brother, “You know, you don’t have to skip after parties for me whenever I come to these things.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, it’s been months since you could make it,” said Yamato, and it was his usual reply. “Besides, our practice schedule’s been intense lately. I see enough of those guys. What do you want to do? I’m pretty hungry to be honest.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. hesitated, “We can grab food, but we could also…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mimi’s hosting at her parent’s apartment. They’re on vacation somewhere and let her have it for the weekend. It’s a penthouse, and it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>nice. Everyone’s already over there right now, and I’m sure she’d be fine with us crashing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s hosting a party with high school </span>
  <em>
    <span>kids </span>
  </em>
  <span>there?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s hosting a </span>
  <em>
    <span>bigger </span>
  </em>
  <span>party with alcohol </span>
  <b>tomorrow</b>
  <span>. She has the place for the whole weekend after all,” said T.K., immediately catching on to the protective edge in Yamato’s voice, “Tonight it’s just our group hanging out. Uh, Joe will be there though, but you said things aren’t weird anymore right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt felt his face heat up just a little bit at the question, but his voice was calm, “No, things aren’t weird; we can go to Mimi’s then. As for Joe, well, we’re talking now, uh, texting mostly. And we hung out last Saturday.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru blinked at Matt while also taking the initiative to start leading them to Mimi’s, “You didn’t tell me that!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Takeru, my schedule’s been </span>
  <em>
    <span>insane </span>
  </em>
  <span>this week, and you’re busy too! I know your semester’s ending soon. Anyways, yeah, he came over to Dumbo on Saturday for lunch, and we just walked around… Is that weird for you? I mean, you told him to call me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s not weird. Well, it is kinda weird hearing you talk about a guy that I actually know for once. But not in a bad way. Was Saturday like a date though? Joe didn’t tell us he was seeing anybody.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt hesitated, “No, it wasn’t a date. We’re just hanging out. I’m… not dating right now… It felt like a date though…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt thought back on their Saturday together, how warm he’d felt the whole time. Joe was so easy to be around. He wasn’t intimidating, but he was knowledgeable. Even though he got frazzled easily, it was also obvious that Joe knew how to survive under extreme pressure; after all,  he was well on his way to successfully navigating the immense expectations of his parents and the workload that came with them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And he</span>
  </em>
  <span>… Matt kept thinking back to how gently Joe had fixed his scarf. And how gentle Joe had been back when they had first </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost- </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did the therapist you’re seeing recommend not dating right now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snapped out of it, “I’ve only seen her twice. We haven’t really talked about what I should or shouldn’t be doing right now. I just don’t really trust my own judgement anymore, so it’s not a date…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru raised his eyebrows so high they almost disappeared under his black beanie, “But it felt like a date, right?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah? I don’t know. He’s really amazing, you know that right? You’ve always said that Izzy guy was the brainiac of the group, but holy shit? Joe’s so smart, it’s ridiculous. But he’s not pretentious about it </span>
  <em>
    <span>at all</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He’s humble? And he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>sweet. Like caring.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru smiled and tilted his head at Matt, “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, yeah, I said that last time-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I mean you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>like him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt bit his lip, “Well… Yeah, I do. I just… I don’t know if I… I don’t know if I should let myself really go there right now. Or yet. I’m trying to take things slow for once.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru shrugged, “Well, I’m sure Joe is fine with that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’s being really patient about the whole thing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you don’t get it,” Takeru shook his head, “What has Joe told you about his dating life?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know he focused on school since his, what, sophomore year?” said Matt, “I don’t think anything of that. There’s nothing wrong with staying single, right? That’s what I’m supposed to be learning right now, or something. Which is exactly why I don’t know if this is really a good idea. I mean, I know </span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe </span>
  </em>
  <span>is a good idea. Or I think I know that. I just don’t know if </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m </span>
  </em>
  <span>a good idea right now. Like should anyone even be dating </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru sighed, “Okay, first, I just meant that given Joe’s history, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>positive </span>
  </em>
  <span>that he can understand wanting to be cautious before starting anything. Secondly, Yamato, I know you’re worried about your judgement, and I get that, but that doesn’t mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>a </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad </span>
  </em>
  <span>idea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Matt blinked and frowned, “Given Joe’s history?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was a rough breakup with Shigure, but I won’t get into that. His business. Also, come on.” Takeru added, turning them onto a different street and continuing their walk. Matt hoped his younger brother was correct about how close Mimi’s place was because, really, the subway was there for a reason. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s frown had also deepened. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shigure</span>
  </em>
  <span>? He rolled the name around in his head a few times, confirming that Joe had never actually named his ex to Matt. The idea of anyone fucking around with Joe and putting him through a bad breakup felt impossible. Joe was too good a guy for that. Asking for more information from Takeru was incredibly tempting, but he wouldn’t do that to Joe; it was his story, after all, and Matt knew he wouldn’t want Joe getting Takeru’s version of any of Matt’s breakups. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t respond to what I said about you,” Takeru pointed out while checking something on his phone, “If you don’t think you should date right now, that’s fine. If you’re not sure, that’s fine too. But please stop implying that you shouldn’t date because </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>a problem.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt raised his eyebrows at Takeru and smiled, “Wow, kid, look at you with the life advice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>serious</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. I’ll… try to keep that in mind… Speaking of me being a problem though, are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mimi won’t mind you showing up and bringing a plus one?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, if Joe was right about Mimi and Izzy wanting you two to get together, then I’m positive she’ll be </span>
  <em>
    <span>thrilled</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but regardless of that, yes, it’s fine,” said Takeru, still looking back and forth between his phone and where they were walking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re not lost are we?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, we’re close by. I’m just making sure I remember the exact address.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They have a penthouse in this area?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, her family’s loaded.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt whistled low and let Takeru continue to lead the way. Eventually, Takeru stopped in front of a pretty grand building and beckoned Matt inside. They had to talk to a man at the front desk of the lobby who phoned up to the penthouse. Matt shifted uncomfortably and fiddled with the shoulder strap of his guitar case while they waited; he hoped Takeru was right that this was fine. He would have been happy just hanging out with his brother, but then again it would be cool to see Joe around his friends again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once they got the green light to take the elevator up, it wasn’t long before they were ringing the doorbell. A flurry of movement was heard behind the door and soon Mimi flung it open—her grin almost manic. She was wearing a tight cropped pink sweater and high waisted jeans. She smiled warmly at Takeru, hugging him and blathering on about how happy she was to see him after all, and then turned her gaze on Matt, smirking at him in a way that made him feel like a piece of meat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come in, come in!” she bubbled away pushing both guys into the apartment and opening a walk in closet immediately to their left, “Matt you can leave your guitar in here with your coat and shoes if you want.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, thanks.” said Matt, setting the case down and removing his coat and thick green scarf followed by his ankle boots. Takeru was doing the same beside him, keeping his hat on per usual though. The younger brother was wearing a loose grey and green hoodie and black skinny jeans in addition to the black beanie. Mimi watched and seemed to be assessing Matt’s outfit; he raised an eyebrow at her questioningly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She grinned wider and shook her head, “Nothing, just- you look great! That’s hot stuff. For the show or would you wear that casually too?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked down. It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>over the top, really. He was wearing dark jeans ripped at the knees, but, he assumed, her question was probably mostly directed at the shirt, which would have been a normal long sleeve black t-shirt except that there were small cutouts running along the crew neck so that more skin was actually exposed. He shrugged at her, “I mean, definitely not for classes or whatever. But sometimes if I’m hanging out with friends, yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded appreciatively and waved for both of them to follow her. Mimi led the two of them past what Matt assumed was a large kitchen, but- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy shit, this place is really nice,” he said. It was a little more rustic than the penthouse Chelsea’s parents owned (his own friend group’s designated spoiled rich kid), which had a modern vibe. Mimi just hummed pleasantly and kept walking until they entered an open floor plan area divided tastefully with couches, armchairs, and coffee tables. A large dining room table (almost more like a banquet table) was lined with food, and Matt looked at it and almost wept. He hadn’t had time to eat before the show. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With great willpower and determination, he turned his attention away from the food  and on to Takeru’s friends who were all scattered around the various seating options available in the space, already offering greetings that Takeru was responding to. Matt followed his brother’s lead and gave a general wave, “Hey, everyone. Sorry for crashing. Takeru’s idea.” His eyes landed on Joe, and he added an extra, “Hi, Joe.”  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How expensive would the trip be? It’s not going to fall under standard tuition fare, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai leaned back in his seat and twirled some more pasta around his fork. Mimi had really gone all out with catering for them. “No, but I might be able to get a scholarship for it. Gotta work on an essay for that sometime this week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe nodded at the poli sci major and went for some more of the eggplant parmesan on his plate. The doorbell rang, and Mimi went to answer it. Joe didn’t think anything of it. Knowing her (and her parent’s budget), she had probably ordered something special for dessert for everyone. He, Sora, and Tai were talking about the brunette’s plans for the summer—another study abroad trip, this time to Europe to learn about international policy there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora leaned forward, “Will you know anyone on the trip?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not sure, none of my friends in the program have decided to apply yet, but they might-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“LOOK, WHO’S </span>
  <em>
    <span>HEEEEEEEEERE</span>
  </em>
  <span>!!!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  All three of them looked up at Mimi’s sing song declaration, and Joe almost choked on his food. T.K. had just entered the space behind Mimi, but he was being followed by… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“T.K.! Matt!” Kari cheered, “Glad you could make it!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was followed by a series of greetings echoed around the room, an accusation from Davis that he thought T.K. was ditching them for the concert altogether, and eventually Matt got a chance to speak. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, everyone. Sorry for crashing. Takeru’s idea.” And then to exacerbate Joe’s absolute petrification he added brightly, “Hi, Joe!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s psychic powers indicated that several sets of eyes had just turned on him, and he desperately wished he could evaporate. Tai raised his eyebrows at Joe and looked back and forth between the senior and Matt, grinning, “I’m sorry, do you two </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>each other?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy, who had been talking to Yolei and Ken about computer stuff, jumped to Joe’s rescue with an </span>
  <b>incredibly </b>
  <span>casual, “They ran into each other a couple of weeks ago getting takeout.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Small world,” said Sora, and Joe was horrified to realize that even Sora—sweet, good, wouldn’t hurt a fly</span>
  <em>
    <span> Sora</span>
  </em>
  <span>—was smirking at him. Her smirk had nothing on Mimi’s though; the strawberry blonde’s expression, directed at Joe, was positively demonic. Luckily, neither Matt nor T.K. seemed to be following this line of dialogue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yamato, uh, you okay? You look like you’re going to cry on the food?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh? What?” Matt’s attention snapped up to his brother, “Sorry! I, uh, didn’t get a chance to eat before the concert.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What!” T.K. yelped, “Weren’t you </span>
  <b>at </b>
  <span>the venue while I was still in class?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, they, uh, were having some issues with the sound system and wanted us to come in early to make sure it was fully resolved before we went on…” Matt trailed off as his eyes drifted back to the food, and he swallowed visibly. Mimi shook her head and started shoving him towards the food, chanting “Eat! Eat!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. and Matt raiding the catering broke up the whole group focus a little, but that didn’t stop Tai and Sora from rounding on Joe at the coffee table they were huddled around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Takeout, huh?” Tai wiggled his eyebrows at the blue haired man, and Sora giggled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not- it wasn’t-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Sora whispered, “your face is </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>red right now, Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy must have sensed that Joe needed backup because he abandoned his seat with Yolei and Ken to join the other college students. Matt and T.K. were chatting with Kari, Mimi and Cody, who seemed to be asking general questions about the concert and whether they could come to the next one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guys, don’t pick on Joe too much,” Izzy chided mildly as he took a seat next to Sora. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh come on,” said Tai, but he was keeping his voice down, “this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>. We just need to coordinate to get them alone together. Joe, man, listen, let us </span>
  <b>do </b>
  <span>this for you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Alright, Joe. Pull it together. Come </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>on</em>
  </b>
  <span>. Joe dragged one hand up and down the side of his face and inhaled, hoping the flush was fading, “Look, Tai, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but seriously I’m all good. I don’t need help. This isn’t a project you need to take the lead on-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I don’t because Mimi’s got that covered,” Tai said, and Joe was just about to ask what he meant when sure enough Mimi dragged Matt over to their area and dumped him on the couch next to Joe and Tai. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Grown ups over here, babies over there!” she declared loudly before hopping in the armchair in between both couches. This exclamation earned some protests from the newly designated high school area, but the college students unanimously rolled their eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe trained his eyes on his food and took another bite. No matter what, he was determined to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>look at Matt’s shirt and his </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid </span>
  </em>
  <span>exposed clavicles because of those </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid </span>
  </em>
  <span>cutouts. Clavicles that Joe had already kissed down to once before while Matt made </span>
  <em>
    <span>obscene </span>
  </em>
  <span>noises and clung on to him like he was a lifeline and-  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked and looked up at Sora, who widened her eyes at him and jerked her head at Matt. The blonde was sitting on the other side of Tai, looking at him—hesitant, a little worried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was just asking,” Matt said, looking a little awkward, “about that anthro paper you said you were working on this week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi, Tai, and Sora seemed to be processing the implications of Matt asking this, but Joe had his mind on other things—what T.K. had said to him almost two weeks ago now. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s really, </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>really </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>easy for Yamato to feel unwanted.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Joe gathered himself for real this time and turned to talk to the blonde. It wasn’t fair to make his own awkwardness something for Matt to deal with here, not if it meant Matt was going to second guess whether </span>
  <em>
    <span>talking </span>
  </em>
  <span>to Joe was okay. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it went fine. I finished around… midnight? I think anyways,” Joe shook his head and smiled, “Totally fine once I found the last research article I needed.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded and smiled, “That’s good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe could see Tai opening his mouth to say something, and, thinking quickly, he headed the other off, “We were talking about Tai’s next study abroad right before you and T.K. got here. Did you ever study abroad?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head, “No time for it. The band wouldn’t happen if any of us left the country. Closest thing I guess was last summer. We did a little touring to open for Walk the Moon in a few different cities. That was fun. And exhausting.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>That </b>
  <span>grabbed Sora’s interest right away. She was a huge </span>
  <em>
    <span>Walk the Moon</span>
  </em>
  <span> fan, and she started bombarding Matt with questions. Joe sat back and sighed quietly now that the conversation was sufficiently focused on that. Tai and Mimi were still watching him though; the night was far from over. In fact, Joe blinked, Mimi seemed to be staring at Izzy and Joe equally. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Uh oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Was she realizing they had misled her about Matt’s evening at their apartment? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, Matt,” Mimi interrupted the dialogue about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Walk the Moon</span>
  </em>
  <span> and leaned forward, “I looked up all your socials. You guys are doing really well! You know, you should meet Michael sometime, he loves local groups which is why he took me to one of your concerts.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt tilted his head, “Is he your boyfriend?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An awkward pause followed this question, but Tai was the one to break it when he started snickering. Soon, all of them were laughing—except Mimi, who looked indignant, and Matt, who just looked confused. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, Mimi,” Tai asked, “is Michael your </span>
  <em>
    <span>boyfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Taichi Kamiya!” she huffed and stomped a foot on the ground, arms folded. She turned her attention back to Matt, “No! He’s not my boyfriend. We’ve just been on and off before or whatever which is why these </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends of mine</span>
  </em>
  <span> are laughing. And we’ve stayed </span>
  <b>friends</b>
  <span>, but no one believes we can pull that off.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Matt blinked, “How many times have you been on and off?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The laughter from the group intensified at this, and Mimi’s cheeks puffed up in fury. Sora pulled it together first and turned to Mimi, “Actually, that’s a good question. How many times has it been now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi somehow managed to look hesitant </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>furious at the same time, “I’m not sure, but that’s not important! It’s done, and we’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He’s single right now, I’m single right now. We’ve hung out and nothing’s happened. It’s </span>
  <b>definitely </b>
  <span>over this time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, in that case,” Matt said, “I actually have a friend who’s single that I think would be into you. You date women too, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh, show me, show me!” Mimi’s interest immediately piqued, and she squeezed past Tai and Joe to huddle next to Matt on the couch. Matt had pulled out his phone, presumably to show Mimi his friend’s profile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Her name’s Alex. We went to high school together. She’s pretty chill, plays acoustic guitar, sings, very coffeehouse kind of voice if you know what I mean.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi scrolled on Matt’s phone for a moment with her lips pursed, “She does seem cool. You sure she’s single right now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Unless I’m out of the loop, which I don’t think I am, yeah she’s single. Want me to reach out for you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Mimi chirped, her own phone now in her hand, “I’ll follow her and reach out.” She squinted at Matt’s phone screen again for a second before typing more on hers. When she looked up from the screen, her expression was evil. “Any chance I can return the favor and recommend one of </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>friends to you?”      </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe felt his soul leave his body.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked and shifted uncomfortably, “Thanks, but no, I’m alright. I’m still trying to take it easy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi pouted, “Damn. Okay. Well, if you change your mind.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Heh,” Matt scratched the back of his neck, “Sure.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe slowly and silently released the breath he’d been holding and glanced across the coffee table at Izzy. Even the redhead looked tense about Mimi’s foray into Matt’s dating life. That was when Joe realized that Izzy was actually sneaking glances at the others around their coffee table. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wait a minute… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Mimi!” Sora clapped her hands in front of her face, “Didn’t you want some help setting up dessert for everyone?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi’s grin was wicked, “I sure did, thanks, Sora!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a short pause after both girls left, and then Tai grabbed Izzy by the arm like clockwork. Joe could have rolled his eyes.</span>
  <em>
    <span> They’re so obvious. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Iz, I’m gonna grab some more grub, come on.” Izzy gave Joe a helpless smile, shrugged, and waved while he was pulled away. That left Matt and Joe sitting there in the wake of the mass desertion. Matt blinked. Joe pinched the bridge of his nose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry about them. They’re… a lot.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt tilted his head at Joe, “What do you mean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh- they-,” Joe blinked at Matt, “They’re trying to- Mimi’s- they left us here alone on purpose??” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt started laughing and smacked Joe’s arm lightly, “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Super obvious. Mimi’s ‘let me recommend one of my friends?’ Please. I just wanted to hear you say it. Or see how you’d explain it. Ah… Sorry if me being here is weird. Takeru had the idea and I didn’t think it would be a problem, but if me showing up is too much for you I can make up an excuse and dip. Go to the after party the other band members went to maybe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe bit his lip, well aware that all his friends were probably intermittently sneaking peeks at the two of them to monitor how their one on one conversation was playing out. At least they were all so spread out around the room that he didn’t need to worry about anyone listening in as long as they kept their voices down. He shook his head and sighed, “I don’t want you to leave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Matt smiled and leaned forward. He still had food on his plate, having stacked it to capacity with carbs earlier, and picked up his fork again. “Mimi went all out on this food. Normally, I wouldn’t grab this much since I wasn’t even invited, but I was starving…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is performing on an empty stomach really okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I shoved a Cliff bar in my mouth.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...That is </span>
  <b>not </b>
  <span>a meal.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I know,” he blew a puff of air up into his bangs, “man, long day. I’m wiped.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you going to be fine getting back to your place?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt raised an eyebrow at Joe and seemed to sense what the blue haired man was thinking, “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m not crashing at your place, that’s for sure. If I sleep there again, I’d rather it be in your bed, but that’s not on the table right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was so busy unpacking all of the implications behind that statement that he didn’t even get around to blushing before T.K. stopped over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we done with grown up and baby zones?” The younger blonde asked sarcastically. His older brother smirked at him, and T.K. sat in the armchair. “Congrats you two. Everyone’s confused. I’m actually not even sure who knows what about what’s been going on anymore.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t look at me,” said Matt, peering up at Joe, “I didn’t realize this was such a thing for your friends.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re just nosy by default,” said Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, it’s not just that,” said T.K. “it’s also the general desire to hook Joe up with someone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>My </span>
  </em>
  <span>fault for giving everyone the idea that you were the best option, though I don’t think that’s just on me anymore. Joe, you have </span>
  <b>got </b>
  <span>to stop turning into a tomato so often.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snickered and took another massive bite of pasta, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> like the blushing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. rolled his eyes at his brother and then started taking inventory on his hands, “Okay, so what do people know? I’m assuming Izzy’s fully up to date since you guys live together, and no one is capable of hiding things from Izzy regardless.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Accurate,” Joe nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. looked at his brother, “Am I fully up to date?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So then, who else knew that you two have actually met outside of the group?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mimi, sort of. Izzy texted her when Matt came over that Friday, but the next morning we told her Matt just headed out around ten and nothing happened.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Matt blinked, “Why’d you lie to her if he’d already messaged her?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe stared back and stated what he had thought was obvious, “Your privacy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled, “Thanks, Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you I would make sure Izzy didn’t say anything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, you did. I just didn’t realize… Thanks.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. sighed, “So now what? Should we head out before dessert that way people stop fussing? I don’t mind leaving if everyone matchmaking is too awkward, Yamato.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked at Joe, who shook his head and reiterated, “No, you shouldn’t leave. I don’t mind. Things are supposed to be casual right? So this shouldn’t be weird.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, and, you know, for what it’s worth, us hanging out didn’t need to be a secret. I do really appreciate you and Izzy lying about that Friday, but, other than that, I wouldn’t care if you had told all your friends that we ran into each other and then grabbed lunch on a Saturday.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just didn’t want the attention since they’ve been obsessing over my personal life.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. winced, “Sorry about that.”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>mad</span>
  </em>
  <span>, just… Uncomfortable?” He rubbed a hand along his face and grimaced at Matt, “Sorry if none of this feels casual.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shrugged and finished chewing before he spoke, “It’s hard to keep things casual with you anyways. You’re a pretty great guy, Joe.” T.K. grinned at this and stood.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Welp, that’s my cue to just… I’m gonna…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh come on,” Matt stood with his plate still in hand, “let’s bug the girls for whatever dessert is. Especially if they were bluffing, I wanna hear the excuse if there isn’t anything to set up.” He smirked at Joe, who smiled and stood as well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dessert had been… kind of a bluff. There </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>dessert; Mimi had ordered an array of gourmet donuts, but, as Matt boldly pointed out, this hardly required the help of Sora to bring to the table and set up. Sora flustered easily and rambled about how Mimi couldn’t be trusted around food, </span>
  <em>
    <span>especially </span>
  </em>
  <span>sweets. Matt’s confidence in calling out the girls spurred Joe on, and he made a sarcastic comment about Tai's inability to grab more food for himself without Izzy’s assistance. T.K. jumped in and commented mildly about how </span>
  <em>
    <span>weird </span>
  </em>
  <span>it was that all the older kids lost the ability to operate independently after his brother showed up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This signaled a change in the evening’s tone. Everyone had been properly put in their places as far as meddling, and, aside from a really misguided attempt from the high schoolers to squeeze Joe and Matt closer together on the couch, the night played out with no further manipulation nor matchmaking. Joe and Matt, now on the same page, talked, stood next to each other, and interacted freely regardless of the others; Matt had taken on a determined casual attitude about the whole thing that saw Joe through. Although as part of this, he noted, the blonde wasn’t flirting with him anymore, probably in response to T.K.’s tomato comment.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was confirmed when Joe and Izzy got back to their apartment, much later in the night, and Joe checked his messages. Matt had left earlier than them, citing literal exhaustion and trust that he was leaving his brother in good hands. When Joe glanced at his phone after getting back to his room, halfway through undressing to shower, he saw messages from Matt. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> got home safe. wanted to make sure you knew since you worried last time</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt:</b>
  <span> also you looked good tonight sorry i didn’t say anything about it earlier but figured you didn’t want to stay a tomato in front of your friends per Takeru </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Matt: </b>
  <span>anyway i’m gonna pass out now. I’ll see ya later</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled and put his phone down to carry on getting ready to shower. He would text back in the morning. He didn’t want to risk waking Matt up with a reply now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was still quietly singing along to the music coming from his headphones when he entered his apartment—shrugging off his coat and unwrapping his scarf without a care. It was November 24th—his birthday. He’d already called his dad. Joe had texted him a nice birthday message. He and T.K. met up for lunch at his favorite pho place in the city and then went for a walk around Central Park. Now he’d spend the evening working on some music and hanging out with Min and Dennis. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said, spotting Min and Dennis seated at their kitchen table and removing his headphones. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis waved in a would be casual way, “How was pho?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt just made a content noise in response, turning the music off on his phone and completely missing the way Dennis and Min had turned to each other conspiratorially. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good,” said Min, “How do you feel? Nice full stomach?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was when Matt started to sense the danger. He gave both of them a weird look, and they just grinned broadly back at him. “Uh… Yeah? I mean, it’s pho. I ate a… lot…” He trailed off uncertainly but before he could say or ask anything else another voice entered from behind him in the living room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perfect!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt spun around, “Haida? What are you doing here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The orange haired drummer was swinging his arms and clapped his hands together, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A nice full stomach is </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>what you’ll need.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took one second for Matt’s eyes to widen, “No, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>, guys, I said I didn’t want-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We know, we know,” said Min, standing up and grabbing one of Matt’s arms, “you don’t want anything done for your birthday-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You never want a big fuss over your birthday,” Dennish finished the sentence for him and grabbed his other arm, “We </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I only-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You only want to hang out with your brother on your birthday, right, right. We know.” Min chorused. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was fuming, “Then, </span>
  <em>
    <span>why </span>
  </em>
  <span>are you-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Because</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Haida sang and came up behind Matt so that the blonde was completely trapped between the three of his friends, “this time it’s your </span>
  <b>
    <em>21st </em>
  </b>
  <span>birthday. And if you think we’re letting you off the hook for this one, you’ve got another thing coming.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not like we haven’t been drinking before th-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah yeah, but now. You’re. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Legal</span>
  </em>
  <span>!!!”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At that, Haida (</span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid fucking giant with his stupid fucking drummer arms</span>
  </em>
  <span>) wrapped both arms around Matt’s waist from behind and lifted the blonde off the ground just a little. He carried Matt, while Min and Dennis effectively prevented the blonde from struggling too much, although struggle he did.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guys, I don’t </span>
  <b>
    <em>do </em>
  </b>
  <span>birthday parties!” Matt yelled, weighing the pros and cons of screaming at the top of his lungs and getting his friends arrested. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hush</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” said Min as all three of the friends dragged Matt to his bedroom, “Now go change into something party appropriate. I laid out some options for you on your bed, but feel free to pick something out for yourself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt stood in the doorway of his room stubbornly and tried to stare all three of them down at once. He should have known from Min’s outfit that something was afoot; despite the cold weather, Min was wearing a blue halter dress that he was sure she would layer later given the season. All three gave him identical smirks, and Dennis said, “Don’t even think about trying to escape through the bathroom. I’ve got that covered.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt narrowed his eyes and grumbled illegibly before turning and slamming the door to his room in their faces. On the other side of the door, he heard Min stomp her foot as she shouted, “Sorry for </span>
  <em>
    <span>loving </span>
  </em>
  <span>you!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That did get a smile out of him, and he shook his head before looking over the clothes she had laid out on his bed. Alright, so it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>a party. Still, he was </span>
  <b>not </b>
  <span>going to give Min the satisfaction of squeezing into leather pants today; he refused to be that enthusiastic about having his evening hijacked. Matt fished around for an appropriate pair of jeans, grabbed a loose knit olive sweater that draped pretty low (it was a clavicles out kind of night), and put a few cords around his neck. He didn’t tie his hair back but grabbed a hair tie just in case. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as Matt opened the door, Haida took one look at his sweater and said immediately, “Alright, but you’re wearing a scarf when we’re outside.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Outside</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Wait, where are we-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aaron and Julian are hosting for you. Actually,” Haida glanced at his phone, “Party’s already underway. We gotta hustle you out of here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Wh- how big is this going to- you guys didn’t have to-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shhhhhhhhhhh,” Min came up behind him, now wearing a black sherpa over her dress and chunky platform boots, “we’re going. Have fun. No more complain. Only </span>
  <em>
    <span>fun</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have fun or else,” Dennis added, zipping up his black and white split sweater. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt generally wasn’t one to stop putting up a fight, but… in this case. He heaved a sigh, “Alright, let’s go.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the spirit!” Haida clapped him on the back and started shoving him out the door for the heck of it. It was a short trip to Aaron and Julian’s flat. To Matt’s alarm, they had actually rented out their building’s communal space which included a ping pong table (currently operating as a beer pong table), a decent sound system, kitchen and bar area (fully stocked with alcohol now from everyone’s contributions), and a pretty nice patio that had some built in outdoor heaters which were up and running. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they walked through the door, Matt almost bolted. All of their friends from high school (at least, the ones that weren’t away for college) were there along with the friends they had all accumulated since graduating from BFA. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“WE GOT HIM, EVERYONE,” Haida practically roared at the room while he clamped a hand down </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard </span>
  </em>
  <span>on Matt’s shoulder to hold the blonde in place (Matt had actually made an effort to turn around and evacuate). The room erupted in a quick cheer, several people raising their solo cups and shouting happy birthday across the space. Matt flushed and made one more half hearted attempt to escape Haida’s grasp. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex wandered over to them first with a cup for Matt, “Hey! That Mimi girl that you sent my way? She’s pretty cool. We’re going out this Tuesday for drinks. Consider this my thanks. Rum and coke,” she added at Matt’s questioning look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” he said, “she’s a lot. Really energetic, I think? You’ve been texting?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, she’s cute. Super bubbly.” Alex ran a hand through her short brown hair and looked pleased.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good,” said Matt, taking a pretty large gulp from the drink. He was determined to get his mind off the fact that this whole setup was for his birthday as quickly as possible. Chelsea soon made that more difficult. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“HAPPY </span>
  <em>
    <span>BIRTHDAY</span>
  </em>
  <span>!!!” the redhead practically tackled him, her long mane flying behind her mid-pounce, and Matt stumbled forward and had to grab onto Alex, “I like your sweater! Cute </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>sexy. For </span>
  <b>my </b>
  <span>birthday though? I’m going all out sexy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt and Alex rolled their eyes simultaneously, “Of course you are, Chels. And of course you’re already planning your birthday outfit.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s only like a month away!” She tossed her hair over her shoulder, completely unphased by their eyerolls, “And what else could I do besides sexy for my 21st?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Alright</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Min’s patience for Chelsea’s vanity was less than the others’, and she clapped her hands together and squeezed between Matt and Chelsea, “Tag team beer pong? Me and Matt vs. you two?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will take that challenge,” Alex said immediately, “Min, you’ve never won a game of beer pong in your life.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min pouted and grabbed onto Matt’s arm, “It doesn’t matter as long as I get to die fighting side by side with a friend!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted, “Absolutely not, you’ve got to at least try to pull this off.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Coach me! Let’s go!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alex, we </span>
  <b>got </b>
  <span>this.”  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p><span>They lost (</span><em><span>of</span></em> <em><span>course</span></em><span>). And Chelsea and Alex had them do shots as a punishment. Tequila for Matt because he hated it, and vodka for Min who really just hated any alcohol on its own. Matt shook his head at Min, who looked properly ashamed of her miserable performance. </span></p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m never playing with you again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min looked affronted (and like she was already buzzed), “You don’t mean that!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt sighed, “No, I don’t mean that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, he doesn’t mean that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both of them looked over to see Trei walking over. He grinned and held out a drink for Matt, “Happy birthday, Baby Blue.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min rolled her eyes, “That’s my cue to go.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt accepted the cup from Trei but frowned at him, “You’ve got to stop calling me that. It’s weird now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Trei leaned up against the counter that Matt had been standing near. He looked comfortable, confident—as always. “You still call Sam ‘Sammy.’” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s just a nickname,” said Matt, “what you’re doing is like… obviously a dating name. Like a pet name.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Trei shrugged, “Maybe, but it </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>just be friendly. It </span>
  <b>is </b>
  <span>just friendly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Matt took a long sip from the cup Trei had brought him—Trei was very familiar with what Matt liked—and rolled his eyes, “If you say so.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do say so,” Trei kept grinning, “and it’s good to see you. You’ve been replying slower to my messages lately.” His expression hadn’t changed at those words—still smiling—but there was a buried accusation there. Matt sighed and leaned on the counter next to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just focusing on me right now. At least, I think that’s what I’m doing.”     </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I heard. Chelsea’s bummed you’re off the market. Thinks it’ll really hurt the gossip economy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’m glad I could keep her so entertained over the years. You’ll just have to pick up the slack for me.” Matt’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Trei snorted, “Don’t put that burden on me… And I’ve been taking it pretty easy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked up at that. It had been months since they broke up, and Trei wasn’t sleeping around? “You’re not-?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not really, or not my usual,” Trei rubbed the back of his neck and sipped his own drink. “I’m having fun though. But yeah, super casual. And not super often either.”  He observed Matt’s surprised expression and sighed. “Come on, Matt. I cared about us. I still care. So yeah, I’ve gone on some dates and hooked up, but really just for fun.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, don’t hold back on my account,” said Matt. And he meant it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Noted,” Trei nodded. They both took drinks from their cups again before Trei asked, “So, does focusing on yourself mean you won’t dance with me tonight?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt made a face and gestured around at the room, “There’s no dance floor, Trei.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, but in general? Is that done? I can’t tell where you’re at when you don’t talk to me like before.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt studied Trei’s face for a moment. Some of the taller man’s confidence had slipped, and he was rubbing the back of his neck again. It was obvious what he was really getting at. After their breakup in high school, they had resumed their previous friendship immediately. But that time had been different, the breakup more casual. They had ended things before the hurt actually came. Somehow, the second time, they’d gotten dumber and didn’t see the end coming before it was too late. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Still… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m always down to dance with you, Trei,” said Matt, and he meant that too. “I’m sorry I wasn’t responding. I just… needed a little space this time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gotcha,” Trei resumed his usual grin—a little wicked, fun, daring, bold—and looped a familiar arm around Matt’s shoulder, “In that case, I’ve got some choreo I want to run with you at some point. Let me know when you’re free. We’ll hit the studio.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled, a little soft, a little sentimental, “Sure. That would be fun.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And,” Trei went on, “Since, as you pointed out, there’s no dance floor tonight… Drink with me? You vs. me? Speed Facts?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh,” Matt whistled, “ex-boyfriends playing Speed Facts, that’s-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A challenge?” Trei quirked an eyebrow at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was going to say stupid and dangerous, but sure, challenge works too. Let’s do this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They cleared a space at one of the tables in the room and set up the game. It was simple enough. Each player had to state a fact about the other in a matter of seconds—rapid fire. If one person failed to come up with something or said something untrue, they had to take a shot. And on and on from there.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their friends seemed to recognize what was going on, and a bunch of them wandered over to observe and heckle (of course). Two bouts of dating each other had given Matt and Trei ample ammo to work off of, and both men strategically switched from harmless innocuous facts to embarrassing to sexual in an attempt to throw off the other’s response time (sometimes successfully). It was fun, but, Matt thought, he always had fun with Trei. In a way, that had always been the issue with them. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>only </span>
  </em>
  <span>had fun together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they were both a few shots into the game, he smirked at Trei across the table, and the other smirked back. It was mutual: the breakup and this. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Friends</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, blondie- </span>
  <em>
    <span>whoa </span>
  </em>
  <span>easy!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt would have absolutely fallen over from the force behind Haida’s one armed hug if the taller man hadn’t held him upright. The party had been going on for hours at this point, and Matt was pretty sure he was wasted. Not, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasted </span>
  </em>
  <span>wasted. But definitely on his way. Or already there. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Something in that range</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head and absently held on to Haida’s arm to steady himself. The drummer laughed at Matt which was vaguely annoying but. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Eh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what would you say?” asked Haida, gesturing around in one big sweep. The two of them were out on the patio; Matt had stepped outside to get a little air. “Fun birthday?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt tried to roll his eyes, but he was also smiling, “Sure. But you don’t- </span>
  <em>
    <span>hic</span>
  </em>
  <span>- get to hold that against me. I still stand by my no birthday policy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, come on, man. You go so hard at everyone else’s birthdays.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s-,” Matt blinked “no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>everyone else’s. Not mine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Haida started cracking up, “Matt, dude, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasted</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Not</span>
  </em>
  <span> wasted,” said Matt, and he tried to shrug Haida’s arm off as if to prove a point but only ended up slumping against his bandmate, “I’m fine though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, just take it easy, I think you might be done drinking for the night. I’m glad you cut loose though. No need to be so uptight about your birthday, seriously.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah…” Matt’s head rolled onto Haida’s shoulder. “Haida, you’re like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>such </span>
  </em>
  <span>a good guy, you know that right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh boy, here we go.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No I’m-” Matt frowned, “I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>serious</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Where’s Rita? Does she </span>
  <b>tell </b>
  <span>you what a </span>
  <b>good </b>
  <span>guy you are???” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Haida snorted, “Uh, yes? I mean it’s been less than two months since you got me her number, dude. So not in so many words. She’s really cool though. Thanks again for helping a bro out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course </span>
  </em>
  <span>I helped you out!” Matt shouted, and Haida almost doubled over laughing at his indignance. “I would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>not help you- you’re like- you’re like-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The older brother you never had? I know. I think I’ve heard that before actually…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly! Just like that!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god, I love drunk Matt,” said Haida and he pulled Matt back to lean against the patio walls, “What about you? Anyone telling you what a good guy you are lately?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>allowed </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do anything about it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Haida blinked, “Wait what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s just so </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and I’m such a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mess</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so I don’t know if it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>okay. I mean, there’s the therapy thing too. So am I supposed to just not have any feelings about guys in the meantime? Are guys just always bad for self-care? I guess, </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Haida blinked some more, “Can you unpack that for me some more, dude? I’ve… I mean I’ve had a lot to drink too, but who are you talking about?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned, “I told you about therapy, we- our practice schedule-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No I know all about that, but like </span>
  <b>who </b>
  <span>are you talking about?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s eyebrows furrowed, “Well Travis was being </span>
  <em>
    <span>super </span>
  </em>
  <span>annoying earlier. I hope Min didn’t kill him though. He’s not a bad guy. He’s just…” Matt sighed and rubbed one of his eyes, “He’s just so fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>horny</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Someone should talk to him about that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, right,” said Haida absently, “but who were you saying is so nice?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you mean Joe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Who</span>
  </em>
  <span> is Joe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head hard enough to slap his face with his hair but then had to stop and get his balance back, “I don’t know if I’m supposed to talk about him like this. We’re just hanging out, so I shouldn’t, but he’s just so sweet, what the </span>
  <b>fuck</b>
  <span>, how does someone get so </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait,” Haida leaned forward, “have you been dating someone?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, that’s the </span>
  <em>
    <span>point</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and I don’t know if it’s fair to keep hanging out with him while I’m still </span>
  <em>
    <span>like this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And also maybe I’m wrong? What if this is just me being delusional, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>delusional, I’ve been wrong about every guy I’ve ever-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you haven’t,” said Haida, “you’ve dated good guys. It just takes a while to get to know someone. Trei, Sam, and Ray were all really good guys. Anyways, tell me about Joe. Why don’t I know about him? Tell me about how nice he is.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt perked up at Haida’s last questions, and Haida grinned. Matt was in his goldfish phase of being wasted and could be easily distracted and directed from one topic to the next.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe’s like, if being nice was like, like school, he’d be Ivy League, but also, he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ivy League. He’s at Columbia, Haida. But he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>humble</span>
  </em>
  <span>???” Matt shook his head again and swayed for a second. Haida grinned. This was the perfect opportunity to pump Matt for information about a guy he’d apparently been keeping to himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good looking?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blushed and shoved Haida’s arm, “Yes! But not in, like, not in a </span>
  <em>
    <span>gross </span>
  </em>
  <span>way.”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A gross way?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” Matt waved a hand around gesturing at… something? “Not in a… just a get him in bed kind of way.” He looked around like he was embarrassed and then lowered his voice and said, sounding </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>embarrassed, “Haida, I think he might be </span>
  <em>
    <span>handsome</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Haida was almost howling with laughter at that, and Matt actually pouted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m serious! Who’s actually handsome? That’s not a word you just use, you know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, I get it,” said Haida, wiping a tear from one eye, “so what? If he’s all that, why isn’t he here? We should have invited him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt folded his arms (it took at least two attempts to do this successfully) and huffed, “He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>respecting </span>
  </em>
  <span>me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Respecting me- therapy- stuff- so I can- you know-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like he’s giving you space to work on you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded vigorously, “Like that!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh,” Haida blinked and leaned back. “He sounds like a really good guy then.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Joe couldn’t sleep. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>exhausted though. It had been a long day. His second oldest brother Jim was home from his most recent trip abroad as a doctor with UNICEF so the family had brunch together that morning, and, of course, a major topic of conversation had been the ongoing wait on Joe’s application status for med school. The rest of the day had passed without incident, but time with his family—his parents—always weighed on him in a way that lingered. So, now it was the middle of the night, and Joe was awake and reading through all of the speaking notes his family had compiled for him a while ago for interviews with med schools. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> He sighed and fiddled with his glasses, scrolling through some more notes and answers for various questions. The motivation section hurt the most. It just felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>hollow</span>
  </em>
  <span>: notes about how passionate his answers needed to be, fake ideas to explain why he wanted to continue the family tradition (because obligation would not cut it), and topics he could say interested him in the world of medicine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His phone rang, breaking him out of this sad reverie. He blinked down at his phone, frowning in confusion and then concern.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Matt is calling? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe answered immediately, “Matt? Are you okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe held his phone away from his face for a moment, scrunched up in confusion, “What’s going on? Why are you calling so late?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Joe!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, “Hi… Everything alright?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmmmmhm, everything’s totally fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Is this… Is he </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>drunk</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>? </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Uh, what are you up to? Why’d you call?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, right,” there was some shuffling on the other end as if Matt was getting himself situated before continuing, “Joe, you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>nice. How did that happen?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” the other insisted, “You’re so nice. I was just telling Haida…”  He sighed. “Well, I wanted to make sure Haida knows how nice </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>is, you know? Like does anyone </span>
  <em>
    <span>tell </span>
  </em>
  <span>him? Because people </span>
  <em>
    <span>should </span>
  </em>
  <span>tell him that. And then I realized someone had to tell </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>that too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, okay,” said Joe with feigned understanding, he smiled and shook his head, “Thank you, Matt. That’s very helpful. I think you’re nice too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not as nice as you,” Matt sounded sad to admit this, “I bet you’ve never even gotten in a fight in your life.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>That </span>
  </em>
  <span>got Joe curious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve gotten in fights?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hic- </span>
  </em>
  <span>Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I mean…” More shuffling. “If a guy hurts Min’s feelings, or someone gets homophobic, fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>pricks</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Used to drive my dad nuts whenever stuff like that happened… But you’re too nice to even do stuff like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it’s nice that you stand up for people and what’s right.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See?! </span>
  <em>
    <span>See</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Even now, Joe, I’m not- but you’re still being </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice </span>
  </em>
  <span>to me right now. That’s so…” The pause stretched on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe snorted, “Nevermind. Where are you right now? What’s going on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m in Aaron’s room!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The name sounded vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t place it for certain. Something uncomfortable—</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jealousy?</span>
  </em>
  <span>—prickled at his scalp. “Who’s Aaron?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aaron! Aaron from… from the band. Joe, I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>kidnapped</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “I’m sorry, what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>told </span>
  </em>
  <span>you,” Matt sounded exasperated that he even had to explain this to Joe, “I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>celebrate </span>
  </em>
  <span>my birthday. I just- </span>
  <em>
    <span>hic- </span>
  </em>
  <span>just want to hang out with Takeru on my birthday and that is </span>
  <b>
    <em>IT</em>
  </b>
  <span>. No parties. But they,” he lowered his voice and whispered, “they threw me a </span>
  <em>
    <span>party</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe grinned, “I see. Apartment party?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmmhm.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you done drinking for the night?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe, I-... hm, I dunno. Maybe. Haida said so, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh-huh,” Joe pushed back from his desk and started climbing into bed. He had changed into pajamas hours ago, back when he’d thought he would fall asleep at a decent time tonight, “Did you have fun at the party?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but- </span>
  <em>
    <span>hic- </span>
  </em>
  <span>but it would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>fun if </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>were here. That is also why I called! Had to hide to do it though. Party’s loud.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you’re hiding in Aaron’s room to call me? I’m honored.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Decided to hide in Aaron’s room instead of Julian’s. Thought that might be weird. It’s been so long, but Julian was, like, in love with me in high school? It was a </span>
  <b>lot</b>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>So </span>
  </em>
  <span>annoying.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe frowned, “It was annoying that he was in love with you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I mean,” Matt took a moment before speaking more, “because he didn’t say anything about it? But then he just waited and got bitter about it like I was supposed to know? When he did say something it led to a big fight b- because…” Matt sighed in a way that was almost comical. “He wanted me to break up with Trei for him, which is like… So then I got mad and Haida had my back which brings me back to… How nice you and Haida are. Joe, you are so </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>nice, and just like stupidly smart- oh wait, I mean that you are </span>
  <b>not </b>
  <span>stupid. Just really smart but </span>
  <em>
    <span>also </span>
  </em>
  <span>nice. I did </span>
  <b>not </b>
  <span>call you stupid, okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” said Joe mildly, “well, I’m glad you had fun on your birthday.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah! Yeah, it was fun, I guess…What are you doing?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me? I think I’m going to bed, I was just, ah, getting some work done when you called.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re such a hard worker too</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Matt wailed, and Joe started cracking up. “What- what are you laughing about? Is it me?” The dejected tone was honestly too much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am, not </span>
  <b>
    <em>at </em>
  </b>
  <span>you though. It’s… This is really cute, Matt. You’re cute when you’re drunk, that’s all. You should probably stop drinking though.”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hic-</span>
  </em>
  <span> you think I’m cute?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I do, but-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Matt</span>
  </em>
  <span>, are you- oh my </span>
  <b>god</b>
  <span>. Dude, </span>
  <em>
    <span>seriously</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The music, which had been only faintly audible in the background, had suddenly gotten louder and then quieter again. And then there was a struggle for the phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dennis, </span>
  <em>
    <span>wait- </span>
  </em>
  <span>I was </span>
  <b>just-</b>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Friends don’t let friends drink and dial!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>My</span>
  </em>
  <span> phone- </span>
  <em>
    <span>hey-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who did you call? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Give- that- </span>
  </em>
  <b>here-</b>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt, I swear to god-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Den- </span>
  <em>
    <span>ow</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Gotcha</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” A voice Joe could now recognize as Dennis was fully carried over the phone. He sounded out of breath. And tired. “Alright, hi, who is this? Who’d this sad sap call?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was telling me I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>cute</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Matt wailed in the background. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good for you,” said Dennis, nonplussed. “Who am I talking to? What’s the damage?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” said Joe, “This is Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe? Huh. Interesting. That figures.” Dennis sighed. “Anyways, please ignore Matt. He is drunk and very stupid. So is Min. Matt, we’re gonna head home. Julian and Aaron need to start packing the place up too. I think Haida’s staying to help then crashing here. Matt? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Matt</span>
  </em>
  <span>, are you even listening?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> The phone picked up a vague noise that Joe thought might be Matt, but then- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Trash can, </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>trash can</em>
  </b>
  <span>!!!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The vomiting came through clearly. Joe grimaced. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god. You fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>disasters… </span>
  </em>
  <span>I swear to god…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe propped himself up a little bit, “Dennis, are you going to be able to get them both back okay? Did you say Min’s wasted too?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, she is,” Dennis sighed, and more retching noises came through, “Better out than in, buddy. Oh… well there goes all the pho. What did I do to deserve both of you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smirked but was still worried, “Are you sure you can get them home okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’ll be fine. We’re not that far from our place actually. Okay, Matt? All done?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nn…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll take what I can get. Okay,” Dennis grunted like he was dragging Matt upright, “Alright, Joe, I need to go babysit. Again, sorry about Matt. Please disregard this phone call.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The phone clicked off immediately after that. Joe set an alarm on his phone and put it to the side then turned his bedside lamp off. He pulled his blanket up and shut his eyes, making a mental note that Matt would have a killer hangover in the morning. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hm</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He could do something about that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Joe double checked the address on his phone one more time before walking into the entryway of the apartment building. He reviewed the names and units on the spread of call buttons until he found the right one, pressed, and waited for a response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, hello?” Dennis sounded exactly the same as he had over the phone last night. Tired. Annoyed. Over it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, uh, Dennis? It’s Joe. Can you let me up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Surprised. “Uh, yeah, sure… You promise you’re not a serial killer right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Promise.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, good, ‘cause I can’t deal with anything else right now. Come on up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe opened the door into the rest of the building as soon as the buzzer went off and made his way up the stairs. Double checking the apartment number one more time before he knocked on their front door. A man that had to be Dennis answered right away. He had dark curly hair that was shaved on the sides and grown out up top, thick rimmed glasses, and olive toned skin. He was also wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt and looked tired. He looked Joe up and down, “Huh. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>tall. Anyways, come in.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe followed Dennis into the apartment and immediately took his shoes off to join the large assembly of shoes in the hall by the door. When he saw the mismatched kitchen chairs around their table, he smiled. The apartment was… cluttered, as Matt had described, but it also felt distinctly </span>
  <em>
    <span>homey </span>
  </em>
  <span>in an eclectic kind of way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis turned around and folded his arms, “Dennis by the way. Nice to meet you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” Joe offered a sheepish wave, “So, uh, sorry for just dropping by. I figured… He probably has a killer hangover, so I thought I’d come by to check on him and-” Joe lifted the bag of takeout he had grabbed from the breakfast diner near his place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis raised his eyebrows, “Wow. Okay well, come on, his room’s over here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they walked across a long narrow living room space, the sound of vomiting came from what Joe sincerely hoped was a bathroom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis didn’t miss a beat, “That’s Min. Matt took the late night vomit shift. She’s covering the morning one. They’re a tag team like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You seem like you’ve done this before.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis paused and turned to stare at Joe deadpan, “You might say that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They both smirked at each other; some form of mutual understanding and respect seemed to be forming. Dennis led Joe to the room at the end of the space and cracked the door open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wake up, sunshine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>DENNIS TAKAHASHI-RODRIGUEZ, IF YOU TURN THE LIGHTS IN THIS ROOM ON, I WILL FUCKING</b>
  <span>- </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck. </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Fuck</em>
  </b>
  <span>. Ah...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Serves you right for raising your voice against </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Dennis lectured the mound of blankets on the bed. He smirked, shook his head, and slapped Joe on the arm. “Alright, he’s all yours. I’m gonna go check on Min.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shut the door softly behind him and took a second to observe the room. There was a large armchair in the corner. A few guitars on stands lined one wall. A coffee table was pushed up  against the wall and covered in sheet music and other related materials. Matt also had a small desk with a mini-shelf next to his bed near the window. Speaking of Matt… The blonde was mostly a lump underneath his blanket, but there was a mop of blonde hair sticking out of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled and walked over, noting the pair of jeans that was discarded at the foot of the bed. He crouched down next to the side of the bed that Matt was predominantly curled up on. The blonde’s face was buried in his pillow; he definitely had not registered that Dennis had let someone in his room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe reached out and gently prodded the part of the blanket lump that he assumed was Matt’s arm, “Hey.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt groaned into the pillow and turned his face (eyes still shut tight) to mutter, “Dennis, I swear to fucking god, I’m going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>kill </span>
  </em>
  <span>you when I can move again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not Dennis.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took… a tremendous amount of willpower for Matt to pry his eyelids open. The meager amount of light trickling through his window’s blinds was already </span>
  <b>painful </b>
  <span>enough even with his eyes shut. But that voice… He squinted as a face came into focus. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” It was a one syllable name, but Matt swore his voice broke in about three different places while saying it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe </span>
  <em>
    <span>(what the fuck is he doing here?</span>
  </em>
  <span>) smiled back at him and the gentleness of that smile was confirmation enough that it really was him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But… </span>
  </em>
  <span>Matt wet his lips and turned his face a little further up from the pillow, “What… what are you doing here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> His voice was still hoarse and cracked, but Joe kept smiling at him, “I wanted to check on you and help out with the hangover.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked a few times, clearing some of the sleepy gunk from around his eyes, and frowned, “But how did you…?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I got your address from T.K.. Don’t worry, I told him I just wanted to deliver some breakfast to you for your birthday. Not sure how you feel about him knowing you were wasted last night.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I mean, good, but no, I meant…” Matt squinted at Joe. “How did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m hungover?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Joe’s lips parted, and he blinked at Matt, “Matt, do you remember calling me last night?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took a while for that question to sink into Matt’s brain, which felt truly fried—crisp and painful. When it did, horror crashed down on him. “No. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>no…</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He buried his face in the pillow, “</span>
  <b>What</b>
  <span> did I say? Oh my </span>
  <b>
    <em>god</em>
  </b>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe chuckled softly and lifted one hand to Matt’s hair—very </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>gently combing his fingers through it—and his fingers were cool to the touch which felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>excellent</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Matt sighed despite himself and leaned into it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it,” said the older man, “You didn’t say anything bad. It was… really sweet actually. I’m glad you thought to call me. And I’m glad you had a fun birthday party. Even if you’re not having fun right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nn…” Matt grumbled. He was enjoying Joe’s hand (</span>
  <em>
    <span>god, he has </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>such </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>nice hands</span>
  </em>
  <span>), but his head was pounding. The room was barely lit, but it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>still </span>
  </em>
  <span>too bright. Joe’s voice was soft and perfect, but it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>still </span>
  </em>
  <span>too loud. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How bad is the headache?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Awful</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Think you can hold down enough water to swallow aspirin?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt licked his lips and squinted at Joe whose other hand was fishing around in a bag of-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did you…?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you,” Joe supplied easily, “I’m here to help with the hangover.” He took out a bottle of water and popped some aspirin into his hand. Matt sniffed the air tentatively. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that… food? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is. I stopped by a diner near my place. Nothing fancy, just hangover cure. Bag still feels warm though. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>going to ask you to eat at least one bite of toast with these pills.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt propped himself up, letting the blanket slide down his torso a bit. Hangover aside, he had enough presence of mind to notice the way Joe’s eyes fell to his neckline. He took the pills from Joe’s outstretched hand wordlessly, gulped them down with water, and immediately regretted it. One hand flew over his mouth, and he groaned, pressing his other palm to his skull. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on,” said Joe softly as he stood and reached over Matt to grab the pillow on the other side of the bed, placing it on top of Matt’s current pillow, “Prop yourself up. Give yourself a better chance to keep it all down. And…” After Joe had Matt up on the pillows, he hesitated, “Are you wearing pants?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked and had to look under the blanket to check, “No, just boxers.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re dizzy at all, you should really put one foot flat on the ground. Helps with vertigo.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hnn, but the blanket is so </span>
  <em>
    <span>warm</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt whined, but he moved his left leg over the edge of the mattress and did as instructed. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>help. And it also meant he got to see Joe try not to stare at his bare leg. The senior had grabbed Matt’s desk chair and pulled it closer to the bed to sit in. With the extra pillow in place, Matt couldn’t really comfortably bury his head anymore, so he was forced to make some eye contact. “You promise the phone call wasn’t bad?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled while fishing around in the takeout bag, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Promise</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Now, toast.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I dunno, Joe…” Matt eyed the toast warily, and, as if to prove his point, his stomach churned audibly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>One</span>
  </em>
  <span> bite first, let your stomach remember how to process actual food.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned but followed directions. Joe’s eyes traveled down to his neck where the leather cords necklace was. To Matt’s immense satisfaction, Joe reached out and fiddled with it, “Is this what you were wearing last night?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked down, still chewing </span>
  <b>very </b>
  <span>slowly, “Yeah, I guess I just took the jeans off when I got back and passed the fuck out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here,” Joe leaned forward and brought both hands to Matt’s necklace, rotating it around to get at the clasp and undoing it. Matt tried not to shudder at the contact, but, he thought, he probably failed. “Is the sweater comfortable?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s fine,” Matt smirked at Joe, “Trying to get me to undress?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe flushed but didn’t miss a beat, “Not right now. You have vomit breath.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s mouth fell open, and he made a choking noise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smirked, and- </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, that’s kind of hot. Damnit.</span>
  </em>
  <span>- said, “How’s the toast sitting?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“S’okay.” Matt shifted and pulled the blanket up his torso a little, trying not to shiver. Joe noticed and tucked the blanket a little higher up on Matt. He hadn’t really stopped smiling at Matt all morning. Matt studied Joe, thinking all of this over. He had called Joe wasted the night before, maybe even done some of his vomiting during that call, said who knows what to the blue haired man, but he was still… here. With </span>
  <em>
    <span>food</span>
  </em>
  <span>. For </span>
  <em>
    <span>Matt</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Smiling at him like… Matt worried his lips and ran a hand through his hair self-consciously, “Joe, you didn’t have to go through all this trouble.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, “Matt, I wanted to. I knew you wouldn’t be feeling well.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But… In exchange for what? I mean, I’m just a hungover pile of crap right now.” Matt was frowning, genuinely confused by Joe’s behavior. They were hanging out, not even going on actual dates. Yeah, there was tension and flirting, but nothing physical was happening. Joe was far from getting laid here… So why…? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In </span>
  <em>
    <span>exchange</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Joe raised his eyebrows and didn’t smile at that, but he brushed some of Matt’s hair out of his face when he kept talking, “To see you? I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to see you, Matt. And I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to help.” When Matt continued to look confused by this, Joe’s expression became concerned, “Do you really think that I’d only want to see you if you were going to do something for me in exchange?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The question startled Matt, and he didn’t know how to answer so he stared at his blanket, picking at it with one hand. Joe was studying him now, frowning pensively. Matt eventually shook his head a little, “No, not… It’s not like I think </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’d </span>
  </em>
  <span>think that way. I just…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe seemed to register that words were failing Matt, so he jumped in, “Matt, I care about you. That’s why I wanted to check on you. But if you really want to know what you ‘did for me,’ my night was getting pretty grim when you called, and you snapped me out of it. But that doesn’t make this an </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘exchange</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ I came to see you right now because I wanted to. That’s it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt bit his lip and nodded, but then his eyes narrowed and he looked at Joe again, “Why were you having a bad night?” He could spool for a fight if someone was giving Joe shit. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>could. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked and cracked a smile again, “Why? Ready to get in a </span>
  <em>
    <span>fight </span>
  </em>
  <span>for me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes! I would- I- </span>
  <em>
    <span>ow</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt winced, and, when Joe smirked at him, he added defiantly, “I could rally for that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe started laughing at that, soft and low, “Well, I appreciate the thought, but you can’t beat up my family, as much as I’d, frankly, love to see you try.” He gestured at the fact that Matt was essentially just a large pimple growing out of his bed at the moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned deeply, “Your family? What-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe waved a hand, “Don’t worry about it. The usual stuff with them. I’m serious. It doesn’t matter right now. How’s your head?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt didn’t have it in him to fight Joe changing the topic (and he remembered what happened the last time he had pushed this when Joe didn’t want to talk about it), “Better. Duller throbbing now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good, you should eat something,” said Joe dragging up the takeout bag and unloading the plastic containers inside, “Are you picky about eating in bed?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I usually don’t,” Matt mumbled, “but I’m also definitely not leaving this thing. So it’s fine. I should do laundry today anyways.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm, yeah,” Joe agreed mildly, looking around the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grimaced. “How bad is this to you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not… as bad as Tai’s rooms usually are,” said Joe carefully, he resumed smiling at Matt and started setting plastic containers up on the blonde’s lap and his, “I’ve eaten at this place before. They’re alright. The eggs aren’t as good as yours though, but you’ll just have to deal with that because me cooking definitely would not have been better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt took one of the plastic forks from Joe’s hand and was about to start eating when he froze and realized-, “I didn’t say thank you yet. Joe, I-... Thanks. This is… This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>nice of you.” Joe started chuckling. “Wh- what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing just… It’s okay, Matt. You spent enough time telling me how nice I am last night.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Did I really?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You were very intense about it too. It seemed really important to make sure I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt groaned and buried his head in his hands, and Joe started laughing outright. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a pretty cute drunk, Matt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt froze while tugging at his hair with both hands in shame, and his face went pink. “You think so?” Joe was not the first guy to say that to him, but… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Definitely.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The conversation moved on from there. Matt ate, and Joe asked questions about the party (Matt could remember most of it) and the kidnapping that had apparently taken place beforehand. Eventually, they turned to the upcoming week, Matt’s next concert, and December fast approaching. When Matt finished eating, Joe insisted on packing up the trash and taking it with him to toss out in their building’s dumpster. As he said bye to Matt and they agreed to see each other again sooner than later, his smile was soft—tender even. Matt smiled back, feeling warm. It felt like… something had shifted in November, or maybe it was moving into place. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've heard in myths and legends that drunk Matt is still out there somewhere. Living his best life.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A party? A party.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We are building up to a pretty big moment in this chapter heheheh.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joe and Izzy made eye contact for the umpteenth time as Davis and T.K. started bickering yet <b>again</b> . He tried to avoid rolling his eyes, aware that he was being a stick in the mud. Their friends’ insistence that they could all hang out and do homework together while keeping each other company was just… It had never been true for their group of friends, and yet, somehow, every now and then, someone would convince themselves that they could all pull off a group hangout to study that was simultaneously friendly <em> and </em>productive.</p>
<p>Joe almost never came to these things on principle. He spent enough time <em> actually </em> doing school work; he didn’t need to get together with all his friends to <em> pretend </em>to do school work. However, T.K. was hosting this time and had texted Joe outside of their group chat that Matt would be over too, and, well… That got Joe’s attention. Beyond his own desire to see Matt, he also didn’t like the idea of Matt being around all of his friends (Mimi, in particular) if he wasn’t there to supervise. There was no telling what Mimi would say or do. </p>
<p>The large group was scattered around the Takaishi living room and dining room space. Strategically, Joe had brought anthropology coursework, easier to get through (even with distractions) than microbiology or biochemistry. </p>
<p>Speaking of distractions… He snuck another glance at Matt. The blonde was curled up in an armchair wearing large headphones (<em> good call </em>), a massive white and navy colorblocked hoodie, and grey skinny jeans. He also had his hair tied up, which Joe had never seen him do before. It looked… really nice. Loose tufts of hair had fallen out of the ponytail to frame his face, and having his hair pulled up really accentuated his neck. </p>
<p>Izzy kicked him lightly under the table, and Joe pulled himself back to his schoolwork. So far, the distractions had included: Mimi thanking Matt for hooking her up with Alex (who was apparently <em> very </em> cool to be around), Yolei asking for all the “deets” on Mimi’s date, Davis and T.K. bickering <em> constantly </em>, Kari asking Tai to come home with her for dinner, Cody asking Izzy for help with math homework, and, in Joe’s case, Matt’s presence in the room. </p>
<p>“Hey, Matt,” Yolei looked up from her spot on the couch and waited for Matt to pull one headphone off in response before continuing, “What are you working on? New music for the band?” </p>
<p>Sora jumped in, “You guys have a concert coming up, right? I heard it being advertised on the radio the other day.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s in like two weeks. We’re…” He thought it over, “We’re night three for the Deck the Halls concert series that Terminal 5 does every year for the holidays. The shows aren’t actually Christmas themed though.”</p>
<p>  “They were one of the nights last year too!” T.K. chimed in eagerly. Joe smiled; it was really impressive (even reassuring) how unphased and casual Matt was about these things when they came up. His younger brother continued enthusiastically, “I’m going by the way. If any of you are interested in tagging along.” </p>
<p>Matt bit his lip, “It’s a small VIP section, Takeru. There’s no more room. You’re with Min, Dennis, and Trei.” </p>
<p>T.K. blinked rapidly and even put his pencil down, “<em> Trei </em>? What’s he doing there?” </p>
<p>Joe surveyed the room quickly. He and T.K. were obviously the only two people that recognized the name, and Joe had to agree with T.K.’s question. Mimi seemed to pick up on the implications behind T.K.’s tone though, “Trei? Who’s Trei?” </p>
<p>“Friend from high school,” said Matt. When he spotted the look T.K. gave him, he rolled his eyes and added, “And my ex.” </p>
<p>Joe re-trained his eyes on his anthropology textbook, but he didn’t miss the way Mimi’s gaze had flitted over to him at Matt’s answer. Anthropology was <em> fascinating </em> , definitely more fascinating than this conversation, and he did <b>not </b>need to know who else in the room was sneaking glances at him right now. </p>
<p>“Yeah, your ex-boyfriend <em> twice over </em> ,” T.K. emphasized, “I thought you were barely talking to him lately. How’d he get one of your <em> four </em>spots for the concert?”  </p>
<p>“<em> Takeru </em>,” Matt’s voice had taken on a warning tone. “We were hanging out at his dance studio this weekend, and he asked. No big deal. We’re friends.” </p>
<p>“You were ‘friends’ after the first breakup too, and look how that went! You started dating again, and then he-” </p>
<p>“<b> <em>Takeru</em> </b> .” T.K. stopped short and fell silent. Joe’s eyes darted up to quickly take in the scene. Matt was definitely glaring at T.K. now. “We’re friends. That’s <b>it</b> . It’s been <em> months </em> since the breakup. It was mutual. <em> Nothing </em> is happening. Trei’s single and sleeping around, per usual, and I’m over it. It’s done, and it’s <b>not </b> happening again. So <b>chill</b>.” </p>
<p>T.K. swallowed whatever protest he was about to make and nodded. An awkward silence ensued. Eventually, Yolei piped up again. </p>
<p>“Um. So. Is that what you’re working on right now? Music for the concert?” </p>
<p>Matt, who was still staring his brother down, had to shake himself out of it before replying, voice much more casual when he spoke again, “No. We’re totally set for that. Have been for a while. I’m just looking for songs for my friend Chelsea’s birthday party. There’s going to be an open mic.”</p>
<p> T.K. perked up at that, and, either out of genuine curiosity or a desire to continue changing the subject, asked eagerly, “Chelsea’s birthday is coming up again? Can I come to the party? Last year’s was so fun.” </p>
<p>Matt snorted, “Not a chance this time, Squirt. It’s her 21st. Her parents are renting out the entire second floor of a bar.” </p>
<p>Mimi’s eyes widened, “The whole second floor? Wait a minute, that sounds awesome. Can <em> we </em>come?” She gestured around to indicate the college students in the room. Joe might have been imagining it, but he could have sworn Mimi’s hand lingered a little longer when it waved in his particular direction. </p>
<p>Tai’s enthusiasm was obvious as well, “What bar?” </p>
<p>Izzy and Joe smirked at each other across the table. Leave it to Mimi and Tai to invite themselves to a birthday party for someone they didn’t even know. Sora jumped in to do damage control, “You two, <em> seriously </em>, you can’t just invite yourselves to things. Sorry, Matt. Ignore them.” </p>
<p>But Matt was frowning thoughtfully, “I mean, Mimi, if you and Alex are having a good time there’s a solid chance she might bring you along as a plus one anyways…” He glanced around at the others, and, again Joe might have been imagining it, seemed to pause on Joe a little longer. “She did say the more the merrier…” </p>
<p>He grabbed his phone and started typing away at it one handed. Mimi clapped her hands together excitedly, “Oooh, yes, yes! Ask! <em> Please </em>! If I’m going, I’d want to know more people there too!” </p>
<p>“I haven’t been to Bar Ram Ewe before…” Matt mumbled, “Do any of you know how big the second floor is?” </p>
<p>“I’ve been on their first floor,” said Tai, “It’s a big floor plan. Not sure if that applies to the second floor too.” </p>
<p>“Cool, I’ll see what she says,” said Matt, pressing send and putting the phone to the side, “Chelsea’s birthday is always sort of a holiday party for our group too, since it’s December 22nd, so she says it’s a cute bar around the holidays. Really warm and festive.” </p>
<p>“I could see that,” said Tai, leaning back, and smirking at his little sister, “Tough luck, kiddo. Them’s the breaks.” </p>
<p>Kari rolled her eyes, “Whatever. We can plan our own thing that night. Right, T.K.?” </p>
<p>“Right,” T.K. agreed immediately. Matt seemed keenly interested in that exchange between Kari and T.K., and Joe smiled at that. He’d wondered for a while about those two, and the way Matt’s eyes had darted between T.K. and Kari seemed to Joe like confirmation that there was something there. At least on T.K.’s end. </p>
<p>“Ooh, quick reply,” said Matt, picking up his phone again and checking the screen. He smirked, “Nice going, Mimi. Chelsea says, ‘anything for Alex.’ And apparently it <em> is </em>a big space.” </p>
<p>“Yes!” Mimi clapped some more and went for a high five with Sora, who rolled her eyes and acquiesced. There were some brief complaints from the high school kids (mostly Davis and Yolei), while the college students gloated over them. That was when the sound of the front door opening rang out. Joe’s eyes went to Matt immediately. The blonde had quickly covered both ears with his headphones again and had his eyes focused on the notebook in front of him—too focused for it to be authentic. </p>
<p>Natsuko Takasihi walked through the entryway and stopped, smiling around, “Hi, kids. It’s so good to see all of you together at once.” Everyone in the room (minus one) offered their usual greetings—polite, kind. Natsuko had always been cheerful to Joe, even respectful of him; she trusted Joe in particular to look out for her son and was extremely gracious any time Joe had ever tutored T.K. <em> But… </em>Her eyes landed on her older son and widened a little in surprise. “Yamato, I didn’t realize you were coming over today. You should have told me. I could have planned a dinner for the three of us.” </p>
<p>If Natsuko’s greeting sounded unenthusiastic (which it did, Joe thought), it had nothing on Matt’s. The blonde did not look up from the notebook he was writing in (although, Joe noted, his pencil was unmoving over the paper), and there was ice in his voice when he spoke, “It’s fine. I’m going home to dad after this to get some cooking done for him. Staying there.” </p>
<p><em> Ouch </em>. The room’s temperature seemed to plummet at that. Natsuko pursed her lips, “Well. Tell him I said hi.” </p>
<p>“Will do.”  </p>
<p>Joe had realized the first time he’d seen Matt that the older brother clearly got his looks from his mom more than T.K. did, but, seeing them in the same room together, the resemblance was <em> striking </em> . Natsuko was stylish and beautiful, and Matt took after her in every regard but gender. Matt’s hair was lighter than T.K.’s, the same hue as their mother’s. His jawline was more delicate than T.K.'s too, and, Joe had to agree with T.K., it seemed likely at this rate that the younger brother would end up being the taller of the two in a couple more years. The eyes were the main thing though. T.K.’s eyes were rounder, friendlier by default, and seemed to embody his natural optimism. Matt’s eyes were <em> exactly </em> like his mom’s, even the eyelashes—pointed, intense, graceful, <em> gorgeous </em>, and, at this moment in time, excellent for glaring.      </p>
<p>   “So, anyways,” T.K. chimed in, laughing nervously, “we’re just… y’know, all of us, studying. Getting some work done.” </p>
<p>Natsuko’s attention turned back to everyone else in the room, and she smiled again, “That’s nice. If you need snacks or anything else, let me know. We could order for everyone if you want. I don’t mind since we’re hosting.” </p>
<p>Multiple voices spoke up their thanks and general insistence that they didn’t need anything, but Natsuko did put the tea kettle on the stove for them before she departed for her office space, citing a few deadlines she needed to meet. Joe glanced over to Matt; the blonde had remained extremely stationary throughout this whole exchange, but some of the tension seemed to leave him when his mom left the room. Joe frowned and realized he wasn’t the only one in the room looking over at Matt. T.K. didn’t seem to know how to recover the situation either. </p>
<p>“Hey Tai,” said Joe, and the brunette looked over immediately, “how’s the soccer team going? You’re just in your off season right now, right?” </p>
<p>Tai immediately launched into a long lecture about soccer, training protocol, etc. Davis pitched in to try to match Tai’s soccer expertise along the way. Joe peaked over at Matt; the blonde was looking at Joe and, when they made eye contact, smiled a silent “Thank you.” Joe smiled back.<em> No problem </em>. </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Matt fidgeted in his seat and squinted out the window for a moment, avoiding eye contact. Dr. Tamara Myers was lovely—easy to talk to and supportive. In some ways, she reminded him of Min’s mom, if Min’s mom had gone through a hippy-granola kind of phase in her youth. She was a tall, willowy older woman with long brown hair that was starting to grey and a little frizzy. Every time Matt saw her, she wore it with a different colorful head wrap or hair scarf. </p>
<p>He had been reluctant to talk at these sessions at first, but Dr. Myers took a proactive approach to that and knew when to push him and when to back off. He had tried making their first session about his personal life when she’d prompted him to identify what he was doing there, but somehow, for reasons he still couldn’t explain, it had circled back to his parents’ divorce within ten minutes. </p>
<p>They had stayed on that topic for their next couple of meetings, and Matt had surprised himself with his own detailed recollections of things he hadn’t talked about for years—including a few things that even Dennis and Min had never heard about. Burning his hand cooking dinner alone at 8 years old and trying to take care of it himself because he didn’t want to bother his dad at work. Deciding to run away at 10 because Takeru had a new friend named Tai who he wished could be his brother, and Matt knew then that no one really needed him. Feeling desperately that everyone would be better off without him at 15 while listening to his dad argue with his mom over the phone (he had just come out, and Natsuko was convinced Matt only thought he was gay because he wasn’t being raised with enough supervision). </p>
<p>After all that, they had reached Matt’s dating history, starting with Sammy. Sammy, who had been so supportive until… he just couldn’t anymore. Matt was too emotional, too irrational, too needy for Sammy. That was the first break up. But sitting in this office and recounting the others—every relationship, every fling, and every single ending—Matt realized they all started to sound the same, and he felt like an idiot. A stupid broken idiot. </p>
<p>  Matt drummed his fingers silently on the edge of the couch and pulled at it. Dr. Myers was waiting for him, he knew, to end a long silence that was stretching out. He shook his head. </p>
<p>“I don’t know. There’s nothing else to say. I should probably stop talking to Joe. Let him off the hook.” </p>
<p>Dr. Myers blinked at that and adjusted her red framed glasses. She’d known about Joe since their first session after asking Matt what had finally prompted him to agree to therapy and Matt recounting his night with Joe that had ended in panic. She tapped her pen against her notepad, “What makes you say that?” </p>
<p>Matt shrugged, “Isn’t the whole point of this that Min and Dennis were right? I’ve been using guys to just… I don’t know, not be alone. Or try not to be alone. I can’t use Joe for that too. He’s too nice to deal with my crap.” </p>
<p>“Everyone has crap, Matt,” the therapist leaned forward, “what makes you so sure that yours makes you unavailable?” </p>
<p>Matt kept fidgeting and sipped at some more water before answering, “I-... I just don’t think when it comes to guys. Min’s right about Travis. And Dustin. And all the other… The sex is good, but I don’t actually want one night stands. Why did I ever…” </p>
<p>“What are you typically thinking? When you agree to or pursue a one night stand for instance?” </p>
<p>Matt blinked, “I don’t…” </p>
<p>“So, for example, if Travis texts you looking to hook up, what do you think about before responding?” </p>
<p>Matt shrugged helplessly, “Might as well…?” </p>
<p>She raised her eyebrows, “Is that all?” </p>
<p>“Maybe…  I guess I-...” Matt hesitated, but Dr. Myers kept staring at him patiently, “I guess on some level I don’t want to say no because… you know, then the option might be gone in the future. And what if I want them in the future? Or they actually want me? And,” Matt pressed on, “it’s nice… to feel wanted.” </p>
<p>He sat back after that and resumed his usual pattern of staring out the window after admitting to something that he didn’t like. Dr. Myers took her turn to lean forward, “A lot of people feel that way. And I don’t think that’s the problem.” </p>
<p>Matt blinked and looked back at her. </p>
<p>“I think the problems start when you base your decisions <em> entirely </em> off of a desire to feel wanted. Instead of other things that <em> you </em>want.” </p>
<p>Matt frowned, “Well, if I want to feel wanted, then isn’t that what I should be prioritizing?” </p>
<p>She shook her head and pushed her glasses further up afterwards. Matt smiled; the little habit reminded him of Joe. “You prioritize what you <em> think </em> the guy you’re with wants so that he’ll want <em> you </em>.” </p>
<p>Matt swallowed uncomfortably. He pulled one of the sleeves of his favorite Pride sweater down over his fist, fiddling with the hem of it internally.  </p>
<p>“Do you realize when you’re doing that? Is it conscious?” </p>
<p>He shook his head and stared out the window some more. </p>
<p>“Tell me the best qualities of every guy you’ve dated—actually had a relationship with—and what you saw in them.” </p>
<p>Matt turned back and squinted at her, “Why?” </p>
<p>“I want you to see that your decision making hasn’t been entirely bad when it comes to guys. That there are reasons the relationships were <b>actual </b>relationships.” </p>
<p>Matt ruffled his hair but reluctantly started talking. His first instinct, with each of them, was to cite the moment he’d realized they were interested and how exciting that always was—to feel like someone <em> wanted </em>him. But Dr. Myers pushed back on that, searching for specifics that she was confident were there based on Matt’s earlier reporting about each relationship and eventual breakup. </p>
<p>Eventually, they got there. Sammy was sweet but had a biting sense of humor, too clever for his own good, funnier than other guys but in a dry underrated kind of way. He was logical to a fault and calm, and, for a long time anyways, had evened out Matt’s own temperamentality. Trei was fun, confident, a good leader, creative in his own way. He was also incredibly good at cheering Matt up, though eventually the fact that he didn’t really understand Matt’s issues became an insurmountable obstacle. And Ray was positive, cheery, lighthearted, adventurous… They just didn’t have enough in common. </p>
<p>Matt settled back in his seat and fiddled with a tuft of hair, “It’s true for the others too… It’s not like I just slept with anyone. There was always something appealing about them…” </p>
<p>Dr. Myers seemed satisfied with this assessment, and she smiled, “So. Your judgement isn’t all bad then.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, but,” Matt hesitated, “what if that’s just me making excuses?” </p>
<p>“It can be true that you were making choices based on <em> actual </em> desire <em> and </em>a fear of loneliness, you know. It doesn’t have to be only about your attachment issues.” </p>
<p>Matt frowned, “But how can I tell? I can’t explain what I was doing that night with Joe. I mean, we were in his <em> bed </em>, and I was ready to-...” </p>
<p>“You scared yourself,” said Dr. Myers simply, “and I think that was probably a good thing because it got you to realize that you don’t always make these decisions consciously.” </p>
<p>“Right, okay, so,” Matt rubbed at his face, “until I do, aren’t I on lockdown from guys or whatever?” </p>
<p>“How would you learn to make decisions about guys more consciously that way?” </p>
<p>“So, you’re saying I have to date guys to get better at not fucking around with guys?” </p>
<p>“Not exactly,” she smirked, “I don’t think you should date <em> anyone </em>if the idea is uncomfortable for you right now. If you don’t think you can trust yourself. But you’re able to articulate why you ended up in the relationships that you have been in. I think, more than anything, you need to practice conscious decision making. If you’re going to stay single and uninvolved, why? If you’re going to date someone, why? If you’re going to hook up with someone, why? It should be because that’s what you want and believe is best for you.” </p>
<p>Matt folded his arms and narrowed his eyes at her, “But why does that sound so simple?” </p>
<p>“Things can sound simple and still be hard to achieve, Matt.” </p>
<p>“Okay, so then,” he sighed, “if it’s simple <em> and </em>hard, how do I do it?” </p>
<p>“What you and Joe have been doing sounds like a good start.” </p>
<p>“What? We’re just hanging out. Occasionally. Texting. Flirting, which maybe we shouldn’t be… I don’t know.” </p>
<p>“You’re giving yourself time to think about him.” said Dr. Myers, “You’re not rushing. It gives you an opportunity to really assess the situation and him. Decide what you want to do.” </p>
<p>“But what if I only want him because he wants me?” </p>
<p>“Well,” she folded her hands, “it’s been a while since you’ve updated me about him. And he’s had time to show you who he is. <em> Is </em>that the only thing you like about him? That he likes you?” </p>
<p>Matt shook his head immediately, “No. Of course not, I-... He’s just a really good guy. I used to just know him as this guy who tutored my brother and his friends every now and then. Takeru always said Joe was the voice of reason in their group. But now that I know him it’s like he’s way more than that. He’s <em> really </em> smart. But still humble about it. He’s patient. <em> Really </em>patient. And he gets flustered easily but only over stupid stuff. When it comes to real shit, he’s really calm under pressure. And he’s funny in a totally dorky way, which is charming. He’s trustworthy… And generous. Responsible. I- what?” </p>
<p>He had cut himself off at the look his therapist was giving him. Dr. Myers was smirking and leaning back in her chair. She shook her head. “It sounds like you have a lot of reasons to like him that don’t involve not wanting to be alone.” </p>
<p>Matt frowned, “So what? As long as I can list reasons I like a guy, then it’s okay?” </p>
<p>“You need to check in with yourself. Your comfort levels. I believe everything you just told me about him. Do you believe everything you just told me?” </p>
<p>Matt paused to think this over. “Well, <em> yeah </em>, but, it’s because… Joe is so trustworthy.” </p>
<p>“Hm, well, that’s a start. I’d rather you trust your <em> own </em> judgement,” she smiled encouragingly, “Matt, you don’t have to let fear drive you to inaction. If you can trust what <em> you </em>want to do, then I don’t think you should hold yourself back.” </p>
<p>“<em> If </em> I can trust my own judgement, you mean.” </p>
<p>“Exactly, but remember what you said earlier. All those reasons you’ve had for each relationship you’ve gotten into. You haven’t been running around blindly this whole time.” </p>
<p>“I guess…” he said hesitantly. </p>
<p>Dr. Myers smiled wider at his response and checked the clock, tapping her pen a few times. “We have time. Want to keep telling me about your last run in with your mom?” </p>
<p>Matt folded his arms and huffed all over again. “I mean, not really, but…”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“So finally, I just had to stop what we were doing and remind him that he had <em> elected </em>to come in for tutoring, including feedback on his work so far…” </p>
<p> Wednesday evening found Joe and Izzy swapping horrible tutoring stories. It was everything ranging from spoiled underclassmen, people who probably needed a new major, and, of course, the self-proclaimed stars who only came seeking praise for their work and rejected any constructive feedback outright. As frustrating as each story was, the two roommates were actually cutting loose, enjoying a couple of beers after eating Chinese takeout for dinner. In a way, they were celebrating. Joe’s first interview invitations for med school had come in earlier that morning—Wash U. and NYU. </p>
<p>Izzy had thrown some new Netflix documentary up on the TV to have on in the background. It was easy enough to dive in and out of so that the conversation could ebb and flow as needed—just a vaguely alarmist piece about the effects of social media on the population. Ironically, Joe was also checking social media while it played. Matt’s concert was that night. Joe generally couldn’t bring himself to stalk anyone’s social media; it made him feel awkward and embarrassed on principle. That said, he didn’t have much to do and was also just generally kind of amazed that there were people who managed to attend concerts on weeknights much less perform in them. </p>
<p>It was pretty late (Izzy and Joe didn’t have any morning classes); the concert had ended a little while ago. Joe paused his scrolling when he saw that Matt had posted a post-concert picture to Instagram. There were also a couple of clips of the performance posted to his story now, but the picture grabbed Joe’s attention more. Matt was clearly backstage with his guests, one arm slung around T.K., the other around a petite Asian woman who had to be Min. Dennis was next to her throwing up a peace sign, and behind all of them, with a wingspan big enough to hug the whole group… That had to be Trei. Joe tried to remind himself that it was just one picture, and Trei was standing next to people that he was taller than, but he looked like a freaking giant. It didn’t help that the short ponytail of dreads stacked on top of his head only made him look even taller. And his short facial hair really accentuated the angles of his face…  </p>
<p>Either due to the late hour or the beers, Joe couldn’t stop himself. “Hey, do you think Matt’s really over Trei?” </p>
<p>Izzy could have dislocated a socket with how hard he rolled his eyes at that, “I’m sorry. How on earth do you think I could possibly answer that?” </p>
<p>Joe bit his lip, feeling like an idiot for even asking, “Sorry, it’s just…” </p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>“I don’t know. I’m jealous, and I shouldn’t be. We’re just talking. Nothing’s happening.” </p>
<p>Izzy leaned over on the couch and glanced at Joe’s phone screen. He shook his head at Joe, “You’re not jealous.” </p>
<p>Joe blinked, “Uh, okay, diagnose me, Iz.” </p>
<p>“You’re insecure,” said Izzy like it was the most obvious thing in the world. </p>
<p> Joe flushed at that and felt even stupider if that was possible. Izzy took one look at the other’s expression, sighed, and took pity on him. </p>
<p>“Hasn’t Matt been pretty obvious that he likes you?” </p>
<p>“I mean, yeah, sort of, but… I don’t actually know if he’s acting the same way with other guys. I mean he and Trei were hanging out at a dance studio together?” </p>
<p>“... Weren’t they on a dance team together for years?” </p>
<p>“Yes, but then he even invited Trei to his concert?” </p>
<p>“He didn’t. He said Trei asked. Did you ask?” </p>
<p>“Well, no.” </p>
<p>“Have you ever given Matt the impression that you would want to go to one of his concerts?” </p>
<p>“No, I-... I told him I don’t listen to a lot of music.” </p>
<p>Izzy gave Joe his “you’re an idiot” look. He was doing that a lot. “Okay, so, there isn’t any rational reason to be worried. If you really want some reassurance, you should text him.” </p>
<p>Joe pursed his lips, “What would I text him?” </p>
<p>“His show was tonight. Ask him how it went. Say congrats or something. I don’t know, Joe. Make conversation like a human would.” </p>
<p>“You’re getting really snippy in all your infinite wisdom, you know that right?” Joe muttered while opening his messages with Matt on his phone. He hesitated before typing a message. <em> This is the lamest conversation starter ever…  </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Joe:</b> Hey! Hope the concert went well. :) </p>
<p> </p>
<p>To his sad pathetic relief, Matt started replying quickly, and Joe could have smacked himself for feeling so grateful when he saw those three little dots to indicate that the other was typing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Matt:</b> hey! it was really fun i always like this venue </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Matt:</b> sorry we’re at an after party rn (already dropped Takeru off on his way home)</p>
<p>Matt was at an after party. Presumably with Trei. Joe felt his insides start sinking. </p>
<p>“Izzy,” Joe pinched the bridge of his nose, “this is making me feel more pathetic.” </p>
<p>Izzy threw a pillow at him, “You’re impossible.” </p>
<p>The sinking feeling in Joe’s gut faded when Matt started typing once more. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Matt:</b> it would be cool if you came to the next one but in the meantime you’re coming to Chelsea’s party with the others right? </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Joe:</b> Yeah, we’re all going. Mimi’s making threats if we don’t go. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Matt:</b> ooh scary </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Matt:</b> that’s cool though, it’ll be fun to see you there </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Matt:</b> gotta go i’ll talk to you later </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Joe sighed and put his phone to the side. He would just get depressed if he kept looking at it all night. Matt was obviously busy. With Trei. <b> <em>Stop </em> </b> <em> it, Joe. You’re being crazy. And stupid. And inexcusably pathetic. </em> Izzy seemed to be monitoring Joe’s conflict and turmoil, and he sighed when Joe put his phone away. </p>
<p>“Joe, you’re hopeless.” </p>
<p>“I know, I know…” </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whoa, whoa, <b> <em>whoa</em> </b>. Hold up.” </p>
<p>Matt froze two steps out of his bedroom and raised an eyebrow at his roommates. Min was openly looking him up and down, looking frustrated. He arched an eyebrow. “What?” </p>
<p>She huffed, blowing bangs up in the air, “Matt. That’s a man catching outfit.” </p>
<p>Matt looked down and flushed, “I mean. It doesn’t <em> have </em>to be.” </p>
<p> “But it <em> is </em> ,” Min hissed, “You’re doing this because <em> Joe’s </em>gonna be there.”</p>
<p>Matt folded his arms and stared her down, “I am <em> not </em>. It’s Chelsea’s birthday. You know she wants all of us to be dressed as sexy props for her ideal party scene.” </p>
<p>“Sure, but,” Min gestured up and down at Matt, “you’re in top form here. Matt, if you wear this, Travis will absolutely try to have sex with you in the bathroom.” </p>
<p>She looked to Dennis for assistance. </p>
<p>Dennis looked up from his phone, reviewed Matt’s outfit, nodded, and shrugged, “She’s right. Man catching outfit. If it’s for Joe though, I don’t mind. I like the guy.” </p>
<p>Matt smiled smugly at Min, who looked betrayed. In Min’s defense: she wasn’t wrong. Matt was wearing a green sleeveless mock neck top, long thin silver chain with a tag on the end as a necklace, and, unlike on his own birthday, he had actually put on his one pair of leather pants—which were almost always reserved for concerts or scenes like tonight’s. He also had the top section of his hair tied up and back into a ponytail. </p>
<p>“But Min,” Matt spread out his arms to demonstrate the long oversized black sweater he was wearing as well, “I’m wearing a <em> sweater </em>.” </p>
<p>Min’s jaw dropped, “Don’t you dare insult me like this, Ishida. As if <b> <em>I </em> </b> don’t know that <b>that </b> sweater is strategic. <em> Please </em> .” She gestured at her tiny frame. “I <b>invented </b> wearing oversized clothing to look sexy. You <em> know </em> that sweater’s too big on you, and you <b> <em>know </em> </b> it’s going to fall off your bare shoulders, and you <b> <em>KNOW </em> </b>it’s going to make it look like you’re in the middle of undressing for the sake of sex appeal.” </p>
<p>Matt opened his mouth to protest, realized he didn’t have a rebuttal, closed it, and smirked, “<em> Well </em>.” </p>
<p>Min rounded on Dennis, “You’re really good with this?”</p>
<p>Dennis sighed and adjusted his glasses. He was wearing a red tight-knit sweater with a large geometric print in black running vertically along the back and dark wash jeans that Matt always told him made his ass look dope. Both of his dark brown eyes honed in on Matt, “Matt, do you like Joe? Because he seems like he really cares about you.” </p>
<p> Matt squirmed, “Yeah, he’s- yeah.” </p>
<p>Min stomped one foot, already clad in her platform ankle boots, “This isn’t fair! I haven’t met him yet, so I don’t get to weigh in.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, whose fault is that, Princess Vomit?” asked Dennis while Matt started cracking up.</p>
<p>Min pointed a finger at Matt, “Hey, Matt puked first. He basically started it.” </p>
<p>“Fine,” Dennis pointed at both of them in turn, “Princess Vomit 1.0 and Princess Vomit 2.0. Either way,” he shrugged at Min, “I think Joe’s a good guy. He was super unassuming when he came over. And it meant I only had to deal with one of your hangovers that morning. I like him. If Matt’s confident he’s not going to move too fast and then freak out again, I’m all for it.” </p>
<p>Min raised her eyebrows at Matt, “<em> Are </em> you going to freak out with Joe again?” </p>
<p>Matt frowned and shrugged, “Not if I pace myself, I guess. I mean, I’m not actually trying to <em> do </em>anything with this,” he gestured at the outfit, “we’re still just spending time together.”</p>
<p>Min studied his face for a long time before sighing in a resigned kind of way, “Alright, fine. Wear the outfit. But I’m not helping when Travis comes sniffing around for your ass.” </p>
<p>Matt clucked his tongue a couple of times, “You don’t mean that. You love protecting my ass.” </p>
<p>“She does.” Dennis grumbled. “More than her own.” </p>
<p>“Matt has a cake in need of protecting,” Min replied easily, “no one’s gotta look after my flat little- Matt, are you <em> serious </em>?” </p>
<p>“What?” Matt paused in the middle of tugging on his only pair of black knee high boots. Min and Dennis stared at him and the shoes, before turning to each other and exhaling simultaneously. </p>
<p>“Dude,” said Dennis, “you are <b>so </b>into this guy.” </p>
<p>“I’m <em> just- </em>” </p>
<p>“<em> Whatever </em>,” sang Min, “let’s go. We don’t want to be late. I want a booth, not a table.” </p>
<p>Matt huffed and grabbed his guitar case before following his roommates to the front door, donning their winter gear (scarf included), and moving out to Chelsea’s birthday party at Bar Ram Ewe. </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“<b> <em>Is</em> </b> it weird that we’re crashing?” </p>
<p>“Sora, you worry too much,” Tai grinned and folded both arms behind his head, “Mimi was invited in the first place, and Matt asked for the rest of us. Besides, minus Mimi, there’s only four of us. That’s not so bad, especially if the party’s as big as it sounds. If you really feel guilty just tip the bar staff well.” </p>
<p>Sora pouted and shoved Tai. Joe, Izzy, Tai, and Sora were all making their way to Bar Ram Ewe, running a little late because they had decided to meet up and pregame a little bit at Tai’s apartment with his roommates, who the other three hadn’t seen in a while. Mimi was already at the bar with Alex; the two of them had been going out or hanging out a couple of times a week, and Mimi was very into her so far.  </p>
<p>“And besides,” Izzy added on, shooting a sly look to Joe, “It’s not like we don’t know anyone else there.” </p>
<p>Joe shot Izzy a look back but refrained from saying anything because they were approaching the bar. Bar Ram Ewe was a cozy looking two story deal. Even on the outside, the lights of their sign looked inherently festive, and the windows were lined with multicolored strings of lights—either for the holidays or part of their usual decor, Joe couldn’t say. When they entered, it was clearly a big space, but it still felt comfortable and warm. The entire bar was hardwood floors and booths and tables. A little old fashioned looking but somehow still modernized by the decor. There were also definitely Christmas decorations up: fake pine strands lining bar counters, lights, mistletoe, red and gold beads, and a couple of small Christmas trees. </p>
<p>Tai handled talking to the staff at the front to indicate that they were going to Chelsea’s party on the second floor and a waiter walked them over to a staircase in the middle of the establishment. The second floor was more open than the first floor. There was a large bar situated in one corner of the space; a small stage area about one foot off the rest of the ground that was currently cluttered with speakers, instruments, and mics; and booths and tables lining the room. </p>
<p>Mimi was sitting at a booth with another woman and started waving down her friends excitedly, “Guys! <em> Guys </em>! Over here! We saved a booth for us!” </p>
<p>All four of them started heading over, removing their coats along the way, but then-</p>
<p>“Joe!” </p>
<p>Joe turned and felt like he was going to pass out immediately. Matt was stepping away from the bar carrying two glass mugs filled with probably beer in his hands, but he looked unspeakably good. Ridiculous. Absurd. Joe felt his face heating up on principle, which was stupid because Matt hadn’t even <em> said </em>anything to him yet and he was already blushing. The blonde seemed aware of this because he was smirking at Joe while he walked over. </p>
<p>“Hey,” said Matt, still carefully gripping both mugs in his hand, “I’m glad you could make it.” </p>
<p><em> Not “I’m glad you and your friends could make it.” I’m glad </em> <b> <em>you </em> </b> <em> could make it…  </em></p>
<p>Joe had to work very quickly to remember how to speak, “Yeah, I-... Me too.” He shook his head to clear it, “Anyways, hi.” </p>
<p>“Hi,” Matt echoed, but the smirk had transitioned into a sincere smile. He also looked a little apologetic when he added, “So, look, I don’t know how much time I’m actually going to have to hang out with you tonight, but I <em> do </em>want to.” </p>
<p>Having an actual conversation topic was helpful. Helped Joe remember how to string sentences together and actually make eye contact with Matt rather than stare at the portion of his shoulder that was exposed because one side of his sweater was slipping off of him. Joe tilted his head at Matt, “Why’s that?” </p>
<p>Matt jerked his head to the side of the room with the stage, “Open mic throughout the night. And-” </p>
<p>“And Matt is Chelsea’s <em> favorite </em>singer to abuse and duet with.” </p>
<p>A woman Joe recognized as Min had sauntered up behind Matt, wrapping both her arms around his waist, and pulling his back into her. She was wearing a bright red sweater dress and chunky platform boots over black tights that had a criss cross pattern on them, and had a red headband with a bow positioned behind her bangs. Min grinned at Joe. </p>
<p>“Hi! I’m Min.” </p>
<p>Joe smiled and reached out for her hand, “I figured. Joe. Nice to meet you, since I only heard you last time.” </p>
<p>Matt laughed hard at that and wormed his way out of Min’s arms, “Joe, thank you for that. Please continue to remind Princess Vomit of her morning in the bathroom. I gotta go get this beer to Sammy. Poor little baby doesn’t turn 21 until March.” </p>
<p>“Hey!” Min stomped a foot while also shaking Joe’s hand, “That’s Princess Vomit 2.0 to you, Princess Vomit #1!” </p>
<p>Matt pretended he couldn’t hear her and made his way over to a small table to sit with a man that had brown fluffy hair. The two of them watched his progress, and Joe was profoundly grateful that Matt’s sweater was long enough to cover his ass in those pants because otherwise Joe wasn’t sure how he’d actually survive the night. Matt and the other guy—<em> Sammy? Sam? </em>—were talking in a way that seemed distinctly private, and the choice of a small table was clearly intentional. Joe felt that prickling sensation at the back of his scalp again.     </p>
<p>“That’s Sam,” Min supplied, now watching Joe’s face closely, “Matt’s first boyfriend from high school. He’s in Chicago for college, Northwestern. But those two always make time to catch up with each other. So, anyways, listen,” Min quickly poked a finger into Joe’s chest. “I wanted to talk to you!” </p>
<p>Joe blinked and turned his attention fully to the tiny woman in front of him, “Why’s that?” Min had to be barely over 5’ tall, but there was something oddly intimidating about her small ferocity. </p>
<p>She folded her arms and tilted her face up, “Dennis and I have decided we like you. Which <em> means </em>,” she drew this out and poked his chest again, “That I’m going to help you out!” </p>
<p>Joe blinked rapidly, “Uh. Thanks? What do you-”</p>
<p>Min grabbed his arm with one hand and swept her other arm around the room writ large, “There are… many men in this room who may flirt with Matt tonight.” Joe blinked some more and opened his mouth, but Min kept going, “We’re talking exes. We’re talking previous friends with benefits. Hook ups. Etcetera. And any one of them might hit on Matt tonight, either just for fun or because <em> alcohol </em> or because they actually want to hook up with him because, Joe,” she now grabbed both of Joe’s arms and shook him a little, “I know the sweater is covering it. But trust me. His ass looks <em> ridiculous </em>in those pants. And that’s not even addressing the boots.” </p>
<p>Joe still didn’t know what to say to any of this, and Min seemed to register that, so she continued to plow ahead. </p>
<p>“But, what <em> you </em> need to remember is,” she shook him again, “Matt hasn’t really been texting with any of them. He isn’t flirting back with <em> any </em> of them right now. I know that for a <b>fact</b> . And I <em> also </em> know that he wouldn’t have gone all out with his outfit tonight if you weren’t going to be here. So,” Min released Joe’s arms to jab at his chest a few times in a row, “You can’t let any of that get to you, okay? Don’t ignore him tonight, and <b>don’t </b>take it seriously when guys hit on him. It’s just par for the course.” </p>
<p>Joe opened his mouth but was still hesitant to say anything. </p>
<p>“<b>Oh</b>! And also,” Min waved a hand around as if this addition was nothing, “Don’t even think about it if Chelsea sits on his lap or grinds up on him or anything. Chelsea likes using Matt as a prop because she knows he’s so gay she could give him a lap dance and nothing would happen.” </p>
<p>If Joe had a response in mind before he certainly didn’t have one now. So he just stared at Min. She blinked at him, then seemed to realize he was speechless. So she sighed and prodded him one final time, a little more gently. </p>
<p>“I’m <em> serious </em>. He likes you. And Dennis says you seem like a good guy, so…” She shrugged and smiled at him. “So, we’re rooting for you. Okay?” </p>
<p>“I-” Joe blinked one more time and hoped he was managing to smile back at her, “Yeah I- okay. Thanks, Min.” </p>
<p>“Okay!” She clapped her hands together once. “Excellent. I’m going to get back to things now, but good talking to you, Joe! And remember: don’t take it personal and <b> <em>don’t </em> </b>ignore him. Okay? Okay! Ready, team, break!” She waved at him and bounced off towards the bar. Joe tried to gather himself quickly before finally getting to the booth that his friends were sitting at. </p>
<p>Tai raised an eyebrow at him when he approached, “Everything okay?” </p>
<p>“Yeah… I <em> think </em>so at least…” Joe trailed off before taking his seat next to Izzy and Sora. Tai, Mimi, and Mimi’s date were on the other side of the booth. Said date leaned forward and reached out a hand. </p>
<p>“Oh! Joe, this is Alex. Alex, Joe.” Mimi supplied easily, though she was scrutinizing Joe’s face closely. Joe shook Alex’s hand. </p>
<p>The brown haired woman grinned at him, a little wicked, and said, “It’s nice meeting you. So what was that? Did Min give you the 3rd degree?” </p>
<p>Joe blinked, “What?” </p>
<p>“You’re, what, hitting on Matt or something right? There’s something going on?” When Joe flushed, Alex smirked and pushed ahead, “Min and Matt are, like, <em> super </em> protective of each other. I’ve seen Matt level guys <em> twice </em>his size for Min. He’s a little fucking monster when it comes to Min. Spoils her too. She tries to return the favor by looking out for him with guys. So what? Did she interrogate you just now?” </p>
<p>“Uh… no…” Joe squirmed and tried to avoid making eye contact with Sora, Mimi, and Tai whose eyebrows had all risen very high on their faces. “She was… Giving me advice? I think that’s what that was.” </p>
<p>Alex raised her eyebrows, “Advice, huh?” She whistled and leaned back, casually draping one arm around Mimi’s shoulders, “Congrats, dude. Dennis must be on your side then. That’s pretty big.” </p>
<p>“Hold up, wait a minute,” Tai leaned forward and swirled his drink (one of them must have made a run to the bar while Min was lecturing [<em> ??? </em> ] Joe), “when did we go from ‘guys, leave it alone, please don’t try to hook me up with anyone, guys please, really, I’m totally happy being a <b>fucking </b> hermit’ to now, <em> apparently </em> , you’ve got a <b> <em>thing </em> </b>going on with T.K.’s brother?” </p>
<p>Joe frowned, “I don’t sound like that.” </p>
<p>“You do when you’re determined to die alone,” Tai snorted, “Seriously, what gives?” </p>
<p>“It’s- It’s not a <em> ‘thing </em>.’ It’s-”</p>
<p>“It’s kind of a thing,” Izzy cut in, and Joe slapped himself and dragged his palm down the front of his face, glasses completely askew by the end of it. Joe sighed and looked around the table. Mimi was pouting. Sora’s eyes were now darting back and forth between Joe and Matt who was still talking to Sam. Tai was grinning at him. And Izzy seemed to be enjoying knowing more than everyone else (like always). </p>
<p>Mimi took the initiative and got straight to the point, “Alright, that’s <b> <em>it</em> </b> . Izzy, I <em> knew </em> there was more going on between them, and I <em> knew </em>you were in on it. Spill everything you know, and I’ll buy all your drinks tonight.” </p>
<p>Izzy raised an eyebrow at Joe, who sighed in return, “Take the deal. She’s not going to let this go anymore.” </p>
<p>“Deal,” said Izzy before launching into a pretty comprehensive report about everything that had happened so far. He did, Joe noted, stay vague about the Friday night that Matt had crashed at their apartment, somehow managing to convince the others that Matt had slept on the couch purely because they’d lost track of time and didn’t realize how late it was. Alex had raised her eyebrows at this part of the story, and Joe was certain she didn’t believe that Matt had slept on their couch purely out of exhaustion. <em> Oh well </em>. </p>
<p>By the time Izzy was done talking, Mimi was fuming. She huffed at Joe, “You’ve stayed single for <b> <em>so long </em> </b> and then when things <b>finally </b>started heating up again you left me out???” </p>
<p>Joe rolled his eyes, “It’s not like a lot was happening, Mimi. And I didn’t want the scrutiny. You can’t help yourself when something’s cooking.” </p>
<p>“He’s right, Mimi,” said Sora, “And Joe! This is exciting! It’s been a long time.” </p>
<p>Joe flushed and held up his hands, “Hold on. It’s not actually- we’re not- we’ve just been-” </p>
<p>“Just talking,” said Alex, drumming the table a little. She was smiling but there was something cunning in her expression too. “That’s… fascinating. It’s not Matt’s usual pattern. <em> Interesting </em>.”</p>
<p>Joe blinked at her, realizing that he didn’t actually know her that well and that she knew Matt and all of Matt’s friends and all of Matt’s <em> exes </em>far better than she knew Joe. Mimi seemed to realize what Joe was thinking because she tugged on Alex’s arm, “Baby, listen. Promise you won’t meddle? Joe’s one of my very best friends, and one of the very best guys I know. So you can’t interfere or else.” </p>
<p>Alex shook her head, “No worries. I wasn’t thinking about it. Just thinking… By the way, what’s a long time?” At the blank looks she received, she clarified to Joe. “They said it’s been a long time since you’ve dated anyone?” </p>
<p>“Oh,” Joe shrugged, “Like two years.” </p>
<p>“Oh okay, that’s cool,” said Alex, completely casual about it. “Well, I can put your mind at ease about one thing then.” Joe blinked at her, and she jerked her head in the direction of Matt and Sam’s table. “You keep glancing over there. That guy he’s talking to—Sam.” She smiled at Mimi, “Sam is one of <em> my </em> very best friends. And I can tell you for a fact that there is <em> nothing </em>going on between Matt and Sam. They care about each other a lot because they were each other’s first boyfriends—first everythings—and went through a lot together, but there’s no romance there anymore. They had a good breakup, good closure, and now they just look out for each other like this.”</p>
<p>“Aw, <em> Babe </em>,” Mimi cooed, “it’s so nice when you’re reassuring like this.” </p>
<p>Sora rolled her eyes at Mimi but smiled at Alex, “You really know your way around your friends, huh?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess. We’ve all been close since the start of high school.” </p>
<p>It was tempting to ask Alex for more information, Joe thought, but he didn’t want to annoy her or make it seem like he was prying too much. So he smiled and said, “Thanks, Alex.” </p>
<p>“No problem,” she said, “and hey, have you guys ever actually heard Matt sing before?” </p>
<p>Tai and the others gave quick nos in addition to Joe’s “not really.” Alex smirked, “<em> That </em> I can do something about. <b> <em>HEY</em> </b>.”  She yelled over the music playing from the speakers and the chatter spread throughout the room. It was impressive; people actually stopped talking and looked over. “Let’s get the open mic going!”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alright, virtually every character is gathered at a party (minus the poor little high school babies). I'll post Chapter 7 this weekend! \o </p>
<p>Thanks for comments, kudos, reading, etc. :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you've been waiting for something to HAPPEN, this is it. We're here.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Matt smirked in response to Alex’s call to the open mic. Sammy shook his head and grabbed his beer—recognizing that their conversation was over at least for now. Matt gave him a casual two fingered salute. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s your girl,” said Matt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn straight she’s my girl,” said Sammy, standing and smiling at Matt, “Glad we got to catch up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too,” said Matt, and he rapped his knuckles against the wooden table. “Duty calls.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stood and stretched—looking around for the bandmates, and Dennis, and Chelsea. Haida and Tori were already heading over from the bar, and Haida took the initiative to cup both hands around his mouth and holler, “</span>
  <b>ASSEMBLE</b>
  <span>!” Tori shoved him for that but waved Aaron and Julian over. Dennis was walking over as well. Matt grinned, pleased that this song was so readily available for him, Dennis, and Chelsea to cover together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Chels, come on!” Matt called out, but Chelsea waved him off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll go up to make my entrance when it’s my turn to jump in,” and she looked delighted at the prospect. Matt openly rolled his eyes at that, and he sauntered over to one of the mics and tested its volume by calling her out, “Diva.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chelsea stuck her tongue out and flipped him off from her spot at a table with Dustin and Aleida. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took a minute for the band and Dennis to confirm the sound quality of the set up on stage; this would be the first performance of the night after all. But as soon as they were, Matt turned around to the room with a wicked grin on his face and hit the opening to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlnwXIigAAs">“Monsters” by All Time Low</a> hard. </span>
</p>
<p><em><span>“Why do all the monsters come out at night?</span></em><em><span><br/>
</span></em> <em><span>Why do we sleep where we want to hide? </span></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Why do I run back to you </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Like I don’t mind if you fuck up my life?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He let his voice shred over the phrase “fuck up my life,” and a voice that was obviously Min whooped its approval. It was a pretty manageable song for him to cover, well within his usual repertoire. Lots of opportunity to move in time with the notes that hit harder. He didn’t actually love performing in an outfit like this—not as much freedom—but there were still plenty of ways to match movement with music. Dennis was providing milder back up vocals up until: </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m addicted to the way you hurt, the way you contradict me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I swear everything looks worse at night, I think I’m overthinking.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt had a lot of respect for Dennis as a singer and a dancer; he always had. But Dennis rapping was his favorite Dennis performance type. His roommate’s natural skill with speaking, flow, and rhythm was always peak when rapping, and he had great natural body language for it as well. Dennis rapping also meant that it was time for Chelsea to—</span>
  <em>
    <span>yup, there she goes</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chelsea—clad in a tight green dress—practically danced up to her mic (and the room gave her the birthday levels of approval she was obviously fishing for), and she and Dennis riffed off each other perfectly when she came in with “tell me pretty lies.” After the Demi and blackbear duet, all three of them were back together on vocals, wailing the song out to its conclusion together. Matt measured his voice for this; it wasn’t his job to outdo them on volume, especially not Chelsea. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the song concluded, everyone started clapping along with some friendly catcalls (it was a party after all). Matt hoped he was surreptitious about sneaking a glance to the booth Joe and his friends were at. They were at their booth with Alex and had been joined by Sammy. Matt grinned into the mic and moved them into their next song—just the band without Chelsea and Dennis, though both would be up later in the night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, time to go to ‘<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Kuwwta_Mms">Bummerland</a>,’” he said, and Julian immediately started on the keyboard behind him, but he jumped in right after those first key notes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Bummerland, here I am, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Better nix my summer plans” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was one of their songs off the album, and their friends knew the lyrics well, so, per usual, it was turning into a sing along with the bar, at least whenever the chorus hit. After this, Matt thought, they’d take a break, and maybe he'd actually get to go sit with Joe and the others for a while before he had to sing more. He’d meant what he said earlier; he wanted to spend at least some time with Joe in between songs during the party. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After “Bummerland” wrapped, Tori launched into a fast-paced guitar cover of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tJriMlnpHk">“See You Again”</a> (Mirei cheered loud for her boyfriend), and Matt got to step away from the stage. He had every intention of making his way over to Joe but wanted to check in with Chelsea and tease her briefly for her dramatic entrance (</span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking musical theater majors</span>
  </em>
  <span>). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Chelsea was sitting with Trei, Dustin, and Travis, and the entire group seemed way too pleased that he was walking towards them. Chelsea winked at him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Great</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt rested a hand on his hip when he got to their table, “Well, I was going to make fun of you for prancing up to the mic like that, but now I can see the birthday girl has something else on her mind…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dustin leaned back and put his hands up, “I’m apologizing in advance for what’s about to happen, Matt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt raised an eyebrow, and Travis leaned back in his seat grinning wide, “Look. Just help us out and settle this once and for all. Me or Trei? Who’s better in bed?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>These </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>fucking </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>clowns.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Matt rolled his eyes and folded his arms, “I told you, I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>ranking </span>
  </em>
  <span>guys like that. It’s gross. And you’re gross for asking.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, wait a minute,” said Dustin, leaning forward and leveling a glare at Travis and Trei, “I’m part of this conversation too. It’s not just you two.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, leave </span>
  <b>me </b>
  <span>out of this!” Sammy yelled, and Matt grimaced and gripped his arms hard in annoyance. Sammy was seated at the same booth as Joe and the others which meant that this conversation was happening loudly enough for- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dustin, please,” said Trei, “That was high school. You really want Matt measuring you in high school against me and Travis within the past year?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good point,” said Dustin quickly. He smirked at Matt, “Look, Matt, whatever score you’d give me in high school just bump it up to account for how I’ve naturally improved since then.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chelsea was cracking up at the look on Matt’s face but managed to pull it together long enough to coo at him, “Aw, come on, Matt. Just rank them. They’re asking for it. Besides, </span>
  <b>I’m </b>
  <span>curious.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you,” Matt ground out, “I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, come on, Baby Blue,” Trei tilted his chair back with all the confidence in the world, “Just do me this favor. I know it’s me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>For the love of-</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Fine</b>
  <span>,” Matt snapped. He snatched the shot glass that was sitting in front of Dustin and downed its contents in one fell swoop (“Hey!”) before flipping all of them off, “The answer is </span>
  <b>
    <em>me </em>
  </b>
  <span>because I blew </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>your goddamn minds.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chelsea was howling at this, and Matt grabbed her arm and dragged her to the bar. Plans to hang out with Joe forgotten for now. Chelsea was still snickering when Matt ordered a cranberry vodka for her and grumbled a “Happy birthday, diva-brat.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She accepted the glass, grinning, “Matt, that was great. Way to show ‘em.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He rolled his eyes, “You don’t have to encourage them.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, lighten up, it’s just for fun, and you know it. Besides, I’m confident I already know who you’ve hooked up with that’s best in bed.” When Matt quirked an eyebrow at her, she rolled her eyes and added, “I lived with Trei when you two dated the second time. Those walls? Very thin.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a testament to the kind of friendship he had with Chelsea that Matt didn’t go even remotely pink at that comment. “Trei likes it noisy. It was partially for his sake.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chelsea raised her eyebrows, “Only partially?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Only partially.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” said Chelsea, leaning in, “we have </span>
  <em>
    <span>got </span>
  </em>
  <span>to go clubbing sometime now. I’m not taking no for an answer. Whoever else can come, but it’s gotta be you and me there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure,” Matt rolled his eyes and grinned, “as if I’m allowed to say no to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly, and besides,” she tossed some hair over her shoulder, “if you don’t want to hook up with anyone, I promise to respect that and help you stay single.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh, what’s your plan of attack? Because Min and Dennis are doing a pretty good job of keeping me on lockdown.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Easy</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she puffed up her chest, “I snag all the guys before they even realize you’re there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted, “Ambitious. Alright, well, we can plan something soon. How about-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“CHELSEA. MATT.” Min’s voice rang over the din of the party; she was kneeling on a chair with both hands cupped around her mouth. Haida backed her up by pounding a table a few times to finish gathering everyone’s attention. “SING OFF.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chelsea and Matt exchanged a quick glance and shrugged. Whenever the setting called for it, their group’s get-togethers led to something like this. If it wasn’t a game of Song Dares (the group collectively daring each singer present to perform whatever embarrassing song choice they could come up with), it was a sing off—often between Matt and Chelsea, the only two members of their grade at BFA who had made it into Master Choir sophomore year. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt hollered to the room at large, “What song?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘34+35!’” Travis shouted, looking smug. Matt and Chelsea mutually rolled their eyes at that, but Min was the one who actually shot him down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Travis, you are a perv and </span>
  <em>
    <span>way </span>
  </em>
  <span>too obvious.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis spoke up next, “‘My Head &amp; My Heart.’” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Unfair advantage to Chelsea,” Alex jumped in. “Need something balanced. Gaga’s in both their ranges. Let them do ‘Rain On Me.’” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oooh,” Chelsea looked to Matt, “do you want to be Ariana or Gaga?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room acquiesced to this, and Matt and Chelsea put their heads together—pulling the lyrics up on their phones and divvying them up between the two of them. Matt snuck another glance at Joe, who was engaged in conversation with Tai, Sora, Izzy, Mimi, Sammy, and Alex. He looked good, comfortable and casual amongst friends. A little more confident than how Matt often saw him—blushing and nervous; the blushing was cute, but the confidence was… kinda hot. </span>
</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy looked at Alex and Sam curiously, “They seem… really ready to just sing a song that you all picked on a whim.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex and Sam smirked at each other, and Sam spoke up, “Well that’s what happens. Our get-togethers are always… I mean, if there’s the space for it, then there’s going to be some improvisational performances. You guys are lucky there isn’t a dance floor here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex chimed in, “If there’s a dance floor, the dancers go nuts. Sometimes injuries happen.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam looked at her, “Remember that time Dustin went to do a handstand and kicked Trei in the face?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly,” Alex nodded sagely, “as it is, when we’ve got a set up for music like this… I mean there’s so many musicians and singers in this room. And Matt and Chelsea in particular…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They were the best singers in our grade at BFA,” Sam continued, and it was genuinely remarkable how readily he and Alex could finish each other’s sentences. Mimi also seemed fascinated by their seamless exchanges. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe drank from the beer that Mimi had gone to get him (while also grabbing a beer for Izzy since she was buying for him all night), “So are they always the ones doing these competitions?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not necessarily,” said Alex, and sure enough Sam chimed in right after her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But what you have to understand about Matt and Chelsea is that their friendship is…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex grinned, “You can sum up their friendship as-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s like ‘brb doing hot girl shit,’” said Sam easily. He shrugged at the blank looks he received from Joe and the others. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi tilted her head, “‘Hot girl shit?’” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, like,” Alex waved a finger around, “like this cover they’re about to do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In Matt’s defense,” Sam added, “the hot girl attitude mostly comes from Chelsea. He’s along for the ride—sometimes more willingly, sometimes reluctantly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh!” Alex’s smirk grew ten times more wicked, “Like that summer Chelsea convinced Matt to take pole dancing classes with her.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe lost the ability to speak. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai however had not, “Did they </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>take pole dancing?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Sam rolled his eyes, “to be honest, I’m not sure how unwilling Matt was for that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy seemed to realize that Joe had lost the ability to speak, so he followed up, “So then, for the sing-off, what happens? Does Matt throw it to make sure Chelsea wins on her birthday?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh </span>
  <b>god </b>
  <span>no,” said Alex immediately, “he tried doing that once for her birthday, and she spent the rest of the night torturing him with song requests because it was so obvious what he did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’ll go all out.” Sam added. “We don’t need a repeat of her demanding five different Britney Spears songs in a row from him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Toxic’ </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>pretty good though…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The group turned their attention to the mini-stage where Matt and Chelsea were now setting up. Dennis had found the backtrack for the song and plugged his phone into the speakers behind them. When he pressed <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoAm4om0wTs">play</a>, Matt had to jump in almost immediately. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They had split the song virtually in half. Matt took the first verse, Chelsea took the second, and they combined afterwards for the final third of the song. At first, Joe had thought the goal would simply be to outdo each other on volume, but, while volume was clearly a factor, they were also taking distinct approaches to the song itself. Matt hit the first verse hard, letting his voice go rough around certain lines, and then softened on the chorus. Chelsea took the opposite approach; her voice was softer during her verse, but she came in loud on the chorus. It also seemed, to Joe, that Matt was angling for the song’s emotional notes more so than Chelsea who was going for sex appeal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not that sex appeal wasn’t in play for both of them (Matt’s sweater slipped off both shoulders at one point and hung above his elbows). The aforementioned “hot girl shit” attitude that Sam had mentioned was obvious, as was the fact that both of them had backgrounds in dance. The competition was fierce but also clearly friendly. Neither one of them stopped smiling during the performance, and they were remarkably in sync when they came in together during the last third of the song. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was really fun watching Matt cut loose with his friends like this… and the performance was engaging enough to stop Joe from thinking </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>hard about the conversation between Matt and his exes (</span>
  <em>
    <span>were they all actually exes or just-?</span>
  </em>
  <span>) from earlier. That moment had at least confirmed what Min had said earlier: there were plenty of men that could conceivably hit on the blonde tonight. And between the three men at that table and Sam, Matt had history with… quite a few guys in the room, all things considered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s natural neurosis was begging him to overthink all of this, but he was trying—</span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> trying—to heed Min’s advice and not pay attention to it. Besides, there was new information to digest, like the fact that, at some point in his past, Matt had taken pole dancing classes. Not that he could let himself think too hard about that right now either, but… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A quick survey of the room </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>have Chelsea winning, but it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>close. Chelsea moved into another song with Dennis afterwards (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RQNe52jkao">some pop song that featured a rapper</a>), and Matt got to step down from the stage. For a moment, Joe thought Matt was on his way to their booth, but then the blonde ducked to join another table with two guys that Joe didn’t recognize.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam stood up and started heading to the same table, but he turned around, “Nice meeting you all. Alex, come on.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex moved to follow him, but quickly added to Mimi, “Come with, if you want to meet Kevin and Hamza?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi grinned and waved at her friends before skipping off to follow Alex to the same table with the newly identified Kevin and Hamza. This left Joe, Izzy, Tai, and Sora at their booth to resume conversation while performances continued to play out on stage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, so now that it’s just us,” said Tai, he rounded on Joe, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> haven’t you asked him out?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe paused while switching seats to keep Sora company on her side of the booth (now that Alex and Mimi had vacated) to sigh, “Tai. It’s a party. Isn’t there anything—literally </span>
  <b>
    <em>anything</em>
  </b>
  <span>—that you would rather talk about?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” said the brunette simply, and Joe hung his head, “I want to focus on getting you this littler pole dancer you’ve apparently been </span>
  <em>
    <span>wooing </span>
  </em>
  <span>behind our backs-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora and Izzy lost it at the reference to the pole dancing, and Joe felt himself start melting into the seat. He bolted upright, however, when Tai sat up, waved a hand, and called over to the other table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oi</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Matt, get over here! I wanna talk.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>Tai</em>
  </b>
  <span>, what are you </span>
  <b>doing</b>
  <span>-” Joe began to hiss but had to cut himself short immediately when Matt wandered over to their table. The blonde took a quick look at both sides of the booth before squeezing himself next to Joe. Joe’s face heated up automatically, especially when the length of Matt’s thigh pressed up against his. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt seemed completely unphased by the contact, “What’s up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a brief moment where Joe was left to panic because Tai was </span>
  <b>The Worst</b>
  <span> and had called Matt over here with no pretense whatsoever, so now what was he supposed to- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai leaned forward over his drink, “How much does T.K. talk to you about his personal life?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked but quickly smirked and leaned forward as well, “That depends. How much does Kari tell you about hers?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora’s mouth fell open as she looked back and forth between the two older brothers and even slapped the table, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Are we </span>
  <em>
    <span>FINALLY </span>
  </em>
  <span>going to talk about this? Oh my god.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Relief washed over Joe. Okay. So Tai </span>
  <b>did </b>
  <span>have something in mind when he called Matt over. Not even a remotely bad idea. The talk about T.K. and Kari was </span>
  <em>
    <span>long </span>
  </em>
  <span>overdue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai leaned back again, “She tells me enough. I just need to know if T.K. talks about her like she talks about him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dude</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt leaned forward even further, and, on purpose or accident, was even more pressed to Joe’s side, “Takeru is </span>
  <em>
    <span>ridiculous </span>
  </em>
  <span>about her. Has been for </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’ve been telling him that they’ve got to do something before high school’s over.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai nodded, “I said the same thing to her last week. It’s </span>
  <b>insane </b>
  <span>that nothing’s happened yet. I mean, I used to feel pretty protective about the whole thing, but-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But they’re so sweet together!” Sora burst in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe turned to Matt, “Does T.K. ever give a reason as to why he’s never said anything to her? Because,” he looked between both of the older brothers, “they’ve never actually admitted it to each other, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai nodded at Joe’s question, “No, they haven’t.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt sighed and tugged on a tuft of his bangs, “No </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>reasons. I think he feels like it’s too much pressure now…? Like they’ve cared about each other for so long, that he’s worried he’ll ruin it if he actually goes for it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“On Kari’s end,” said Tai, “I think she </span>
  <b>does </b>
  <span>worry that T.K. doesn’t feel the same.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head, “That’s nuts. Takeru talks about her like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>treasure</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’ve never heard anyone talk about someone the way he talks about her.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai smiled and shook his head, “I go back and forth about getting involved in this… I don’t want to push them, you know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly,” Matt said, “It feels too important for that. And delicate. I want them to get their chance the right way, on their terms.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Izzy put a hand on the table, “does that apply to encouraging them? Don’t both of them respect your opinions? I mean, as much as Kari makes fun of you, Tai, she still looks up to you. You know that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All five of them continued this conversation for a while; Matt and Tai both in agreement that the younger siblings needed a push (but a gentle one, that didn’t involve overtly telling them what to do). This eventually transitioned into general personal updates about the group; Matt seemed particularly interested in all their reads and interpretations of the social dynamics between the high schoolers, having only ever heard T.K.’s reports about his friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was comfortable, having Matt sit with them, and Joe was even starting to feel grateful for Tai’s intervention, when a guy Joe didn’t know by name wandered over with a drink for Matt. He had been one of the three guys earlier who had asked Matt to rank them in bed, not Trei but, apparently, someone Matt had been with more recently based on that dialogue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Babe,” he said easily (</span>
  <em>
    <span>way too easily</span>
  </em>
  <span>) before sliding the glass in front of Matt, “I didn’t actually get a chance to talk to you tonight. You look hot, by the way.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, but don’t call me babe,” said Matt. His voice was light and disinterested, but he still accepted the drink. Under the table, his leg bumped Joe’s. “Guys, this is Travis. Joe, Sora, Tai, Izzy.” He added, pointing to each of them in turn for the other’s edification. “They’re friends with my brother, and Mimi’s dating Alex now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cool,” said Travis, and Joe took a moment to study him. Matt… did not seem to have a type. Joe had thought previously that Trei was the polar opposite of Joe, but Travis was his polar opposite in an entirely different kind of way. Where Trei was sporty and athletic, Travis was… punk?</span>
  <em>
    <span> Is that even the right word for it?</span>
  </em>
  <span>  One of his arms was covered in a black and white sleeve tattoo, and he had more piercings than Joe could innocuously count in the moment. He also had bright blue eyes that rivaled Matt’s and dark brown shaggy hair that was currently tied back in a low loose ponytail. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy piped up, “Did you also go to BFA?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Travis shook his head, loose hairs sweeping in front of his face in a way that was simultaneously messy and graceful, “Nah, I wish. That would have been sweet. I met Matt and the rest of the band at their shows and became part of the crew. I do a lot of sound mixing for concerts around the city. Stuff like that. A little DJing too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh,” Sora leaned forward with polite interest, “Do you meet a lot of the acts that come through? Who's been the best to work with?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Travis was about to answer when Matt coughed, having just taken a sip from the drink, “Holy </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Trav. This is </span>
  <b>strong</b>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Travis smirked, “My bad. Forgot you’re not… well, me. And anyways,” he turned his attention back to Sora, “The guys from One Republic are really cool, down to earth. It’s a pretty mixed bag overall with celebrities though. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wish </span>
  </em>
  <span>Depeche Mode was a little more laid back; that would be cool.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt, having recovered from his first sip of the drink, pointed at Travis and offered, “Trav is a </span>
  <b>big </b>
  <span>fan of Depeche Mode. Embarrassingly big fan of their work.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe did not know that band name. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could say that,” Travis scratched the back of his neck, “Never heard you complaining when I put their stuff on though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I don’t mind. They’re great,” said Matt, very carefully sipping at the drink Travis had brought him, “it’s just too bad they don’t talk with the crew at the venues as much.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me about it,” said Travis, but he leaned down to wink at Matt, “At least the local groups are always down to hang out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt rolled his eyes and shoved Travis’s face away from his own, “Please.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Travis was completely undeterred by this and spoke around Matt’s hand, “Aw, come on. Look, what’re you doing after the party tonight? I bet I can sneak you out of here before Min and Dennis even notice, then you can just text your babysitters later. We’ll do a jailbreak. It’ll be fun.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt stiffened and actually flushed at that, “Travis, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>told </span>
  </em>
  <span>you, I’m not-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt! Matt!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone at their booth, including Travis, turned to look at Chelsea who was waving frantically for Matt. The redhead was sitting around the table with Alex, Sam, Hamza, Kevin, and Mimi, and, from the looks of the table, they had all been doing shots for some kind of drinking game. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chelsea giggled and continued once she had their attention, “You and Alex! Duet! Do a break up song!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt raised an eyebrow, “Breakup song? You want that on your </span>
  <em>
    <span>birthday</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chelsea clarified, “Not, like, a sad break up song. Like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>revenge </span>
  </em>
  <span>break up song. Like a ‘fuck you, haha, I win!’ break up song. Come </span>
  <em>
    <span>on</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you two sound great together on break up songs. Do it, do it, do it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex and Matt made eye contact and smirked, “Halsey?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Halsey.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without missing a beat, Matt shoved Travis out of his way unceremoniously and joined Alex on the stage. Travis, looking mildly annoyed, walked off with a “Nice meeting you guys.” He was soon replaced by Mimi—clearly drunk and clearly proud of herself. She slid into the spot Matt had left behind and punched Joe’s arm a few times. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Got your back, buddy!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai blinked at her, “No, </span>
  <b>
    <em>I </em>
  </b>
  <span>did that. I brought Matt over here in the first place. What’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>do?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi waved a hand around, “Broke up whatever </span>
  <b>
    <em>that </em>
  </b>
  <span>was. Alex said Travis was probably hitting on Matt, so I said someone needed to break it up. Chelsea swooped in with the song request. Like I said,” she punched Joe’s arm again, “we gotcha, buddy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe squinted at her, “What’d you tell Chelsea?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing,” Mimi chirped, “I think she wanted the song request anyways.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On stage, Alex and Matt had both grabbed guitars and slipped into an acoustic cover of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YO0T4ijf4LI">“You Should Be Sad”</a> (they introduced it; Joe didn’t actually recognize the song). It was good; both of their voices had a natural roughness that went well with the lyrics. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora looked at Joe and smiled, “Honestly, I think Matt had that under control. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>pretty </span>
  </em>
  <span>determined to shoot him down.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he did,” said Joe absently, watching the stage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mimi,” Tai smirked, “Are you having fun tonight?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This launched Mimi into a tipsy ramble about how cool Alex was, which included multiple gestures at the stage where Alex was in fact playing guitar and singing in the same kind of coffeehouse voice that Matt had initially described back when he first set them up. Joe smiled; Mimi was always over or under enthusiastic about the people she dated. There was rarely any in between, so it was nice to see her excited about Alex like this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When “You Should Be Sad” concluded, Chelsea continued to lay on the requests (see also: demands), “Matt, do some Broadway. I’ve got a bunch of backtracks on my phone. Scroll through and find something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt rolled his eyes, but he was smiling when he took Chelsea’s phone and started scrolling around. Min hopped up to the stage to help him pick a song (“Sexy Broadway!”) which only seemed to slow the process, but, eventually, Matt had Chelsea’s phone plugged in to the speakers, and guitar playing started streaming through the speakers before Matt entered on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjpH15kuTps">vocals</a>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I am what you want me to be, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And I’m your worst fear, you’ll find it in me. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Come closer, come closer” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span> At “come closer,” Matt made a beckoning motion to the room at large and seemed to have taken Min’s request for “sexy Broadway” (whatever she had meant by that) seriously. Joe had no idea what the context of the song was in the actual musical, but Matt was working the mic stand like a pole, and his friends were going wild for it. Dennis was laughing, Min and Chelsea were shrieking approval, Alex was jamming out at her table along with some other friends. Joe grinned. It was easy to see how Matt had become the performer he was. The blonde had mentioned to Joe that playing music had always been his way of keeping himself company, but it was clear that, when he had found this particular group of friends, they had all spurred each other on. In Matt’s case, performance turned into a way to maintain company. That thought might have been sad under different circumstances, but, Joe thought, looking around the room, it had obviously worked for him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> “Hnnnngh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex looked up at Mimi’s whine and kissed her again. Both women were standing close to each other at the bar—drinking just the two of them and just generally being a little handsy and flirty. Mimi was an </span>
  <em>
    <span>excellent </span>
  </em>
  <span>date. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Alex matched Mimi’s pout with her own, “What up, Babe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They had also mutually fallen into pet names and cute rhetoric </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>quickly into their dating, which, as far as Alex was concerned, had only added to the fun of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi tugged on a bit of Alex’s short hair and frowned, “Nothing’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>happening</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex frowned for real at that. Mimi was obviously drunk, but she didn’t… “What do you mean ‘nothing’s happening,’ Babe?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi tilted her head before turning her gaze in the direction of two men in particular. Joe was chatting with his friends. Matt was with Min and Dennis on the other side of the room, following </span>
  <em>
    <span>another </span>
  </em>
  <span>performance on the stage. Mimi turned her gaze back to Alex, who had followed her stare around the room, and pouted further as if to emphasize the injustice of all this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just… want Joe to be happy,” Mimi kept whining. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex raised her eyebrows, “Well, you did expressly forbid me from meddling. So.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi huffed, blowing hair away from her face, “I take it back. Meddle with me. Scheme with me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex smirked, wicked and cunning, “If you insist… I think we might be able to do something about this.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> Joe had gone up to the bar to grab drinks for him and Sora (her 21st wasn’t until April) when Mimi accosted him. The strawberry blonde gripped onto his arm with alarming urgency and whisper-shouted in his ear after tugging him down, “Joe! Joe! I need your help.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked at her, shaking his arm a little to loosen her grip, “Uh, what’s wrong?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> It was hard to take Mimi’s insistence too seriously when she was so obviously tipsy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need you to check the back of my skirt for me. It’s gotta be you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked some more, “I’m sorry, </span>
  <b>what</b>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe,” Mimi made an exasperated noise and launched into a rapid pace explanation, “Look, okay, I’m on my period, and like-Joe, for the love of- don’t make that face, you’re planning on being a doctor, </span>
  <em>
    <span>jesus </span>
  </em>
  <b>christ- </b>
  <span>but look I think it might have </span>
  <em>
    <span>leaked </span>
  </em>
  <span>and trickled, like, up my ass, so there might be like, blood on the back of my skirt and I need you to check or else what if Alex notices, oh my </span>
  <b>god</b>
  <span>, that would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>embarrassing-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hold on,” said Joe, and he had not stopped blinking, “why aren’t you asking Sora to do this?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sora</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Joe, are you-” Mimi huffed and threw a hand in the air, “Are you nuts? Do you know how humiliating it is for a girl to fuck up her period like this? I can’t let </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sora </span>
  </em>
  <span>know. What if she judges me, it’s gotta be you, it’s your sworn duty as my only gay guy friend, so- come- </span>
  <b>on</b>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the last three words, she tugged Joe bodily in the direction of the bathrooms which were down a small separate hallway off the side of the bar. Still in view of the rest of the second floor, but, Joe reasoned, a little less noticeable to the room at large. He sighed and let Mimi pull him over, resigning himself to the knowledge that his friendship with Mimi was reaching new and uncharted territory.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they got to the entryway of the hallway, Mimi stopped and turned around, sticking her butt out in a way that was, frankly, unnecessary. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, Mimi,” Joe muttered and adjusted his glasses, hoping beyond hope that no one was looking over towards the bathrooms, “What exactly am I looking for? Just blood stains?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes! They might be small, either way, </span>
  <b>
    <em>so </em>
  </b>
  <span>embarrassing, so just </span>
  <b>look</b>
  <span>, okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe did as instructed and </span>
  <b>looked</b>
  <span>, but, for the life of him, he couldn’t see any blood. “Mimi, I don’t think anything happened. It looks f-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh hi, Matt!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next sequence of events happened very quickly. Quick enough to send Joe’s head spinning. Matt had wandered out of the bathroom, walking back to the main space to rejoin the party. Mimi, spotting this, had spun away from Joe and shoved Matt forcefully towards him so that Matt, completely unsuspecting and unprepared, came stumbling to a halt right in front of Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>MISTLETOE</b>
  <span>. </span>
  <b>MISTLETOE</b>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe and Matt both blinked at each other, and then the mistletoe that had been strung up above this mini-hallway all night (a few people had posed for pictures under it earlier in the evening). Then, both men turned towards the source of the call. Alex was standing at a table with Sam, Hamza, and Kevin—banging the hardwood top and hollering. Other people around the room joined in, and Joe </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>he had gone beet red. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked at Matt and felt like shit. The blonde’s eyes had widened in surprise, and he was looking around at the people in the room. Joe bit his lip and launched into a </span>
  <em>
    <span>tirade </span>
  </em>
  <span>of an apology. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt, I’m </span>
  <b>so </b>
  <span>sorry, this is Mimi’s doing, her and Alex, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>guess</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and really all my fault, we shouldn’t have intruded in the first place, now you have to deal with this on top of- and, really, just forget about it, don’t feel obligated- I can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>believe </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mimi- you’ve got enough going on- I swear I wasn’t in on this, I didn’t ask her to do anything, I would actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>it if they’d just butt out (but no one listens to me when I say that), so I’m really </span>
  <b>
    <em>really </em>
  </b>
  <span>sorry, let’s just forget about this, I’m just going to-</span>
  <em>
    <span>hrk</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Matt </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>been looking around the room, for what Joe couldn’t say, but had suddenly turned back to Joe, looking determined and focused and </span>
  <em>
    <span>gorgeous </span>
  </em>
  <span>and- both of his hands flew up to Joe’s sweater, fisting into the fabric, and yanking the taller man down to press their lips together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room had definitely filled with some catcalls or whooping, but Joe couldn’t hear it anymore. All of that had melted into the background. The initial force of Matt pulling him down had given way to the blonde’s lips which were totally soft and pliant against Joe’s, and, as soon as Joe’s body or brain or both caught up with what was happening, he reacted instinctively. One arm wrapped around Matt’s waist pulling him closer while his other hand found its way back into Matt’s hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> If he had tried, he might have been able to distinguish his friend’s yelling their approval amidst the audio chaos, but, in that moment, it didn’t even remotely occur to him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matt splashed some water on his face in the bathroom and shook his head to clear it. Far from drunk, he never liked performing inebriated, so the goal had always been to get buzzed at most tonight. Maybe a little more than buzzed, but far from sloppy. Still, the night was getting long, and he was tired from having been up and down from the stage all night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He exhaled, fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror—untying it, running a hand through it, and re-tying it. Chelsea’s parties were always fun, and this was no exception. The only bummer so far was how hard it had been to find time to hang out at Joe’s booth. He had sort of expected that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But still</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once his hair was appropriately back in place, Matt left the bathroom. He only vaguely managed to register that Joe and Mimi were blocking the opening to this hallway before Mimi pulled a shockingly quick maneuver: ducking away from Joe, gripping Matt by the shoulders, and shoving him with her full body weight. Matt stumbled forward into Joe, mind scrambling to keep up with the situation when Alex’s voice rang out—clear and loud. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>MISTLETOE</b>
  <span>. </span>
  <b>MISTLETOE</b>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What the f- </span>
  </em>
  <span>Matt blinked at Joe and looked up, confirming that they had in fact ended up underneath the mistletoe that people had been messing with or posing with all night. He spared a glance to Alex, marveling a little that Mimi was already able to rope her into such an obvious ploy. Then again, Alex was always down for mischief management. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beside him, Joe had begun some kind of apology-rant-thing, but Matt wasn’t paying attention to it. He looked around the room, quickly scanning for one person in particular. Min was easy to locate, standing next to Dennis with her arms folded and eyebrows raised. Matt quirked one eyebrow at her, asking silently. She rolled her eyes, sighed visibly, and shrugged at him before smiling. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“If you must.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He grinned, and turned back to Joe, quickly considering his options here. Joe stopping </span>
  <b>immediately </b>
  <span>on that first Friday came to mind. Texting and calling to make sure Matt was okay. His embarrassment over the </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupidest </span>
  </em>
  <span>things imaginable. Fixing Matt’s scarf. Showing up when he knew Matt wouldn’t be feeling well (by Matt’s own doing). All of it. How unequivocally earnest and sweet he’d been at every. Single. Turn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>it if they’d just butt out (but no one listens to me when I say that), so I’m really </span>
  <b>
    <em>really </em>
  </b>
  <span>sorry, let’s just forget about this, I’m just going to-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was enough for Matt. He grabbed two fistfuls of Joe’s sweater and pulled him down, rising up on his toes to meet him partway, and kissing him full on. There was a brief pause (and Matt would later swear he heard Joe’s brain fucking shortcircuit during that pause) before Joe reacted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled into the kiss and let it continue. It had only happened twice, but, based on those instances alone, Joe was Matt’s favorite kind of kisser. Holding close and secure. That was all Matt wanted anyways—just being held by someone who didn’t want to let go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They kept kissing for probably longer than was appropriate given the setting and the audience (whose reaction Matt had completely tuned out), but eventually parted. Matt stretched himself further up, just enough to whisper in Joe’s ear, “Promise you’ll call me tomorrow?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He bounced back down to have his feet fully planted on the ground, blinking up at Joe. The taller man looked flushed and a little out of breath, but he smiled at Matt and didn’t hesitate before responding, “Promise.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned and fixed the other’s glasses before spinning to face the rest of the room and head back to his people. Besides, the two of them had blocked Mimi from leaving the side hall, and he was sure she was about to leap on Joe after that show. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He walked directly to Min and Dennis at the booth they’d originally claimed at the start of the night but got his fair share of stares on his way over. Alex clapped when he passed their table. Chelsea was agog and threatening to dismember him if she didn’t get the full scoop at some point. Trei made eye contact with him briefly and gave him a smirk of approval—which was actually really nice. Dennis and Min on the other hand were just waiting for him with knowing looks on their faces. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t look so smug,” he said upon reaching the table, “it’s annoying. And anyways, do you want to head out? I feel like I’m done for the night.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You sure about that?” Min asked, wagging her eyebrows at him, “Looked like you were just warming up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt rolled his eyes, “Yes, I’m sure. Besides, it’s really late, and I’m </span>
  <b>definitely </b>
  <span>done singing tonight. That last round of songs with the band was enough.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel that,” said Dennis, clapping Matt on the shoulder. “And I’m happy to leave before either of you gets too drunk to function again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you let that go?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” said Dennis immediately, “Because it happens too often, and I deserve better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted while grabbing for his coat and scarf that had been abandoned at their booth for hours now, “Fair enough. Why do you put up with us again?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No idea,” the other replied while fixing his own coat on. Min had also stood to zip up her long puffy coat as well. Chelsea swooped down on their booth, barreling into Matt with a ferocious side hug that felt more like an attack. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt! What </span>
  <em>
    <span>gives</span>
  </em>
  <span>??? You can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>update </span>
  </em>
  <span>me? You pull that </span>
  <em>
    <span>stunt </span>
  </em>
  <span>and then you fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>dip</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shrugged, “You saw. Mistletoe. No big.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chelsea scoffed, “Yeah, ‘cause that was definitely just for the mistletoe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled and gave her a patronizing pat on the head, “I’ll update you when there’s an update, okay? Happy birthday, Chels.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah,” she folded her arms and let her glare transition into a smirk, “Thanks for being such a good sport tonight. You too, Den.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis shrugged casually and zipped up his coat, “We always have fun with an open mic. Thanks for hosting.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min and Chelsea hugged after that, and the three roommates made a couple of other pitstops to say goodbye to people around the space on their way out. It was exceptionally late, but they were the first departures of the night. Matt and Joe made eye contact multiple times throughout this process. Mimi had clearly hassled Joe immediately and tugged him back to their booth; it was obvious enough what the conversation over there was about, and Matt couldn’t help but smirk at that. He worried about Joe surviving the attention coming his way, but, then again, the blue haired man seemed to be in pretty good spirits. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, they were outside, and the cold air was bracing after being in the warm bar for so long. It helped with the vague haze of alcohol too, and- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Snow!” Min practically yipped and bounced in place a little. Matt and Dennis looked up, grinning. Sure enough, small flakes—just enough to sparkle in the city lights—were falling slowly from the sky. It was light and probably wouldn’t stick, but it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>pretty.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis tugged Min’s arm and started them walking. He looked to Matt, “So… are we gonna talk about it or…?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min peered at him curiously, but Matt just smiled and shook his head, “Not much to say.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh come </span>
  <em>
    <span>on</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Min shouted, and both of her companions laughed at her, “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>kissed </span>
  </em>
  <span>Joe. ‘Not much to say?’ </span>
  <b>
    <em>Really</em>
  </b>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “I-,” Matt’s smile stretched a little further, and he ducked his head, “I don’t know. I’m happy about it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’d you say to him?” asked Dennis, and clarified when Matt looked confused, “After the kiss. You leaned in to say something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Matt blushed, “I just, uh, asked him to call me tomorrow.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min pushed on Matt’s arm, “I’m sure I’ll be shocked by the answer, and he said…?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s blush deepened, “He promised he’d call.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The other two roommates exchanged a look and smiled. Dennis sighed, “So I guess this is happening now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min sighed, “We’ll have a fourth roommate once more soon enough.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt bit his lip, “It’s not like that. I mean-...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both roommates stared at him, waiting expectantly for him to finish the thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... I just really like him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min quieted down at that and looped an arm in Matt’s, “I’m happy then. Are you happy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt squinted up at the sky, speckled with falling snow, “Yeah, I am.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>THEY DID IT THEY KISSED IT'S HAPPENED.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>finally... FINALLY... we get to move forward. this chapter picks up the morning after the birthday party (aka The Kiss)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was late in the morning by the time Matt woke up. Waking had never come naturally to him (neither had falling asleep, for that matter), and he groaned into his pillow before stretching out on his bed—a little catlike. After that, he squinted at the clock on his desk’s shelf. 10:37. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> He rolled onto his side and pulled the blanket further up, replaying the events of last night. Specifically the kiss. His bed was warm and comfortable and perfect, and Matt would have been more than happy to stay there, feeling warm and dwelling on thoughts of kissing Joe for another hour or so, but there was one problem with that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Promise.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Betting odds were in favor of Joe waking up long ago. He’d probably already called. And so, Matt began desperately grappling for his phone, trying pathetically to reach it on his desk without fully leaving the bed. Eventually, he managed to knock it closer and grab it, pulling it back into his blanket den with him. Yup. One missed call, and some text messages (only one of which was from Joe). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Peering at his phone, Matt took a moment to recognize how genuinely relieved he was that Joe </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>called. The blue haired man had called Matt at about 8:00 (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Why the fuck would you be up that early on a weekend?</span>
  </em>
  <span>) and then sent Matt a quick text when the blonde didn’t pick up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Joe:</b>
  <span> Sorry! Should have realized you wouldn’t be up yet after last night. Call me back when you get a chance. I’m just getting work done today. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted at the completely unnecessary apology and went to check the other messages. Predictably, they were from friends following their departure from yesterday’s party. Chelsea had circled back to him, demanding gossip ASAP. Alex had texted with a quasi-“sorry for meddling” and quasi-“but also you’re welcome.” Also, predictable. There were some more messages too, teasing him for the public display or else demanding the scoop on his love life. </span>
</p>
<p><span>Having surveyed his messages, Matt pulled Joe’s contact up again but paused. </span><em><span>Need coffee.</span></em> <b>That </b><span>thought was always enough to get him out of bed. </span></p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis was already up, though still in pajamas, and playing video games on the TV in their living room. There was a cup of coffee on the table in front of him alongside a bowl of cereal. Matt sniffed the air; the coffee smelled fresh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis didn’t even need to look away from the game to know what Matt was thinking, “Hey. Coffee’s still hot. In the kitchen. Min’s asleep still.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned and shuffled into the kitchen to grab a mug. When he passed by the couch a second time, Dennis didn’t miss a beat, “Tell Joe I said hi.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know everything!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I do!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once he was safely back in his room, Matt took a long drink and then set the mug carefully on his bedside table before curling up on the bed and pulling Joe back up on his phone. Joe answered almost immediately, and Matt was torn between feeling pleased about that and a little guilty that he had obviously kept the other waiting for a reply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey. You sound relieved.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed nervously, “Well, uh, did you just wake up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt had the decency to sound sheepish, “Uh, yeah. Not a morning person.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I knew that, but,” Joe paused, sounding hesitant, “I guess I was worried you were just drunk last night.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>Oh</em>
  </b>
  <span>,” Matt came up short on a follow up, feeling much guiltier than before for sleeping in, “Shit, sorry, Joe. I didn’t think-... Uh, no. I promise I just woke up.” He drank some coffee to try to drown the guilt in caffeine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” said Joe, and he didn’t sound upset, just relieved, “then, I’m glad. Sorry if the call woke you up. I should have just waited anyways.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head, “It’s fine. I was… really glad to see you called when I woke up. Um, relieved.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe snorted at that, “As if I wouldn’t have called.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned, a little unsure of how to interpret that, but pressed on in the conversation. “I mean it. It was nice… Did your friends give you a hard time last night?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could say that,” said Joe mildly, “I’m still sorry about Mimi. It wasn’t really her place to force that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted, “Trust me, I’m sure she pushed for it, but that was probably mostly Alex’s idea. So, I’m sorry about Alex.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... Was it a good idea to set those two up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I don’t know, I have some concerns about that now. Anyways,” Matt shifted around in bed. They were dancing around the actual topic at hand. “Was… um, was last night okay? With you, I mean.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He prepared to hold his breath, but Joe’s response came quickly, “Yeah, of course. I- I mean, I was surprised, but… What about you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean,</span>
  <em>
    <span> I</span>
  </em>
  <span> kissed </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“With mistletoe and a room full of people chanting at you. And I mean, afterwards… Do you still…? How do you feel about that now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fair enough. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Matt paused to consider his answer, “The same. As last night, I mean. I-... If I didn’t want to kiss you, Joe, I would have flipped them off and gone back to Min and Dennis. But I wanted to. I… like you a lot. Obviously.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wondered how obvious it had been to Joe this whole time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s true,” some shuffling noises on Joe’s end, “you’re clearly capable of letting guys know when you’re not interested. That Travis guy by the way-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt groaned, “Ugh, </span>
  <b>don’t</b>
  <span>. He can’t take a hint. So obnoxious.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>being pretty pushy,” Joe sounded pleased, “...I like you a lot too, Matt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blushed and drank more coffee, “Sorry if Travis got to you or anything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hard not to let that get to me, to be honest. You, uh, you really don’t seem to have a type though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alex calls my ass an equal opportunity employer.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was hard to describe the noise Joe made at that, but it set Matt to cackling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, Joe started talking again, “Back when Trei was your only ex I’d seen, I thought… Well, I wasn’t sure what to think, but then all those guys last night… I just wasn’t sure how I fit into all that. Sam’s a cool guy though, we were hanging out with him for a while.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That made sense, though Matt didn’t like the implications behind what Joe was saying. He’d realized between everything else about the man’s behavior that Joe was at least a little insecure about things. And Matt wasn’t so oblivious that he couldn’t understand where Joe was coming from. He found Joe really attractive (see also: handsome, and who the fuck is actually handsome?), but was fully aware that Trei and Travis and Dustin (who had all outed themselves clearly as having been involved with Matt) were wildly distinct from Joe. Sammy—shorter, slighter, cuter, and bookish by nature—would obviously be a relief to Joe in all that, with his glasses and distinctly intellectual rhetoric. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, Sammy’s a good guy,” said Matt, “you don’t actually remind me of him that much though. If that’s what you’re getting at.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How so?” Joe asked, and Matt was glad that they were going to be able to talk about this openly. Joe wasn’t dodging out of the topic. “I mean, compared to the others…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head and laughed lightly, “Joe, you’re so obvious… I mean, what is this? You think you and Sam are just ‘nerds’ compared to the other guys?”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt sighed and thought over his response, “I really </span>
  <b>don’t </b>
  <span>have a type, Joe. I like… I don’t know, people are attractive in their own ways. It’s not like Trei and Travis are the same, and you’re the outlier. They’re each outliers too, if you’re trying to find a pattern. Actually, the most obvious pattern is height, and then Sammy’d be the only outlier in that. Everyone else is way taller than him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I mean, I can see that there isn’t a pattern, but…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt played with some hair and kept going, “Sammy’s not a STEM person. He wants to be a writer. He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>wanted to be a writer, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>has a way with words. You’re nicer than him, more patient. If I got wasted and drunk dialed Sammy, he wouldn’t show up the next day to take care of me. He’d give me a lecture (that I would deserve) and tease me about it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was silent on the other end. Matt pressed on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t be able to drunk dial Trei, because if I was that wasted, he would be wasted right alongside me. And he certainly wouldn’t put his own needs aside to take care of me, aside from maybe cheering me up with some jokes or sending me memes or something the next morning while I puked my guts out. I don’t… I don’t really think any guy I’ve dated would have done what you did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Matt chuckled, “You want to argue that’s not true? They’re my exes, Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, you’re right, I just…” Joe sighed. “Sorry, this isn’t exactly how I was hoping this call would go. And I don’t mean to come across as this insecure.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a relief to hear Joe actually use the word insecure to describe what was happening. Made it easier to push back on this. Matt sipped some more coffee and responded, “I don’t mind. If you need me to list out all the reasons I’m into you, I’ll do it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt, no, you don’t have to-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Number one… </span>
  <b>
    <em>Very </em>
  </b>
  <span>handsome. The glasses definitely do it for you. It’s that whole smart and sexy vibe, you know what I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe made a noise and hissed, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Matt-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt started cracking up, “Fine, but let me know if you ever need that. I-...” He paused and fiddled with the blanket, “I’d want you to believe me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll… keep that in mind.” Joe paused and hummed thoughtfully. “It’s not that I don’t believe that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>think that way. I do. I just think you’re probably the only one who sees me that way. Might need your eyes checked. Maybe you need glasses too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt actually frowned at that. </span>
  <b>That </b>
  <span>was unacceptably insecure. “Hey, between the two of us, one of us has diagnosed vision problems, and it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed at that, “Ah… Sorry… This isn’t-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s not,” Matt pouted around the lip of his coffee mug, “I was hoping to get some early morning flirting in with you, and now look what’s happened.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>Early</em>
  </b>
  <span> morning?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt glanced at the clock again and grimaced, “Fine. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Midday</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Whatever floats your boat. I called you first thing (other than grabbing coffee) because I wanted to flirt with you and tell you how hot you are.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Flirting, flirting,” said Joe aimlessly, which got Matt to start laughing again, “you, uh, looked ridiculous last night by the way. And I mean that in the best way possible.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smirked, “Good, ‘cause Min and Dennis gave me a lot of shit for that outfit. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Somehow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they had the idea that I wore it just because you would be there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but I hoped that went without saying. Glad it had the intended effect.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Hm, it did, uh…” Joe coughed. “Yep.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt fidgeted in bed. He knew what he wanted to happen right now, but he wanted Joe to be the one to ask. How to get there… “So now what? I really like you, Joe. And we kind of very publicly made out in front of an alarming percentage of our social circles last night.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We did, but I’m trying not to think about the public part of it so much. My friends are making that difficult though… So.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt bit his lip and waited. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you… Do you feel like you’re good to spend some more time together?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmhm,” Matt answered in the affirmative, “yeah, that’s what I want.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we… Do you still want things to be casual or… could we call it a date next time?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>There it is.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Matt smiled and shuffled deeper into the blankets. Pleased. “Are you asking me out, Joe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re okay with that, then… yes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s voice went soft, and he melted further into the blankets, “Okay then.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, so,” Joe cleared his throat, “um, what would you want to do?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned, “Surprise me. I want to try a new restaurant or something. Get some good food. Something adventurous. You plan it. Anything’s fine, but those are my only stipulations.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm, okay, I can do that. How’s Friday? After classes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dinner date, huh?” Matt was, at this point, barely peeking over his covers, he had wriggled so far down into the mass of blankets on his bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dinner date.” Joe confirmed. “I, um, hm… I’d really like to get this right, Matt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too.” Matt’s response was muffled now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, Matt, you okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh? Yeah, m’fine, just slipping underneath the blankets.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Blankets.” Matt clarified, as if that was an explanation. “Just happy. Are you happy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-... yeah,” the smile was evident in Joe’s voice. “Yeah, I am. Thanks for calling me back, Matt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for calling me.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Mimi is… a monster.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could say that,” said Matt before sipping on his tea and settling back into one of the living room’s armchairs at his mom and brother’s apartment. Said brother was sitting in one corner of the couch drinking his own tea and apparently processing the wild and comprehensive review of Chelsea’s birthday party that Matt had just recounted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” Takeru ran a hand through his hair (he had actually taken his hat off when they’d gotten home for once), “so you and Joe are… dating now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm,” said Matt, then he blinked and added, “well. I guess it’s just one date. But I kind of assumed Joe sees that as pretty serious. I should… Hm, we should talk about that on Friday. Make sure we’re on the same page.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru nodded, “Yeah, definitely. But you’re right, I’m sure he sees it as more of a commitment than one date.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled at that, cheeks going faintly pink. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you-” Takeru hesitated before continuing, “I mean, with therapy and everything, you feel good about this, right? I mean, it’s obviously your life regardless, but you feel okay about dating right now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Matt nodded, and he sort of hated how closely he was about to echo Dr. Myers, “I think that… as long as I can explain why I’m doing what I’m doing… then it’s okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru nodded, “Okay. So that means you can explain this?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well yeah,” said Matt, “I just… I like Joe, so I want to try to make something actually happen here. The issue before… with a bunch of what I was doing was just… I wasn’t always thinking through why I was doing it. And a lot of times it was just to… have company. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Any </span>
  </em>
  <span>company. Does that make sense?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that makes sense,” said Takeru, and he sipped his tea some more. “Well, I think that’s nice then. Any idea what you guys are doing on Friday?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dinner.” Matt shrugged. “I told him to plan it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know that he’s going to overthink it then, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked, “Oh shit, I didn’t think about that. You really think so?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru shrugged, “Probably. I mean, it’s Joe. Let him though. As long as you have a good time, then it pays off, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm, okay…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt squinted at Takeru after this, enough for the younger blonde to notice. “What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You and Kari.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru went red immediately at that, but his voice stayed calm. “There’s nothing to update you on. Things are the same. It’s how it always is with us. I don’t-...” He looked away. “I don’t want to ruin anything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt bit his lip, thinking carefully about how to respond. The stakes obviously felt pretty high for Takeru, which meant that they had to feel high for Matt too. That’s how it was—how it always had been. If it mattered to Takeru, then to Matt… He wet his lips before speaking, “If you… care about her so much that you don’t want to ruin anything… doesn’t that also mean that you </span>
  <em>
    <span>should </span>
  </em>
  <span>do something? That you </span>
  <em>
    <span>need </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do something?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru stared at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look,” Matt sighed, “I’m not going to pretend to be the expert here. But I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>stayed friends with exes. Trying doesn’t mean it’s going to ruin what you already have. And for what it’s worth, I’ve never regretted trying with a guy I really liked.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even Trei?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked. Takeru looked like he regretted asking immediately. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Especially Trei.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? Even the second time?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even the second time,” Matt nodded solemnly. “We’re still friends. Because we want to be. I-... Even if it was a mistake, I’m glad we gave us a second chance. It always felt like we cut it off early the first time, which we sort of did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru frowned, looking a little confused by that. “Kari and I have been friends for so long… What if she doesn’t feel the same way?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt raised an eyebrow, “Do you really believe she might not?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru blushed, “N- no, but, well, I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m home!” Both boys jolted in their seats; Takeru almost spilled his tea. They’d completely missed the sound of keys turning in the front door. Natsuko walked briskly into the dining/living room space with a couple of grocery bags bound up in her arms and surveyed the scene in the living room. “Hi, boys, what are you talking about?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru opened his mouth and then froze, face still flushed. Their mom raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt jumped in immediately, “Just updating Takeru on the latest chapter in my sordid personal life. You know. The usual.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Natsuko’s response to that was stiff, and Matt could almost roll his eyes at how predictable that was but refrained for Takeru’s sake. “Oh. Only age appropriate stories, I assume?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru had bounced back by now after shooting Matt a grateful look for the quick save, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mom</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m 17.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know that, but,” she glanced at Matt and averted her gaze, moving to set the grocery bags down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt did roll his eyes at that but opted to be the bigger person today and change the topic, “What’s the plan for dinner? I can help.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, that’s fine,” she said hastily, “I thought I’d whip up some Italian for us. I can handle it, but thank you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good call, Mom,” Takeru chimed in with the usual chipper tone he adopted whenever he was in this situation, “I don’t need to live through the two of you together in a kitchen again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Natsuko and Matt were at least mutually able to smirk at that. They had… different routines in the kitchen, and it always led to vitriol. Matt sipped his tea, “Well, what about Takeru then? He could help you out today.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you,” Natsuko chided, mild and distracted as she started setting to work in the kitchen, “I’m fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt sighed tragically, “Someone needs to teach this kid to cook.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” said Takeru, “Mom’s a good cook. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Way </span>
  </em>
  <span>better than Dad in the kitchen.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Cause it’s a good life skill, you spoiled little-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Yamato-</b>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perfect little angel.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Takeru rolled his eyes, “If I learn to cook, I might end up like you. Cooking for everyone around me. You spend half your time in kitchens.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not true, and besides,” Matt stretched out in the armchair, “it’s why I’m so popular. Part of why.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The </span>
  <b>
    <em>only </em>
  </b>
  <span>reason why.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Boys</b>
  <span>, could you two </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span>-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Natsuko’s reprimand was cut off by both brother’s breaking into laughter, and she sighed before returning to meal prep. Matt and Takeru turned the conversation to safer topics—school and the band—and Tuesday night went on from there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <span>Joe’s hands were sweating. He worried he might be sweating in general, but he felt lightheaded and didn’t trust his general perception of his own bodily functions right now. Izzy looked torn between pity, sympathy, and straight up condescension. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe. You’ve basically been on a date with him before.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But it wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>a date!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy sighed, recognizing from Joe’s tone that the other was actually in need of some form of pep talk. “I take it that if I tell you this isn’t such a big deal, that won’t cut it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe glared at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, so,” Izzy thought this over, “Joe, what are you actually nervous for right now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t even know at this point!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, well, let’s focus on what we do know. And then you’ll go on your date, and I can get back to</span>
  <em>
    <span> League of Legends</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and we’ll all have a good n-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Izzy</b>
  <span>!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, so what do we </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Matt kissed you, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He called you back the next morning?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y- yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s been flirting with you for months now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I-... guess so.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve hit it off on multiple occasions. Alone and around other people.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay…” Joe took a steadying breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, “It’s not… any of that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy blinked at the change in tone, “So then what is it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With some effort, Joe turned his gaze to the other directly and bit his lip, “It’s just… It’s been a </span>
  <b>really </b>
  <span>long time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A long time…” Izzy’s eyes widened. He shook his head at Joe and sighed, all pretense and humor lost. “Joe. Matt is </span>
  <b>not </b>
  <span>Shigure. They’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>completely </span>
  </em>
  <span>different people. Which I think is great. Good for you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know that, but it’s… </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>. What that did to </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I-...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s phone vibrated, and he blinked down at Matt’s message that he was outside. He looked up at Izzy, feeling genuinely at a loss. Izzy sighed and grabbed him by both shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe, what that </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>to you was years ago now. You focused on yourself for a while, that’s all. And that was cool. But Matt is happening </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>, right now actually, I assume that text was him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it- yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, then,” said Izzy, gently steering Joe towards the coat rack by their front door, “you need to go </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s going to be fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Izzy, I- thanks.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it. Just get going.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe hurried through putting his coat and shoes on, bundling up for the late December cold that would be waiting for him outside—along with Matt. He said a quick bye to his roommate and bolted down the front stairs, worried at this point about keeping Matt waiting. When he exited his apartment building, he spotted Matt immediately. The blonde was waiting around in front of their building checking his phone, when he looked up and spotted Joe he flashed him a brilliant smile. Joe shook his head, some of the anxiety fading away at that alone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” said Matt, looking thoroughly bundled against the cold. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi,” said Joe, “sorry if I took a while to get down here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head, “All good. I’m dressed warm.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled and instinctively moved to readjust Matt’s scarf, “That’s good. You didn’t need to stop over here first. You could have ridden the train the rest of the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head some more, “I told you, I wanted to go with you. Be surprised. And you said it would be on the way to stop here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Joe looked at the cloudy December skies above and back down at Matt, assessing the other’s winter attire, “it’s a 20 minute walk. Or we could take the train or a Lyft?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm,” Matt considered his options and seemed to be reviewing Joe’s coat too, “Are you warm enough to walk? I already took the train here, I’m good with getting some air. Feels like I’ve been too cooped up this week anyways.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” said Joe, “I’m good to walk too. Just wanted to make sure that was fine with you.” Matt smiled and fell into step beside Joe, quickly adjusting the beanie on his head to make sure his ears were covered. Joe gestured to the hat, “Is that yours or did you steal from T.K.’s collection?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted, “No, I’m actually just a person who owns an appropriate number of hats.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, what’s with that anyways?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I honestly have no idea. The kid likes hats. I can’t explain it. Neither can he, for that matter.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Speaking of ‘the kid,’” said Joe, “did you get to talk to him about Kari?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They passed the time on the walk discussing the two high schoolers for a little while. Matt was invested in Joe’s input, and Joe was open. He’d never been able to tell if something was just about to happen with those two or if something already had (though he ultimately figured they would find out one way or another if Kari or T.K. actually made any moves on each other). As they were starting to get closer to the restaurant and further into Manhattan, Matt turned them out of that topic. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, so I wanted to check something with you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, “What’s that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s brow furrowed momentarily, like he was really thinking through how to say this. Finally, he smiled and grabbed Joe’s arm with his hand (the older man’s hands were resting in his pockets for warmth), “I just… want to be clear that I’d like this to continue.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked some more, “What do you mean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s smile stretched a little further at Joe’s confusion, “I’m sort of assuming we’re on the same page here, then. But I wanted to make sure. This isn’t a one off. Or like, we’re planning on going on more dates after this one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Joe flushed a little, embarrassed. It hadn’t occurred to him that that needed clarification, but then he didn’t have a lot of experience with this. “Right. Then, I guess we’re on the same page. Sorry, I didn’t think of that. I just kind of assumed…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I like that you assumed that,” said Matt; his voice had gone a little soft. Joe smiled too at that, but then it dropped off a second later as something else occurred to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess, since we’re checking-” he hesitated, and Matt blinked up at him, “Did you, um, were you planning on… Are you going to be seeing other people?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head immediately, and the strain Joe had just felt dissipated right away. “No. I don’t like juggling guys. I don’t have time for that, it’s annoying, and… I just don’t like approaching things that way.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe nodded. Matt’s answer indicated that he had tried dating around before, which did serve as a reminder of how different their histories were, but… A voice in his head that sounded alarmingly like Izzy reminded him to focus on things he rationally knew. Like the fact that Matt was walking next to him with a hand on his arm and pulling closer from the cold. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about you?” the blonde asked. “Would you be seeing other people?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe snorted, “Very generous of you to ask that like it’s a question.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned and fixed him with a mild glare, “You could if you wanted to. Put yourself out there. Joe, you stayed single by choice, you know that, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Joe sighed and didn’t have it in him to argue that. “Fine, well, I don’t want to see anyone else either.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded and seemed pleased with the more decisive response. “Good. Then we’re on the same page.”  He looked around and changed the subject again, “So, where are we going by the way? I mean, we’re like, getting alarmingly close to Manhattan.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shook his head, “It’s close now. I’ve been there before once. Mexican food. Kind of small and cozy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweet, I haven’t had Mexican in a while.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, their food is good. And the menu has some more, um, interesting items on it as well. If you’re feeling adventurous.” Matt grinned at him and looked intrigued, so he went on. “I mean, you said, you wanted-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh-huh,” Matt bounced momentarily, and his grin got a little more wicked, “like what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, it’s a lot of variety, but I guess the biggest thing would be that they have grasshopper tacos.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt whistled, “pretty bold. Hey, Takeru said you would probably overthink it if I asked you to plan everything. Did you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe hesitated and blushed a little, “Tell your brother to stop reading people so well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I tell him that all the time. But seriously.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” Joe chuckled, “I thought of this place pretty quickly based on what you said, but I… might have gone back and forth a lot about whether that was really what you wanted.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snickered, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to be a high pressure thing. But I’m glad you ended up going with a gut instinct then… So. Grasshoppers, huh?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, I’m skipping bugs tonight,” said Joe, “their tacos are really good though. I actually don’t know why I haven’t gone back before now…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked and looked down. Matt’s expression was hard to read. “What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will you still kiss me tonight if I eat grasshoppers?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe spluttered at that, and Matt started cracking up. Eventually, Joe responded, “I… genuinely don’t know if you’re joking or not.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not. I mean, I want to look at the menu, but I do genuinely need to know the answer to the question. Research purposes, you understand.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shook his head, marveling at the other a little, “Okay. Well. I promise I will still kiss you if you eat bugs tonight.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excellent.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The remainder of the walk to the restaurant was short, and they got seated at a small booth right away. Matt took off his coat and scarf; he was wearing a knit white sweater underneath with a floppy kind of turtleneck. Joe smiled at that; he hadn’t seen Matt dressed so cozy before, and the blonde looked… really cute in white. Matt was also peering around the restaurant, taking in the scene. Hardwood floors and tables. Some lights still strung up for the holidays, but mostly dim lighting from the overhead lamps. He smiled at Joe, “This place is nice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It shouldn’t have been such a relief, hearing Matt approve of the restaurant choice, but it was, and Joe couldn’t shake the feeling that Matt had realized that he needed to hear that on some level. They shifted into some mild flirting before the menus got dropped off, and, to the extent that flirting was competitive, Joe lost—too flustered to carry on, which Matt found hilarious. Once the menus arrived, Matt raised a challenging eyebrow at Joe, “Last chance to take it back. You sure you’ll still kiss me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will,” said Joe, and, feeling uncharacteristically bold added, “and for what it’s worth, your bravery on this front is kind of sexy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s smirk pulled wider, “In that case…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you really going to…?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He did. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’d ended up ordering a healthy variety of tacos (Matt had the wisdom to order some tamer options as well, in case the grasshoppers didn’t go over well), and cocktails that included prickly pear cactus. Matt said the grasshopper tacos were good but too dry; Joe refused to try them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“By the way,” Joe began, part way through dinner, “is it fair to assume that you have plans for New Years already?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked, “I’m working on New Year’s Eve, if that’s what you mean.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe tilted his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re playing at a club until, like, 1 AM.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, wow,” said Joe, “yeah, I didn’t even think about that. I just figured you and your friends probably had something planned.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They do, I think Trei’s hosting,” said Matt, “we’re playing though. New Year's gigs are good money, and decent exposure.” He shrugged, “It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>kind of a drag since everyone else is just unwinding, but we’ve been doing this for a while, so it’s no big. What about you? Sorry, if you were hoping…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, that’s okay. It’s last minute to ask about it, and Izzy and I were going to get together with some friends from school. Just a small thing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm,” Matt drummed the table, “What are you going to do about kissing someone at midnight?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked. Matt smirked at him, so he smiled back. “Hm. No plans for that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me neither,” said Matt, “we could do something about that the next day.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s turn to smirk, “Obviously not in the morning if you’re playing the night before. You won’t be awake until, what? 2 PM?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wooooooooow</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed at that but shook his head, “It’s okay. Since you’ll be tired, I’ll stop by.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt got quiet at that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s,” the blonde shook his head and smiled. “That’s really sweet, Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they finished eating and the check arrived, there was a small scuffle for the bill. Joe insisted on paying (“</span>
  <b>
    <em>I </em>
  </b>
  <span>asked you.” “But</span>
  <b>
    <em> I</em>
  </b>
  <span> prompted you to ask.”) and only managed to win after agreeing to let Matt cover all expenses for their next date. He hoped that the blonde didn’t take that as a challenge to plan something expensive. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The temperature had dropped while they were eating, and Matt immediately started pulling his scarf further up on his face as soon as they left the restaurant. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hold on, Bug Breath,” Joe reached out, cupping both hands around Matt’s neck and face; the blonde’s momentary confusion slipped away, and he angled his face towards Joe’s for the kiss. It was pretty cold out by this point, but kissing Matt felt warm inherently. Matt’s hands pulled Joe forward by his coat, and he pushed himself up and against the taller man as well. They stayed like that for a little while, off to the side of the restaurant and away from any foot traffic on the sidewalk—not that a lot of people were walking past. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kept your promise,” Matt murmured, still close to Joe’s face.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You make it pretty impossible not to.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was harder to see in the late evening, but Joe could make out the faint blush that had appeared on Matt’s face at that. They started walking automatically, but Joe realized no destination was set. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s pretty cold out, do you want to take the train back?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmkay,” Matt replied, yawning a little afterwards, “Sorry, long week.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too,” said Joe, “are you okay with us heading home?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked and looked up at that, “Are you sure?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, we’re both tired. I’m not in a rush. That was the point in the first place, right? Not to rush.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y-yeah,” Matt looked at the ground for a while before looking up again, “you’re sure that’s okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe thought back to what Matt had said on the phone well over a month ago now. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m not sure if I’ve ever tried to take things slow before.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He squeezed Matt’s hand, feeling weirdly confident in the knowledge that this realm was more comfortable for him than Matt. That he had more experience with this pace than the other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s more than okay,” he said and dipped down to kiss the other again, quicker this time, “It’s cold out. We’ll just see each other sooner and keep moving from there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” said Matt, but he kept his hand in Joe’s as they turned and started walking towards the nearest subway entrance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The train ride was quick for Joe. It wasn’t particularly romantic, kissing Matt good night quickly before getting off at his stop while the other stayed on, but it felt important to end their night after dinner. Given everything Matt had said over the past couple of months, Joe wanted to make sure Matt had time to think things over before anything went further. For now, the promise of New Year’s Day and a second date was more than enough. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The apartment was empty when Matt got home after his date with Joe. Min and Dennis were hanging out with Sammy, Alex, and co. He looked around after removing all his outerwear and sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>...He still hated coming home to an empty apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked down at his phone and bit his lip. Matt had already been planning on texting Joe to let him know he was back home, but… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Would it be too weird to call?</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, get a grip,” he muttered to himself and sent Joe a short series of texts—letting him know he’d made it back and throwing in an affectionate thank you for dinner. The other responded quickly—sweet enough to be reassuring even as the apartment swelled around Matt. It was enough to prompt Matt to shower and get into pajamas. He could spend the rest of the night working on some music. Maybe something romantic. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He spent the next hour and a half with his guitars and some tea. Trying to focus on how content he felt after the date. Joe was probably right to call it a night. What would they have done if they’d gone back to his apartment? Jumped into bed immediately? Joe </span>
  <b>was </b>
  <span>right. If they were planning to keep seeing each other—especially exclusively—then there was no reason whatsoever to rush. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When it was late enough for Matt to convince himself that he could fall asleep, he curled up in bed. Thinking about Joe’s hands on his face, the way it felt when Joe started to dip down to Matt’s height before kissing him, kissing him multiple times in the same night…       </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>as indicated by the tags, this fic is... not just about the two of them getting together, but also the two of them getting together and HEALING each other. :') so we're not done here yet. more to come. 13 chapters including the epilogue. </p>
<p>if you're curious about my progress, I'm currently about halfway through writing chapter 10. you can probably expect chapter 8 to be posted this weekend. </p>
<p>kudos and comments always appreciated! \o/ thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is my favorite chapter :')</p>
<p>(so far, I'm currently almost done writing chapter 11)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>New Year’s brought colder weather and dreary skies, but Joe was unphased. For one thing, he’d always actually liked winter. Staying inside to stay warm came naturally to him, and he genuinely enjoyed staying in with a book or whatever other quiet hobby to pass the time. Beyond that, there was Matt. Since their first date, they were consistently texting every day, sometimes calling. Little updates. Funny reports about what was going on. In the middle of things, Joe could feel comfort knowing that he and Matt were in regular communication about their days. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On January 1st, Joe had followed through on his offer to see Matt (and kiss him)—waiting for a text from the blonde that he was actually awake before departing his apartment. He stopped at Starbucks on his way over and managed to get Matt to tell him what he wanted, so that he could arrive with coffee for the other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They just spent a couple of hours together that afternoon, talking over coffee at Matt’s apartment while Min and Dennis milled about and gave them some space. But there was something heartwarming about knowing that he got to be Matt’s first kiss of the year—and that Matt had </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>him to be his first kiss of the year.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The following day, Joe got a call from Matt just before lunch.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, I know this is a little last minute, but do you want to go out tomorrow?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled, “Sure, I’m free. It’s winter break, there’s not much going on. What brought this on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm,” some tapping noises came through while Matt paused. “I wanted to see a movie with you but didn’t know what. I just found out that this arthouse theater in Brooklyn is screening </span>
  <em>
    <span>Minari </span>
  </em>
  <span>this week. I thought we could go to that. Min and Dennis are gonna </span>
  <em>
    <span>kill </span>
  </em>
  <span>me if I see it without them, but that’s okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, “What movie?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The noise Matt made could only be described as </span>
  <em>
    <span>horrified</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Are you </span>
  <b>joking</b>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Um</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A garbled rant came through the phone that definitely included phrases like “Japanese Sunday School,” “Heritage Camp,” “no chopsticks,” and “are you fucking serious.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe chuckled, “Okay. Message received. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span>. What’s the movie though?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mi-na-ri</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt enunciated, still sounding comically incensed. “The movie about the Korean American family? Chasing the American Dream? Farms? Family? But, you know, Asians? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Come </span>
  <b>on</b>
  <span>. We gotta rep the people.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re Japanese,” said Joe mildly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt spluttered, “JOE. </span>
  <em>
    <span>SOLIDARITY</span>
  </em>
  <span>. There is </span>
  <b>NOT </b>
  <span>enough Asian rep. We gotta stand together! Are you serious?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, torn between amusement and… something else that was hard to put his finger on. It wasn’t the first time he’d had a conversation like this with Matt, whether it was LGBTQ issues or Asian representation, but the blonde’s passion on these topics was simultaneously overwhelming to Joe and a little inspiring. And beyond all that, Matt’s fiery indignance was endearing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled, “Sounds like I don’t have a choice. Especially now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn straight you don’t have a choice,” Matt muttered. “You’re free tomorrow right? There’s a 7:00 showtime. We could grab a quick bite to eat somewhere fast beforehand and then go to the movie?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great, I’m buying movie tickets now then,” Matt practically chirped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, I can pay you back for my-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt sang, “you promised. I pay for the next date. This is it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe sighed, “I just paid for dinner. You’re talking about dinner </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>a movie-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh please, Joe,” Matt huffed, “I am far from a starving college student. The band money is decent. We make money off the YouTube channels. And my dad is more than fine covering my expenses too—with help from my mom, I guess so she can still claim to be my parent-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt, I really-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>And</span>
  </em>
  <span> that restaurant wasn’t cheap-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>expensive </span>
  </em>
  <span>either-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m literally talking about burgers or sandwiches before the movie. Something cheap and fast. It’s no big, Joe. It actually evens out. Although, we should probably not keep score like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe closed his mouth and had to agree. Yes, there had been quite a bit of build up to their first date, but that didn’t change the fact that they’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>technically </span>
  </em>
  <span>only been on one date and Joe already had a strong instinct to spoil Matt if possible. Better to stop keeping score then. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good,” Matt sounded satisfied. “Also, um… The theater’s really close to my place.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, okay,” said Joe, unsure of whether or not to let the blonde get there on his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, so I was thinking… You could come over after?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled, “Yeah, that sounds good. I like your place. It’s… kind of cozy in a weird way. Our apartment does feel a little empty in comparison.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” said Matt. “Then that’s settled. And I’m glad I might get you to lighten up on the whole clean freak minimalist thing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not actually likely,” said Joe, “I’ve been pretty consistently like that my whole life.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt made some kind of “tsk” noise. “We’ll see.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matt hoped his outfit wasn’t too redundant. He wasn’t—he was</span>
  <b> not</b>
  <span>—wearing leather pants again for Joe. He wasn’t… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>These pants weren’t made out of leather.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were just black and very, very tight. Tight enough for him to wear his knee high boots. (Again.) But they weren’t the </span>
  <em>
    <span>same </span>
  </em>
  <span>pants.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And besides, the rest of the outfit was different. Sort of. He was wearing a sleeveless black turtleneck (which is </span>
  <b>not </b>
  <span>the same as a mock neck) made out of a tight knit fabric, and on top of that he’d layered a large chevron patterned sweater in bright blue, black, and white. It wasn’t the </span>
  <em>
    <span>same </span>
  </em>
  <span>outfit that he’d worn to Chelsea’s birthday party… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>… It was like a spiritual successor to that outfit. Or, like, a cousin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>fault that there were some similarities. Similarities that prompted Min and Dennis to roll their eyes at him while he left their apartment for his date with Joe. It couldn’t be helped, he reasoned as he put his scarf and coat on over top. Joe’s reaction to seeing him at Bar Ram Ewe had been so deeply satisfying and flattering that he couldn’t help but try to replicate it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On their first date, he’d gone for a more wholesome approach. Cuter. It felt like the right thing to do. And Joe </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>been flattering. Telling the blonde that he looked good in white, that sort of thing. But it hadn’t been the same as watching Joe take one look at him and make like he was going to fall over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, really, Matt thought as he rushed over to meet Joe outside a local burger joint, if the outfits were similar, it was all Joe’s fault. That was the only reasonable conclusion here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Besides, it was hard not to think this way when Joe seemed like he was made for winter. He looked </span>
  <em>
    <span>great </span>
  </em>
  <span>in sweaters; Matt had thought that about him for ages. And his tall frame wore coats so well that it wasn’t fair. Even scarves only seemed to make him look taller, and it made Matt wonder how the other looked in a dress shirt and tie. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Probably hot. Fuck. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He thought about all this and more as he rounded the corner and saw Joe waiting for him in front of the eatery. Sure enough. Black peacoat. Navy scarf. He just looked so damn handsome in winter gear. Matt shook his head to snap himself out of it and rushed over to the other’s side. Joe looked up from his phone and smiled. His eyes also darted briefly to the boots Matt was wearing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Excellent</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! Sorry, am I late?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not really,” said Joe easily, and his hands seemed to automatically adjust Matt’s scarf of their own accord. It was sweet. Matt grinned, feeling weirdly giddy about the day’s prospects. “I was early. I thought the trains would be running slower today, so I left sooner than I needed to.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” said Matt, “well I’ve got our tickets on my phone so come on. Actually-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He paused to pull Joe down by the scarf for a quick kiss. Joe was blushing when they parted, and Matt only felt giddier. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look great in winter, y’know? I’m not sure what it is-” That was a lie. He’d spent a decent amount of time pondering this. “You just cut a very dignified silhouette in a coat.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s blush deepened at that, and he didn’t seem to know how to respond, “Thanks. I, uh- I mean, you look- also-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted and grabbed Joe by the arm, leading the taller man inside to grab some grub. They sat at a small booth after grabbing food at the counter and ate pretty quickly. Matt revelled in feeling Joe’s eyes on him when he took off his coat and went to grab some water from the dispenser at the counter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mission accomplished</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> They swapped some more holiday stories. Both of them had an awkward Christmas for different reasons. Joe’s parents had grilled him about interviews for med school. His brothers were supportive, but, of course, were constant reminders that all four of them had been accepted to top programs around the country when they were his age. Matt’s was really only awkward because of his mom, but that was a constant—nothing new. He always tried, around the holidays at least, to mitigate that awkwardness for Takeru’s sake. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next walk was equally quick, and Matt led Joe around the corner eagerly so that the old arthouse theater appeared with its usual lights and dimly glowing signs in the evening dark. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He loved this place. He and his friends (usually prompted by Min or Sammy) came here every so often. It was an </span>
  <b>excellent </b>
  <span>local spot to catch a movie, especially indie art films or old school classics (singing along to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Space Jam</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a full house was a once in a lifetime experience as far as Matt was concerned). There was also a charming old fashioned bar inside. Technically, it served movie snacks too—classic shit like popcorn and old fashioned candy—but Matt had his mind on grabbing a drink with Joe after the movie.    </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tickets were scanned off Matt’s phone quickly while the blonde recounted previous trips to this theater. In the dark of the screening room, Joe was willing to kiss him during the pre-movie trailers, trivia, and other bullshit, but was too proper to get handsy. Bummer, but in character. Respectable.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then the movie happened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t that Matt cried easily at movies. He didn’t. Or he typically didn’t. He knew he was an emotional person—that much was obvious—but </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Usually crying at movies was Min’s thing. That was how movies went for their little trio: Dennis did not cry, Matt teared up if the movie called for it, and Min fucking lost it and bawled her eyes out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So this was not how movies were supposed to go for Matt and yet… There he was. Crying at </span>
  <em>
    <span>Minari </span>
  </em>
  <span>and using his scarf or Joe’s scarf or both scarves as makeshift tissue. On the plus side, it prompted Joe’s seemingly natural caretaking tendencies; once he’d realized Matt was actually crying, one long arm had wrapped around him and pulled him in tightly (there was no armrest separating their seats).</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the movie ended and the house lights came up, Matt snuck a glance up at the other (reluctant to give Joe a full view of his face which was almost certainly red and puffy). He gasped. Joe was clearly not </span>
  <em>
    <span>crying</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but there was some extra redness and wetness around his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They got you too!” Matt accused, voice raspy and a little choked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I, uh-” Joe had to clear his throat; his voice sounded tight, “I-... Yep. Yeah. That. Hm.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s face broke into a wide grin, and Joe gave him a look that was so tender his heart swelled. “Wanna grab a drink at the bar before we head out?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, yeah, I’m not ready to- yeah,” Joe said, standing and pulling Matt with him. He seemed genuinely floored by how affecting the film was. They carried their coats out to the bar with them, ordered one drink each and settled into seats at the counter—talking over the movie. Matt’s hunch was right; Joe wasn’t used to being affected by movies like that, although he also admitted that he didn’t make enough effort to watch a variety of film. Matt suggested they could work on that while also expanding the blue haired man’s musical knowledge. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was partway through this conversation that they were interrupted. A small group of friends—high school or college underclassmen, perhaps—recognized Matt from the band and came up asking to take a selfie with him. Matt looked at Joe, and the other seemed to understand his question immediately, “Your face looks fine. Not red anymore.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Matt nodded and agreed to the picture quickly (Joe made sure he was out of frame). He didn’t mind running into fans like this; it would be annoying if it happened more often, but, at the end of the day, it was too occasional to be a hassle. And it was nice hearing about their experiences at the concerts. Still, in the middle of a date…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After the group wandered off to their own movie screening, Matt turned back to Joe, feeling sheepish, “Sorry about that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shrugged, “That’s not your fault. Does it happen a lot?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a lot,” said Matt shrugging in turn, “I get recognized more than the others, but it’s no big. It’s only annoying if I’m really in the middle of something, like this right now.”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s still crazy to me,” said Joe, shaking his head, “I can’t imagine what that’s like, getting recognized like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You get used to it,” said Matt, swirling what was left of his drink. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you ever,” Joe hesitated momentarily, “do you ever read the comments underneath your posts?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blanched and made a fake retching noise, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> no. Oh my </span>
  <b>god</b>
  <span>. Did </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>look? Joe, never look into the comments section. Just don’t. It’s a dark, dark abyss.”    </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I, uh-,” Joe finished off his drink and winced, “I figured that out a little too late.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Matt dragged a hand down his face. “How bad?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I only looked once because I was curious. That was… more than enough.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded, and his entire face scrunched up, “Don’t do that again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe nodded gravely, “Never again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They smirked at each other after another moment of mutual disgust before Matt chuckled and spoke, “I mean, I’ll look at the top comments sometimes because that’s not bad. But scrolling through is…” He blew hair out of his face. “Never scroll through. What bothered you more? The bigots or the thirst comments?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, the bigots on principle,” said Joe, “but there’s really not that many of them in your comments. It’s mostly actual fans and then… Creeps?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted, “Yeah, Gay Thirst Instagram knows no rest. Just ignore that shit. I have no idea what accounts like that exist for. You’d think they’d realize they’re not getting anywhere by stalking peoples’ pages and leaving comments like that. I guess they feel like they’re flirting or something but…” He shook his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I don’t know,” Joe mumbled before indicating Matt’s glass and asking, “You done?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt polished off the last of his drink and nodded; both men stood simultaneously to reassemble their outerwear. Matt tried reaching up to help Joe fix his scarf but felt silly doing it. How did Joe make it look so endearing and natural? Joe smiled at the effort nonetheless and kissed Matt briefly before they went back outside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice to have a theater like this so close to your place,” Joe commented, and Matt hummed his agreement—reaching one gloved hand for Joe’s and tugging the other along to his apartment. When they reached Matt’s front door, the blonde paused and frowned at the level of noise coming from inside.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Oh </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>no</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>…</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Those little shits,” was what he actually said out loud. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked a little startled at his tone but was also clearly processing the noises (music and laughter) venting through the door, “Um… Are you guys throwing a party tonight?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re not supposed to be,” Matt muttered through gritted teeth. He inhaled and turned to Joe, “What do you want to do? I won’t blame you if you don’t want to go in there. We can just go walk around outside or something. Find a cafe or somewhere to hangout.” He gestured aimlessly back towards the nearest stairwell. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe opened his mouth but paused before replying, “It’s… pretty cold out. We-...” He paused again but this time smiled down at Matt. “Okay, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>think </span>
  </em>
  <span>we can go in but we need… a strategy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt caught onto Joe’s tone quickly and smirked at the taller man, “A plan, huh? Okay.” He inhaled and stared at the door thoughtfully, tapping his chin for show. “Well the kitchen’s right to the left. We can go straight there and make some tea or hot chocolate to take back to my room. That way we’ll be able to be on our own a bit but still say hi to everyone, y’know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds nice. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>cold out,” Joe affirmed, still smiling, “maybe we should grab snacks too then, if we’re planning on eventually evacuating to your room.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, we’re definitely evacuating to my room,” said Matt, “I don’t feel like dealing with the circus tonight. I’m sorry enough you’ll be exposed to them like this as is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t mind the circus if you promise not to leave me alone with them,” Joe said, tone mild but smirk in place. Matt shook his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise not to abandon you to the wolves.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it wolves or circus? Which metaphor?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Both. Simultaneously.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Scary stuff. Clowns </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>wolves.”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt laughed at that, “Not too late. Are you sure? We can bail.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay,” said Joe. “I’ll be fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt took that assurance seriously. Joe seemed like he could be nervous in foreign social settings, and the blonde didn’t want him to be too uncomfortable. Still.</span>
  <em>
    <span> This would happen eventually. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He sighed and finished grabbing his keys, “Well, alright. Mission start.” Right as he opened the door to the apartment, he threw a quick wink over his shoulder, “Stay close.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe followed that direction and stayed close behind Matt in the entryway, removing his coat, scarf, and shoes alongside Matt. The blonde eventually had to hold onto Joe’s arm to balance himself while tugging his boots off, but he still managed to holler, “</span>
  <b>Oi</b>
  <span>! What are you monsters doing?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis leaned over in his seat to grin at Matt—65% apologetic and 35% not at all apologetic. “Oh, hey, Roomie.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>hosting </span>
  </em>
  <span>tonight?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Woops?” Monster #1 offered unhelpfully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min’s face (Monster #2) popped around the edge of the kitchen next, and she gave Matt a manic grin—90% unapologetic glee. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Brat</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Hi, pal! Hi, Joe!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This set off a chorus of reactions around the apartment, streaming in from out of sight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Matt!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who’s Joe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oooh, is Matt back from his </span>
  <em>
    <span>date</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt rolled his eyes and set Min and Dennis with his best glare while tugging Joe with him into the kitchen, “You know, you two are being awfully bold considering </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>feed </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You love us!” Min protested. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you were going to let us starve,” Dennis added, “you would have done it a long time ago. And hey, Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” said Joe while Matt finished glaring at Min and Dennis with a spectacular eye roll. Some of his best work, really. His roommates were sitting around the dining table with Trei, Hamza, Tori, and Kevin. From the living room area, more talking and laughter resounded along with what sounded like a duet between Chelsea and Alex (</span>
  <em>
    <span>“I Broke You First” maybe?</span>
  </em>
  <span>).   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tea or hot chocolate?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, tea’s fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have beer,” Min supplied. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We had drinks at the bar,” said Matt easily before opening the tea cabinet for Joe to peruse. “And it’s cold out. Need to warm up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excellent call!” Matt blinked then grinned at Haida who clapped his hands once while meandering into the kitchen area. “Gotta keep that throat warm,” Haida said and ruffled Matt’s hair affectionately—the way only he was allowed to, despite the blonde’s obligatory protests—and held out a hand to Joe. “We didn’t get to meet at Chelsea’s party. I’m Haida.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe. Nice to meet you.” They shook hands, but Haida also clapped a hand down on Joe’s shoulder once too. Matt smiled and shook his head. Haida was so laid back; it was nice of him to roam into the kitchen like this and give Joe someone easy to talk to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone else at the dining table followed Haida’s lead and introduced themselves, but Trei stood and reached over the counter to shake Joe’s hand as well. To both their credit, there was no hint of awkwardness in either man’s voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once introductions were done, and Matt and Joe were waiting for the water to boil, Matt jerked his head toward the living room, “Is Alex using my guitar?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min rolled her eyes, “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>let her borrow yours when she’s over.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>that, I’m just </span>
  <em>
    <span>checking</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As if referencing the acoustic cover going on in the living room had summoned her attention, Chelsea’s voice rang out as she shouted, “Matt! Wanna sing with me? I need to practice for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wicked </span>
  </em>
  <span>auditions.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt opened his mouth to shout back at her, but Haida roared before he could even get a syllable out, “CHELSEA. </span>
  <em>
    <span>PLEASE</span>
  </em>
  <span>. THE MAN IS ON </span>
  <b>VOCAL REST </b>
  <span>TODAY. DON’T. ABUSE. THE CORDS.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted and quickly yelled, “Thank you, Haida!” loud enough for Chelsea to hear in the living room. </span>
</p>
<p><span>“Hey now,” Haida snapped at him, though there was no bite to it whatsoever. “No more projecting. If I hear you raise your voice one more time tonight, I invoke punishments.” He rapped the side of Matt’s head lightly and began wandering to the living room, shouting “Vocal rest!” one more time as he did so. The sound of Chelsea and Haida bickering kicked in when he turned the corner, and Matt smirked at Joe while rolling his eyes. Min was kneeling on the booth and watching their interactions closely (</span><em><span>little</span></em> <em><span>creep</span></em><span>), but piped up when Joe actually reached for tea bags from the cabinet. </span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Whoa! Joe! Come here a sec. Lemme see your hands.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked rapidly, looking about as confused as anyone would at that request, but did as instructed. Min took one of his hands in both of hers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great hands for piano! Did your parents ever make you play?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed lightly at her absurdity and shook his head, “No, they’re not that type of Asian parent. All academics, nothing else.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Aaah</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” said Min wisely, “not even the classical piano or violin angle, huh? That’s too bad. You have </span>
  <em>
    <span>fantastic </span>
  </em>
  <span>hands for piano. I have to work so hard to get mine across the keys.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Trei snorted loudly, “Yeah, that’s </span>
  <b>definitely </b>
  <span>what Matt’s been thinking this whole time. Great hands for </span>
  <em>
    <span>piano</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt sputtered and chucked a tea box at Trei’s face. The other caught it just in time which was </span>
  <em>
    <span>supremely </span>
  </em>
  <span>annoying. Min froze for exactly one second before she pulled a disgusted face and dropped Joe’s hand, “Trei, I genuinely hate you right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So do I,” Matt added, but Trei was unphased and cackling in his seat alongside Dennis and the others. Min rolled her eyes and turned to Joe to help him out (he’d gone crimson following Trei’s comment). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe, please ignore them. Everyone in this apartment is a moron-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you including yourself in that?” Matt asked curiously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up,” said Min quickly before plowing ahead, unphased, “Also, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please </span>
  </em>
  <span>keep dating Matt. We need more brain cells around here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe sighed, some of the redness fading out, “I’ll do what I can, but. This is a lot to even out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The laughter intensified at that and Matt grinned at the comeback. The water started boiling at that point, and he went to start their tea in mugs, while Trei apologized in his usual casual manner to Joe. Joe dismissed the apology, sounding more sheepish than the other which, really, was not the point of an apology. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While their tea was steeping, Matt led Joe on a tour through their snack cabinet. He wasn’t actually hungry, and he sort of doubted the other was based on the mutual lack of enthusiasm, which meant that the main function of a snack bowl was simply to visibly carry it with them to Matt’s room to try to mitigate any suggestive commentary about the fact that they were fleeing the public domain. They settled on some crackers that Matt poured into a bowl, while Joe grabbed both mugs. Matt smirked at him one more time and hoped that was reassuring before braving the trek across the apartment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The only time I hate having the corner room</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, I’ll see you guys later,” Matt said, hefting the snack bowl in one hand and waving casually. Joe smiled and added, “Nice meeting you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Later!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, see ya!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good to meet ya, Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have fun you two! </span>
  <b>HEH</b>
  <span>.” That last one was Min, and Matt would murder her later.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt led the way to his room with Joe trailing him. They caught a couple of looks while passing through the living room space, but Matt fired off quick greetings to miscellaneous people around the room and shut the door behind them once Joe was safely in his room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go ahead and take the chair,” said Matt easily. “Also, do you actually want any of this?” He asked, gesturing to the bowl of crackers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not really,” said Joe, sipping tea and getting comfortable, “I figured it was more of a prop for walking over here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly. You catch on quick,” Matt said, setting the snacks on top of the sheet music spread over his coffee table, before turning to his hamper, “One more thing…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe had turned on the lamp next to the armchair but still squinted as Matt started digging dirty laundry out of his hamper, depositing some of it at the foot of his door, “What are you…?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Security measures,” Matt said, kicking the laundry pile so that it was pressed against the crack under the door, plugging it up. Joe raised his eyebrows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that really necessary?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Trust me,” Matt muttered and rolled his eyes, “if I didn’t do that, someone would have the genius idea to peak, whisper, or try to look under there tonight.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” said Joe, “Mimi would definitely do the same.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See? You get it. I’m not paranoid,” said Matt while checking the perimeter of dirty laundry he had assembled at the base of his bedroom door. Satisfied with his work, he turned back to the other. Joe was seated in the overly large slouchy armchair and had placed Matt’s mug on the small table. Matt grabbed his own tea and perched on one of the chair’s wide armrests, resting his feet on the seat so that his legs were bent over Joe’s lap. He grinned at Joe, “I had fun tonight. Thanks for coming over.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did too,” Joe murmured, the tone of the conversation quickly softening in the privacy of the room (and laundry enforced sealant), “Thanks for inviting me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt bit his lip, still smiling, “Of course. And I’m glad you liked the movie.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmhm, yeah, I would have missed out on it if you hadn’t said anything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt had been leaning forward slowly throughout this exchange, and Joe finally tilted up to kiss him. It started chaste, but Matt hummed into it and started pushing for more. He was just about to slide off the armrest and onto Joe’s lap when the other pulled back and bit his lip. Matt, startled by this, blinked at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked like he was really hesitating before speaking, “I-... I don’t think we should, um, take things too far tonight. Or really anywhere beyond, um, maybe making out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt pulled back and sat up straighter, blinking some more while a war started waging inside him. It was emotional chaos. Hurt. Dejected. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Unwanted</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Frustrated. Confused. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>confusing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How could Joe </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>not </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>want-?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Had he made a mistake? Messed up at some point that night? Done something to annoy the senior? Was Joe going to leave? </span>
  <em>
    <span>What did I-</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Joe’s voice was soft, and he fully put his tea to the side to take Matt’s face in one hand while his other rested on the blonde’s knee. “Don’t. I don’t want to freak you out. The opposite actually.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t understand” Matt mumbled, and his eyes were darting around the room despite Joe holding his face stationary, “did you- do you want-... I’m sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s face scrunched up, “What are you apologizing for?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t-” Matt blinked some more, “I don’t know. If you- If I did anything to make you want to leave- head out early- I didn’t mean to-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt,” Joe’s voice was still soft but somehow sounded a little firmer, and he tapped at the side of Matt’s face to prompt eye contact while the younger one continued to emotionally spiral, “I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>leaving</span>
  </em>
  <span>. We said I’d stay the night.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was still confused. Joe was making zero sense. “Then why-?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-,” Joe paused and sighed, “I don’t really know how to say this. But I don’t… I don’t want you to feel like you have to perform tonight, and I felt like if I didn’t say anything you would have. Which was the problem we ran into last time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt fell silent at that—staring at Joe. Speechless for the moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you or do stuff like that,” Joe went on, picking up some steam and finding the words, “but I… I think—and you can let me know if I’m wrong—I </span>
  <em>
    <span>think </span>
  </em>
  <span>you need to see that I’ll stay, spend the night, stick around, even if you don’t… go all out for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt swallowed, thinking this over. Negative emotions (namely: rejection) were still swirling inside him, but, at the other’s words, a small rational part of his mind started to feel… relief? Was that relief? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Very </span>
  </em>
  <span>slowly, he nodded at the other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled, small and tentative, “Okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay, that-” Matt shook his head and tried to bring himself back to the moment, “That makes sense. I, um… Thanks. Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s smile widened, and he pulled Matt back down for a kiss, quicker this time, “Thanks for understanding. I was worried about saying that. Didn’t want to send the wrong message.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded, still feeling weirdly nervous about this. He wasn’t… sure what he was supposed to do at this point. Joe seemed to sense that because he prompted, “Do you want to talk about that more or change the subject?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I-” Matt shook his head harder this time, grounding himself and recentering, “I get it. I-... That’s fine. We can change the topic.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You sure?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I- actually,” Matt bit his lip. He really wasn’t bringing this up to make Joe uncomfortable in order to even the playing field, and he hoped it wouldn’t come across that way. “Actually, since there’s no mood to ruin now-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know about that,” Joe mumbled, one of his hands fiddling absently with the side of Matt’s pants, “how do you even fit into pants like this?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted, “As long as they actually fit, it’s not really difficult. The hard part is shopping for them.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm, yeah,” Joe was momentarily distracted, but he shook his head and made eye contact before asking, “Sorry, what were you saying?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt bit his lip, “Well. If we’re. Talking. I wanted… I guess there’s something I’ve wanted to ask about for a while. And maybe now is a good time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe waited patiently. Matt fiddled with his mug before going on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just… curious about your ex. And what happened. Takeru mentioned it was a rough break up, but I didn’t want to pry from him. So… Yeah. I was just wondering about that. You obviously don’t have to tell me anything though, if you don’t want to.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe opened his mouth, paused, closed it, reopened, and spoke, “It’s not that I wouldn’t tell you about that… It’s just. A lot. And, honestly, kind of embarrassing for me to talk about.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s brow furrowed, “Embarrassing?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shook his head, “Just how I am. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>feels </span>
  </em>
  <span>embarrassing to talk about. Not that the breakup itself was embarrassing. Just talking about it is.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm, okay,” Matt nodded in understanding, “What if we make a deal?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe just blinked and tilted his head in response. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can tell you about… any relationship/breakup you want to hear about. I’ll answer any of your questions,” said Matt and, when Joe’s eyebrows rose, quickly added, “and, in exchange, when you feel comfortable, </span>
  <b>
    <em>if </em>
  </b>
  <span>you feel comfortable, then you can tell me about Shigure. But you still won’t have to. Just… If you feel comfortable at that point.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smirked a little, though there wasn’t a lot of humor behind it, “T.K. told you his name?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Er, yeah, briefly. Like I said, he really only said that much about it. Sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay. I-” Joe scratched the back of his neck, “I don’t know, Matt. That’s not exactly a fair exchange. You’ve got way more stories than me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t mind,” said Matt, feeling very open and sincere in this offer. “Although, I get it if you’d rather not hear about any of it. I just thought you </span>
  <em>
    <span>might </span>
  </em>
  <span>be curious. But if hearing about that stuff would get into your head, then scratch the whole idea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you’re right. I actually… I like knowing more, I guess. I get up in my head sometimes and make things into bigger deals, so it’s generally better to actually hear about things.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay… so, then, deal?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” said Joe. Matt nudged him with his foot. “What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have to, like, ask about someone. I don’t actually know what you’re curious about.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s lips pulled tight for a second, “You’re allowed to rescind the offer you know. I’m a pretty curious person.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In this context, some people might say nosy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Curious</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Joe coughed and smiled, then proceeded to look a little nervous. Making eye contact briefly before looking to the side. “Well, I-... I mean, was there ever anything between you and Haida?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt choked and almost spilled his tea, then started laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes. Joe wasn’t laughing with him, but he at least seemed able to appreciate that there was humor there. He smiled and shook his head, “So that’s a </span>
  <b>no</b>
  <span>, I take it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <b>god</b>
  <span>, of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course </span>
  </em>
  <span>not,” said Matt, sniffing and wiping a tear from his eye. “Haida is </span>
  <b>literally </b>
  <span>the straightest guy I know, and I actually mean that as a compliment. He’s so comfortably straight that he’s totally willing to dance with me or compliment my outfits or whatever else because it doesn’t mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Even </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dennis </span>
  </em>
  <span>isn’t that confident. He’s like a big </span>
  <em>
    <span>brother </span>
  </em>
  <span>to me, which is not a dynamic I really have with anyone else, I guess. Why would you even ask about him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Joe scratched his cheek a little, “you two seem close, but also the way he greeted me in the kitchen just seemed so… territorial?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked, “What’d he do?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked back at him, “He slapped his hand down on my shoulder, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>weirdly </span>
  </em>
  <span>hard. I actually would have staggered if I hadn’t already been leaning on the counter.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s jaw dropped, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He </span>
  <b>didn’t</b>
  <span>. Did he really? Oh my god.” When Joe nodded, Matt started laughing again. “Sorry, it’s not funny, it’s just- I really thought he was just being nice. Doing you a favor and introducing himself. I mean, he sort of was, but- wow. Sorry. That’s-... I guess that’s very in character.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shook his head and smiled, “Your big brother, huh?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, pretty much. I mean, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>does </span>
  </em>
  <span>get protective of a bunch of us. Me especially, I think. I really didn’t think he’d approach you like that though. I’m sorry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>funny. And I guess I’m glad I asked.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nudged Joe with his foot again, “Ask about someone else. That didn’t count.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Joe sighed and thought it over, “I guess, start with Sam.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded, not surprised by that request in the slightest, “Sammy and I… started dating freshman year of high school. We weren’t out. None of our friends were yet either. So we were the first for that. First couple in our group. And the first in our group of friends for… everything else too, I guess. It was a good first relationship. We went through everything together for about a year. First fights. Coming out to our parents…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was nodding along; he’d established himself as a naturally empathetic listener long ago to Matt. “So, one year. And then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shrugged, “We started drifting apart towards the end. We still loved each other, but it seemed like we… liked each other less? Sammy is so level headed and logical. I think I was just a little too much for him to handle emotionally.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was it mutual? The breakup?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it was.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, that’s… Why Sam couldn’t stay with you. But why couldn’t you stay with him? I don’t want to hear you just list reasons guys didn’t stay with you all night.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled. Even that was sweet of Joe. “Then, I’d say, he wasn’t patient enough for me. And he could be pretentious. Really smart. </span>
  <em>
    <span>So </span>
  </em>
  <span>funny. But a little pretentious. Sometimes, when we were dating, I just felt dumber or foolish even, and I didn’t like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe nodded and waited before speaking again, “Dustin?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shrugged, “Friends with benefits. Started up the summer break after Sammy and I broke up, leading into junior year. Ended right at the start of the year. I only found out later it was because Trei asked him to break it off.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you have said yes? If he’d asked you to date.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt paused, “Yeah, at the time, yes. It would have been a mistake though. Dustin’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>independent. Which is cool, but he can be cold.”     </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm,” Joe was sipping tea with one hand but had his other hand wrapped around Matt’s left calf, rubbing small slow circles in it. “What about Travis?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked but smiled and moved on quickly. Joe was skipping chronological order by moving to Travis, and the older man knew it, so it was intentional. That was okay though. “Travis is just always single and always down for whatever. We have decent chemistry for casual hookups, I guess. He’s nice enough. Good taste in music.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you have ever said yes if Travis had asked you to date?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know that Travis is ever going to ask </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>to date. He genuinely doesn’t want a relationship,” said Matt. Joe raised an eyebrow to signal that Matt hadn’t actually answered, and the blonde sighed. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hope </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m not dumb enough that I would have said yes to that. But I don’t know, to be honest.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe pursed his lips, “You’re not dumb.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>serious</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. I appreciate it. I’m allowed to mock myself on this a little though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe sighed. “Is Travis still… um. Reaching out to you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Matt shook his head, “Dennis and Min really did mostly chase him off in the first place. But now that I’m seeing you, he’s totally backed off. He’s not actually a bad guy. I mean, a little insensitive and pushy, but he never crosses the line if I’m actually seeing someone. He does not do drama.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” said Joe, “this feels like an interrogation, by the way.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smirked, “Kinda. I’m having fun though. Sort of. I don’t mind, I guess, is what I’m saying. I like talking to you about things. Even this stuff is fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled, “That’s nice… Wasn’t there some other guy at the start of college?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled. Joe </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>avoiding asking about Trei. “Yeah, freshman year of college I met Ray at a party. Volleyball player. Really fun guy. Sweet. Cheerful. I think, unironically optimistic which, like, tell me how </span>
  <b>that </b>
  <span>works.” Joe laughed. “We dated for… Closer to a year? Like 8 months, I think.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe hummed, “Why’d you stop?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Uh</b>
  <span>,” Matt laughed, “this might sound horrible, but I think he was too cheerful for me?” Joe made a noise that was almost a laugh. “I mean, that’s not it exactly. He-... We didn’t really have much in common. And we didn’t really have a lot of serious conversations. I didn’t feel like it was going anywhere.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shrugged at Joe, and the two smiled at each other. Matt didn’t want to prompt, knew Joe had put off asking about Trei intentionally. It was obvious, but… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about… Trei?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Which time?” Matt asked, a little more rueful than he intended, and he went on before Joe could respond, “It’s actually… kind of the same each time. Trei’s a really good guy. In high school… It didn’t last too long. Our friends realized something was wrong before we did, although we both knew too, I think…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He trailed off and squinted in confusion. It sounded like music was being played right outside his door. The music suddenly bumped up louder, and Matt braced himself for maximum fury. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh my </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>god</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>, they are </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>not </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>actually going to</span>
  </em>
  <span>- </span>
</p>
<p><em><span>“You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals, </span></em><em><span><br/></span></em> <em><span>So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel-” </span></em></p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked like his face was going to melt off his skull, but Matt didn’t have time for embarrassment. The blonde inhaled deeply and yelled, loud enough to make Joe jump even though he was in the middle of disintegrating. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“WHOEVER IS PLAYING THAT </span>
  <b>FUCKING </b>
  <span>SONG HAS EXACTLY TEN SECONDS TO STOP BEFORE I LEAVE THIS ROOM AND MURDER </span>
  <em>
    <span>EVERYONE </span>
  </em>
  <span>IN THIS APARTMENT.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a brief delay followed by frantic scuffling outside the door, and then the song shut off. Distantly, from further away in the apartment, Haida’s good natured voice hollered a reminder, “Vocal rest!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt actually laughed at that but turned to Joe to survey the damage. His face was still red, but he was chuckling with Matt, “Impressive. What would you have actually done if they hadn’t stopped the music?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt had his answer ready and replied so effortlessly that Joe seemed taken aback, “I would have gone out there, taken the phone in here, locked the door, and threatened to break it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t… actually have broken a friend’s phone though… Right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt scoffed, “I’m not a monster. But I would have kept it until they left. Long enough to make them worry I might.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe grinned, “Nice behavior management plan you have there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt tossed hair over his shoulder casually, “I do what I can… What was I saying though?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shifted closer to the armrest Matt was still sitting on and wrapped one arm around both of Matt’s legs. “Your friends realized something was wrong in high school. Very ominous cliffhanger.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smirked, “Yeah, sorry about that. And them. I’ll confirm if that was Chelsea or someone else tomorrow… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Anyways</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They could tell, Min and Dennis especially, that I was taking the relationship more seriously than Trei. Chelsea and some of Trei’s closer friends realized his approach was more casual than mine. I think we were realizing that too, but they all got us to realize that we actually needed to end things before one of us or both of us got hurt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s face had turned serious, “And in college it was the same?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We circled back to each other… We both thought the other had matured past the initial problem. I thought that he would take things more seriously since he was older. And, on his end, he sort of expected the opposite of me. That I could be cool with keeping things casual now that we were in college… I guess all of our friends thought the same. So, this time, we didn’t stop things before it was too late.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe squeezed a leg, comforting, “What does ‘too late’ mean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned, hesitating for the first time during this conversation. “I told him I loved him. He couldn’t say it back.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe stilled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He said he didn’t want to say it unless he meant it. Which is good. That’s fair. That’s what he should do in that situation. But I sort of lost it at that. Um. Didn’t handle that well. Things were tense for a little while. And then we broke up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt fidgeted. Joe worried his lip.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You put off asking about him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You seem like you’re still close. I guess, I worried about that… Not because of you. I just… I worry about being enough. I do that with a lot of things.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was hard not to smile when Joe was being so vulnerable, but Matt’s face was serious as he lowered off the armrest, squeezing onto the seat cushion beside Joe and folding his legs more so that he could fit curled up over Joe’s lap like that. He traced Joe’s jaw with one finger. “I like you. I’m… glad you paused us earlier so that we could talk like this.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shifted a little to account for Matt on the seat and wrapped an arm around Matt’s back. The blonde gave in to the subtle push easily and laid back into the seat so that his head was partially resting on Joe’s shoulder. He meant what he’d said; talking to Joe like this was nice. It felt… safe. He tucked his head into the crook of Joe’s neck and stayed like that for a while. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, Matt took Joe’s prolonged silence as a prompt to keep going, “Trei’s still a friend. Our breakup was mutual. We’re not meant to be romantic. And Trei never… He was good at cheering me up. He still is. I always have fun with him. But he never… It was like he could distract me from my problems, but he never knew how to actually help with them. Or even talk about them seriously.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe hummed over that, and Matt could feel the vibrations on the top of his head. Joe’s voice was still soft when he spoke, and he didn’t pull away at all, “I guess it’s good to hear that, then… Hopefully avoid making the same mistakes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked and pulled away enough to stare at Joe. “Joe. Are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>kidding</span>
  </em>
  <span>? You already are. What do you think all of this is?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe didn’t respond right away, so Matt took matters into his own hands and kissed him because, really, Joe implying that he would need to work to avoid running into the same obstacles as Trei was the stupidest thing he’d heard all night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they parted, there was a short pause. Matt was waiting for Joe to follow up on the Trei thing. Maybe acknowledge that it was silly to think he needed to carefully avoid mistakes Trei had made as if that was even a remote possibility. But then- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shigure and I lived in the same dorm freshman year. We were on the same floor too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked. Heat was evidently rising in Joe’s cheeks, and the older man turned to look away but Matt brought his gaze back with one hand gently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was… A slow start. When our RA asked everyone on the floor to introduce themselves, we both said we were pre-med. And made eye-contact. And I-... just knew we were the same. Our parents, I mean. He didn’t sound enthusiastic about his major like every other freshman. Neither did I.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned and said nothing. It didn’t seem right to interrupt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So we started hanging out together, studying mostly. At first. But more things started happening slowly… Our parents… really are the same. Wouldn’t be accepting if they knew. Which was difficult to get over at first. I hadn’t told anybody. Neither had he.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded slowly, nervous about what it would mean to speak. He didn’t want Joe to lose the thread, but he had a sinking feeling he could tell where this was going. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eventually, we were spending so much time together that our roommates offered to switch for us. Pretty easy since we all lived on the same floor. And it just kept going from there… We came out to our friends.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt wet his lips and felt comfortable adding, “I remember that. Takeru told me one of his friends came out. He was really proud.” Matt rolled his eyes, “Like it would reassure me he wasn’t homophobic if he had a gay friend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed at that, and it was a relief to Matt that he could right now, “He was just a kid back then… You know, you’re actually a big part of why I felt comfortable telling all of them. We knew T.K.’s brother was gay already.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s me,” Matt smirked, “blazing a trail for the rest of the gays.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pretty much a pioneer,” Joe mumbled, kissing Matt softly and pressing their noses together. He pulled away and sighed. “So, we were just together. Um, for a pretty long time, I guess. He even decided to stay on campus during the summer to keep things going. Then, sophomore year, we decided to room together again-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt couldn’t stop himself from inhaling through his teeth. “Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Joe. You were roommates when-...” He broke off there, but Joe gave him a rueful smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We were… He… He went home for winter break. Dallas. It was his first time going back for a long time since we’d started dating. And when he came back…” Joe shrugged and looked away. Matt let him this time. “I guess, he </span>
  <b>didn’t </b>
  <span>come back. Not to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt bit his lip and waited for the end of the story. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe reestablished eye contact, “He pulled away pretty quickly after that. It didn’t last much longer. And, to your point, he handled requesting a new room. That was it. I let him have our friends from the dorm in the divorce.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s brow furrowed, “Wait, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt,” Joe laughed humorlessly, “he came to New York for college from </span>
  <em>
    <span>Texas</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He didn’t have anyone here. It’s okay. I still hang out with them sometimes, but not the whole group at once and </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>if he’s there. He needs that social circle more than I do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know that you are too nice for your own good, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shrugged; the smile on his face was starting to look a little more real though. Matt shook his head and smiled sadly, “I’m sorry. That’s… really awful.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm, yeah, it was. I’m sorry about… all of yours.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not the same. There’s some heavy social implications behind what Shigue did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shrugged helplessly but was starting to wrap his other arm around Matt’s waist. “He made a choice. He wants to keep his family and thinks he can if he just…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lives a lie?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, pretty much,” Joe dropped his head for a second, “it was… It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>kind of a cautionary story for me, at least. I don’t want to be like him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well you’re not, since you’re here right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe started laughing—a real laugh—and it sounded nice, but Matt couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow in confusion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re…” Joe shook his head, shaking a little from holding back another peal, “You’re very straightforward, Matt. It’s… really nice. And thank you. You’re right. I am here right now.” He twitched his arms a little at that, and Matt took that as a prompt to slide further onto the chair, turning to straddle Joe, so that they were facing each other directly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt studied the other’s expression carefully, “I meant what I said before. I’m really glad you said something earlier. I think… you made the right call. Hm,” he traced the thick blue stripes on Joe’s grey sweater, “you have really good judgement, Joe. I’m jealous.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have good judgement too, Matt. You make decisions about what you want to do so easily. For yourself. I have no idea how to do that whatsoever.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, still,” Matt tugged gently at the sweater, “I appreciate you making us take things slower. Instead of just rushing ahead.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You make it difficult,” Joe smirked, both of his hands had wandered to Matt’s thighs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The blonde hesitated in his lap, “You said… we could make out, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Joe was already leaning forward, “I did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> They crashed together immediately—more desperately than usual. Matt’s hands went from cradling Joe’s neck to scrambling down his back, while Joe’s moved in the opposite direction—sliding slowly (</span>
  <em>
    <span>tenderly—how the fuck does he do that?</span>
  </em>
  <span>)—up Matt’s thighs, the tips of his fingers grazing along Matt’s ass before settling on the small of his back. Matt had to marvel that Joe’s off hand comment earlier about not ruining the mood was actually accurate. It felt… cathartic, airing all that past history out there and still coming together like this. Even knowing how far they would go (and, really, not go) made the whole thing feel more secure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He deepened the kiss, inviting Joe to do the same and letting him when he acquiesced, and grinded down in the other’s lap. Joe half-gasped/half-moaned at that and his hands flew to pull Matt’s sweater off so the blonde was left in the sleeveless turtleneck he’d layered, twisting in Joe’s laps to bring the two of them closer together. Matt’s breathing was fast and going up in pitch, but both of them were being decidedly quiet—well aware of the muffled party noises coming from outside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They didn’t really do any more talking that night, outside of some sweet assurances whispered under the covers of Matt’s bed after they’d stopped long enough to change into pajamas (Joe was borrowing). Joe, apparently, was just good at falling asleep, but Matt had an easier time falling asleep if someone else was in the bed, so he curled into Joe—counting heartbeats until he could pass out too. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked at the less familiar ceiling a few times when he woke up. He was efficient by nature in the morning and not particularly groggy or disoriented. Still, the extra weight pressed into his side was new enough to throw him off. Trying to stay still, he lifted his neck and tilted his face down just enough to confirm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was still completely unconscious, and, for all extents and purposes, might as well have been glued to Joe’s side. The older man thought back to Matt crashing on their couch, the way the blonde had been wrapped around a pillow in the morning. So, that hadn’t been just because it was chilly in the living room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sighed and settled back onto the pillow. He could lie here for a while, think about things. Think about last night. He’d been so nervous to stop them from going any further, but it was a decision he’d put some thought into in the hours leading up to their date. He was glad he did. And glad for Matt, who, all things considered, had taken the suggestion really well and even turned the rest of the night into… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe glanced down at the mop of blonde hair that was practically tucked into his armpit and smiled. Matt was good at reading people: specifically gauging Joe’s comfort levels. Joe had talked about Shigure before. Obviously, it was unavoidable. But really only with people who had already known about the relationship, been there for all of it or parts of it. He didn’t think he’d ever filled someone in like that before. Told them the whole story like that. But Matt had opened the door for the conversation with an earnest sincere warmth that made it hard not to feel comfortable—or comfortable enough—to proceed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stayed like that for a while, as long as he could manage, but eventually the need to get out of bed or do something couldn’t be avoided. Joe bit his lip and started slowly easing himself to the side at a glacial pace. He didn’t know if Matt was a heavy sleeper or not. Ideally, he’d be able to extract himself without waking the other, go make some coffee, and be back before the other was awake, but he braced for a frustrated morning Matt in case the blonde did wake up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luckily, the arm Matt had wrapped around Joe slid off easily, and when Joe pulled away enough for Matt’s face to slide off it was slow enough that he barely stirred. Joe sighed in relief. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Okay. Now what? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He left the room quietly, taking care to shut the door softly as he stepped over the dirty laundry barricade. Once he was out in the living room area, he looked around. It was pretty messy from the night before, and-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning,” Dennis paused the game on the screen, speaking in a casual quiet voice that indicated he knew exactly how loud he could be without waking the other residents. “I already made a large pot of coffee for everyone. Did you manage to escape without waking Matt up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, uh,” Joe blinked, working to catch up with Dennis’s thorough understanding of the morning, “yeah, he’s still out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good, he’s better with immediate caffeine in the morning,” said Dennis; he grinned at Joe. “You know where the mugs are, right? Definitely grab two. There’s enough for Min whenever she gets up so don’t worry about it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” said Joe, and he was on his way to the kitchen when Dennis stopped him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are those,” Dennis’s face scrunched up, “Are those Trei’s shorts?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe groaned, “Yeah, they were mixed in with Matt’s pajama… pile. I guess he abandoned them here ages ago, and they’re long enough so… And Matt made fun of me when I asked if that would be weird.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis snorted and turned his attention back to the game he was playing, “He would.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe returned quickly with two cups of coffee but paused to make a little more small talk, “What are you-?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m replaying every </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pikmin </span>
  </em>
  <span>game in order,” said Dennis, without taking his eyes off the screen. Joe blinked as the cries of Pikmin waging ferocious battle emitted from the screen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nostalgia,” said the other easily, but he shot Joe a quick smirk and added, “Also these games upset Min. She hates it when they die fighting for me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Joe watched Dennis’s progress through the game silently for a while, but Dennis re-initiated conversation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry about the music outside the door thing, by the way. That was Dustin. Hope it didn’t kill the mood too much. I told him that was a little too obnoxious. Even for us.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt thought it was Chelsea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, but she did consult on the song choice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. Well, it was okay. We were just talking.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At that, Dennis did pause the game and fully turned to Joe. “Really?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh,” Joe blinked, “yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis stared at him for a long moment before smiling, but it seemed like a serious smile. Genuine. “I knew you were a good guy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Dennis. I mean, it’s not a big-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it is.” Dennis shook his head, still smiling. “It really kind of is.”   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe fidgeted, feeling a little self-conscious about the fact that one of Matt’s roommates was praising him like this for, essentially, not having sex with the blonde. “Well… Thanks.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, thank you,” said Dennis before turning back to the game, “For getting him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled at that and shuffled back to Matt’s room, carefully stepping over the laundry barricade once again and shutting the door behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Den- </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. O-oh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe spun around, alarmed by how shaky that voice sounded. Matt was sitting up a little in bed and looked… It was hard to pinpoint it. As if he was transitioning from being upset to… relieved? The blonde stared at Joe for a moment before his eyes roamed down to the cups of coffee in Joe’s hands. Matt swallowed visibly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shuffled over and sat down on the side of the bed. Matt didn’t move to grab a mug from Joe. “You okay? I didn’t wake you up when I got up, did I? I thought you were still sleeping.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt inhaled, still sounding shakier than Joe would like, “No, you didn’t, I-...” He rubbed one hand on his face. “I’m good. You didn’t wake me up, I just woke up on my own and-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s face scrunched as his brain caught up to what was happening. “Were you… worried I left?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s silence was answer enough. Joe sighed and put his own mug on Matt’s desk near the bed before sliding the rest of the way onto the mattress and scooting next to Matt. The blonde accepted the mug wordlessly and started sipping. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” said Joe, pulling Matt a little closer to his side with one arm, “I was talking to Dennis for a bit. I didn’t realize it’d be alarming if you woke up and I was gone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I’m-” Matt shook his head, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry, I shouldn’t be this… needy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Joe mumbled, and he meant it. His hand roamed up to find Matt’s hair, lacing into it and combing through. Surreptitiously, he managed to press a couple of fingers into Matt’s neck for a moment, curious to get a sense of Matt’s pulse. It was a little fast, potentially coming down from a high. Joe’s frown deepened. Had Matt actually panicked? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> They were already flush against each other, but Joe made the effort to press the other closer nonetheless, “Would you… In the future, should I wake you up if I’m getting out of bed? Would that be better?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt scoffed, like he was mocking himself, “That’s- no. I- I mean, one, you wake up </span>
  <em>
    <span>early-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Agree to disagree</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Joe thought mildly, “and, two, I just need to get over it. It’s no big deal.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Hm,” Joe rested his chin on top of Matt’s head and smiled, “I’ll wait. Next time. I’ll wait till you’re up before going anywhere.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh- </span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that’s ridiculous, you can’t just-” Matt had struggled to pull away at that, but it was a weak attempt, and Joe hardly needed to exert effort to keep him in place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d want to. Let me. It’s not a big deal.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe thought he could hear Matt swallow at that, and the blonde’s voice was thick when he spoke again, “That’s ridiculous.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t mind being a little ridiculous for you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You-” Matt’s voice pitched upward, and he stopped talking after that. Words seemed to have failed him, so he kept sipping his coffee. After a couple seconds, Joe reached over and grabbed his own mug, and the two of them stayed close in bed drinking coffee for a while. It was hard to tell what Matt was thinking, but it was also hard to feel worried or overthink whatever thoughts he could be having when he was still pressed to Joe’s side, had fallen asleep clinging on to Joe, had kept Joe as close as possible ever since they’d met up yesterday… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Matt presumably polished off the last of his coffee, he turned in the bed and stretched up to start kissing Joe. They didn’t pick up where they’d left off the night before, keeping things chaste; it felt like a brief conversation, something they couldn’t say but understood. Eventually, Matt just stared at Joe for a moment before smiling and slipping out of the bed, pulling Joe with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt weird, leaving Matt’s room after all that, but Min was awake now and nursing her own coffee mug out in the living room while watching Dennis play </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pikmin</span>
  </em>
  <span>—alternating between back-seat gaming and wailing over the deaths of fallen warriors. She glanced over the back of the couch at Joe and Matt when they exited; her eyes fell to the way Matt was holding Joe’s hand and pulling him along, and she smiled softly at Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt however surveyed the scene outside and dropped Joe’s hand to fold his arms, “I am </span>
  <b>
    <em>not </em>
  </b>
  <span>helping you two clean this place.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis rolled his eyes, “We didn’t ask you to.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Still. Setting boundaries now. This is your mess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min blinked up at Matt innocently, “But you’ll feed us, right? To keep us strong while we clean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt sighed and started walking to the kitchen, “I’m making breakfast for Joe… There will be… extra.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This declaration was met with cheers from the couch, and Joe smiled and started following Matt into the dining area. He could get used to this dynamic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe, do you like scallion pancakes?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oooh!” Min almost moaned, “Joe, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please </span>
  </em>
  <span>say yes!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I like them.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes!” Min cheered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the morning was spent accordingly. Matt started cooking, and the apartment soon smelled like a mix of the pancakes, sizzling on the stove top, and cleaning product as Min and Dennis made multiple trips out to their building’s trash disposal and wiped down surfaces. Joe offered to help with the cleaning but was shouted down by all three roommates immediately. Eventually, all four of them were seated around the dining table. Joe and Matt were in the booth (Matt was still sitting close), and Min and Dennis were lounging around in the mismatched kitchen chairs on the other side, eating the pancakes and some fresh fruit Matt had sliced up quickly. Joe didn’t leave until later in the afternoon, and Matt saw him off to their door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The blonde shivered against the cold from outside in the entryway and pulled closer to Joe for another kiss. “... Joe. Thanks. I really-... Thank you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled, “Thank you, too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>HEAD'S UP FOR CHAPTER 10: fic rating will go up to explicit OTL if you've been... waiting for it to happen, chapter 10 is the time, the moment, they will smash </p>
<p>anyways, this chapter is so soft ;-; i love them sm </p>
<p>thanks for reading! </p>
<p>(also, everyone should watch Minari :3 )</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>eheheh... uh?? here's some smut. </p>
<p>(other stuff happens in here. important stuff. but there is. smut. yes. hello.) </p>
<p>(also this chapter is monstrously long. so is chapter 11. I don't know what to say about that. I guess I had a lot of character threads to wrap up before the fic's conclusion, so. it's all just jam packed from here on out.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Matt rolled his head, trying to stretch his neck out and refocus on his design proposal. He shouldn’t have been so surprised that they were being hit with a project like this right at the start of the semester, but still… He supposed part of his disorientation was sitting on the same couch as him, working on his own start of semester assignments. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked over at Joe. The senior was in his final semester of undergrad—balancing school, work, interviews, and a budding relationship. The end of winter break came at the same time for both of them, and they had enjoyed the final days of it together as much as possible following Joe’s first night staying at the MDM apartment. Dates, cuddling, Matt cooking, sleepy mornings… True to his word, Joe had started leaving a book or something else nearby to occupy his time in the mornings—waiting for Matt to wake up before going anywhere. There had also been a little multitasking while Joe prepped for his next interview with Cornell (Matt was very excited about the prospects of any medical school that was in New York), and Matt worked on music… It had been nice. All of it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Warm</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A wonderful contrast to the bitter cold that had hit the city now that January was in full swing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Today, they were sprawled out on the couch in Joe’s living room. Izzy was at some kind of night study session with other computer science majors doing computer sciencey things, presumably. Matt had his laptop in front of him and his legs were stretched out on the couch, crossing over Joe’s lap, while the other man flipped through some kind of bio textbook, armed with a vast multicolored assembly of post-it notes stationed on the couch cushion next to him. Matt had balked when he’d caught a glimpse of Joe’s notes for the first time. The meticulous color coding, seamless intentional integration of post-its, tape tabs, and perfect handwriting was overwhelming. Likewise, Joe had taken one look at Matt’s scrawling notes, the chaos of his notebooks, and almost panicked on his behalf. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How’s the proposal going?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked. Joe hadn’t looked up from his textbook, but it was the first time either of them had spoken in a while. Matt sighed and pulled his headphones off (he also didn’t understand how Joe worked in silence). “Sucks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe did look up at that, “Really? Not good?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine,” Matt shook his head and sighed, “I’m just </span>
  <em>
    <span>bored</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Start of the semester drag. Need to reacclimate.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm, yeah,” said Joe, “do you want to take a break? Or actually,” Joe squinted down at his own watch, “Maybe we could just stop for the day?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned and answered far too eagerly, “Yes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He practically slammed his laptop shut and placed it on the coffee table quickly—trying to wait patiently for Joe as the older man took care to place another post-it, gather his sticky note supply, close the textbook, and deposit all of it on the table as well. When he was done, Matt stretched dramatically, trying to pop or twist every socket in his body, before tucking his legs in and crawling towards Joe on the couch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What should we do?” he asked brightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe chuckled, “You are way too excited to stop working.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt pouted, “I told you. Bored. We worked for a long time. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hours</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was true; it was late, and their last break had technically just been dinner. Joe smiled and threaded a hand into Matt’s hair, “Hm. True. We’re going to have to get used to that though. New semester.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t your last semester of undergrad supposed to be lighter?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So I’ve heard,” Joe muttered, “it’s just a couple of hard classes. But you’re still busy enough for both of us.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fair</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Matt’s practice schedule in preparation for their next couple of concerts was really starting to kick into gear. He smiled, “Sorry for being busy. I can make it up to you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nn, how so?” Joe asked, but his tone was absent and his mind was clearly still buzzing with biology notes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We could have sex.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s hand froze in Matt’s hair, and he blinked once before looking fully at the blonde. Matt bit his lip, feeling a little sheepish. They hadn’t gone further than making out. At first, Matt had assumed Joe was pacing them and would decide when it was time. Initially, that just made sense to Matt. Joe was the reasonable one—the more responsible of the two. And he had paused them in the first place after their second date. But Matt had realized a couple of days ago, in the middle of a heavy makeout session in his room, that Joe seemed to be waiting for him to decide. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Joe blinked, “Are you sure?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Matt looked to the side, wondering if he’d read Joe’s approach wrong again, “were you… </span>
  <em>
    <span>were </span>
  </em>
  <span>you waiting for me to decide or-?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was,” Joe’s eyes widened, “Sorry, I guess I should have said that. I thought it made sense for you to decide when you’re ready for that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about you?” Matt tilted his head, “It’s been a while.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it has,” Joe fiddled with his glasses self-consciously, “but I’m fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You sure?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled and his hand resumed its repeated route through Matt’s hair, “Mmhm. I’m sure. What about you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Matt hesitated before continuing, “you were definitely right to stop us. But… I know you’re not… I mean, I know I don’t have to do anything like that to keep you around.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” said Joe, and he made like he was going to kiss Matt but then paused at the last second and winced, “there’s just, um, one problem.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned, “What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There is no lube in this apartment.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt smirked, and Joe’s sheepish apologetic expression shifted to confused. “You’ve underestimated me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked and his eyes widened, “Did you actually-?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmmmhm,” Matt’s smirk widened, “we’re good to go. I packed.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The hand in Matt’s hair rotated to cup the back of his head so that Joe could start pulling him in for a kiss, “Then I promise to never underestimate you again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smirked into the kiss, feeling a thrill of excitement that was simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar. First times with someone new were always exciting. His friends (the ones that he talked to about his sex life, namely Chelsea, Alex, and the band members) always made fun of him for being too poetic or dramatic about sex, but he always said that getting intimate with someone was like making something new and private just for the two of you. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This felt like a different kind of beginning though. With other guys, they had just kind of fallen into bed in the heat of the moment. Colliding quickly and moving together in a heated mass of limbs and undressing. Not that those times weren’t special in their own ways… He supposed that it was more like his first time with Sammy than anything, but even that had been different—filled with nerves and preempted by </span>
  <em>
    <span>tons </span>
  </em>
  <span>of research the two of them had anxiously done on the internet together. He and Joe weren’t virgins, after all. Still, this was the first time in years, maybe genuinely the first time since Sammy, when deciding to have sex had actually been a decision that needed to be made and even involved talking about it before hand, </span>
  <em>
    <span>waiting</span>
  </em>
  <span>—acknowledging it as a decision.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt deepened the kiss and straddled Joe’s lap. His hands slid down from the other’s neck, trailing down Joe’s torso, and slowly wrapping around Joe’s hips—thumbs massaging in. Joe bucked upwards a little at that, and Matt grinned. Joe had actually given him—given </span>
  <em>
    <span>them—</span>
  </em>
  <span>a gift by turning sex into something formally agreed upon. Matt was jittery for it, excitement and anticipation had built up over the past few days. Even tossing a small bottle of lube into his bag before heading to Joe’s to hangout and study today had felt exciting when he’d realized that he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have to </span>
  </em>
  <span>but he did</span>
  <em>
    <span> want to</span>
  </em>
  <span> (and also that Joe probably was out of stock which was somehow also endearing).</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s hands were warm and had worked their way underneath Matt’s hoodie—fingers grazing Matt’s back, bumping over his spine, and nails scratching lightly on skin. Matt broke off the kiss before they actually started removing layers of clothing out in the living room and tilted towards Joe’s bedroom, pulling the other with him. He stopped quickly at his bag to fish out the lube he’d brought.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm,” he feigned thoughtfulness while they walked over and his tone turned mocking, “do you want music playing or is this going to be like how you can’t listen to music and study at the same time?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ha ha,” said Joe sarcastically and folded his arms after closing the door to his bedroom, “I’m telling you, plenty of studies show you can’t actually multitask like that, listening to music at the same time as-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt had broken into a peal of laughter at that while scrolling through his phone for a suitable playlist. Joe huffed at the interruption but was still smiling at the other. Matt shook his head, still laughing “No, I’m sorry, go on, tell me all about the studies you’ve read, </span>
  <b>now </b>
  <span>is the time, I’ll make sure to pay </span>
  <em>
    <span>close </span>
  </em>
  <span>attention while I suck you o-</span>
  <em>
    <span>mmf</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe had re-closed the distance between them while Matt was still distracted with his phone, using two fingers to lift Matt’s chin, angling the blonde up for another kiss. Matt kissed Joe back but was still a little distracted, one eye on his phone until he found something suitably laidback and managed to click play with one hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Put Your Records On” came on the shuffle first (Matt knew both versions were on this playlist though), and Joe mumbled against Matt’s mouth, “Drop the phone now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned, shuddering just a little at what was </span>
  <em>
    <span>technically </span>
  </em>
  <span>an order, and managed to drop the phone off on Joe’s desk before both of them sat (or fell) on the side of Joe’s bed. Joe’s hands were back at the bottom of his hoodie, and Matt lifted his arms up to let the other pull it off of him. Joe was wearing a Columbia hoodie, but Matt didn’t mind being the only shirtless one, at least for a little while. He hummed contently while Joe’s hands mapped out his back, fiddling every now and then with the tops of his jeans. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not long after, Matt pushed Joe onto his back and went for the older man’s neck, kissing gently at first but soon nipping at it as well. Joe arched and tilted his head back—gasping at the attention—and his hands loosened for a moment before gripping at Matt’s torso, anywhere they could reach with renewed force. Matt kissed the juncture between Joe’s jaw and neck and moved one hand to palm at Joe’s crotch over his pants.    </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Matt-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A jolt of pleasure shot through him at that (Joe swearing was such a rarity), and he was running out of neck to cover, so that hoodie had to go. He tried getting it off with one hand to keep his left one occupied with Joe’s erection but was having some trouble, so the senior had to help. Three hands tugged the hoodie off, and Matt immediately fell forward to push for as much skin to skin contact as possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he got the contact he wanted, he moaned Joe’s name for good measure and rolled his own hips and crotch down onto the other’s while pressing his lips along Joe’s clavicles—slowly at first but soon a little frantic. One of Joe’s hands finally (</span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span>!) moved down from Matt’s torso, roving over the round of Matt’s ass to squeeze it. Matt whined, and Joe paused to look down at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh- what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing, I-” Joe’s face was only mildly flushed which was remarkable given how red he could get over simple innocuous flirting. “Never heard you at that pitch before.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt flushed at that and glared a little, but he was also smirking, “I can make other noises too, y’know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The curve of Joe’s mouth pulled into more of a smirk, “I’m sure.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt exhaled (almost a laugh) and stretched to resume making out with the other, Joe’s hand still pressing into him from below. Joe managed to flip them over without breaking their lips apart, and the hand on Matt’s behind traveled up his thigh and under his knee, pulling Matt’s leg up and around Joe’s waist. They were really pressed up against each other now, but, Matt thought, he wanted to get his hands on </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>of Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re sure, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked bewildered at the question, “About you? Absolutely. Are you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled, “Same to you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They exchanged a look that felt private, personal, </span>
  <em>
    <span>knowing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and Matt punctuated it by quickly pressing Joe’s glasses a little more firmly to the other’s face. Joe’s smile widened at that, but his expression quickly became heady again when Matt went for the zipper on his jeans. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt coiled all of his fingers around Joe’s length, working at first to gauge Joe’s preference in terms of pressure and roughness, before settling into a steady rhythm. Joe’s breathing quickly broke over this, but he also dipped back down to kiss Matt—a </span>
  <em>
    <span>little </span>
  </em>
  <span>more forcefully, the blonde noted—and pressed him further down into the mattress. Matt writhed a little, seeking some friction for himself, and Joe seemed to understand implicitly because he shifted so that one of his legs was in between both of Matt’s, pushing upwards. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That pressure from Joe’s leg set him on fire, and Matt’s free hand flew from the back of Joe’s neck to his own jeans. Joe pulled back enough to mumble a quick “Let me” against his lips. Joe’s hand wrapping around him felt unreal, and, as much as he was enjoying being pressed between Joe and the mattress, Matt couldn’t help but arch upwards at the contact. Joe’s hands were soft, his fingers long, and warm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you-” Matt panted for a second, trying to catch some breath, “do you ever, just, think like, ‘thank god for Korean food?’” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe paused and stared at Matt. For a second, his expression was unreadable but then he started laughing, and it might have been the warmest sound Matt had ever heard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought exactly that the first night,” he said once he’d stopped laughing, and there was something serious in his expression. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt swallowed and smiled before bringing his other leg up to wrap around Joe’s waist, “Good. We’re equally grateful for Korean takeout.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe wrapped one arm around Matt’s back and brought the other up to a sitting position on his lap. His breath ghosted around the shell of Matt’s ear, “Where’d you drop the bottle?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt fished it out of his pants pocket immediately, and Joe took it from him while the blonde proceeded to start lowering his pants and boxers down. Joe sped up that process, leaving the bottle closed on the bed, and stepping off the bed to tug Matt’s pants all the way off. The blonde practically dove forward after that to work on the whole Joe wearing pants situation (Joe did blush during this process). From there, they were both on the bed, and Matt was as coiled around Joe as he could be, kissing every inch of him that he could find while the blue haired man popped open the bottle of lube. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t let it be cold,” Matt mumbled in between kissing Joe’s shoulders when he heard the squelching noise coming from behind his back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe laughed gently into his hair, “As if I would.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled at that. True. Joe was attentive to a fault. “Sorry, just wanted to make sure.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soft wet noises made it clear that Joe was warming the lube up on his hand before doing anything else. Soon, Matt caught sight of Joe capping the bottle and placing it to the side, and one of his hands wrapped around Matt once more, pumping gently with a steady pressure. Matt moaned into Joe’s shoulder and felt his breath hitch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe kissed the side of Matt’s head, “Ready?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A nod against his shoulder and broken moaning noise was the only response that he got. Matt bit his lip and tightened his legs around Joe’s waist, rising up a little to give the senior easier access. When Joe pressed one finger inside, his whole body shuddered. By his standards, it really had been a while, and he could only wonder how Joe was feeling during all this because he felt ready and willing to fall apart </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>quickly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh, I’ve got you.”        </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt gasped softly and moved to muffle himself against Joe’s shoulder. Joe was as gentle and thorough as Matt had imagined he’d be, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>stingy or teasing whatsoever. There wasn’t a lot of playfulness to the way he was working in and out of the blonde—more like a careful methodical process, but (</span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>) it was working. Joe’s first finger and then the second and third worked steadily to stretch Matt while not neglecting curling upward until Matt was keening. Joe didn’t miss a beat when Matt started rocking down onto his hand, moving in time with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once Matt adjusted enough to see past all the stars that were exploding in his vision, he fumbled for the bottle again and turned his attention to Joe, making sure to warm the lube up before using both his hands to get Joe’s entire length as slick as possible. Joe’s face was red again, and, if Matt weren’t so turned on and distracted, he would have loved to pry into </span>
  <b>what </b>
  <span>exactly was prompting the intermittent blushing at this point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He rose up a little once again to make sure Joe had access (though it wouldn’t be his hands this time), and Joe pulled his hand out of Matt. He knew the fingers were about to be replaced, but it was hard not to whine and frown when he was suddenly so </span>
  <em>
    <span>empty</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Joe just smiled through his blushing and tilted his head up to join their lips together again, both of his hands now firmly held against Matt’s thighs as the blonde lowered down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, </span>
  <b>
    <em>fuck</em>
  </b>
  <span>, Joe, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I-</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was hard to tell who moved them back into a lying down position on the bed (probably Joe because Matt felt utterly incoherent), but soon the two of them were joined at the hips and Matt was pressed further into the bed with every thrust. The pace started off steady, and Matt was rising into Joe’s movements, rocking with him while the world fell apart; both of them were alternating between making out and breaking apart to kiss anywhere—everywhere they could reach. Joe seemed quiet by default in bed, so Matt relished every noise and utterance he managed to elicit from him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Matt-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe broke off as Matt let out a particularly high-pitched breathy whine, and their pacing became a little more frantic—a little less in sync, desperate, and fast, and Joe was repeating his name over and over again, and Matt couldn’t even account for what noises he might have been making as well, until Joe’s whole body shuddered and Matt arched up again trying urgently to catch up at the finish line. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The timing was almost perfect, and, to Joe’s credit, he rallied and brought a hand back to Matt’s remaining erection to finish the blonde off immediately after his own orgasm. Matt threw his head back into the pillow, arching and whispering rapid assurances that he was close—</span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> close—until Joe’s hand and the fact that Joe hadn’t pulled out brought him to a close. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe sighed, pulling out (Matt gasped one last time at that) and rolling off of Matt to land on the bed beside him. Matt immediately rolled into his side and draped an arm over the other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled, a little bemused, and turned his head to Matt, “Hey.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned and pushed Joe’s glasses a little more securely into place again. He hummed and was just about to snuggle further down when Joe started shifting a little uncomfortably. Matt narrowed his eyes and propped himself up at that, “Oh no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <b>don’t </b>
  <span>tell me you’re the type that has to put clothes on right away after-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He broke off at the sheepish grin on the other’s face and sighed. Joe gave a halfhearted shrug, “It’s just… you know, we would be so much more comfortable if we showered and </span>
  <em>
    <span>then </span>
  </em>
  <span>stayed in bed, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine,” Matt grumbled, pushing Joe off the bed, “but we’re showering together.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh- Matt, it’s not a big shower-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Showering </span>
  <em>
    <span>together</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe relented easily, and Matt followed him, happy for that victory. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>a small shower, and Matt originally planned to get them in and out as quickly as possible so they could go back to bed, but then they ended up making out against the shower wall, pausing for Joe to apologetically declare that he didn’t want Matt to get the impression that he’d ever be comfortable with shower sex, only for the blonde to laugh and inform him that the myth of shower sex as hot and steamy was one of the greatest lies their society maintained. Then they went back to making out in the shower. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they were eventually washed off and dry, in bed, and both wearing clean boxers from Joe’s dresser, Joe pulled Matt in and mumbled into his hair, “See? Better now that we cleaned off, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt huffed, although the fact that he was snuggling into Joe’s chest took any bite out of it, “Sure, but I still wouldn’t mind being sticky and gross with you for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>little </span>
  </em>
  <span>while afterwards. I mean, don’t you want to,” he waved a hand around, “bask in the afterglow or whatever?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe snorted, but his reply was immediate and unhesitating, “I don’t need to. Everything kind of glows when you’re around. I still think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupidly </span>
  </em>
  <span>sincere and </span>
  <b>earnest </b>
  <span>and fucking disarming that Matt froze and felt his face heat up so much that he actually turned to bury it in a pillow. Joe sat up, a little alarmed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You okay?” </span>
</p>
<p><span>“</span><em><span>You-</span></em> <b>what-</b><span>” Matt mumbled into the pillow before eventually resurfacing to kiss Joe fiercely. Joe reciprocated but, when they parted, still looked confused. “How did you get like this? </span><b><em>Fuck</em></b><span>.”  </span></p>
<p>
  <span>Joe grinned, catching up to Matt’s reaction, “I’m serious, you know. I thought that when you first walked into T.K.’s apartment. Mid pizza bite.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was still red in the face but reddened further at this, and Joe actually had the </span>
  <b>audacity </b>
  <span>to smirk at that reaction. “You can’t </span>
  <b>actually </b>
  <span>be like this.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe just pulled Matt back in, “Sorry. It’s true. Just saying it like it is.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something about Joe’s sincerity was overwhelming, and Matt—flustered almost to speechlessness—was fully aware that the tables between them had turned, at least temporarily, but he buried his face deep into the other’s shoulder and inhaled, “That… is ridiculously sweet of you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can’t honestly tell me that no one’s ever said something like that to you before.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Matt pulled back from Joe’s shoulder to gaze at his face before answering, “Not like you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s expression sobered up at that, and they went back to kissing under the covers, eventually falling asleep—one tangled up in the other. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now that Joe had had some practice navigating around Matt in the mornings it wasn’t really so difficult. Not that he was trying to leave the bed. Matt’s panic over his quick grab for coffee and brief chat with Dennis had locked him into a new routine whenever they fell asleep in the same bed. Joe would strategically leave a book or something else within reach of his side before falling asleep so that he could grab it in the morning and pass the time before Matt eventually woke up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He recognized that this was… a lot. Some might even say excessive. But, whenever he considered an alternative, he thought about that small shake in Matt’s voice and… Well, it was really just extra time to read in the morning, after all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This morning, unfortunately, the reading wasn’t anything light or relaxing. He’d left his virology textbook on hand. It was an intense course, taken by graduate and undergraduate students, although unlucky for Joe most of his class was composed of grad students, and he was feeling some extra pressure to stay on top of things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wiggled further to the edge of the bed and out of Matt’s koala’ed arm around his torso to grab the book with one hand and pull it into the bed with him. Then he proceeded to slowly sit up, letting Matt’s arm fall into his lap while he propped his pillow and sat up. He glanced back and forth between Matt and the textbook for a moment, torn between the two options: stare at Matt a little longer or actually read dense scientific materials… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew which one he’d prefer to do. Matt looked so peaceful sleeping. His eyes—which Joe fully acknowledged he was obsessed with—were so intense that, when they were closed like this, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks, it was a really different kind of beauty than his usual. Softer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was feeling especially partial after last night. In retrospect, it had been a really foolish oversight to not make it clear to Matt that he was waiting for the other to decide when to actually get more physical, but he was glad Matt had figured that out and articulated it and then…        </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shook his head and pulled his gaze back to the chapter he was supposed to be previewing for this week’s first lecture. Responsibility called. Besides, using this extra time in the morning made it easier to maximize time with Matt when he was actually awake. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He spent about an hour like this, flipping through pages in the text and reading at a leisurely pace (even if it was far from leisure reading), studying various epidemiological diagrams related to significant viral outbreaks, when- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you ever think about how many people we lost?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe almost jumped at the sudden interruption, and probably would have but Matt had spoken at such a low soft volume. He looked down. At some point, Matt had rolled towards him and woken up without him realizing. That was new. The blonde was still very much under the covers, but his eyes were open and blinking at the textbook propped up and resting on Joe’s bent legs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Morning,” said Joe, reaching over to rub a hand along the other’s back, “did I wake you up? It’s still a little early.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Early was being used generously here, but, well, it was early for Matt. He knew that much. Matt shook his head and mumbled, “No, don’t think so… We didn’t stay up very late, and I fell asleep quickly, so…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled, “Okay, well-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you, though?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blinked. Matt was still staring at the textbook and had reached a hand out of the blanket to trace one finger over a spot on the page. Joe shook his head, he’d been so startled that he hadn’t actually caught the other’s initial question, “Sorry, you asked…?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you ever think about how many people we lost?” Matt repeated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked at the unreadable expression on Matt’s face and finally followed his line of sight directly to his finger still pressed against… an HIV diagram. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Joe bit his lip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I… guess I don’t think about that very much.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?” Matt blinked and looked up at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shrugged, “Really. I… I mean I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Obviously. But I’ve never… spent a lot of time thinking about it or… reading up on the losses specifically.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm.” Matt turned back to the page, looking sad. And not his usual caffeine deficit sadness in the morning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do- well… Did you ever have any scares?” Joe asked. Before their first date, Matt had casually let Joe know that he’d gone to get tested at a free clinic—his usual routine before starting something new—and was all clear. It wasn’t something Joe had ever had to consider before… He and Shigure were each other’s firsts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt scrunched up his face and shifted a little more on top of a pillow, “Not really. Sort of, I guess. When Dustin and I were hooking up that summer in high school… We weren’t being careful and didn’t get tested beforehand. I had only been with Sammy, but he’d been around with a few guys, so… Anyways, I realized after a few weeks that we were being idiots, so we went to get tested and got the all clear. But it was a scary few days of realizing that we’d made a mistake that could have had consequences.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe frowned thoughtfully, “Where… was your dad in all that? I mean, you said he’s supportive, right? But-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snorted, “Super supportive, but… I mean there’s only so much he could do as far as monitoring my behavior. It’s not like he could actually stop me from doing anything. That would have required getting home from work at regular reasonable hours.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s lip twitched, almost smirking, “Did you tell him that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt actually did laugh at that, “Yeah, pretty much. I mean, don’t get me wrong. He was fantastic about me coming out. Everyone should be so lucky. But he did get a little weird about sleepovers or guys coming over after that… Like, he didn’t know what to do or what the rules should be. Could girls sleep over but not guys? Was I not allowed to hang out with any guys alone at the apartment? So I had to tell him he wouldn’t really be able to stop me one way or another and his best bet was just not alienating me so I’d actually talk to him about whatever was going on in my life.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s mouth was already hanging open at that, “I… literally cannot imagine having a conversation like that with my dad and surviving.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smirked but also looked sympathetic, “Yeah, I mean, he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>it. But he knew I was right. We had to be a team. That was always how we made it work. So he needed to give me at least some respect as a teammate. Can’t leave your kid alone for hours on end if you’re not going to be able to trust them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That all makes sense, logically,” Joe mumbled, “it’s just wild to even think about though… I guess it’s hard to imagine having that conversation when coming out isn’t really an option in the first place.” He sighed and leaned back onto his pillow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s face interrupted his staring contest with the ceiling, and the blonde’s blue eyes were boring into his, “What do you think would happen?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled a little at how much Matt obviously cared, but it was a sad smile. He pecked Matt on the lips quickly before propping himself up on his elbows to fully sit up. Matt shuffled backwards to give him space, “They’ll disown me. Whenever they do find out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt didn’t look surprised but he did blink a few times, “You’re sure?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure,” he reached one hand forward to cup Matt’s face, “They almost disowned Shuu just for dropping out of med school. I don’t stand a chance compared to that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm,” It was hard to decipher whatever negative emotions Matt was processing over that, but the blonde did lean forward to kiss Joe softly before asking, “What… Do you plan on doing about that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, “What do you mean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Matt shrugged and bit his lip, “you said ‘whenever they do find out.’ Does that mean you plan on them finding out at some point, or…?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Joe shrugged but nodded, “yeah, at some point. I think after medical school. Might as well have them cover the tuition beforehand. I’d rather not take on the student loans.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded sagely before sprawling out over the bed and taking Joe’s textbook with him. He studied more of the open pages, “This stuff is so interesting…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe raised an eyebrow, “You really think so?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Don’t you?” Matt glanced back at Joe, but, at the other’s impassive expression, pressed on, “I look through some of your class materials sometimes when you leave the room.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?” Joe squinted at him. “Why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because it’s interesting!” Matt exclaimed, frowning now. “Don’t you ever… think about the fact that what you’re studying for is literally life and death? Like, those are the stakes?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shrugged, “I guess. Maybe I’m just too used to the idea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s expression did fall at that, and a long pause followed. The blonde glanced around the room before pursing his lips and asking, “Joe, can I… ask you a question I don’t think you’ll like?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both of Joe’s eyebrows flew up at that. He could see the general direction this was going in but wasn’t sure what Matt would specifically have to ask about… “Okay. Go ahead.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt really chewed on his lip and even moved closer to Joe. He looked… almost scared to ask. “Why… are you going to med school?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe stared. He dimly acknowledged a part of his mind shutting off at the question as he gave an automatic response, “My parents. You know that. It’s always been being a doctor for all of their sons. My whole life-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I-” Matt shook his head and inched closer to Joe, pushing the textbook further away on the bed, “I know all that. But I don’t understand…” He stared at Joe for a long time, but Joe made no effort to help him move this conversation along. Finally, Matt sighed, hung his head, before pulling it back up to continue. “I know being a doctor is your parents’ idea. But… But you </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>said that they’re going to disown you. Like a certainty. So then why…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s mind recoiled from the question. No one had asked it before. Izzy and Sora had tried but were simply not confrontational enough to see the topic through. The others… did not seem to realize what a certainty Joe’s future fractured relationship with his family was. And he didn’t want to hear it. Not from Matt or anyone, and certainly not as directly as he knew—</span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span>—the blonde was about to ask it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If they’re going to disown you, why bother being a doctor for them? Why bother going to med school at all?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There it was. Joe’s mind finished shutting off the rest of the way, and he went blank. He did exhale while sitting up all the way, but there was no tone to it. Matt seemed prepared for this response because he flew across the bed to wrap around Joe from behind; the blonde clearly knew he had essentially just launched a nuke at Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe wasn’t even sure if he had been sitting up in order to leave the bed, but, regardless, Matt’s arms wrapped around his torso were enough to hold him in place, even if he had been going anywhere.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Going anywhere</span>
  </em>
  <span>… What would that even mean? To have a sense of direction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Matt’s voice was soft and further muffled because his face was pressed into the back of Joe’s shoulder. “But-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>There’s a “but.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I want you to answer. Really. If you can.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe wasn’t sure, but he thought he flinched at that addition. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe inhaled and squeezed his eyes shut, “Matt. It’s not- I don’t have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>answer for that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay,” Matt’s reply was immediate, “I just want to hear it anyways.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was an openness to Matt’s response that… Well maybe that was enough to say. “There isn’t anything else, Matt. I don’t… have any other ideas for myself. Or anything that I want to do. I wouldn’t know how to make a different decision even if I had to. I don’t… </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>don’t actually have ideas on my own.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt inhaled slowly against Joe’s back, “That’s… what you meant. That first Friday. When I pushed. You meant it literally.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something sank in Joe’s chest. He avoided this topic for… countless reasons. Too many to identify. It was an ugly realization that he’d confronted his senior year of high school, that his parents had robbed him so thoroughly of any ability to think for himself. That he couldn’t see beyond their plans except a terrifying vague empty expanse that he wouldn’t know what to do with. It was a crushing feeling, that made him feel boring—</span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> boring—and helpless, incapable of leading a life with agency. And now Matt had to hear that… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt who was the antithesis of that in so many ways. He’d been provided virtually no direction by his family and found his way regardless. Who sought out opportunities, </span>
  <em>
    <span>created </span>
  </em>
  <span>them even, for himself and his friends. And who pursued all of his interests irrespective of anyone else’s opinions. What would Matt say about that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Really, Joe thought ruefully, it was miraculous in the first place that he’d even caught Matt’s attention. The blonde’s arms had loosened around his waist and were pulling back. Joe shut his eyes, fully prepared for Matt to start gathering his things and leave, or, at the very least, make it clear how unacceptable that was, how disappointing, to be dating someone with no ambitions of his own, no passion to speak of- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something in Matt’s tone caught Joe’s attention, and one of Matt’s hands gently pulled back on his shoulder, seeking eye contact. When he followed those directions and turned, Matt was smiling and sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t… know how you do it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head and continued, still smiling, “I mean it. I can’t even imagine… how you’ve been able to- and you’re still able to… Just push through </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>this work out of obligation. I mean, this </span>
  <em>
    <span>whole </span>
  </em>
  <span>time, you’ve been working </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>hard, and it’s not even your dream. So many people would just break under that pressure, and you’re just… You’re just really </span>
  <b>doing </b>
  <span>it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s face scrunched up, “Matt, there’s nothing impressive about following directions.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe, are you kidding me? That’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>incredible</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Matt looked… desperate to get Joe to understand something. “The rest of us? We throw </span>
  <em>
    <span>fits </span>
  </em>
  <span>when we don’t get to do what we want. Then we get bored and quit. Or lazy. Maybe it doesn’t grab our attention the way we thought it would, so we drop it. We- People </span>
  <em>
    <span>need </span>
  </em>
  <span>motivation, or they just fall apart. I mean, Joe, I’m-” Matt looked around the room quickly, as if he were checking to make sure no one was around, then grinned when he realized how ridiculous that looked, “You can never repeat what I’m about to say to anyone, okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe nodded dumbly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>surrounded </span>
  </em>
  <span>by artists,” said Matt, still grinning, “Surrounded by them. And don’t get me wrong. I believe in them. I really, really do. All of my friends. But they- I mean, I know what the odds are. Statistically, they’re not all going to make it in those chosen fields. And I worry about how they’ll cope if they don’t get the jobs they want. I worry about how </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll </span>
  </em>
  <span>cope if I don’t like working in engineering. But you… I don’t understand how you’re so able to give something your all even when you weren’t given a choice in the first place.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was blinking rapidly, trying to catch up with everything Matt was saying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just… really incredible. I don’t know how you deal with it.” Matt tilted his head and smiled further. “It must… take a lot of strength and willpower. Determination.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt like something in Joe was breaking at that. Some kind of dam. He couldn’t speak, and it felt like… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt seemed to realize what he’d set off because he gathered up the edges of the blanket, pulling it over his own shoulders before launching himself at Joe from the front and enveloping both of them in a tight burrito of covers. Joe even coughed for a second as Matt hugged him tightly using all of his limbs, coiled around Joe in every way possible and all but smothering him in the blanket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe didn’t trust himself to speak. He wanted, desperately, to say what he was thinking to the other:</span>
  <em>
    <span> No one’s </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>ever </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>said that before</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But his throat was tight and housing a painful lump and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to get the words out without breaking down, so he reciprocated the hug—grip a little looser than Matt who, at this point, seemed determined to strangle the insecurity and sadness out of Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed that way for a while. It was hard to say how long. Joe had no ability to check the time as he was so thoroughly wrapped up in Matt’s makeshift comfort cocoon. Occasionally, the blonde hummed and kissed the side of Joe’s head or the top of his shoulder, but mostly just held him. Slowly, the lump in Joe’s throat faded, and he felt his neck loosen. He cleared his throat, testing his volume out. It seemed safe to proceed…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you… No one’s said that before.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hn,” Matt buried his face in Joe’s neck, “they should.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe managed a small laugh at that, and actually started moving his hands, “I like hearing it from you enough.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean it, Joe,” Matt mumbled into his shoulder some more, “You’re incredible.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, stop,” Joe mumbled, his own face heating up at the praise—praise that felt so painfully genuine and so foreign to Joe he could go into shock. Matt snickered and pulled away enough, loosening his full body vice grip on the other as he did, to kiss Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wanna get out of this room?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled, “You letting me go? Still feeling very trapped in here right now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt laughed again and unwrapped himself all the way, sliding off the bed as he did so. Once they were both fully dressed in sweats or pajamas, they traipsed into the main room. Izzy was watching the news on the TV and scrolling through Twitter on his laptop. He looked up and greeted them easily, “Morning, guys. Matt, you should really just leave some clothes here or something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked down at Joe’s pajama bottoms, which were dragging across the ground, “Yeah, probably.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The blonde started making his way to their kitchen, as was becoming customary. Joe slept over at Matt’s apartment more often than the other way around, but Matt was already comfortable navigating their space nonetheless. He had even texted Joe a small grocery list a few days ago—things that would be helpful to have on stock for breakfast purposes. Joe moved around Matt to the coffeemaker, but Izzy had already made a large pot for the apartment. Joe poured cups for both of them and wandered back to the couch to scroll on his phone next to his roommate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mornings in this apartment were quieter than morning’s at Matt’s. Izzy had nothing on Min and Dennis in terms of volume. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt broke the silence when he announced, “Frittata. 30 minutes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy blinked and looked up at that, “Wow. Really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt replied in the affirmative followed by general clattering sounds from the kitchen and a knife tapping against the cutting board repeatedly. Izzy shook his head and smiled at Joe, “You’re spoiled.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shrugged back, “So are you. I’m assuming there’s enough.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There is,” said Matt, “cutting down recipes for just two people is annoying.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe didn’t believe that for a second. He’d only needed to watch Matt do homework a couple of times to confirm that the blonde was quick with numbers and arithmetic. No, this had much more to do with Matt’s generosity than laziness about adjusting recipes. That was sweet enough, but somehow sweeter that Matt made excuses to provide food for the whole apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So much counter space that you don’t even frickin’ </span>
  <em>
    <span>use</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt started muttering in the kitchen about the waste of space and potential, and Izzy and Joe both mutually sank further in their seats at that. Matt’s quiet personal rant went on behind them, at one point drawing some unflattering comparisons between both of them and his own roommates. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy and Joe soon settled into conversation about the news; Matt quipped his own input intermittently while still cooking. It wasn’t long until the apartment smelled like eggs and spices. After about half an hour, Matt took their breakfast out of the oven and brought it over to their dining table, alongside a plate of fruit that he’d cut up. Izzy was gracious and in the process of updating Joe on the previous night’s computer science programming jam when he broke off and tilted his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Someone’s phone?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked at the vibrating noise emitting softly from his bedroom, “Matt, I think that’s yours.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked up from grabbing a slice of baked veggies and eggs for himself to scuttle over to Joe’s room. When he emerged a moment later, he was frowning at the screen, “Takeru called.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a little early on a Sunday for that, but Joe and Izzy shrugged, beginning to eat at the table while Matt called his little brother back—not bothering to leave the main apartment space. There was hardly a pause between Matt lifting his phone to his ear after dialing and T.K. answering. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, what’s up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A short pause while T.K. spoke. Joe and Izzy looked over with interest. Matt was still frowning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh-huh, that’s great, and the real reason you called is…?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s eyes widened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Joe and Izzy both put their forks down at that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you at home?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked over at Joe and sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, I’m at Joe’s, so I can be there in-” he hesitated and glanced at Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“20 minutes.” Joe offered immediately. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“20 minutes. 30 max. Just stay put. We’ll go on a walk and clear your head.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Confirmation that Matt was quickly heading out set Joe in motion. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a few paper towels to wrap a piece of the frittata in for Matt; it seemed sturdy enough to hold firm so the blonde could eat it while walking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay, see you soon.” Matt hung up and immediately looked at both of the other men in the room. “He asked Kari out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy and Joe’s eyes widened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She said no.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their eyes widened further. Joe sighed, “Go. Take care of him. Take some food with you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right,” said Matt, and he went into Joe’s room to change. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy sprang into action as well; anyone who was friends with T.K. or Kari could recognize the magnitude of the situation. “I’ll call Tai and make sure he knows.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good idea!” Matt called. He stumbled out of the bedroom soon after, dressed in his clothes from yesterday and running a hand through his hair, “You don’t think… This is our fault, do you? For pushing? I mean, I told him to go for it, but-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” said Joe quickly, “one of them would have said something eventually. Sooner or later doesn’t necessarily make a difference.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right,” Matt muttered, now zipping up his coat and accepting his backpack from Joe. While he slipped the bag on, Joe wrapped his scarf around his neck and then went to grab Matt’s food. “Fucking high schoolers, man…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy reemerged from his room with his phone pressed to his ear, “Did she say anything to you about it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A short pause. Matt was staring at Izzy expectantly while Joe buzzed around the apartment to make sure they’d actually gathered all of Matt’s belongings. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Matt’s going over there right now to talk to T.K… Okay, yeah… Yeah, we’ll talk later.” Izzy hung up the phone and sighed, “Kari didn’t say anything to Tai about it, but he’s going home to talk to her right now and find out what’s going on.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good,” said Joe, emerging from his room with one of Matt’s hair ties. The blonde snapped it back around his wrist and popped up to kiss Joe quickly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll call you later, I mean, I have practice, but I can-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shook his head, “Just go see T.K. Update me when you can. I’m sure we’ll hear back from Tai too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe saw Matt to their front door and kissed him quickly one more time before the blonde was dashing down their stairs and out the building. Izzy had settled back down onto the dining room table, a little slumped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well… I’m fully awake now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No kidding,” said Joe. He sat back down and sighed. “I can’t believe one of them finally said something…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm, it was bound to happen eventually,” said Izzy. “Speaking of finally saying something…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked up at Izzy who was smirking at him. “What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing, just,” Izzy gestured at the frittata sitting in front of them, “aren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>glad you said something? I mean, I know we’ve sort of talked about it, but…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smirked, “What? Because there’s actual food being cooked in our kitchen now?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t play dumb, Joe. You know what I mean. Because he’s been over here enough times that he just does this stuff, and because it got to a point where you went shopping for groceries so that he could do this the next time he was over.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled—last night’s adventure rolling through his mind followed by this morning’s talk and then Matt cooking in their kitchen like it was a habit. It would be impossible not to feel tender over that. Warm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I’m glad about it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy smiled, digging back in, “Now, if only these high school kids could sort themselves out…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was pretty deep in concentration when Joe started things up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was the Wednesday after the Sunday he’d gone to see Takeru. Takeru who had been a mess—more of a mess than Matt was used to seeing him be—by the time he’d arrived. Matt had practically dragged him out of the apartment and into the fresh air, grabbing coffee for the both of them at the nearest Starbucks, and taking Takeru on a rousing walk around the city. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While walking, Takeru had recounted the whole story to Matt. They had hung out late on Saturday night. Attended a high school party with friends. Takeru walked Kari home afterwards. There was a moment when he’d almost kissed her at her front door (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Classic</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Matt thought)... </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, he’d called her the next morning, and then… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The no. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took some cajoling from Matt to get any more information out of the younger brother after that point in the story. And, truth be told, there wasn’t that much more to tell. A long silence had followed Takeru’s question, and, then, eventually, an “I’m sorry.” Not much explanation provided. Things were awkward now. Beyond awkward. The high school friends were fractured. Takeru and Kari weren’t talking to each other, and their friends didn’t seem to know who they were supposed to be talking to in the meantime. The lunch table was quiet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was weighing on Matt in the miscellaneous sporadic moments that he had to himself between practice with the band and school and friends and Joe. He and Takeru were texting back and forth throughout the day; the little brother needed multiple pep talks from Matt to push through the uncomfortable social situation he’d found himself in. Matt knew from Joe that Tai and Kari were talking it over, but the exact reasoning behind the brunette girl’s rejection was being kept private, so he didn’t really have any insight to offer into that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was tough, being Takeru’s personal cheerleader right now, on top of everything else. Even today, Matt had come straight to Joe’s apartment following his classes so that the two of them could spend some time together before he left for a concert (“Yes, Joe, on a Wednesday”). And even these random hours were being eaten up by the two of them working on schoolwork side by side… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The stress of all that—the tension—is why Matt didn’t protest when Joe reached out an arm to loop Matt in—kissing the blonde’s temple softly. He sighed and relaxed into the hold. Joe’s voice was, as usual, soft enough to be relaxing on its own, “You’re tense.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt exhaled, halfway between a scoff and a sigh, “Tell me about it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tai hasn’t said anything else about Kari, so…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not surprising. They’re at a standstill,” Matt sighed for real this time and stretched his arms up above his head, “So weird. What’s the logic behind saying no when they’ve been so obvious this whole time?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe hmm’ed thoughtfully, “I mean. If it were me, I’d say it’s out of insecurity.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt tilted his head at Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe shrugged, “It’s possible to like someone and feel like you’re not worth their time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think Kari’s insecure like that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe scratched his chin and then started moving to put his laptop on the coffee table, “It’s hard to say. I’ve never thought she seemed insecure, but… I guess I don’t actually know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned, moving his own laptop over to the end table, “Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>still feel that way?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s lips pulled in a tight smile, “Honest answer?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Obviously.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm,” Joe was toying with Matt’s hair, “sometimes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned, “What can I do about that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There isn’t a cure all for that, Matt. I overthink things by nature, so sometimes I’m just very aware of how easy it would be for you to… Well, or how other people might see this. You’re just… I mean, it’s hard </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>to stare at you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> It was also hard, Matt thought, to accept a compliment embedded so deeply in all that self-deprecation. He frowned, pulling his hair out of Joe’s fingers (despite how much he liked that sensation), “I don’t like you saying things like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nn, sorry,” Joe smiled and pushed their noses together, “for what it’s worth, it’s not on you at all. You’re really, um, present? Around me that is.” At Matt’s confused look, he clarified further. “You’re just very affectionate. It makes it harder to doubt things.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Matt smiled, “well good. Some people might call it clinginess, y’know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope,” Joe pushed their faces impossibly closer, “Cling away.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned, eager for the excuse to forget about school and everything else—at least for a while—and met Joe in a kiss. He didn’t have anything particular in mind for where to take things. They both had schoolwork to get to after all, but Joe seemed to have things in mind, and Matt was in no way inclined to protest. The taller man pushed him backwards on the couch, climbing over him while they were still making out. One of Matt’s hands gripped the back of the couch while his other grabbed at the back of Joe’s neck, pulling him down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe went for his neck first, and Matt was already moaning, so eager for the distraction and release of it all. Joe’s hands were so much softer than Matt’s—none of the calluses Matt sported from guitar—and they were weirdly dexterous for someone who really only used them to turn pages and type. Maybe it was the illusion of dexterity because his fingers were so nice and long, but, either way, they were untying the grey flannel Matt had wrapped around his waist and pulling his red t-shirt up and over his head, so that the only thing left on Matt’s chest were the faux leather cords from his necklace. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe took advantage of the newly exposed skin and started working his way down Matt’s chest with his lips and tongue and teeth and Matt was going to lose his goddamn mind. Both of Matt’s hands were on Joe now, clawing at his back and neck, pulling him closer while he practically writhed on the couch in only his jeans. Joe was still fully clothed and that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not Fair</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hhnn</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Joe, don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>tease</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Matt whined as the older man groped his ass. Joe actually had the audacity to fucking </span>
  <b>chuckle </b>
  <span>at that, which was infuriating and also </span>
  <em>
    <span>insanely </span>
  </em>
  <span>sexy, and Matt was just about to call him out for that when </span>
  <em>
    <span>those fingers </span>
  </em>
  <span>brushed over the front of Matt’s jeans, and his entire body jerked against his will, “Joe, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The begging—that “please”—seemed to have the intended effect on Joe because he stopped smiling and went back to kissing Matt while unzipping both of their jeans. That process brought him close enough for Matt to wrap a leg behind him, prompting Joe to bow over him while they kept making out and grabbing and pulling and rutting and moaning. Matt was so lost in the haze of it all that he wasn’t even thinking about how patently unfair it was that Joe still had his shirt on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their squirming on the couch, as well as Joe groping up and against Matt’s ass, had pushed the blonde’s head and torso up onto the arm of the couch, and he was starting to tilt backwards over it. Neither man paused to pay this much mind though. Instead, Joe sat back up, taking stock of their positioning and smirking as he brought one of his hands to wrap around Matt’s erection and started working it up and down. Matt threw his head back over the couch and groaned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <b>
    <em>fuck </em>
  </b>
  <span>me, Joe, oh my god, I needed this </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>bad,” he practically whimpered, one hand gripping his own hair while the other held onto the back of the couch so that he could maintain some sense of balance. At this point, he was so tipped over the side of the couch that his core was doing most of the work holding him up, but he didn’t care, Joe’s hands were </span>
  <em>
    <span>magic </span>
  </em>
  <span>and he would gladly </span>
  <em>
    <span>break </span>
  </em>
  <span>his goddamn back over the arm of this couch if it meant Joe would never </span>
  <b>
    <em>ever </em>
  </b>
  <span>stop because- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Matt</span>
  </em>
  <span>?!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Fuck-</b>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <b>god-</b>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>… You have got to be shitting me. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe might have something to say about that,” said Izzy, continuing the conversation as he and Tai and Sora continued making their way to his apartment. “He and Matt have been spending a lot of time together, and I know Matt’s been telling him about things on T.K.’s end.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind hearing about it,” said Tai, hands shoved deep in his pocket against the cold, “I don’t know. I’d rather hear from Matt about it though. Maybe we should all get together sometime. Or I could just reach out to him directly.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s an idea,” Sora said, “get the older brothers working together on it. I like that!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” said Izzy absently, “someone’s gotta do something at this rate. I don’t think we can all get together as a group until this is resolved. They’re not even eating lunch together at school anymore. They’re split into two different lunch tables or something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, T.K. gave her the lunch table,” said Tai, “he’s eating with his buddies from the school paper up in their newsroom or something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora groaned, “This is awful. I can’t believe one of them finally said something to the other and this is the end result.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t say ‘end result,’” said Izzy, “it’s not over yet. They just need some time to figure things out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai smirked at him, “Wise as ever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I try,” said Izzy, as they turned the corner onto his block. The three friends had met up near Tai’s campus to grab a late lunch together and then hang out at Izzy’s. Joe and Mimi were busy; Mimi with a group design project, and Joe just being generally swamped with work and preparing for his Cornell interview. And Matt, which all of them were very supportive of. They hadn’t spent much time around the new relationship, but the mere fact that Joe was actually dating again… Well, it felt like a victory to the group of friends.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Speaking of which: </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need something </span>
  <em>
    <span>positive</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Sora said, “T.K. and Kari are </span>
  <em>
    <span>seriously </span>
  </em>
  <span>bumming me out. Mimi said things are a little weird with her and Alex lately. Izzy, give me the scoop on Joe and Matt. Cheer me up. Something cute. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ask him yourself,” said Izzy as he unlocked the door to the building, “I’m pretty sure he’s in right now. Working though-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That guy works </span>
  <b>way </b>
  <span>too hard,” Tai interjected. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah,” Sora waved them both down, “but give me the </span>
  <em>
    <span>roommate </span>
  </em>
  <span>scoop. How is it? Are they cute? Obnoxious? Do they cuddle?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy rolled his eyes, “They’re not obnoxious. Matt </span>
  <b>
    <em>is </em>
  </b>
  <span>a good cook though. Actually, I think T.K. kind of undersold how much cooking Matt does. You know he threw together a </span>
  <em>
    <span>frittata </span>
  </em>
  <span>for us on Sunday morning? And then he had to leave almost the whole thing behind for me and Joe because he ran out to go see T.K.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, wait a minute,” said Tai, looking deeply jealous, “No fair. </span>
  <b>I </b>
  <span>want to be Joe’s roommate and have his boyfriend cook for me. You’re telling me you’re included in his meal plans?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Apparently,” said Izzy, “he said he doesn’t like parsing down recipes for just two people, but Joe said that’s bull. Matt’s just willing to cook for a crowd, I guess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s so sweet,” said Sora right as Izzy was turning his keys in his front door. The next sequence of events happened quickly. Not quickly enough though… Izzy opened the door to the apartment and had exactly one millisecond to process the scene playing out in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Matt</span>
  </em>
  <span>?!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Fuck-</b>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <b>god-</b>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was followed by a loud </span>
  <b>thud </b>
  <span>as Matt rolled off the side of their couch and fell to the floor. Izzy blinked </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard</span>
  </em>
  <span>, squeezing his eyes shut and- Nope. It was still there. Seared into his mind. The image of Joe (still, thankfully, wearing a shirt) bent over Matt (unfortunately, not wearing a shirt and perhaps nothing at all for all Izzy could see) on their couch doing god knows what behind the back of it, but given how far Matt was bent over the side of the couch it would </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do with his- Great. Fantastic. </span>
  <b>
    <em>Perfect</em>
  </b>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> There was a long frozen pause. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt had fallen onto his stomach on the living room floor, but his top half was still visible. Joe had apparently flown from sight and was probably fully hiding out of view on the other side of the couch. Or, who knows? Perhaps the senior had finally evaporated out of sheer humiliation. That seemed plausible at this point. Tai and Sora were standing directly behind Izzy with their mouths hanging open, while Izzy stood there stockstill with one hand gripping the doorknob to try to anchor himself to the planet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remarkably, given that he was definitely the person wearing the least clothing, Matt rallied first. The blonde, </span>
  <em>
    <span>still </span>
  </em>
  <span>shirtless, propped himself up on his elbows, and managed—</span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>managed—to grin at the three of them standing in the doorway, “H-hey, guys. Um, good to see you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His greeting was met with stunned silence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt seemed to realize a casual reply was out of the question at the moment, so he swallowed and pressed on, “So, listen, um, Izzy? Could you maybe, like, close that door again for just, I don’t know, 60 seconds?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy’s only reply was to nod silently and swing the door back shut. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matt heaved a sigh and turned to check on Joe. The older man was clearly in the process of trying to melt into the floor. It wasn’t working. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Joe,” Matt said, whispering although it probably wasn’t necessary, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>move</span>
  </em>
  <span>. We gotta-” he nudged Joe with his foot while zipping his pants back up, “pull yourself together, we gotta regroup in your room.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked up at Matt slowly. His eyes were haunted. “Matt?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need you to throw me out the window. Just launch me into the sun.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snickered at that, “No can do. Now come. </span>
  <em>
    <span>On</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He punctuated the last word with another shove, but Joe was unresponsive. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While Joe continued a truly valiant effort to liquify himself, Matt scrambled to grab his shirt and flannel and both their laptops. Standing with all of them in tow, he cocked an eyebrow at Joe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe? Did you miss what I said? 60 seconds? Any sec now they’re all coming back in here, so, I appreciate that you’re in the middle of processing the trauma of this, but could you please do it in your room? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked up at Matt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“60 seconds.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That final reminder set Joe in motion, and he hurried after Matt into his bedroom. Once they were safely in there with the door locked, Matt started cracking up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh man, your </span>
  <em>
    <span>face-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe burst at the seams, his humiliation flayed in all directions, “How are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>laughing</span>
  </em>
  <span>?!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw,” Matt cooed while sending Izzy a quick text with one hand, “first time getting walked in on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe balked and walked to the other side of his bed, sitting on the floor behind it so that the bed was also between him and the door which was between him and the main space. “</span>
  <b>Not</b>
  <span> yours?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope,” said Matt easily, grinning and sliding down to a seated position next to Joe on the floor. “Look, it’s only tragic if you </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>laugh about it. Come on.” He nudged Joe gently with his elbow. Joe shook his head and buried his face in his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>die</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt snickered, “Well, for what it’s worth, you were really spectacular out there. I mean, I was ready to snap myself in half f-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh </span>
  <b>
    <em>shh</em>
  </b>
  <span>!!!” Joe frantically waved a hand at Matt to quiet down as the sound of the front door opening again rang out, louder than last time. Intentionally louder even, Matt thought. The other three clearly wanted to make sure Matt and Joe heard them this time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smirked at Joe, and lowered his voice to mere decibels so that even Joe would barely be able to hear him only inches away, “I’m just </span>
  <em>
    <span>saying</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>impressed with your handiwork.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It seemed impossible, but Joe actually got redder at that. Matt touched a finger to the other’s face experimentally. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Babe, you’re burning up here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And redder still. Matt blinked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seriously, you okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve never- um…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt blinked some more and then it clicked and he couldn’t stop from laughing, “You’re- seriously- because I called you- </span>
  <em>
    <span>pfft-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Matt</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” Joe hissed, and there might as well have been steam rising off his face. Matt quieted down again and shook his head. He slapped the tops of Joe’s knees lightly, prompting the taller man to lower them so he could move into Joe’s lap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he whispered, resuming nearly imperceptible audio levels, “but seriously, it’s best to laugh these things off.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Easy to say.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, let me help take your mind off it then,” said Matt, and he used one hand to lift Joe’s face up and gently kiss the other, soft at first but then more earnestly as Joe kissed back. The whole exchange happened in almost complete silence and was certainly imperceptible to people outside the room. Falling off the couch had pretty effectively ended Matt’s erection, but Joe had not suffered a hard impact with the ground and still had some arousal leftover from earlier. Matt smirked and let one hand slide up Joe’s thigh, “Want me to take care of this?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe looked at Matt agape, “I-... cannot tell if you’re joking or not.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s smirk grew more dangerous, and he was already tying his hair back into a short pony. He leaned forward to kiss Joe again, then breathed against the other’s lips, “That depends.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe swallowed, “On?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“On how quiet you can be.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s face could have cooked an egg. Several eggs, Matt thought. But he nodded silently, so Matt grinned and continued speaking so soft even Joe would have to strain to hear him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One rule for oral: don’t push me down.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe nodded again, but his eyes had widened at the confirmation of what was about to happen. Matt gave him a smile that he hoped was sweet and reassuring, and started kissing his way south—beginning at Joe’s jaw, working down the neck, lifting up Joe’s shirt (but not removing it; they were in a hurry, after all) to trail down his chest, until he was finally at Joe’s pants. He wasn’t rushing per se, but, well, Joe’s friends were out in the dining room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s zipper was still undone from earlier, and Matt raised an eyebrow at Joe one more time—silently checking for permission before proceeding. Joe nodded again, and his hands were already gripping tightly at the carpeting. Matt’s smirk slotted back into place. He generally tried to be a humble person, but there was no denying that he had an excellent track record with blowjobs. 5 star reviews across the board. It had become a weird point of pride for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once he had Joe’s erection out of his pants, Matt dipped down. He’d already been on his knees in front of Joe, but he arched downward, making sure the other had a good view of his back while he worked. Speed was something of a factor here, so he only briefly teased the tip with his tongue. Joe’s nails dug along the carpeting and one of his legs twitched and bumped into Matt’s side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt just inhaled and let himself get comfortable for a moment. Once he felt settled, he looked up to make eye contact with Joe one more time before completely wrapping his mouth around Joe’s dick and sliding all the way down to the base of it, letting his tongue work along the way down. Joe’s hands scrambled for purchase on the carpeting, and Matt would have grinned if he could, opting instead to bob up and down at a nice sensual pace. He didn’t hold back, deepthroating the other man repeatedly and working his tongue around him lavishly, trying to finish Joe off as quickly as possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t take too long. Joe’s hips were already bucking, but he reached a hand to the back of Matt’s head and pulled on the ponytail that was there, gentle but a clear indicator that he was about to finish and Matt should pull off. Again, Matt would have smirked if he could, but instead he merely shook his head with Joe still in his mouth, wagging his tongue along the base of Joe’s length for good measure. At that, Joe inhaled, barely audible, and tilted his head back onto the bed’s mattress. Matt fully hollowed out his cheeks, taking Joe deep again and sucking. Moments later, Joe came, and Matt, already primed from Joe’s warning, swallowed easily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took care to remove Joe from his mouth without any wet popping noises too. Joe’s breathing was silent but visibly heavy. Matt just smiled and pulled the other’s pants back into place for him, then fixed his shirt some more too. “All good?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe managed a weak nod and reached one hand out to pull Matt down for a kiss. Matt thrilled a little at that. Joe had been so adamant about showering immediately after sex, so it was nice to know he was willing to kiss Matt fully and directly right after the blonde had swallowed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned and stood, reaching down a hand to help Joe up, “Ready to go back out there?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s brows furrowed, “What about you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, I’m good. Falling off the couch did me in,” said Matt, throwing his t-shirt back on and tying the flannel around his waist once more. “But thanks for offering, Babe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The “babe” still sent Joe several shades red, which was hilarious, especially given the circumstances. Matt grinned and followed Joe to the bathroom, so that they could both briefly wash up before rejoining the others. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy, Tai, and Sora stared in silence at the front of the door. That silence was eventually broken by Tai who burst into laughter and didn’t stop until he was doubled over in tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad you’re amused,” Izzy began, “but that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>couch.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That only added to Tai’s fit; the brunette was practically howling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh, you’re such a </span>
  <em>
    <span>kid</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Sora scolded, placing both her hands on her hips, “but also… that was. Wow. Uh. Hm.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm.” Izzy agreed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m guessing that’s the first time that’s happened?” Sora asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Definitely,” said Izzy. “How long till 60 seconds?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Izzy, come on,” Tai said, finally straightening up but still wheezing a little, “just give them a few minutes. You really want to risk going back in there at exactly 60 seconds?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy raised his eyebrows, “Good point. Okay, we’ll wait out here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stood there in stunned silence for another moment before a text notification went off on Izzy’s phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Text from Matt,” Izzy mumbled and then read aloud, “‘It is very important to me that you know both of us still had pants on.’ </span>
  <em>
    <span>Well</span>
  </em>
  <span>. At least there’s that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well that was,” Sora struggled, “nice of him to let you know. Also, hey! You have Matt’s number?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, yeah, he’s been over multiple times,” said Izzy, “we exchanged a while ago.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I hope they don’t just stay hidden in Joe’s room,” said Tai, “I wanna talk to him anyways.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We honestly might never hear from Joe again,” said Sora, giggling behind a hand, “but, wow, did you see, I mean he really had Matt-” she broke off at the looks both men were giving her and blushed. “I mean, wow, huh? How embarrassing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai rolled his eyes, “Well, you’ve got that right at least. Joe might never look any of us in the eyes ever again. Matt was really chill about that though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora nodded, smirking despite herself, “Very composed, yes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, he is a performer.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another pause, then: </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora sighed, “I… really am happy for Joe. I was getting worried.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai shrugged, “About his sex life? I mean, yeah, I guess I was too, but the man’s allowed to stay single for as long as he needs, y’know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not just that, Tai,” said Sora, rolling her eyes, “I mean in general. You agree, right, Izzy? Joe was getting so worn out and unenthusiastic about everything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy nodded immediately, “Yeah, it’s good this happened. He needed something. A change of pace or just. Something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like a spark!” Sora chirped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly.” Izzy checked the time on his phone and sighed, “Alright, let’s go back in.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He swung the apartment door open with more force this time, making sure it was audible, and the three made their way into the apartment which now felt eerily silent. After removing their shoes, all three of them mutually stared at the couch for one long second before staring at the shut door to Joe’s room for another. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dining table?” Izzy prompted, gesturing at the kitchen table. They nodded in silent agreement, sitting around the table while Izzy went to the kitchen to take their drink requests. Tai wanted a beer, Sora took a hard seltzer, and Izzy grabbed one for himself as well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sound of Matt laughing echoed out from Joe’s room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai shook his head and grinned, “Well, if he can laugh it off, maybe we will see Joe again this century.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Sora snickered, opening the tab on her drink and sipping. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy opted to change the subject by force, “So, Sora, how </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>your mom doing?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Other than Tai’s brief “Izzy, you’re a true friend,” the other two allowed for the sudden shift. Sora sighed, “She’s fine, I guess. We’re still talking… I’m worried she’s trying to stall and wear me down.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They continued on that topic for a bit. Sora’s desire to be a pilot was always a point of contention between her and her mom. They had agreed that Sora would try attending a regular university under general education/undecided to see if anything else sparked her interest. After two years, if Sora still wanted to be a pilot, then her mom would agree to pilot school, gambling on her hope that Sora would change her mind by then. But they were juniors now, and Sora hadn’t changed her mind, so the fight was ongoing with renewed vigor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was in the middle of this that the bathroom connected to Joe’s room opened, and Matt strolled out, looking determinedly casual (and fully clothed), “Hey, guys.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe trailed after him a moment later, looking like death would be preferable to facing his friends right now. Matt wandered directly into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and opening the fridge with no cares in the world. Joe slumped into a chair at the dining table and avoided eye contact. Izzy and Sora tried—they really did—to avoid smirking for Joe’s sake, but Tai was not so generous. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The brunette leaned forward and wagged his eyebrows at Joe, “Hey, man. How’s your day going?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe opened his mouth, closed it again, and shook his head, trying to glare at Tai (but it was a weak attempt). Matt chimed in from the kitchen, “You know, regardless of what he’d say to that, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’d </span>
  </em>
  <span>say he’s having a pretty good day. Joe, do you want anything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The innocuous what-to-drink question seemed to help Joe function again, “No, I’m-... No.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good for you, man,” said Tai, staring at Joe and grinning wide in response to Matt’s comment. He looked up at Matt though and added, “Bad timing, huh, Matt? You’ll never be able to start anything with him on the couch ever again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smirked while walking back to the table with water, “Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nn- </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shh</span>
  </em>
  <span>!- St-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone blinked at the noises Joe was making. Matt’s smirk pulled impossibly wider as he took a seat next to Joe at the table and sipped his water. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora spoke next, “Okay, seriously, what was that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt just shook his head and grinned. Izzy’s eyes darted back and forth between the two of them, and then it clicked, “Joe doesn’t want Matt to tell us that he started it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s cackling paired with Joe sinking low in his seat was all the confirmation they needed. Joe croaked a pitiful “Please just end me” which set the whole table to laughing, and Tai leaned forward, “Aw, come on, man. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m </span>
  </em>
  <span>proud of you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy shook his head at all of that and gestured to Matt’s water, “You can have one of the beers or seltzers in the fridge if you want. We were planning on hanging out for a while.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shook his head, recovering from the laughing fit as well, “No, I have to leave for a concert soon. We’re opening for Flora Cash and Walk off the Earth tonight. Actually,” he turned to Joe, “what time is it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe grimaced and sat up again while checking his watch, “It’s almost 4. Shoot, I’m sorry. You needed to make more progress on that lab report, didn’t you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” said Matt, “I can work on it when I get back. We’re just opening, and I know some of us are planning on cutting out right away to get home. Julian will probably stay. Maybe Haida and Aaron. But Tori and I are definitely leaving as soon as we wrap.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re coming back here afterwards?” Izzy asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt scratched his chin, “Yeah, it’s closer, so I can get some more work done… Let me know if that’s not okay though. I can bring all my stuff with me and go home afterwards.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy shook his head immediately. With the exception of that couch display this afternoon, Matt had never been an intrusive presence in their apartment. “It’s definitely fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora stared at Matt with wide eyes, “Concert on a Wednesday?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt rolled his eyes, “Yeah, Joe can’t believe it either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How… do you keep up with your schedule? I mean, you have classes tomorrow.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right now? I honestly have no idea. Between this and texting Takeru all day, I’m hardly functioning.” He shot a quick glance to Tai at that last part. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai frowned, “So… he’s taking it hard?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course he is.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A small pause followed that. Everyone was looking at Tai expectantly. Tai sighed and took out his phone, “Give me your number, Matt. We’ll talk sometime.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned and entered his number into Tai’s phone wordlessly. Izzy shifted in his seat, realizing that the younger sibling conversation wasn’t going any further with an audience present, “Well, we were in the middle of talking about Sora’s mom. Matt, to give you the rundown: Sora wants to be a pilot, her mom doesn’t like the idea, it’s been an ongoing argument for years-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Holy shit, what?” Matt looked from Sora to Joe, “How has this never come up before? Sora, that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>badass.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora blushed at the praise, “O-oh, well it’s-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s so </span>
  <b>cool</b>
  <span>. Are you kidding me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s really not that- I mean, I haven’t even started pilot school because my mom-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What have you been studying in the meantime?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora hesitated one more time before launching into an explanation of the classes she’d been trying to take so far during undergrad, debates with her mom about courses to enroll in, etc. Matt seemed totally captivated by the topic, and Sora was thrilled by his supportive enthusiasm. Tai, Izzy, and Joe all exchanged knowing smiles. It was good for Sora to get feedback like this; she needed the confidence boost about her dreams. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At one point, Matt grabbed Joe’s wrist to check the time again, “Shit, I gotta run.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, “Are you running late? I can call a car for you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Matt downed the rest of his water and stood up quickly to start putting on his coat and short combat boots, “It’s fine, just need to leave now. Sora, it was fun hearing about your plans.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora flushed again, looking pleased, “Thank you, Matt.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once Matt had his guitar case in hand, he almost bolted out the front door but doubled back to kiss Joe (who went scarlet with his friends in the room). Matt smirked and tossed a casual “Bye, everyone. Later, Babe!” over his shoulder on his way out. The nickname set Joe’s face to boiling, and, as soon as the front door closed behind Matt, all three of the friends turned to Joe with identical grins. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Later, Babe!’” Tai chorused, face-splitting grin in place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Tai-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora giggled over Joe’s protest, “Sorry, Joe, but that was really cute. And I for one am very happy for you. Tai is too. This is how he shows his support. Because he’s dumb.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy studied the shade of red on Joe’s face, “Why are you blushing this much over him leaving? </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve </span>
  </em>
  <span>seen that routine before. I mean, I guess the nickname is new, but.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we keep talking about Sora’s pilot dreams?” Joe hissed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No can do, pal,” said Tai. “Now that he’s gone, gotta talk about this now. Seriously. How’s it going with you two?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Sora chimed in, “give us the good news. I’m depressed over all the ‘meh’ news.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Things are good,” Joe mumbled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy rolled his eyes and jumped in, “Better than good. They’re getting downright domestic. Joe bought groceries for Matt to cook here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I stand by what I said before,” Tai said. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Not</span>
  </em>
  <span> fair. I want a roommate’s boyfriend to cook for me too.”     </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sora smiled sweetly, “That’s really nice, Joe. Has T.K. been supportive, by the way? I mean, I know it’s a weird time to ask about him, but, when this does come up, are things weird with you two at all?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, they’re not weird,” Joe sighed but then sat up, looking alarmed, “You guys… you can </span>
  <b>never </b>
  <span>tell him about this afternoon. Actually, don’t tell </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>about this afternoon.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Tai snorted, “Why on earth would we scar T.K. like that? Now, Mimi on the other hand…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Tai, don’t!” Sora scolded, “That would just be mean. Not to Joe. To Mimi. She’ll be devastated that she missed the show.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai and Izzy laughed at that, but Joe sat up even straighter, “No. Don’t. Do </span>
  <b>not</b>
  <span>. Do you hear me? She will </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <b>ever </b>
  <span>let it go.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll take your opinion on the matter under advisement,” said Tai smugly, and Joe sighed before standing from the table. “Hey- wait- Joe, I was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>joking</span>
  </em>
  <span>, come back here-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just grabbing my laptop,” said Joe, “Need to get some more work done.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>More</span>
  </em>
  <span> work?” Sora sighed, “If Matt’s coming back from the concert to work here some more, can’t you do it then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This sort of isn’t for class,” said Joe, setting himself up in one of the living room’s armchairs with his laptop. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy blinked and tilted his head, “Then what are you working on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was frowning at the screen already, and Izzy knew they were about to lose him to focus altogether, “Just some outside research based on something Matt said.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Outside research?” Tai smirked. “Something kinky?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” said Joe immediately, and the three of them blinked at his surprisingly terse tone, “Nothing like that, just-... It’s… Consider it background reading for a class. I think it’s important to look into some more.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Izzy, Tai, and Sora all shrugged at each other before resuming casual conversation, occasionally dragging Joe back into it to ask for his input on whatever they chatted about. Joe’s responses were short and distracted though. Izzy turned to study his roommate a little more closely. Joe’s eyes were laser-focused on the screen in front of him, his usual pensive frown reserved for studying was in place, but there was something different about it. Joe never did outside research for his classes unless it was imperative for academic success. This… didn’t seem like that. Izzy rolled this over in his mind, wondering what on earth Matt could have brought up because Joe looked… And maybe Izzy was imagining it, but Joe looked genuinely interested in his screen. Not just focused. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Interested</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*coughs* ANYWAYS. </p>
<p>UH. hope you enjoyed. I haven't written smut in... years. but y'know. when you gotta, you gotta. </p>
<p>sorry for the wait on this chapter! I wanted to finish writing chapter 11 before I posted this one, and I got a little delayed on that. Chapter 11 is done and I haven't started Chapter 12 yet, but I'm feeling the groove for it, so hopefully that won't take too too long. </p>
<p>much thanks as always for reading! \o/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lots of big big emotional notes in this one woop woop \o/</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why do <em> you </em>want to be a doctor?” </p><p>It was a question Joe had heard in one context or another for virtually his entire life. The answer had always depended on who was around. Adults, school counselors, teachers, family? He wanted to follow in his father’s (and brothers’) footsteps. Friends? Well, he had to. It was what his parents expected of him. There simply wasn’t a Plan B. </p><p>It was a question Matt had brought up again—with a searing directness—mere <em> days </em>ago. Finally trapping Joe in that spectacular and awful confrontation between the inevitable disintegration of his relationship with his parents and the fact that they were the only real reason he was pursuing medicine in the first place. </p><p>It was also a question that Joe had prepared an answer to for this exact moment. The answer he had prepped to give. That he had run by family and peers. He was supposed to cite the obvious—his father, there was no getting around that—and then reference research—cutting edge medical solutions to health issues plaguing the world over. He was supposed to bring up his brother’s work with UNICEF, how inspiring that was, and his summer volunteering abroad. He was supposed to… He was supposed to circle back to his father at the end. </p><p>He was supposed to say all of those things. Without sounding too rehearsed and without sounding like he was simply rehashing his resume and application letters. </p><p>That was supposed to happen. </p><p>Joe inhaled and took his glasses off to quickly swipe at the lenses before repositioning them back on his face. He swallowed. </p><p>“Mr. Kido?” </p><p>The pause had gone on <em> just </em>long enough to prompt that. </p><p>“I-...” Joe began and faltered immediately. He inhaled again, and something else rose to the surface. Something that wasn’t supposed to happen. “I’m supposed to talk to you about my father and my family.” </p><p>The small panel of interviewers blinked at him. A woman tilted her head. The man at the end smiled just a fraction, intrigued. Another woman squinted, trying to anticipate where this was going. It was already too late to backtrack. The first sentence alone set him on a different answer. Backtracking to return to his original default response was now the worst possible option. So, he continued. </p><p>“For my entire life, medicine has been a given. My dad’s the head of cardio at Presbyterian.” Only a couple of the panel members blinked in surprise. It figured that most of them already knew. “So I’m supposed to talk about that and tell you why I want to continue his legacy, take medicine further, solve more problems that we face.” He quickly cleared his throat. “That would be… rehearsed.”</p><p>A few interviewers shifted in their seats. One woman smiled at him and leaned forward, “Go on.” </p><p>“Our-” His voice shook for a moment, but he steadied himself and pressed on. “Our society doesn’ serve all people equally. I think we know that. But our medicine is… an extension of that. Black and indigenous women are two to three times more likely to die giving birth. Black Americans are 20% more likely to have colorectal cancer, and approximately 40% more likely to die once they have it. Asian Americans are over 30 times more likely to contract tuberculosis…</p><p>“I could go on. There’s so many examples. Recently, I-” He paused and inhaled. “Recently, I started thinking about how many lives we lost to AIDS in this country and around the world. That we <em> still </em>lose. But I started reading and thinking about what it was like to be diagnosed back when it was still called GRID or even just ‘gay cancer.’ What it would be like for those early patients to be denied care, to hide their diagnosis and seek treatment for symptoms without fully confiding in their doctors, to lose friends or family if their condition became known…”</p><p>The panel was watching him intently, and Joe knew that if he stopped to think about what he was doing for even an instant he’d succumb to panic, so he kept going. “That’s the point of physician-patient confidentiality, isn’t it? Or it’s supposed to be? People are supposed to be able to tell their doctors the full truth, to get help—<em> real </em> help. But that <em> still </em>isn’t always what happens…    </p><p>“I-” He bit his lip and continued, “We need people in medicine who know what it means to hide the truth out of self-defense. Who understand that kind of fear and vulnerability. I never <em> wanted </em> to be a doctor to follow in my father’s footsteps, but I do <em> need </em> to be a doctor because I know what it means to hide. I want to make medicine safer and accessible for marginalized people. And I think I want to focus on diseases and conditions that aren’t being prioritized, intentionally or otherwise… Because this isn’t the answer I was supposed to give you today, and it’s not the answer I’m going to tell my family I gave you, but it <em> is </em>an honest one.” </p><p>Joe had maintained eye contact throughout his response (the need for it had been so drilled into him), but the adrenaline of the moment had blurred the interviewers’ faces. And he only now, blinking and remembering how to breathe, got a good look at them. A few shifted in their seats. There was some blinking. The woman who had prompted him to go on was nodding at him. A couple wore thoughtful frowns. </p><p>The man at the end leaned forward and smiled a little wider than before, “Joe. Thank you for your honesty.” </p><p>The rest of the interview process went by in a blur. Joe went back on autopilot but with a couple of modifications. He had reverted to his rehearsed answers, but he made adjustments at times, in the moment, and saying them felt… real. Or, at least, more real than they had before. </p><p>When the process was concluding, Dr. Lim—the one who had said “go on'' and nodded at him when he finished answering “why”—escorted him out their front entrance. She held out a hand to Joe to shake one more time, “It was wonderful meeting you today, Joe.” </p><p>“Thank you,” he said, something resembling relief starting to settle in, “You as well.” </p><p>“And Joe?” she added, “For what it’s worth, we treat these interviews with patient-physician confidentiality as well. Your honesty was and is appreciated. And, as one of the many disproportionate number of Asian American women with osteoporosis, I can say that I did very much enjoy what you had to say.” </p><p>“I- thank you,” said Joe quickly, “for saying that. I really appreciate it.” </p><p>She smiled at him one last time before turning to walk back inside. </p><p>Joe, standing alone outside the building, exhaled deeply. Then inhaled. Exhaled again. And again. The relief at being done faded away and in crept… Panic. Anxiety. Existential terror.</p><p>He turned to walk towards an appropriate pick up area to order a rideshare. Today, of all days, he had earned the right to avoid the subway—traffic be damned. And the rising panic in him was screaming to get home. He paused, hovering over the destination input. “Home” was obviously set to his apartment with Izzy, but… He thought about that place. The countless hours of studying done there. The prepwork. He thought about Izzy, who’d been by his side for this whole journey towards med school. It was too much. That was too much to go back to. </p><p>What… What had just happened? </p><p>“Oh my god,” Joe muttered under his breath, loosening his tie and still feeling a wave of suffocation coming on, “... Oh my god…” </p><p>Without thinking about it any further, he entered Matt’s address. It didn’t matter if a ride out to Brooklyn would be expensive. It didn’t matter if Matt was busy. He could wait. He couldn’t go back to his own space right now. Not after… </p><p>He swiped out of the app and opened his text messages. There were a few messages of encouragement from his friends—well meaning, but less informed than his brothers who knew better than to interfere with someone’s psyche on the day of a med school interview. Matt had not reached out; they had an explicit protocol for interview days. Matt waited until Joe reached out before saying anything. </p><p>Joe opened a new text conversation with Dennis. They had never texted before, but both roommates had made sure to exchange numbers with Joe a while ago. </p><p> </p><p><b>Joe: </b>Hey, this is Joe. I think Matt has rehearsal right now, but are you at the apartment by chance? I was going to crash there after the interview. </p><p> </p><p><b>Dennis:</b> sorry, I’m with family, it’s abuela’s birthday</p><p> </p><p><b>Dennis:</b> I’m almost positive that Min’s just chilling tho</p><p> </p><p><b> Joe:</b> Thanks! I’ll text her. </p><p> </p><p><b>Dennis:</b> Hope the interview went well! </p><p> </p><p>Joe managed to send a quick thanks and brief assurance that the interview went fine right as his ride showed up. <em> “Fine.” </em> He rolled that word around in his head, feeling very distinctly anything but fine. <em> Please for the love of god </em> , he begged internally as he hopped into the backseat, <em> please do not make small talk </em>. </p><p>“Hey, man! How’s it hanging? <em> Nice </em>suit!” The driver said after lowering the radio. </p><p>“Thanks,” said Joe, feeling shaky. </p><p>“Big interview or something?” He asked while rolling them out of the drive up. </p><p><em> Fuck </em>. “Y-yeah, you could say that.” </p><p>“<em> Niiiiiiiice </em>, well I hope it went well, man.” </p><p>“Thanks,” said Joe weakly. Blessedly, the driver seemed ready to stop talking after that, simply turning them back out onto a main street and navigating the roads. Joe trained his eyes back down to his phone and Min’s contact information, hoping that if he kept his eyes down it would keep the conversation over and done. </p><p> </p><p><b>Joe:</b> Hey, this is Joe. I know Dennis and Matt are out, but are you at the apartment? </p><p> </p><p><b>Min:</b> chillin like a villain! B) </p><p> </p><p><b>Min:</b> what’s up? </p><p> </p><p><b>Joe:</b> Can I stop by? I was hoping to crash there after the interview. </p><p> </p><p><b>Min:</b> sure! I can let you in no problem boblem </p><p> </p><p><b>Joe:</b> thanks </p><p> </p><p>Joe inhaled and sat back in his seat, turning to stare out the window. Min was… less ideal than Dennis for this moment. He knew Matt would threaten bodily harm over a thought like that, but it couldn’t be helped. Joe thought he might lose his mind if Min insisted on cheery small talk, whereas Dennis would probably take one look at him and leave him alone. At least, that was the read Joe had on both roommates so far. It felt accurate. </p><p>He couldn’t distract himself with his phone after that. His mind was swimming—<em> drowning </em>. What had he done in the interview? What had he said? He knew the answer to both of those questions. He knew, but he couldn’t stop asking. He went off script. </p><p>He went off script. </p><p>And there was no telling, really, what the people on the panel would do. Odds were high that most if not all of them knew his dad in some capacity. And he had essentially… He had all but… <em> Oh my god </em>. </p><p>His mind alternated between blanking out and chaotic incoherent screaming for the rest of the ride. When they pulled up to the MDM Apartment’s block (the trio had collectively enforced that shorthand on Joe at some point), Joe barely managed to thank his driver and he went through the process of selecting a tip purely off muscle memory. </p><p>The same was true for ringing the buzzer to the apartment. </p><p>“Joe?” Min’s voice rang out, checking to be sure. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s me.”  </p><p>Joe sped through the unlocked door and made his way up the stairs to their apartment quickly. He was starting to feel faint and realized that, for the first time since he was <em> maybe </em>13, he might be having an actual panic attack. </p><p>“Hiiiii!” Min sang, opening the door and waving her arms around so that the sleeves of her overlarge sweater flapped uselessly. “I think Matt has practice for another hour or so, but we can totally hang out if you want! I was just watching <em> Aggretsuko </em>and- Joe? Are you okay?”</p><p>Min’s arms lowered, and she paused to actually observe Joe, who was in the middle of removing his shoes quickly. He looked… clammy. A little pale. Maybe even green. Min frowned. </p><p>“Uh, hey, are you alright?” </p><p>“Fine,” the other replied, but he sounded hoarse and <b>far </b>from fine. He was also hurrying towards the bathroom between Matt and Dennis’s rooms, and Min barely had the presence of mind to close and lock the front door before scurrying after him. She was grateful, ultimately, that she was delayed because she didn’t have to see it when he vomited. </p><p>“Oh <em> sh- </em>” she pulled up short, pausing just outside the door frame. Hesitating to turn the corner. The retching noises continued only briefly after the first wave before turning to coughs. Min bit her lip and flew across the narrow living room to her own bathroom, grabbing a small spare towel and zipping back across to chuck it at Joe who was bowed over the toilet still. He spotted it from his peripheries and grabbed it to wipe his mouth down, finally sitting back against the foot of the tub/shower. </p><p>“Th- thanks.”</p><p>“No problem,” she said, eyebrows knitted together in concern. Her voice was timid when she asked, “Joe… do you want… I can call Matt. I’m <em> sure </em>he wouldn’t mind ending practice a little early. They’re just at the warehouse today. Nothing serious.” </p><p>Joe shook his head, “No, that’s okay. I’m fine. I’ll just wait in his room.” </p><p><em> You absolutely do </em> <b> <em>not </em> </b> <em> look fine </em>, she thought, but out loud she asked, “Are you sure? It seriously wouldn’t be a big deal.” </p><p>“Definitely. Don’t bother him. I’m just gonna lie down for a while anyways. Maybe take a nap.” </p><p>That at least didn’t sound like a bad idea, so Min bit her lip and nodded, “Okay. Well, I’ll be out in the living room if you need anything.” </p><p>“Sure. Thanks.” </p><p>Min watched as Joe picked himself up and went through the side door to Matt’s room, shutting it behind him. She closed the door to the bathroom as well; if he went to puke some more, he’d at least have that much privacy. Once she was alone in the living room, she reviewed her options. Joe was safely stored in their apartment, so it wasn’t like the situation was dire… And it might actually be best if he had some space to himself before seeing anyone. </p><p><em> But </em> , she thought while wandering over to her phone, <em> there’s always the chance that Matt and the band decide to go out after practice. </em> Another hour was one thing, but Min didn’t like the idea of Joe being by himself for longer if Matt went out with friends before coming home. She opened her phone and pulled Matt up immediately. </p><p> </p><p><b>Min:</b> so listen I totally forgot about this photography project I need your help with and I’m gonna be out all day tomorrow for a film thing soooooooooo as soon as you get home from practice???? pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?????? </p><p> </p><p>Matt was busy and wouldn’t necessarily see messages until the band took a tight five, so Min busied herself in the kitchen—boiling water to make tea. She’d seen Joe and Matt drink tea together enough times to know it couldn’t hurt. <em> Chamomile or mint </em>… When the water boiled, she went with her gut—mint—and brought the steeping cup over to Matt’s room. Joe hadn’t locked the door (obviously, it wasn’t his room), so she piped up to make sure the other knew she was there, “Just dropping off some tea.” </p><p>Joe was lying face down on Matt’s bed, and he only managed a feeble wave and noise of acknowledgement. </p><p>Min bit her lip and set the tea down on the small bedside table, “It’s there if you want it.” </p><p>She fled the room quickly, giving Joe his privacy once more, and then settled back onto the couch. Phone on hand and <em> Aggretsuko </em>back on screen. She lowered the volume just a bit, partially to avoid disturbing Joe and partially so that she could hear if any dramatic noises came from Matt’s room. Matt had also replied in the meantime. </p><p> </p><p><b>Matt:</b> for photography? what do you need? </p><p> </p><p><b>Min:</b> a modellllllllllll :3 </p><p> </p><p><b>Matt:</b> … </p><p> </p><p><b>Min:</b> i love you!!!!!!!! </p><p> </p><p><b>Matt: </b>… i’m exhausted </p><p> </p><p><b>Min:</b> Matt!! no one else is around! I need a subject and you’re my best bet if i’m gonna get a chance to edit the shots this weekend too. seriously really need you for this plus you’re soooooo pretty and so good at shoots :3 </p><p> </p><p><b>Matt:</b> fine i hate you tho </p><p> </p><p><b>Min:</b> love you too bb. see you in 40ish?</p><p> </p><p><b>Matt:</b> something like that yeah, I’m coming straight home, so sick of practice </p><p> </p><p>Min sighed at that, relieved that Matt would be returning post haste regardless of her little fib. (Chelsea had helped her with the photography shoot earlier in the day.) She wished she could give Matt a head’s up, maybe let him brace himself because he wouldn’t exactly get to relax once he was home but… She glanced over her shoulder towards his room. Mentioning Joe would likely bring the blonde rushing back sooner, and that wasn’t necessarily what Joe wanted… </p><p>From there, Min settled back into her binge of season 2 (it was a rewatch) and waited around. The apartment was quiet (Matt’s room included), until the eventual turning of keys in the front door sounded out Matt’s return. Min rushed over, flapping her sleeves once again, explaining to Matt as frantically as possible. </p><p>“Hi, welcome back, hi, okay look, so I- I told a lie, the project was a lie, but- but,” one sleeve flopped in the direction of Joe’s shoes, “Joe’s here, he’s here, and he’s, I don’t know, upset? I’m not sure, but he really <em> really </em> didn’t want me to get you to end practice early, so I didn’t, but I <em> did </em>make sure that you would come home right away, so he’s in your room, and also he threw up, but I made him tea, but I don’t know if he drank it, so hello. Hi.” </p><p>Matt’s eyebrows had, at first, risen high on his face but then had immediately scrunched together in concern as soon as the word upset left Min’s mouth and then- “He threw up?” </p><p>“Yup,” Min’s sleeves flip-flopped again, “just the one time. He’s in your room now and hasn’t left. Want me to do anything else?” </p><p>“No, thanks, that’s okay,” said Matt, pushing Min to the side and kicking his shoes off before moving the rest of the way into their apartment. Matt walked to his room quickly, guitar case still in hand and opened the door to his room, cautious but certainly not stopping to wait for permission or some sign from the other. </p><p>Joe was lying on top of Matt’s covers and staring at the ceiling now, but he looked up at the sound of the door—realizing from the time that it should be Matt by now. </p><p>“Hey,” said the blonde, setting his guitar case down and moving towards the bed. Not rushing. A normal pace. “What’s up?” </p><p>Joe inhaled, still feeling shaky, and didn’t answer right away. Matt shucked his sweater off so that he was just in a twisted drapey tank top and flopped onto the bed beside Joe. He rolled closer so that they were truly side by side and fitted their hands together. </p><p>“Your hands are sweaty,” Matt pointed out. Joe swallowed and didn’t speak. Finally, Matt turned to him and brought his other hand to Joe’s face, tilting them together. “What happened?” </p><p>Joe swallowed harder and shook his head. He didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? Matt frowned a little, but his voice stayed soft. </p><p>“The interview didn’t go well?” </p><p>That triggered something. Joe inhaled, but it cut off in a gasp, and he ended up biting down on his lip instead of talking. Now Matt’s eyebrows were really furrowed, and he held Joe’s face, kissing him chaste on the lips. “Tell me whatever you want to tell me.” </p><p>“It’s not-” Joe finally spoke, and it felt like coming up for air, “it’s not- good or bad- I don’t know how it went. I just-” He broke off again.</p><p>“What is it then?” asked Matt, and his voice was the softest Joe had ever heard it. Like he was worried Joe was going to break at any second. Joe felt like he’d already broken in about fifty different places since leaving the interview. </p><p>“I-” Joe took a deep breath, this time trying to slow himself down, counting silently as air filled his lungs, and then counting again while he expelled it. He was not about to have a full nervous breakdown in front of Matt. “I went off script.” </p><p>Matt looked confused for a moment before his eyes started to widen at the implications, “What question?” </p><p>“... ‘Why do you want to be a doctor.’” </p><p>Matt bit his lip, and his thumb started rubbing gently at the side of Joe’s face, “What’d you say?” </p><p>Joe hesitated, “It-... It’s hard to explain.” </p><p>“Okay,” Matt nodded and smiled, “just try then.” </p><p>Matt could be so patient when he knew someone was upset. Joe shuffled closer in the bed. “I told them that it wasn’t about following in my dad’s footsteps. That I didn’t actually want to do that…” </p><p>Matt nodded like he expected that much from Joe’s current state. </p><p>“I told them that… I’m interested in how our medical system… doesn’t serve everyone equally.”</p><p>Matt’s nodding paused here. His eyes widened a fraction. </p><p>“And… That we need people in medicine who… <em> Oh </em> .” Joe dragged a hand down his face, pushing Matt’s out of the way to do so. “I said… Matt, <em> fuck </em>, I-” </p><p>Matt started blinking rapidly as Joe sat up, gripping his hair. The blonde sat up too, quickly wrapping both arms around Joe from the side. </p><p>“I basically outed myself, in a room full of doctors, some of whom work with my dad, <em> all </em> of them could very well know him, I mean it’s Cornell, it’s <b>fucking </b> <em> Cornell </em> , of all the times and places for me to pull this, it’s the school other than Columbia that he’d have the most connections at, I can’t believe I- oh my <em> god </em>.” </p><p>Matt hesitated, “I know it doesn’t necessarily matter, but <em> technically </em>, are they allowed to talk about the content of the interviews outside the admissions panel?” </p><p>“No,” Joe huffed, “they’re not supposed to, but, I mean-” </p><p>“I know,” said Matt quickly, and his arm behind Joe started brushing down his back slow and steady, “I know.” </p><p>Joe breathed in deep, trying not to cry and staring at the ceiling. </p><p>“Hey, Joe?” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Did you mean it? What you said in the interview?” </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“When you gave reasons for wanting to be a doctor,” said Matt, pulling his head off Joe’s shoulder to stare at the other’s face, “were you telling the truth?”</p><p>Joe turned from the ceiling and stared at Matt. It had come to him slowly but then all at once today. Ever since Matt’s comments about HIV, he’d been reading outside his usual classwork. Research, yes, but also articles, testimonials, stories, fiction even, anything that spoke to the tremendous loss. The insurmountable loss of it all. And the shame of it. That deep dive had turned into a true rabbit hole, and Joe had gone down tunnel after tunnel—each one exploring new and horrible ways that people had been failed by a system that was supposed to <em> save </em> them or at the least make a good faith effort to <em> help </em>.  </p><p>For better or worse, that had all come tumbling out during the interview. </p><p>Joe swallowed, “Yeah… Yeah, I think I meant it.” </p><p>Matt’s eyes were so intense and so honest, Joe thought he could burn up just looking at them. “Then,” Matt began, “I’m really proud of you. No matter what the outcome is.”</p><p>He kissed him after that. Once on the lips, then a few more times around the face, and it ended in a hug. Something like real relief started to rise in Joe. Eventually, Matt spoke up again. </p><p>“Does Izzy know you’re here?” </p><p>Joe shook his head, “No, I-... I should text him.” </p><p>“Mm,” Matt nodded and pulled back, “Do that. Then shower. Wash out your mouth too. I’m going to go start on some dinner. I have an idea.” </p><p>Joe glanced at the clock then back at Matt, “It’s a little early to work on dinner, isn’t it?”  </p><p>It was only four o’clock. Matt grinned, “I’m hungry from practice. You’re hungry from vomiting. Min’s hungry from… being herself. And, like I said, I have an idea.” </p><p>Joe groaned, “I don’t… want to face her.” </p><p>Matt blinked, “Min?” </p><p>“I threw up in front of her, Matt,” said Joe, by way of explanation, “I texted Dennis first. Figured he’d be… um, quieter about the whole thing. A little more, well, y’know.” </p><p>Matt shook his head and chuckled, “You’re going to regret saying that.”</p><p>“I know she’s ‘your girl’ but please-” </p><p>“Not that,” said Matt, laughing lightly, “you’re going to regret it because she’s going to surprise you.” </p><p>Joe stared. Matt smirked and shoved him a little.</p><p>“Go. Wash up. Take your time. I’ll be in the kitchen.” </p><p> Joe did take his time showering; he usually didn’t cave in to the desire for a hot shower, but today he turned the heat up, trying to melt the contents of the day off of him. He had now left spare sweats and pajamas at Matt’s place (which the blonde had affectionately tossed into a corner of the shelves in his closet while Joe stared at said closet in resigned horror), but no spare toothbrush yet. So, he opted for some mouthwash after he’d finished washing off. </p><p>Once he was clad in navy sweatpants and his own long sleeve t-shirt, he re-entered the main space of the apartment. He didn’t feel ready to face the rest of the world yet, but maybe the micro-universe of this apartment would be okay… </p><p>As he’d said, Matt was in the kitchen. There was a large pot cooking on the stove, and the blonde was working on something on a large cutting board. Min was on her knees in the booth, peering over the counter and chirping at him. When Joe approached, she waved, but it had less of the frenetic energy Joe was used to seeing from her. </p><p>“Hi again,” she smiled and gestured at a tea pot surrounded by three cups on the dining room table in front of her, “I made more tea! Jasmine. Hope that’s okay. Did you drink any of the other cup?” </p><p>“No…” Joe shook his head and sat down in one of the mismatched kitchen chairs, “Sorry… about earlier.” </p><p>Min shook her head and replied with a singular level of ease, “That’s okay!” </p><p>Joe poured a cup of tea, drinking some this time, and surveyed the scene. Matt had his laptop propped open on the counter, and, while it was playing music quietly, he also turned at one point to squint at something on the screen… That was new. Min had watched Joe’s eyes take all this in and smirked. </p><p>“Say, Joe, isn’t udon kind of a simple favorite food to have?” At a glare from Matt, she quickly added, “I mean, in terms of flavor profile at least.” </p><p>Joe blinked and stared at her, “What?” </p><p>“Udon,” she said again, “Is it the simplicity? Like it’s a comfort food or something? Why’s it your favorite food?” </p><p>“Uh,” Joe was working to catch up, “I guess, yeah. I like… keeping things simple.”</p><p>Matt grunted, digging into whatever he had on the cutting board, “Wish it was-” he huffed and threw his weight down, “simple to make- this dough is-” </p><p><em> That </em>clicked into place. Joe blinked and stared at Matt, “You’re not actually-” </p><p>“He’s never done this before,” Min smirked further at Joe and winked, “Spoiled.” </p><p>Joe finally got a look at the dough Matt was working, “From <em> scratch </em>?” </p><p>“Yup,” said Matt, huffing again while continuing to shove his weight down on the counter, “just need to- finish kneading this- and then I can take a break-” </p><p>Joe’s mouth was hanging open, “You don’t have to-” </p><p>Matt turned to glare, “Don’t say it-” </p><p>“...Go through the trouble…” </p><p>Matt and Min made eye contact. Matt with a clear <em> “Can you believe it?” </em> written across his face, and Min rolled her eyes, “He fucking said it.” </p><p>Joe stared at the pot simmering on the stovetop. A little speechless. He could hardly even remember telling Matt his favorite food; the blonde had asked quite a while ago, so surreptitiously that Joe hadn’t even considered there was a motive beyond simple curiosity. He looked at Matt and asked again, “From <b>scratch</b>?” </p><p>“Yeah,” said Matt, turning back to the counter and working the dough some more, “I got everything I needed a while ago. Put it off because I was feeling lazy and it’s-” shoving at the dough, “<em> -work </em>, but, not too complicated really.” </p><p>Min chimed in, “If it doesn’t go well, we’re ordering pizza!” </p><p>“Or,” Matt added quickly, “whatever you’d prefer, Joe. I’m using Morimoto’s recipe though, so it should… Well, we’ll see.” </p><p>Joe didn’t know who “Morimoto” was, and he wasn’t about to ask, judging by the respectful looks on both roommates’ faces at the name, so he just nodded dumbly. </p><p>“Oh! Or-” Min jumped in, “if it doesn’t work, I can just run around the corner to the sandwich shop. That’ll be fastest. We’ll be starving at that point.” </p><p>Joe stared between the both of them. </p><p>Min sighed and said, “Matt, he’s thinking of saying it again.” </p><p>“<b>Don’t</b> fucking say it,” Matt ground out. </p><p>The “don’t trouble yourselves” died in Joe’s throat, so he just sat there staring. </p><p>Soon, Matt put the dough in the fridge to let it rise for an hour. “Hopefully we’re eating by seven. If you want a snack, feel free.” </p><p>“Want some toast?” asked Min, “For your stomach? I have some really good bread that I bought. Ooh! I’m gonna put nutella on mine…” </p><p>She hopped off the bench and scooted into the kitchen, but Matt waved her away. “I got it,” he muttered, pulling their toaster forward and plugging it in before reaching into the cabinets. Min just grinned and hustled back to her seat, looking pleased. </p><p>“Did Izzy get back to you?” asked Matt, slotting slices of bread into the toaster. </p><p>Joe sighed and adjusted his glasses, “I don’t know. I put my phone to the side after I messaged him… Don’t feel like dealing with the outside world right now.” </p><p>Min and Matt nodded understandingly. Min piped up, “Smart move!” </p><p>Joe smiled a little at that but frowned when he added, “I do wish I could call Jim. But he’s in Sierra Leone right now.” </p><p>Min blinked and looked to Matt questioning. Matt answered quickly, “The brother with UNICEF.” </p><p>“Wow! That’s <b>awesome</b>.”</p><p>Matt turned to Joe, “What about Shuu?” </p><p>“Maybe,” said Joe, “it’s not the same though.” </p><p>“What’s Jim like?” Min asked, leaning forward. “Maybe I can impersonate him for you!” </p><p>Joe blinked, and then stared at Matt. Matt sighed, “No, she’s not joking. Min, do something else to distract him. I have more prep work to do in here.” </p><p>“Distraction…” Min tapped the table, propping her chin on her fist—wheels in her mind turning visibly. “<em> Oooh </em> . Joe, do you want to see highlights of Matt performing in high school? I have a <b>bunch </b>on my laptop. And there’s stuff on social media I can pull up…” </p><p>Matt slammed his knife down on the cutting board, “<em> Min- </em>” </p><p>She just cackled and darted to her room, returning moments later with a relatively large laptop cradled in her… sleeves. Joe grinned, and the two of them put their heads together, pouring through old videos while Matt complained from the kitchen. There was no heat in his protests though, and, when Joe looked up at him—feeling grateful in ways he couldn’t articulate—Matt just smiled back.   </p><p>They spent the rest of the night like that. The interview didn’t come up again. Joe could face that another day. Instead, Min and Joe spent a couple of hours watching old performance videos of Matt and his other friends from high school: choir solos, his two stints in the school’s theater department (“All Chelsea’s fault.”), early performances of the band, the BFA dance crew, MDM performances at the school’s variety show (“Matt composed something new for the three of us each year! V-show legends!”), even a couple of casual outdoor performances in Central Park. Min was an animated narrator for all of it, while Matt offered occasional commentary. </p><p>Eventually, the udon was done (successfully), and conversation turned to warmer things while they all ate. Min recounted the story of how she and Dennis had adopted Matt on his first day of school with them (Matt referred to it as a kidnapping). Joe swapped stories of T.K. and the others at summer camp—scraped knees, bruises, childish arguments, one near drowning—and all their small adventures that felt so big at the time. When they were done, Min put her <em> Aggretsuko </em>binge to the side, and Matt made hot chocolate (“No one tell Haida I’m drinking this.”) for the three of them to continue chatting late into the night until they finally dispersed. Joe fell asleep with Matt’s shorter form wrapped around his back. At least in that moment, it didn’t matter what happened with Cornell and med school. No matter what, some things would still be okay. </p><p>Dennis arrived back at the apartment the next morning (a Saturday) to find all three of them huddled around a large skillet of eggs in purgatory that Matt had made for them. He grinned, grabbed a mug of coffee, and joined them at the table. Joe took his time that day, enjoying the company and warmth of the apartment—basking in Matt’s glow while he could—before he eventually went back to his apartment to have a hard conversation with Izzy.   </p><p>He spent the rest of the day hanging out with his roommate, having a real talk about what had happened. Izzy was supportive and, as always, rational in the most reassuring way possible. In the evening, Joe worked up the courage to call Shuu; Shuu and Jim knew he was gay and understood implicitly Joe’s desire to keep it a secret. They talked, including a rehash of Shuu’s decision to quit medical school and everything that had gone into that choice—the angst, pain, and, ultimately, hope of that moment for the older brother. </p><p>Late that night, Matt texted Joe. </p><p> </p><p><b>Matt:</b> hey check out the video I just posted when you get a chance </p><p> </p><p><b>Matt:</b> youtube would be better, insta splits it up </p><p> </p><p><b>Matt:</b> sorry it took a while i was trying to get some homework done too and work on another project and it was a quick take      </p><p> </p><p>Joe frowned, confused and surprised, and opened the video browser on the laptop in his room. The video was posted to the MDM channel on YouTube, but Matt was alone in the thumbnail. Like his cover of “Way Back Home” and a few others, it was just Matt and a guitar, curled up in the armchair in his room—a corner of space that Joe was growing increasingly familiar with. While the video loaded briefly, Joe flitted down to glance at a handful of the top comments: </p><p>“Anyone else really need this tonight?” </p><p>“much love to the MDM squad but acoustic Matt on his own will always be my favorite thing &lt;3 this is so raw” </p><p>“thank you for the food papa” </p><p>“Honestly can’t decide if I love this more than the original or not” </p><p>And finally… </p><p>“Who else thinks Matt’s falling in love? Just me? All these song picks lately got me thinkin he’s seeing someone” </p><p>A moment later the video started, and Joe departed the comments section, heeding Matt’s advice to never scroll too far down (that “papa” was enough reason to stop on its own), and went back to the video itself. Matt’s cover of “Take Me Home” by Jess Glynne poured through the feeble speakers on Joe’s laptop, and something swelled inside Joe—something that had already been there but growing steadily and getting brighter every time he saw him. Burgeoning, flourishing, sprouting, but… Not ready to be spoken. Not yet.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Have you talked about any of this with Joe?” Dr. Myers asked, leaning forward over her notepad. </p><p>Matt sighed and fiddled with his sweater sleeves, “No, I-... I don’t want to put any more pressure on him. He has enough of that already. If he feels like he’s going to let me down-... I don’t want to set conditions like that. It’s not fair.” </p><p>Dr. Myers nodded, understanding. And Matt’s gaze drifted towards the window—his usual routine in these moments. He felt shitty—guilty—admitting that he wanted Joe to pick a medical school in New York. Joe had applied to all three major med schools in NYC (Columbia, NYU, and Cornell), but they were competitive programs. There was no telling what would happen, and it was driving Matt insane when he let himself think about it (which he was trying not to do). But the thought of Joe leaving the state for school carved a pit into Matt’s chest that he didn’t like and wasn’t sure how to deal with… </p><p>“It’s just-” Matt pulled on a tuft of hair, “things are going so well. And if he leaves…” </p><p>There was a pause. It was the Wednesday after Joe’s Cornell interview, and Matt had been unable to get this off his mind since. Even that felt selfish. Joe was still worried about the potential ramifications of what he’d said (pseudo-admitted) during the interview, but here was Matt, worrying selfishly about what would happen to <em> them </em>if Joe didn’t get into any programs in the city, or—worse—if Joe got in but simply chose one of the out of state programs.   </p><p>Dr. Myers picked up where he left off, “If he leaves, you would figure it out. The same way you’ve figured everything else out.”</p><p>“I don’t want to,” said Matt, and he felt childish even saying it. </p><p>“If it was a necessity, you would,” said Dr. Myers, “and, for what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s inappropriate to bring this up with Joe. He might even be waiting for your input. Things have been getting kind of serious. I’m sure he would value what you have to say. It doesn’t have to be construed as ‘putting pressure’ on him. He’s already feeling the pressure. So it might be nice to hear that you care about where he ends up.” </p><p>Matt pursed his lips and mulled this over. The session carried on from there, and, when Matt left the counseling center, he immediately hopped on a train to Takeru. They were still texting constantly as Takeru continued to despair over his splintered friend group and, most importantly, Kari’s persisting absence in his life, but he was overdue for an in-person check up on his little brother. </p><p>“Hey,” said Takeru as Matt wandered into the apartment. Their mom wouldn’t be back from work for a while, so they had time. “How was therapy?” </p><p>“Meh, fine,” said Matt, grabbing a glass of water before throwing himself on the couch next to the younger brother. “Just me freaking out about what will happen if Joe leaves the state for school.” </p><p>Takeru looked up at that, “Do you really think he will? I thought he applied to all three schools here.” </p><p>“I don’t know,” Matt sighed, “what if he doesn’t get in? Or picks a different one?” </p><p>“Neither of those outcomes feel likely to me,” said Takeru, “Joe’s an excellent academic. Better than Izzy, to be honest. Izzy gets by on his own freak genius status. Joe’s just… diligent. Izzy was born with perfect grades; Joe works his ass off. And I don’t think he wants to leave.” </p><p>Matt squinted at his brother, “What’s it like? Being an optimist? Exuding hope from your pores like that?” </p><p>Takeru rolled his eyes, “Not feeling super optimistic these days, but I can still channel it for you.” </p><p>“Yeah, how’s that going?” </p><p>“Uh,” Takeru sighed, scratched his face and turned to the rug, “she-... says hi to me again. So there’s that. I sat at the lunch table again the other day.” </p><p>“High school, man. Unreal.” Matt sighed and dropped the sarcasm before speaking again, “That’s… good. I spoke to Tai last week.” </p><p>Takeru looked up at that, “You <em> what </em>?” </p><p>“Yeah, we just talked for a bit over phone. He didn’t tell me everything, but he and Kari have been talking about it a lot.” </p><p>Takeru’s eyes narrowed, “<em> They’ve </em> been talking about it a lot? What do they have to talk about? She’s the one who-...” </p><p>Matt blew bangs out of his face, “I don’t know exactly. She just… needed- still needs- some time to think things over. Think herself over. I think,” he glanced at Takeru, “she’s feeling a little insecure and nervous.” </p><p>Takeru’s whole face scrunched up, “What would she ever have to be insecure about? She’s- I mean-” </p><p>He broke off at the smile on Matt’s face, still frowning in abject confusion. </p><p>“That’s sweet,” said Matt, smiling wider and shaking his head. “I don’t know, Takeru. Insecurity isn’t rational. Maybe it’s just because of all the build up you two have had. Maybe it’s more personal than that. I don’t know.” </p><p>“But she hasn’t said anything to me about it,” said Takeru, “so what am I supposed to do about that? I can’t help if she doesn’t talk to me… I’m used to her talking to me.” </p><p>Matt’s expression grew pensive as he thought this over. He knew a thing or two about navigating insecurity. Min—his sidekick for life—was very insecure about boys; it had started in junior high, been exacerbated by high school, and mellowed a little (but not healed) in college. Then there was his friend Kevin. And Alex, in her own way. Joe, of course, and, to a certain extent, Sammy, following their break up and return to friendship. And then, Matt… It wasn’t exactly insecurity per se, but Matt had his own issues that held him back in relationships as well. </p><p>Joe’s love for udon floated to the top of his mind, and he looked to Takeru, “What is… the most comforting thing you could do for her? Or the best thing you’ve ever done for her?” </p><p>Takeru hesitated and took a long time to think this over, “She… I mean, when I-” he blushed, “when I show up at their apartment to… walk with her to the local pet store to look at cats.” </p><p>Matt smiled and nodded. He knew all about their cat trips already. </p><p>“But,” Takeru bit his lip, “if she wants privacy, should I really show up like that?” </p><p>Matt sighed, “Tough call. I guess… maybe invite her to that in messages, so that it’s easier to say no if she’s not up for it.” </p><p>“Okay… I guess, yeah, I- I’ll think about it.” </p><p>Matt nodded again, and they sat in silence for a moment. Takeru shifted uncomfortably and glanced at the clock. </p><p>“Matt, there’s something I should say before she gets home.” </p><p>Matt blinked and gave Takeru his full attention, “What’s up?” </p><p>“I- uh…” Takeru grimaced, “I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t my place. I just- I was thinking about Kari, I was distracted, and it just kind of… slipped. Um…” </p><p>“What slipped?” Matt narrowed his eyes. </p><p>Takeru inhaled and exhaled, looking genuinely nervous to proceed, “I-... Yesterday, I was watching the cover you posted on Sunday. On my laptop. Out here. Without headphones. Mom was around… I was- I was thinking about Kari because, y’know, the song, and it was so-... And mom said she liked the cover, and I just- it just slipped out, I wasn’t even thinking-” </p><p>“Takeru,” Matt sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose hard, “<em> what </em> did you say?” </p><p>“I said I hoped <em> Joe </em>liked it because it was just so obvious that you posted that because- and then she- so I had to explain- I couldn’t lie at that point- and she just-” </p><p>“Takeru.” Matt held up a hand. He inhaled slowly. “Is mom close with Joe’s parents?” </p><p>Takeru’s eyes grew to the size of saucers, “Oh <em> shit </em> , oh <b> <em>fuck</em> </b>, I didn’t even think about that-” </p><p>“What were <em> you </em>thinking about then?” asked Matt, fighting the panic he was feeling.</p><p>“She- oh goddamnit,” Takeru looked exasperated, “she feels weird that you’re dating one of <em> my </em> friends, like since I’m younger. I know, I <b>know-</b> ” he added immediately at the outrage building on Matt’s face, “Trust me. I told her over and over again, Joe’s the oldest in our group, he’s a year older than <em> you </em> , it’s not like-... And it hardly had anything to do with me really. I <em> barely </em> helped. But she’s planning on talking to dad about it, I don’t know, it’s <em> so </em>stupid, I’m so sorry, Yamato, I didn’t even think-” </p><p>Pushing past his fury, Matt grit his teeth and asked, “What about Joe’s parents? Does she talk to them?” </p><p>“No,” said Takeru quickly, “or- hardly. Hardly. His family’s so distant and professional; they’ve never been around any of us much. Izzy’s parents probably see the most of them.” </p><p>Matt sighed and slumped back on the couch, letting his mind fly through scenarios and options rapid pace. “Okay,” he began, “here’s what you’re gonna do. You are going to pull out <b> <em>all </em> </b> the stops tonight to make sure she understands that she <b>cannot </b> say anything to his parents. You hear me? You have to do that. And if you’re worried she’s going to, you call me <b>immediately</b>. I’ll get dad involved if it comes to that.” </p><p>“Right, okay,” Takeru nodded immediately, “she hardly knows them though. I’m serious. I’m not just saying that.” </p><p>“Good,” Matt inhaled and stood, “then hopefully, we don’t have a problem.” </p><p>“But, about you-” </p><p>“Who cares about that?” Matt rolled his eyes, “She already hates me-” </p><p>“She doesn’t <em> hate </em>you-” </p><p>“Whatever,” Matt stretched and found he genuinely didn’t care. The bigger issue was his dad. He refused, on principle, to let his dad get updates about his life from his mom, of all people. That wasn’t her right: to share news about him to his dad. “I’m serious. That’s whatever. I need to go though.” </p><p>“Wh- where are you going?” Takeru asked. “You just got here.” </p><p>Matt waved that away, “I don’t want to be around for this when she gets home. I’ll come back if I need to, to talk to her, but you handle it first. I’m gonna go home and call dad.” </p><p>“Okay,” Takeru looked at Matt with big, hopeful eyes, “Yamato, I’m really, really sorry.” </p><p>Matt sighed and rested a hand on his hips, “Don’t worry about it. Just make sure, okay? That’s the only thing that matters. Let me know how that goes one way or another.”</p><p>They parted amidst more assurances (Matt repeating again and again that he wasn’t mad at the other while Takeru promised repeatedly to smooth things over as much as possible and update Matt as soon as he talked with their mom). Once outside, Matt grabbed his phone, opting to walk some of the way home despite the cold. His dad would be at work, but most likely had his cell on hand and maybe a free minute to spare. </p><p>“Matt?” As usual, Hiroaki sounded tired. </p><p>“Hey, Pop.” </p><p>“What’s going on, Son?” </p><p>Matt got straight to the point, “Hey, y’know how Takeru has friends in college?” </p><p>“... Yes.” </p><p>“Weird, right? Anyways, one of them is a senior at Columbia. Isn’t that neat?” </p><p>“... Mmhm. Yes. Very neat.” </p><p>Matt grinned and shook his head—wondering if his dad could already see where this was going. It wouldn’t surprise him in the slightest. He had certainly, well, worn his dad down with his active personal life over the years. </p><p>“His name’s Joe. <em> Really </em>nice guy. Super smart. I think you’d like him. He’s, uh, premed. In the application process to medical schools right now actually. Very Ivy League kind of stuff.” </p><p>“That’s the kid, one of the kids, that tutors Takeru sometimes, right?” </p><p>Matt smiled further, “Yeah. Super helpful too. Obviously. Responsible to a fault. You know the type.” </p><p>“Uh-huh… What is this about, Matt?” </p><p>Matt cleared his throat and coughed for good measure, “So, um, I have a new <em> boyfriend </em> . I mean, it’s not <em> totally </em>new anymore, but I thought now might be, y’know, just a good time to call. Update you.” He trailed off and hummed a little.  </p><p>Hiroaki sighed. It was a long, weary sigh that Matt only heard when there was a new boy situation happening. It was the same sigh he’d given when he’d caught Matt and Sammy kissing on the couch. The same sigh he’d given (after some yelling) when he came home and found Matt and Dustin, and then later Matt and Trei, doing… more than kissing on the couch. In retrospect, Matt should have learned to avoid couches long ago. </p><p>“Is he… a dancer?” </p><p>“No.” </p><p>“Is he an aspiring rock star?” </p><p>“Definitely not.” </p><p>“Is he a musician of any kind?” </p><p>“Negative.” </p><p>“Starving artist?” </p><p>“Nope.” </p><p>“Athlete? Model?”</p><p>“No and no.”</p><p>“Does he-” </p><p>“<em> Dad </em>.” </p><p>There was that sigh again. Matt snickered a little. </p><p>“So he’s just a nice guy?” </p><p>“Very nice guy, yes.” </p><p>“And a good student? Ivy League?”</p><p>“Ivy League, check. Yes.” </p><p>“... What do Min and Dennis think?” </p><p>“Big fans.” </p><p>“Really?” </p><p>“Yeah, they like him a lot.” </p><p>Hiroaki hmm’ed and thought all this over, “Sounds good then.” </p><p>Matt snorted, “Glad he passes your preliminary screening. Although, I take offense to you screening for musicians and rock stars.” </p><p>“You don’t need more of that in your life, Son.” He said, echoing a statement he’d made when he’d caught sight of Travis backstage at one of Matt’s shows. “Why are you telling me about this now, though?” </p><p>Matt huffed, “Takeru knows, obviously, but he let slip to Mom. <em> Apparently </em>, it’s weird for me to start dating a friend of my brother’s. So she’s going to call you at some point to have a chat about that.”</p><p>That elicited a different kind of sigh from his dad, who grumbled back, “Sounds thrilling. I look forward to it.” </p><p>Matt chuckled, “Yeah, sorry about that. Takeru says sorry too. He opened his big mouth.” </p><p>“Well, I <em> am </em>glad you said something.” </p><p>Matt pursed his lips, “I would have. Soon, probably.” </p><p>“I know, I know…” </p><p>“Anyways, how’s work?” </p><p>“I’m gonna have to let you go soon. One of our reporters was covering that stupid polar ice plunge, and there was some kind of accident- I don’t know. I have to go check on that.” </p><p>“So, the usual then?” </p><p>“The usual.”  </p><p>Matt grinned, “Go. Go handle the polar ice plunge. I’ll see you this weekend.” </p><p>“Okay, Matt, see you. And bring Joe by sometime. I’d still like to meet him.” </p><p>Matt smirked. Joe was probably a parent’s <em> dream </em>in terms of boyfriend material, but he was sure the senior would still be nervous about something like that. “Roger that.” </p><p>Matt diverted from his walk to the nearest subway entrance, resuming his usual ride home to Brooklyn. By the time he arrived at his apartment, there was a text from Takeru waiting for him. </p><p> </p><p><b>Takeru:</b> Mom says of course she wouldn’t say anything. Apparently, it’s super rude to meddle in someone else’s family. She also seems… I don’t know. She’s being weird about the fact that it’s my friend but also happy that it’s Joe??? I mean, she likes Joe a lot. So. We’re all good. </p><p> </p><p>Matt put his phone to the side and exhaled. Crisis averted. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Joe paused his typing to flip through the printed research article in front of him some more. The dining room at the MDM apartment was a cluttered mess, including the cacophony of typing, writing, page flipping, and other general homework noises happening around the table. Matt had promised him that, when his friends got together to get work done as a group, work actually got done, and so far that was proving true on this Sunday afternoon.</p><p>Matt was sitting in the corner of the booth, tucked in more than anyone else and juggling the most materials in front of him. He was working off of some music program on his laptop, had a weird mini-keyboard in front of him that was plugged into said laptop, sheet music was sprawled around him, and he had a notebook opened up that Joe knew he used to scribble lyrics out. He’d been like that in his own mess for a while, headphones on and paying no mind to anyone else. </p><p>Min was directly next to him in the booth, also on a laptop with headphones secured as well. She was editing a video project. Joe was next on the booth, working on another research paper, and feeling very STEM-y compared to what everyone else was working on. Kevin, a friend Joe was only now getting to know though he’d been around, was next, just reading a book and relaxing, apparently. His university in Minnesota hadn’t started their semester yet—some kind of weird calendar that the others all called totally unfair when he tried to explain it to Joe. Dennis, Haida, and Alex were all on the other side of the table in chairs—working through their own materials.  </p><p>It had been like this for quite a while now. Joe was going to have to admit that he was impressed later on. Matt’s assertion that his friends could actually accomplish schoolwork in each other’s company had turned into a sort of challenge over Joe’s skepticism. </p><p>Then Min nudged his arm and gestured at Matt, smirking. The blonde didn’t so much as blink at the commotion next to him. Joe raised an eyebrow curiously, but Min grinned around the table and said in a lowered voice, “What are the most embarrassing stories we can tell Joe about Matt?” </p><p>Kevin looked up from his book smirking, “You’re evil. You know that right? He spoils you rotten, and then you turn around and-” </p><p>Min shrugged innocently, “It’s for Joe’s benefit. And besides,” she jerked her head at Matt, “he’s completely on another plane. This is the moment. This is the time.” </p><p>Alex leaned forward, in a wicked fashion that Joe was beginning to associate with her, “Joe, what do you want to know about?” </p><p>Dennis had taken off his own headphones to listen in and was shaking his head, “If he snaps out of it, you’re right next to him, Min.” </p><p>“I know what he’s working on,” said Min, cheekier than ever, “trust. There’s no way he’s looking up. Besides, he needs to get it finished if he’s running it with Kevin here today.” </p><p>“Oh, that’s why I had to bring my horn?” asked Kevin, “He’s still writing it even though we’re running it?” </p><p>“Finishing stages,” said Min casually. </p><p>Dennis tilted his head, “Is it the...?” </p><p>“Yeah, it is.” </p><p>Everyone at the table looked back and forth between the two roommates. Finally, Haida spoke up, “Well that was cryptic as fuck.” </p><p>Min snickered, “Joe made the list.” </p><p>Alex, Haida, and Kevin’s jaws all dropped. Joe blinked, “What?” </p><p>“Dude,” said Haida, “he’s Swift-ing you.” </p><p>“<em> Wow </em>,” Alex added for good measure, giving Joe an appraising look, “That was fast. Way to go, Joe.” </p><p>“I- he- what?” </p><p>Kevin shook his head and took pity on him, “Swift-ing you. Like Taylor Swift writing all her songs? Plus they’re both blonde. So. We like the joke.” </p><p>Joe frowned, “Doesn’t she write… break up songs?”</p><p>There was a soft but scandalized inhale all across the table. Alex wagged a finger at Joe, “Look, Joe, farbeit from me to sing her praises, but T-Swift <em> obviously </em>writes way more than just breakup songs. Don’t succumb to the media’s, frankly, sexist coverage of her discography.” </p><p>“In any case,” Dennis jumped in, “he started working on it a week ago. Min and I have been monitoring progress. Joe is Swift-ed.” </p><p>Haida was chuckling, “Have you heard any of it? He didn’t mention it to us. Is it going to be for the band?” </p><p>“It definitely could be,” Min said, “sounds nice and-”</p><p>She broke off as Matt started shuffling through some of the papers in front of him, his eyes momentarily off his screen. He seemed to sense the eyes on him because he pulled off one ear, “What?” </p><p>Haida snorted, “Nothing, Taylor, you keep scoring away over there.” </p><p>Matt scowled, “Don’t call me that.” </p><p>“Okay, Blondie.” </p><p>Matt rolled his eyes and grumbled, but, once he had both ears covered again, he resumed working—glancing quickly back and forth between the sheet music in front of him and laptop screen. Gone again. Joe tried to fight the heat creeping up his neck at the attention the others were directing at him. </p><p>“Man,” Kevin muttered, shaking his head, “I’ve missed out on all this gossip in Minnesota. I thought Matt was staying single, and now he’s Swift-ing out.” </p><p>Haida snickered, “You should have heard him talk about Joe at his birthday party.” </p><p><b>Everyone </b> looked over at that. Alex spoke up, “This was going on on his birthday? Back in <em> November </em>?” </p><p>Dennis rolled his eyes, “He drunk dialed Joe that night. I had to intervene, but-” he turned to Haida, “what are <em> you </em>talking about?” </p><p>Haida just shrugged, “We were outside, and Matt was <em> wasted </em>, like no attention span wasted-” </p><p>“He gets… so blonde when he’s drunk,” Alex interjected. </p><p>“Rude,” Min snorted. </p><p>“Right, so, eventually, he’s going on about some guy, and I didn’t even know there <em> was </em>some guy,” Haida chuckled, “so of course, I had to pump him for information.” </p><p>“I didn’t know about that!” Min shouted quietly.  </p><p>“Well, you were wasted too,” Dennis added, staring Min down, “I hated that by the way. Thank god Joe showed up the next day, or I would have had to babysit <em> both </em>your hangovers-” </p><p>“Wait up,” Kevin leaned forward, grinning at Joe, “You showed up for <em> hangover </em>duty? Before you were even dating?” </p><p>Joe shifted uncomfortably and knew he was definitely blushing now, “He puked on the phone, so-” </p><p>“See?” Min gestured at Joe, waving a hand up and down, “<em> This </em> is what I’m talking about. We needed <em> this </em>.” </p><p>Joe wasn’t exactly sure what “this” meant, but it was at least a clear compliment. Alex, Kevin, and Haida all grinned, and Haida spoke up next, “Drunk Matt wouldn’t shut up about how nice and smart Joe is too.” </p><p>“That’s cute,” said Alex, she looked at Joe, “Joe, this is cute.” </p><p>Kevin nodded, “Super cute. Definitely worth breaking his celibacy pact over-” </p><p>He cut off when Matt made a couple of particularly decisive moves over his keyboard and started shuffling some papers together. Everyone fell quiet (though a few were still smirking) as Matt looked up and fully took his earphones off, “Hey, sorry, what are we talking about?” </p><p>Min snorted, “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” </p><p>Matt raised an eyebrow, “<em> Ooookay </em>. Well, anyways, I’m ready to run this through. Need to hear a few things for real. So,” he shifted, looking a little nervous as his eyes darted at Joe for just a second, “someone needs to take Joe on a field trip for a while.” </p><p>Joe blinked, “Wait, what-” </p><p>“I got it,” said Dennis, “you don’t need me to run this. Come on, Joe, we can-” </p><p> “Wait, wait, hold up,” Haida cut in, “Matt, doesn’t <em> need </em>me to test percussion. Dennis can stand in on vocals if Matt just wants to listen, and besides,” He leaned forward, and his grin felt wolfish, “I want to take Joe on a field trip.” </p><p>“Wh- but-” Joe wasn’t sure if he was supposed to protest or not, but it <em> felt </em>like the right call. </p><p>Then Matt, smirking, nodded, “Fine. Haida’s on field trip duty. Have fun, you two.” </p><p>Kevin got up from the booth, partially to move towards his trumpet case and partially to get out of the way so that Haida could grab Joe by one arm and haul him from his seat. </p><p>“How long do you need?” asked Haida, completely casual as if it was completely normal for him to kidnap people at Matt’s request. Matt pursed his lips and shuffled through some of the papers in front of him. </p><p>“At least half an hour?” </p><p>“Gotcha, c’mon, Joe,” said Haida, still dragging Joe towards the front entrance. Matt and Min waved at them while they wrapped themselves back up for winter and departed. Joe didn’t get the sense he was going to win arguing his right to stay in the apartment. </p><p>As soon as they hit the streets, Haida turned and grinned at Joe, “Any preferences on where to go?” </p><p>Joe frowned, “If I say ‘back inside to work on my research paper,’ what happens?” </p><p>“Ah, no can do on that one,” Haida chuckled, “Sorry. But what are you thinking?” </p><p>Joe shrugged helplessly, “Uh, nothing really. I guess just inside so we can get out of the cold.” </p><p>“Yeah, definitely, it’s frigid,” Haida agreed and then he punched a fist into his palm, “Got it! There’s a Target pretty close by. What do you say, man? Target run?” </p><p>Joe blinked, “Uh, sure…” </p><p>“Come on, man, <em> everyone </em>loves Target. We can pass the time there.” Haida started walking decisively after thumping Joe on the back (hard), and Joe had to hurry to catch up after staggering. He… did not have strong feelings about Target like Haida did. The orange haired drummer continued to chatter on about the merits of going to Target (“You just never know what you’re going to find, man.”) while they made their way over. Thankfully, it was a short walk, so Joe mostly let Haida continue his pro-Target manifesto en route until they got there. </p><p>Once they were inside, habit took over, and they began what Joe assumed would be a slow lazy clockwise patrol of the whole store. He loosened the top of his coat a little then blinked when he saw the way Haida was staring at him. </p><p>“I’m glad we get to hang out,” said Haida, arms swinging easily at his sides while they meandered past women’s clothing, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while.” </p><p>“Why’s that?” asked Joe, thinking back to Matt’s comments that Haida seemed especially protective of the blonde. </p><p>“Just want to chat,” Haida shrugged, smiling, but he added on when he saw the skeptical look on Joe’s face, “What? You’re dating Matt. I want to get to know you. See what’s going on. You know what I mean?” </p><p>Joe did not know what he meant, not exactly anyways. “Um, I guess.” </p><p>“I’ve just been curious ever since his birthday,” said Haida, “and besides, gotta look out for my boy, y’know?  He was really into you even back then and that was, what, before you guys had gone on any dates, right?” </p><p>It was hard not to smile at that. Joe ducked his head a little, “Yeah, I guess so.” </p><p>“See? That’s what I’m talking about,” Haida pounded on Joe’s back again, and he almost fell over once more. <em> How many more times is he going to-? </em> “That’s good to see. You smiling about him like that. I’m into it.” </p><p>Joe made a weird face at Haida, but the drummer just laughed it off. </p><p>His smile faded however, and he went on, “So about med school…”</p><p>“What about it?” Joe asked, completely bewildered by Haida’s conversational pattern at this point. </p><p>“Well, Matt mentioned that you applied to a bunch of schools out of state too.” </p><p>Joe frowned, “I don’t know about ‘a bunch.’ I applied to all three of the best schools in New York, but those are competitive programs, so I had to branch out too. Wash U. Hopkins. Washington…” </p><p>“Yeah, right on, that makes sense,” said Haida, “what’re your top picks though?”</p><p>Joe sighed, relenting to the fact that this was going to be a full conversation. “I don’t know… I didn’t have a preference when I originally sent out the applications. But now, I’d like to stay in state.” </p><p>Haida nodded seriously at that, “That’s good. Do you think-” he hesitated, “do you think you’ll be able to?” </p><p>Joe paused to consider his response, “I don’t know. It’s just a waiting game right now.” </p><p>Haida nodded again but pursed his lips, “But you haven’t heard back from anywhere yet?” </p><p>Lying didn’t feel right. Joe sighed, “No, I-... I have.” </p><p>“Whoa, what?! Matt didn’t say anything-...” Haida trailed off at the guilty look on Joe’s face. His arms fell to his side, and his expression grew accusatory. “You haven’t told him yet.”  </p><p>“I only started hearing back on Friday,” said Joe, “and I was waiting to bring it up in person. It’s not… like a secret or anything. I just figured I’d update him in person.” </p><p>Haida was still frowning, “So what’s the update?” He put both hands up at the look on Joe’s face. “What? I won’t say anything as long as he’s going to hear it from you.” </p><p>Joe sighed again. There wasn’t really any dodging out of this now. “I got into Wash U… I didn’t get into NYU.” </p><p>“Oh.” Haida’s arms fell again, and he stopped walking. “Sorry, man.” </p><p>Joe shook his head, “It’s okay. It’s good to get in anywhere. I applied to really competitive programs across the board… And I don’t know why I’m waiting to tell Matt in person. It’s just news that we knew was coming. He hasn’t been bringing it up really, so I shouldn’t assume it’s a big deal-” </p><p>“Are you <em> serious </em>?” Haida practically yelped, and the question was loud enough to get a few nearby shoppers to look up at them. Joe glanced around apologetically. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You-” Haida huffed and dragged Joe into the shoe department so that they weren’t blocking the main aisles of the store. “How can you be so smart and so <b>dumb</b>?” </p><p>Joe blinked rapidly, “I’m sorry?” </p><p>Haida folded his arms, “You don’t think it’s a big deal for him? He’s back at his place finalizing a <em> song </em> about <em> you </em>right now, man.” </p><p>Joe opened his mouth then closed it. </p><p>“I mean, come on, I thought you were, like, aware of his baggage. You know how he is about being alone or getting left behind, right? I mean, obviously, you should. He told you about going to therapy and stuff.” Haida’s expression was growing closer to a glare, and Joe gulped. </p><p>“I know all that, but,” Joe shifted, “that doesn’t mean… I mean, that doesn’t mean it would be a <em> huge </em> loss for him if I had to move. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t <em> want </em>to. I literally didn’t have a preference for schools in state until we started dating. But Matt… I mean, he’s done breakups before, he-... He’d be okay.” </p><p>Haida scoffed and walked past Joe to resume the loop of the store, “Sure, keep telling yourself that.” </p><p>Joe frowned and hurried to catch up to the other, “I told you I’m <em> not </em> <b>trying </b>to leave.”</p><p>“Good,” said Haida, but his tone was harsh. He peeled off the main aisle to duck into Target’s music selection. Flipping through clearance CDs. He raised an eyebrow when he spotted the way Joe was staring at him—incredulous and nervous all at once. “What?” </p><p>“You understand that I don’t have complete control over how med school applications pan out, right?” </p><p>Haida rolled his eyes, “Yeah, man, I’m not a complete dumbass.” </p><p>“That’s not what I-” </p><p>“But still,” Haida plowed ahead while moving onto a second rack of CDs, “you have to keep him posted. And, like, let him know you’re <em> trying </em> to stay. He should know that that’s what you want. <em> And </em>,” he emphasized to let Joe know he was continuing because the senior had opened his mouth again, “you’re wrong to think he’d be fine if you moved. He cares about you. I don’t know what you were trying to imply earlier. That he’ll be fine because he’ll find someone else right away? Haven’t you been paying attention? Finding guys isn’t the problem for Matt.” </p><p>Joe fell silent at this. Haida was… right. About all of that. He bit his lip and shook his head, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply… I know he cares. He’s insanely caring-” </p><p>“Tch, no shit, dude. Matt’s one of the most caring people I’ve ever met. He cares about people so much that he hurts himself. All the time.” </p><p>Joe stared at Haida who had resumed flipping through CDs. He hadn’t quite thought that about Matt before. Or at least, he’d never phrased it that way. But that made sense. Matt cared about people—invested in them—and… Joe had seen what Matt was like when he thought Joe had walked out on him in the morning. What would he do if Joe left the state? The blonde had recounted all of his most serious breakups to Joe so… easily. But that ease and warmth had been for Joe’s sake: to get Joe to open up and feel comfortable sharing his own story. What had it actually been like? To feel that he was too emotionally stunted and dependent for Sam. To feel that Ray was too positive for him. To feel undesired and rejected when Trei couldn’t love him back. And to fill his calendar and his bed with other men in between—men who obviously hadn’t stuck around as much as Matt would have let them if they’d chosen to. </p><p>“You’re right. I’m sorry, I-” Joe hesitated, but Haida had turned his full attention back to Joe at those words, “I know. And I am going to update him. I’ll make sure he knows I’m trying to stay too. And, for what it’s worth, I didn’t mean that Matt’s shallow or vain. That was just me being insecure…” </p><p>Haida blinked and then grinned, thumping Joe on the back before resuming CD flipping, “Alright, now <em> that’s </em> what I like to hear. And, dude, listen.” He glanced around, “I’m not into guys, so, like, I don’t know how much of a pep talk you’re gonna get from me, but <b>don’t </b>be insecure. You’re a good looking guy! Come on, confidence is sexy. And Matt’s super into you. You know what Drunk Matt said about you at his birthday?” </p><p>“Uh, well he called to tell me that I’m really nice and smart and hardworking. So. I assume more of that?” </p><p>Haida snorted, “Well that much is obvious, but nah man. He said you were good looking ‘but not in a gross way.’” </p><p>Joe’s face scrunched up at that. Haida took one look at him and burst out laughing. </p><p>“Yeah, I had to ask what he meant too. Then he said you’re <em> handsome </em>but was super embarrassed to actually say it. It was cute.”</p><p>Joe smiled and flushed at that. </p><p>“Anyways,” Haida waved a hand around, “you don’t have anything to worry about from him. Trust me. He’s head over heels.”</p><p>“Thanks, Haida,” said Joe, then he hesitated and stared at the drummer, who was still pouring through CDs, “are you looking for something specific?” They had been standing in front of this clearance rack for a while now. </p><p>Haida shrugged, “You gotta check clearance, dude. No telling what you’ll find. See?” </p><p>He popped out a CD by some band Joe hadn’t heard of and kept going. Joe just smiled and settled into place standing beside the other man. Until another thought occurred to him. “Hey, Haida?” </p><p>“What’s up?” </p><p>“Matt said that you’re… protective in general, but that you might be… a little more protective of him specifically.” </p><p>Haida blinked but started laughing. </p><p>He didn’t seem to recognize the question Joe was getting at, so Joe went on, “Why Matt in particular?” </p><p>Haida paused and squinted at Joe for a second, “You’re not, like, jealous, right? ‘Cause there is absolutely <em> nothing </em>going on with me and Matt. Never has been.” </p><p>“No, he made that clear,” said Joe quickly, “I’m just wondering why.” </p><p>“Ah,” Haida grabbed a second CD and seemed content to stop with the two he’d grabbed. They started walking—slowly—again. Haida rubbed his free hand along the back of his neck. “I… was never really good at school, y’know?” </p><p>Joe blinked, confused at that. </p><p>Haida sighed and went on, “Not good at school at all. Didn’t know what I’d do, or what I could be good at. My parents tried getting me into sports, especially since I’m so tall, but none of that stuck either. I hated football. Wrestling. Basketball. All of it. I’ve just never really been good at anything, so I’ve never been <em> part </em>of anything, y’know?” </p><p>Joe frowned, but Haida had a small smile on his face. </p><p>“That’s why. The <em> band </em> . It’s the only impressive thing I’ve ever gotten to do or be a part of. And it’s because of Matt. Yeah, Tori’s a great guitarist, and Julian’s good on keyboard. Aaron’s uncle is the one who set us up with the warehouse in the first place and managed us early on, but <em> Matt’s </em>the real reason it took off. I would never have done anything worthwhile if it wasn’t for him. So that’s why. Or, one reason why.” </p><p>Joe smirked at that and steered them into the book aisle, “Sounding a little insecure, Haida. Remember: confidence is sexy.” </p><p>Haida blinked before laughing—hearty, warm, loud, disruptive to other customers. “Alright, Joe, well played. I mean it though. That’s what he means to me. Matt’s something special. And it’s not just me. He does that for everyone around him, I think. Makes us better. Makes us part of something. For me though, I just wasn’t good at anything else. Matt gave me this big opportunity to actually do something really cool.” </p><p>Joe’s smile stretched further at that, “That’s really nice.” </p><p>“Mm, yeah.” Haida blinked around at the shelves of books they were surrounded by, “You looking for something for school?”</p><p>“No,” said Joe easily, “but since we’re here, I thought I’d look for Malcolm Gladwell’s latest.” Haida tilted his head, so Joe tried to clarify. “Gladwell? <em> Outliers </em> ? <em> The Tipping Point </em>?” </p><p>Haida just shrugged and folded his arms behind his head, “I’ll take your word for it, man.” </p><p>Joe chuckled at that and kept looking until he found the title he was searching for, snagging it off the shelf, so they could resume their stroll through Target. As they passed the home decor section (“You need anything for your place, man?”), Joe thought back to what Haida said earlier and asked casually, “What are the other reasons?” </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“You said that that was just one reason you look out for Matt in particular.” </p><p>“Oh, uh,” Haida scratched his face and looked to the side, “I just care about him? We’re good friends.” </p><p>Joe’s eyebrows furrowed, “Yeah, but he said you’re like that with everyone.” </p><p>Haida sighed, “Look, anything else is between me and Matt.” When he saw the look on Joe’s face, he quickly went on. “No, nothing like that- shit, okay, I get that that sounds weird or whatever, but, trust me, it’s nothing.” </p><p>“You’re making it sound worse.” </p><p> Haida groaned and slapped a palm to his face, “<em> Fine </em> . I don’t want you to worry about anything, alright? It was a long time ago now, too.” He sighed and seemed to be thinking over how to phrase it. “I’ve… seen him at his worst. At his lowest point after a break up, I mean. I know what Matt thinks when he’s really down. When he <em> really </em>feels abandoned.” </p><p>Joe frowned, “He’s never mentioned that.” </p><p>Haida snorted, but there was little humor behind it, “He doesn’t remember it.” </p><p>Joe blinked some more, “What do you mean?” </p><p>“Ah,” Haida hesitated, “look, he was wasted. Alright? I was the only one there for it. That’s all. He doesn’t remember. No one else knows about it. It was a while after the break up with Sam.” </p><p>Joe’s frown deepened, “After S- how old was he?” </p><p>“Sixteen.” </p><p>Joe balked. </p><p>Haida sighed, “Like I said: low point. Probably lowest point.” </p><p>“But you’ve never talked about it with him?” </p><p>“I got other ways to talk about it with him. I check on him. I keep an eye out for him. But I don’t need to remind him. He doesn’t remember that night at all. Just thinks I helped him avoid choking on vomit. Which is probably for the best.” </p><p>Joe bit his lip, “What’d he-” </p><p>“I’m not going to answer that,” said Haida firmly, but he was also smiling at Joe. “That’s between me and Matt. And, kind of, just me. Since, y’know.”  </p><p>Joe fell silent at that, thinking it over. He shook his head, “So… you don’t want me to leave the state, huh?” </p><p>Haida chuckled, “Well, I’d really prefer that you not. But, look, if it comes to that. Don’t worry. We all got Matt’s back.” </p><p>Joe smiled, “There’s still Columbia and-... Cornell to hear back from. We’ll see.” </p><p>“That’s the spirit!” Haida clapped a hand down on his shoulder.</p><p>Joe winced and rubbed a hand into his shoulder, “Have you been like this with… every guy he’s dated?” </p><p>Haida laughed loud again, “Yeah, definitely. And the flings too, if I meet any of them. Travis and I? We do <b>not </b>get along if no one else is around. They’re all good guys though. Well, mostly. Trei and Sam especially. No bad blood.”</p><p>It was at least reassuring to know that Joe hadn’t specifically incited Haida’s defenses. They carried on through the store from there, Haida now happily recounting stories of every passive aggressive or outright way he’d managed to intimidate Matt’s exes over the years. Joe realized he could count himself lucky. Compared to a few of the others, Haida obviously was not fussed over Joe. </p><p>After checking out with their handful of purchases, they made their way back to the apartment. Dennis buzzed them up, and, when they entered the apartment, Haida loudly declared, “Field trip’s over! Students all safe and sound.” </p><p>Matt snorted while peering around the corner from the living room, “Yeah, your single student. Good work, chaperone.” His expression became more apologetic as his gaze shifted to Joe, “Sorry about that. I know you have work to get done.” </p><p>Joe shook his head and smiled, “It’s fine.” </p><p>“Yeah, it better be fine!” Min shouted from the living room, “Joe, it sounds great. Matt, I <em> really </em>like this one.” </p><p>Matt flushed at that and looked behind him, “Thanks. I’m still not happy with the title.” </p><p>Alex’s voice echoed over next, “Yeah, I get that, but I think the title makes sense for what you’ve got here.” </p><p>When Haida and Joe rounded the corner to the living room, everyone in the room grinned at Joe—identical and a little terror-inducing. Joe flushed. Haida however just grinned and turned to Matt after slapping Joe on the back again, “Is it for us?” </p><p>Matt fidgeted, “We can run it by the others to see. I think so though. Just need to figure out if we want to keep the trumpet line in or not.”</p><p> Kevin was cleaning his horn up and putting it away, “I might be biased, but it sounds better with the horn.” </p><p>Dennis grinned, “ Definitely biased, but it does.” </p><p>“Then we’ll have to figure that out for the band,” said Matt, stretching and moving to put his guitars away; Alex assisted. </p><p>While they did that, Kevin snapped his trumpet case shut, “Alex and I are gonna head out to meet up with Hamza. Haida, you want to come with us?” </p><p>Before Haida could answer, Matt reentered the living room space, “Haida, you can stay for dinner if you want. I’m making soba.” </p><p>“Oh shit, with the eggplants?” </p><p>“And beef, yeah.”</p><p> Haida saluted Kevin and Alex, “I’m sticking around for that then.” </p><p>Everyone took their time saying goodbye to Kevin and Alex after that—specifically Kevin, who would be leaving for Minnesota in a matter of days. Joe liked Kevin; he was mild mannered compared to some of Matt’s other friends, but not in a cool confident way like Dennis. Easy to talk to for Joe. </p><p>After the two friends departed, it was just the three roommates, Haida, and Joe. Matt set to work in the kitchen, while Min and Haida played video games together in the living room (a spirited competition of Smash Bros. seemed to be ensuing). Joe and Dennis refocused on homework at the kitchen table. It took Joe a while to transition back to his research paper though; he was still musing over… well, all of it. What Haida had said about Matt. His almost-warning about how it would affect Matt if Joe left the state for school… </p><p>The knowledge that Matt was writing a song about him. </p><p>In a way, he had realized what Haida warned him about already. It was why he hadn’t texted Matt to casually tell him about the decisions that had been sent out on Friday. He knew how much Matt cared, but he still had a hard time believing he could matter so much to a guy. <em> “Matt’s one of the most caring people I’ve ever met. He cares about people so much that he hurts himself. All the time.” </em> Joe stared at Matt’s back while the other chopped up ingredients on a cutting board before spilling them into a bowl with some soy sauce… </p><p>He really hoped Columbia or Cornell worked out. Anything to stay. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>;-; i had "take me home" on loop when writing the first section of this chapter and accidentally made myself weepy </p><p>in all seriousness, I think that, without the original plotline of the digimon anime, Joe needs a reason beyond his dad to become a doctor; otherwise, the decision flies in the face of his character development. so this is also me searching for Joe's reasons why. :') </p><p>hope you enjoyed! comments, kudos, etc. all super appreciated!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello again! \o Welcome back. We have a couple of big moments in this chapter too. As well as the conclusion of some side character arcs as far as this fic goes anyways.</p>
<p>if you want to follow me on twitter, I made a separate twitter account for fanfiction. it's just @cozyvaquita <br/>there's not much there right now, but I am planning on using that account more and as I write more fics :)  </p>
<p>hope ya'll are ready for a ton of linked songs in here</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A week passed after the previous Sunday’s homework session. That Sunday had ended… well, it was complicated. After Haida left, Joe had taken the initiative to get Matt alone in his room to talk about the admissions decisions that had come out on Friday. As Haida had foretold, the blonde was worried about it and admitted he had been worrying about it a lot but didn’t want to put extra pressure on Joe. Still, the news that Joe had gotten into a school in Missouri and been denied by one of the three schools in NYC… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe could tell Matt had put up a front about it, so he leaned into what Haida had told him to do—emphasized repeatedly that he was trying to stay. That he wanted to stay. Even going so far as to spell it out for Matt: that before dating him he hadn’t really had a preference about what school he ended up at but now… He wanted to stay. Almost entirely because of Matt, he wanted to stay. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Matt was still fidgety and nervous for the rest of the night, Joe had opted to sleep over. His classes didn’t start early on Mondays, and he was fine waking up a little earlier to then head back to his apartment and clean up before class. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The conversation about admissions had sparked a change in the relationship, and Joe wasn’t sure it was a good one. Rather, he worried about the implications for Matt. Ever since they’d started dating, they texted regularly but only to an extent that was comfortable. After all, both of them were busy and kept fairly tight schedules. But after hearing about NYU and Wash U., Matt was texting with increasing frequency, simultaneously reaching out to Joe more often while also getting weirdly apologetic about it. Like he was worried about annoying the senior. Joe didn’t mind at all; being annoyed by Matt seemed virtually impossible to him. However, he was growing increasingly concerned about Matt’s concern. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Which is why he waited until he knew Matt was at band practice to call Min. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He recognized how pleased Matt would be with that decision. Another time, another day, Joe would have turned to Dennis long before contacting Min, but her support following his interview at Cornell had been game changing in their relationship. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe? What’s up?” Min was chipper per usual, but there might have been a hint of concern in her voice over Joe calling her without warning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” said Joe, trying to make sure this conversation sounded casual at least at the start. “Are you busy? I just wanted to chat really quick.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope, well-” some shuffling noises, “I was editing a project, but I can take a quick break. Is everything okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, everything’s fine, I just-” Joe hesitated. Well, he had already called. “I just wanted to ask you how Matt’s been doing on your end.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a short pause. “What do you mean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just,” Joe fidgeted with his planner, sitting open on his desk. “I’m just a little worried. He’s been texting me more often. Noticeably more often. And I don’t mind at all. But he keeps apologizing too. Like he’s worried he’s getting on my nerves. It’s-... Different.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min exhaled something in between a groan and a sigh, “Hoo boy… That’s. I didn’t know he was doing that. He hasn’t said much. I mean, what kinda stuff is he apologizing for?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Literally nothing,” said Joe quickly. “It’ll be over almost nothing. Or anything he thinks might be annoying. When he came over after classes the other day, he was a lot more careful about where he left all his stuff, his socks, his bag, his notebooks… He never used to worry about cleaning up after himself that much at my place. But mainly he keeps throwing in a sorry for… messaging me? He’s texting me more but also apologizing for texting more.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm…” Min sounded genuinely concerned by all that. “But what set this off? I guess he’s seemed a </span>
  <em>
    <span>little </span>
  </em>
  <span>distracted, but… Other than that, I don’t know anything. Which </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>weird, actually.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe worried his lip, “I-... I mean, I told him that I got into Wash U. but got rejected by NYU.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” said Min, and then she repeated it—slower and sadder. “Oh… That- That makes sense. Wow.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s still Columbia and Cornell,” said Joe, sighing. “Admissions aren’t done yet. But… I’m not sure what to do about this in the meantime. He doesn’t have- </span>
  <em>
    <span>We </span>
  </em>
  <span>don’t have to figure anything out yet. I’m still waiting to hear back from schools.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm, yeah,” said Min, “but he’s already worrying about… And he’s getting clingy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, I mean, I guess,” said Joe. “I don’t actually mind if he’s being clingy. It’s the apologizing. I’m not used to seeing him this… insecure? I don’t even know what to call it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’m glad to hear that, at least,” said Min. There was a drumming noise from her end. “I don’t know if there’s much more to do beyond staying reassuring. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>being reassuring, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” Joe’s reply was instant. “He apologizes when I do though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that makes sense too…” Min trailed off. “He gets anxious, you comfort him, he apologizes because you had to comfort him… That’s the pattern, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked. “Right.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed and a longer pause followed. “I can try to talk to him, but that might backfire.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe frowned, “Why would that backfire?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, if he knows I’m talking to him because you reached out to me, he’s going to think it’s because you’re getting annoyed.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s- </span>
  <em>
    <span>what- </span>
  </em>
  <span>but I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s not rational right now, Joe.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe closed his mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could wait until the next time it’s obvious something’s bugging him and then get him to bring it up, I guess… That might be a good approach.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was starting to feel out of his depth. Min was clearly the expert here. “You’ve… You’ve handled him like this before, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it’s a little different every time,” said Min, “but, I guess, yeah. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oooh</span>
  </em>
  <span>! </span>
  <b>Wait</b>
  <span>. I got it.” Excited crept back into her voice, and, to his own surprise, Joe’s relief was immediate at her return to her usual persona. “I’ll get him to come home with me for dinner. My mom’ll straighten him out.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked rapidly at her confidence. He had heard Matt refer to Min’s mom as being basically his own mother before, but… “You’re that sure? She can just… fix it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, she’ll get him to bring it up at least, so then we’ll have all the cards on the table,” Min chirped, “It’s perfect. I’ll tease him by dropping the fact that he has a new boyfriend in front of my mom. And then she’ll go for her usual new boyfriend interrogation. Tada! He’ll open up about it then. That’ll be good, then we’ll fix him up. Oooh, good plan, good plan…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled a little, nervous but willing to believe. “Well, okay then. When do you think-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, as soon as possible,” said Min quickly, “my mom loves having us back for dinner. It’s no biggie. Matt always helps her in the kitchen too. I’ll probably be able to make that happen, like, tomorrow or something. It’ll be super soon though!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay… Thanks, Min.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yup, yup, thanks for calling, Joe. Actually-” Min paused here, and her tone was more serious when she continued, “Thanks for… Well, for not getting annoyed.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t,” said Joe, “If he needs the reassurance, why would I?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’d be surprised,” said Min, “I’m glad… You really care about him. That’s really nice. He hasn’t been with someone so… patient before. And, look, my mom and I can talk to him, but he’s still just going to be worried about your admissions until he knows. That’s just a given.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe sighed, “Yeah, I know… I’m worried too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Worry together!” Min chirped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe if you worry with him, he’ll feel less alone about it. Have you been worrying with him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe thought this over. “No, I… I was trying to stay calm about it for his sake.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See?” Min’s voice came through just a little smug at this, “That makes him feel like he’s the only one worried. Like he’s spiraling alone. You don’t want him to think that he’s more worried about it than you are. That’s no good. Then he can convince himself shit like you’re getting annoyed with him worrying.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min’s response slotted into place firmly in Joe’s mind, and he felt like an idiot for even needing that explained to him. It felt so obvious once she said it. “Wow, that’s… Wait, that makes a lot of sense.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mmmmhm</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she was definitely getting smug now. “I’m fluent in Matt, Joe. Just wait and keep studying under my tutelage. You’ll get there, young grasshopper.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m older than you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pssh!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They hung up soon after that, but, less than 48 hours later, Min sent him a follow up text, completely unprompted: “mission accomplished! ;) ”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matt stretched on his way into his bedroom, straining all his limbs to feel the tension of the day ebb out of him. It was a school night, post-practice, towards the end of another busy week. Made busier by the fact that he and Min had gone back to Min’s home for dinner just a couple of nights ago. It wasn’t ideal, adding another outing to his week, but, when Min asked, he couldn’t say no to a night with Min and her parents. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The night had turned out to be more helpful than he’d thought too. Beneficial in unforeseen ways. Min, of course, couldn’t keep her mouth shut and told June that Matt had a new boyfriend which inevitably led to June’s questioning about said new boyfriend… It was then inevitable that med school came up when telling her about Joe, which meant that Matt’s subsequent anxious word vomit about where Joe would go for med school was also inevitable… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After the word vomit had passed, Min and June had rallied. Asking him if he’d spoken to Joe about it which led to Matt admitting that he… Well, that he was being a complete mess, once again. He knew he was overdoing it, but he couldn’t get himself to stop. Texting Joe around the clock. Seeking reassurance in ways that had to be annoying. Joe was being ridiculously patient about the whole thing, but Matt still felt the need to apologize at every turn. With more med school admissions coming out, Joe would have to make a decision soon enough, which made this the worst possible time for Matt to get on the other’s nerves and yet… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min insisted that Joe was not the kind of guy to get annoyed at things like that, and that, if anything, Matt’s excessive apologizing was probably more likely to trouble the senior. The reasonable part of Matt’s mind (dwarfed as usual by the emotional hurricane he often hosted) recognized that Min was probably right. And, after an evening of cooking with June and spending time in the apartment that had been a second home to him for years, it was hard not to feel somewhat better about things. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beyond that, Joe had started opening up more about his own anxieties regarding med school as well. That he was nervous to hear back from Cornell and Columbia. Hopeful. Tense. It helped. Hearing that Matt wasn’t the only one feeling anxious. That they had solidarity. And focusing on Joe’s stress, trying to make Joe feel better about it, distracted Matt from his own concerns and reminded him that Joe was supposed to be the focus here.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the present, Matt reached for his phone. Eager to invite Joe to this next event. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Matt.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was already grinning, “Hey, Babe. What’s up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was the usual pause while Joe probably fought a blush over the nickname, and then, “Honestly? Staring at my email, waiting, as if I can summon news from Cornell or Columbia. Alternating between that and zoning out on the internet. Scrolling. I just saw that clip you posted from practice today though. You guys sound good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Matt’s smile pulled further. “Actually, that’s perfect. I wanted to invite you to something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe still hadn’t been to one of their concerts yet, which wasn’t really a big deal to Matt. It wasn’t exactly Joe’s scene, and, so far, there had been scheduling conflicts that had prevented it from happening. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it?” Joe asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, we haven’t done this in a while,” Matt began, “but do you know Cafe Gabu Kashira? It’s in Chelsea.” When Joe answered in the negative, he pressed on. “They have regular open mic nights. My friends and I have been going there for a while. The open mics are </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>fun. It’s a pretty great spot, and, once the band started taking off, we started running new songs there too…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anyways, they have one coming up, and we’ve already signed up for some of their slots. Alex and Dennis too. So, you know, we’re all going to be there. It should be a really good time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” said Joe, “yeah, that sounds really nice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to come?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was perfect, really. A quieter environment than a concert. And, as Matt had already implied, the band was going to run one new song in particular… Matt wanted Joe to be there for that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, what night?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt rattled off the details. Cafe Gabu Kashira hosted an open mic every other Friday, so it was upcoming at the end of next week. Their floor plan was open, spacious, dreamy even, with eclectic decorum and a comfortable combination of booths and tables. Matt and his friends had formed countless memories eating, hanging out, and performing there over the years. When Joe confirmed that he could make it, Matt pressed on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can invite your friends too. That way you don’t have to be stuck with mine all night. Unless you think it’ll be weird because of Mimi and Alex.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe seemed to hesitate, “Has Alex said anything to you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt pursed his lips, “Not… really. I mean… It’s not exactly a break up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi and Alex had reached a weird standstill in their time together. Matt didn’t know who had brought it up first, but one of them had broached the topic of making things exclusive—no longer seeing other people. From there… Well, they were dodging around making that kind of commitment to each other, or even outright avoiding it. It was hard to say for sure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll just invite them and see,” said Joe, “Mimi’s a big girl. She’s fine turning down the invitation if she doesn’t want to be there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s fair,” said Matt, “Do you want to invite Takeru too then? I was going to anyway, but I can hold off if you’re just going to message a group chat or something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, we can bring the high school kids along,” said Joe easily. “Besides, I heard T.K. and Kari are talking again. Maybe this’ll be a good way to get all of us back together in one setting. You guys can take some of the pressure off by performing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled sincerely at Joe’s care, “Yeah, they’re talking again. Things are still awkward though. ‘Cause they’re not talking about… What happened. Baby steps, I guess. Kids these days.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, right? Back in my day, I just didn’t date anyone at all.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt laughed at that, “That’s a good point though. The open mic will take some of the focus off them. I hadn’t even thought of that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmhm, yeah. So I’ll see you there? Or did you want to meet up beforehand?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll have to bring instruments with the band and stuff, so probably meet you there.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They kept chatting for a little longer, making more casual plans to hang out that weekend. Matt fought the impulse to apologize for asking for more of Joe’s time. He managed, mainly because Joe was the one who prompted spending the night together—highlighting a desire to see Matt as much as possible after they’d both had busy weeks. Matt offered to go grocery shopping and take requests for dinner, but Joe insisted that they could order in and he would pay—citing that he just wanted to spend time with Matt, not watching Matt in the kitchen. There was something reassuring about that in and of itself, and it made it easier for Matt to carry on with the rest of his evening after they eventually hung up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The warmth of Cafe Gabu Kashira was welcome, </span>
  <em>
    <span>blessed</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Late January was hitting hard outside; the air was frigid, and the snow lining the sidewalks, pushed out of the way in whatever form possible, was frozen solid. Joe felt like he defrosted immediately as soon as he and his friends stepped into the cozy interior of the cafe. The walls were pale green and covered in plants, fake plants, photography, and minimalist modern art. The booths and tables were a light natural wood as was the stage. It could have felt like spring, if he and everyone around him weren’t bundled head to toe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Predictably, Mimi was complaining loudly about the weather, but everyone was in agreement. It was awful outside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey guys!” Min bounced over to them, wearing a gigantic purple knit sweater over leggings, legwarmers, and boots. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone else offered her general greetings, but Joe smiled and asked, “How long have you been here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min tossed one of her braids over her shoulder, “I came with Matt. He needed a little extra help carrying equipment. Now we’ve just been chillin’ and waiting on everyone else. You guys are lucky you’re early! There’s still enough seating open.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, let’s push some tables together,” Tai jumped in. Davis, Sora, and Cody followed him to push three square tables together for their full group of ten. The first floor area was spacious and accommodating, but there was also a second floor balcony of sorts with more seating that overlooked the first—specifically with a decent view of the stage.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Across the room, by the stage, Matt and the other band members were sitting in a booth, but Matt smiled and waved Joe over. Joe left his coat hanging on a chair in between the seats Mimi and Izzy had claimed before he walked over. At this point, he certainly felt like he knew Haida well but hadn’t been around the other band members as much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Matt reached a hand out once he was closer and all but pulled Joe into the booth next to him. He and Haida both scooted over to accommodate. Across the table, Tori, Aaron, and Julian were all smirking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Joe replied.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We were just giving Matt a hard time,” said Aaron, smirk still in place, “about why you haven’t been to any of our concerts yet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Haida jumped in before Joe could say anything, “I think it’s pretty clear that Matt doesn’t need to show off to keep you around, but these clowns-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The heat in Joe’s face dissipated a little at Haida’s interruption. It was reassuring—weirdly reassuring—that Haida was intervening for him in this moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“-think it’s weird you haven’t been by yet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Scheduling conflicts,” Joe added on to Haida’s commentary. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt rolled his eyes, “I said that too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re just saying,” said Julian, “Mirei comes to all our concerts to support Tori. Joe can hang out with her. Girlfriend solidarity.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned, “We all bring people to shows who aren’t girlfriends. If anything, I’d probably want him there when Takeru’s there, but it’s not a big deal either way.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi, on purpose or accident, wandered over to disrupt the conversation at that point, “Joe! Want me to order for you? Need to warm up with drinks and stuff.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Their sandwiches are good too,” Matt added before sipping from his own latte. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll go with you,” said Joe, standing to accompany Mimi and Sora to the cashier. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi pulled close to him, “It’s nice seeing you like this again. With someone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe smiled back at her, and the three of them ordered drinks (Joe went with an almond latte) and food (turkey brie sandwich) before departing the register. He left his order number on the table with his friends before rejoining Matt and the band. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the girl Alex was/is seeing, right?” asked Aaron. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, Mimi,” Matt supplied automatically, while Joe settled back into a seat next to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s cute. Definitely Alex’s type. Like a blonde Chelsea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, “Chelsea?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grimaced, but Julian spoke up before he could say anything, “Yeah, dude, Alex was, like, in love with Chelsea for </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Most of high school.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked some more and looked at Matt, “I thought Chelsea was straight.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt sighed, “She is. That was the problem.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Joe frowned and couldn’t stop himself from staring a little when the front door to the cafe opened. Dennis, Alex, Hamza, and Chelsea all walked in. Matt followed Joe’s gaze and quietly said, “Alex’s also been over it for years. Moved on at the start of college.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’re we talking about?” Dennis asked, as the four of them took seats in the booth behind the band plus Joe. Before Joe could even think to panic at that question on Alex’s behalf, Julian jumped in with something that might as well have been true. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That classic queer coming of age: falling for a straight person,” the keyboardist said, “I was just about to ask Joe if he’s ever pined for a straight boy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex laughed, rueful and a little harsh, “Wow, way to go for a deep cut, Julian. I hope you’re ready to air your own dirty pining.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Julian frowned, “What? Just asking.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rude question,” Matt snorted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I might be straight as bricks,” said Haida, grinning but a little warning in his tone, “but even I know that’s a little far.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was pretty sure that Matt and Haida were playing their frustration up to make sure that Joe’s response, no matter what it was, would be less dramatic than theirs, so he shrugged and said, “It’s not a big deal. I guess, I sort of did in high school. But we all did, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex grinned, “Good man, Joe. And, well, most of us did. Matt never had to. Too many guys lining up to make out with him. Including straight ones.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Straight ones?” Joe blinked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The smirks directed at Matt following Joe’s question were evil, and Alex was the one who spoke, “Never told Joe about Reggie, huh?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt groaned, “There’s nothing to tell.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A pause followed in which everyone shot him skeptical looks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt scoffed, “Fine. Joe, you know how straight theater kids all want to experiment and test the waters, at least partially, just to say that they did?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked, “Uh, no. I didn’t hang out with theater kids in high school.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Haida snorted, but Matt rolled his eyes and kept going, “Well, it’s a thing. Enter: Reggie. Lead theater boy. Kept getting star roles. Huge flirt. That type. I made out with him, ironically in a closet, at the wrap party for Les Mis. Boom. End of story. He spent the rest of high school dating every girl he could get his hands on to reaffirm how straight he is.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex chuckled, “Maybe he just needed to get you out of his head.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smirked at that, but Chelsea chimed in, “You know he still brags about the fact that he’s, like, ‘open’ enough to make out with a guy to get girls? Like he’s still using that line.” When she spotted the look on Joe’s face, she added quickly, “Theater girls in New York are a different breed, Joe. Trust me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soon after that, food arrived at the table for Joe and his friends, so Matt followed him over and pulled up a chair to squeeze in between Joe and Mimi. The open mic would be starting soon, and Matt was clearly keen on following Joe throughout the cafe for his attention, having already eaten with the band when they got in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When are you guys up, Matt?” Sora asked from across the table, unable to hide her smile at the way Matt had followed Joe over to them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m up three times,” said Matt, explaining further when Sora blinked, “Alex asked me to join her for one song. Then Julian, Aaron, and I have a thing. Then the whole band. Other people in between.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe glanced away from his food, “You’re not with Dennis or Min tonight?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, Dennis is teaming up with Chelsea and Min. They have some fun stuff planned.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi had shifted a little at the mention of Alex but pressed on in her usual tone, “What songs?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt winked, “You all have to wait and see.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. rolled his eyes, “But you get to know what the others have planned?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I did some of the arranging for them in my free time, so yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe snorted, “What free time?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt just laughed his agreement, “Tell them to stop bugging me with requests then.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s really nice of you,” Yolei said, “by the way, Matt, I was snooping through your comments section the other day. Have you two noticed? More and more people speculating that you’re seeing someone?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe flushed. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>noticed. They both had. Though, they hadn’t exactly discussed it yet beyond acknowledging the increasing speculation. Matt rolled his eyes, “Yeah, we’re aware. People are so nosy. I’m honestly surprised it’s picking up so much steam though…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi responded easily, “Well, it’s because more and more of your song covers are romantic, I think. Plus, some of those Instagram pictures. You’re obviously out with someone. Oooh, Joe!!! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wait</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I would </span>
  <b>love </b>
  <span>for you to get Insta famous.” She clapped for good measure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those words were enough to make Joe want to puke. Thankfully, Matt seemed to share the sentiment, “Please.” He waved a hand around. “I’ll handle it however Joe wants me to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That,” Mimi began, “is frustratingly respectful of you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After that, the table continued heckling Joe; everyone took a turn speculating what an Instagram account with an actual following would look like from the senior. Izzy posited “Study Tips 101” while Tai countered that it could be a book review account. Sora went for a “Living (and Surviving) with Strict Asian Parents” for some #relatable and #relevant content. And then Mimi went for absolute evisceration by proposing Joe could post reactions to pop culture that he previously had no knowledge of. The high schoolers quickly jumped in on this, rapidly listing off every meme they’d kill to see Joe try to explain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was the usual teasing Joe had to endure, although this was a little more targeted than usual since Izzy wasn’t also being lumped in with him. It was hard to be mad though when Matt was practically in tears next to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was all eventually broken up when the owner of the cafe walked up to the stand to announce the start of open mic time. The lights around the cafe dimmed until only the hanging lamps over tables were on (along with some string lights that were decked around portions of the walls). Over the past 45 minutes or so, the cafe had gradually filled up to capacity. More people, some of them carrying instruments, had filed in with friends along with a general audience. Booths were packed, tables were packed and, in some cases, as Joe and his friends had done, pushed together to account for larger groups. It was hard to see from the first floor, but the second floor seemed full too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned and kissed Joe fully before abandoning his seat to rejoin the band at their booth. Haida gave Joe a massive double thumbs up while Matt wandered over. Joe snorted at the drummer’s over the top approval, but it did give him something to focus on other than the teasing smirks and stares of his friends around their table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room writ large quieted down, and a soft romantic duet began on stage between a girl and guy; it seemed like they were a couple. Joe glanced at the corner end of their tables where T.K. and Kari were sitting. Yolei was in between them—acting as a natural buffer, though Joe couldn’t say whether or not that was intentional. The two high schoolers seemed like they were intentionally avoiding eye contact with each other for the duration of the song. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another performance went on after them—a lone guy and his guitar covering an achy song about a breakup. When he wrapped up, Alex and Matt stood from their booths, grabbing acoustic guitars from their cases on stage and settling onto stools behind two mics. Mimi squirmed in her seat next to Joe, but he nudged her with his elbow and looked down at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You okay?” he asked quietly. He wasn’t about to vacate the premises with Mimi if she wasn’t (Matt was performing after all), but still… She bit her lip and nodded. Joe frowned, “You should just talk to her, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi frowned, pouted, and shrugged. Joe sighed. It was so like Mimi to flit away from something like this, and Joe resolved to talk to her about it later. It had been a while since they’d talked about Mimi’s personal life. Both of them had been so busy this year, and Mimi had been so obsessed with Joe’s ongoing Matt situation that it dominated conversations between the two of them. That didn’t override their previous and usual dynamic though; Mimi liked gossiping with Sora or Yolei the most, running headlong into shenanigans with Tai, but… When she was upset, she came to Joe to be grounded.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On stage, Matt and Alex seemed ready to proceed, and the brunette woman smirked into the mic as she addressed the crowded space, “Hey all. I’m Alex, this is Matt. You’ll be seeing more of him tonight because he’s an attention wh-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt coughed hard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>talented and all of our friends need him in order to perform basic musical functions.” Matt smirked and nodded for her to continue. “Anyways, here’s a cover of one T-Swift’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YXaAG_tmf4">‘Delicate.’</a> It came to my attention recently that </span>
  <em>
    <span>some people</span>
  </em>
  <span>-” she stared at the table Joe was at, though she probably couldn’t quickly identify him in the dim lighting, “-think her work focuses exclusively on petty breakup songs. So I guess I had a point to make or something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mild laughter had filled the room at this, and Joe smirked at the reference. Beside him, Mimi was clearly getting fidgety. Matt strummed his guitar first and came in soft on vocals by himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“This ain’t for the best, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>My reputation’s never been worse, so, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You must like me for me.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He eased off for Alex to enter on guitar alone with the next short verse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“We can’t make any promises, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Now can we, Babe? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But you can make me a drink.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both guitars joined in after that, and Matt and Alex entered into the chorus together. Joe glanced away from the stage briefly to grin at Min who was standing with her phone out, recording and moving slowly to pan around the stage. When she caught Joe watching her progression, she smirked at him and whispered, “For the ‘gram.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As had been pointed out (repeatedly, at this point), Joe didn’t listen to Taylor Swift in general, so he wasn’t familiar with the song. However, as Matt and Alex continued to work their way through it, voices overlapping in a way that was simultaneously rough and inviting, he couldn’t help but feel the song choice was intentional. Matt had said briefly that Alex had asked him to join her on this one, which Joe assumed meant that Alex had picked the song. It was hard to not interpret this as being directed at Mimi all things considered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi was biting her lip, looking torn between a desire to stare at the stage and avert her gaze. Under the table, Joe squeezed her hand. She looked up at him, and he smiled back. That got her to calm down and stop twisting around in her chair, though she didn’t stop chewing her lip. As the song reached its conclusion, Matt stopped singing, allowing Alex to carry out the last chunk of vocals on her own, though he remained beside her on guitar. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is it cool that I said all that?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Is it too soon to do this yet?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Cause I know that it’s delicate…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Isn’t it?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their last guitar strums were on time with each other, and both singers mutually grinned while the room filled with applause as it had for the first two acts. Chelsea added the most vocal whooping to the din with some support from their other friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another performance went after them, but soon Dennis, Chelsea, Min, Haida, and Tori were traipsing up to the stage. Min set herself up on a keyboard that was already on stage; Haida followed suit on a percussion set. Tori grabbed his guitar. Dennis and Chelsea stood behind mics. Chelsea took the initiative to introduce them before adding, “Unlike Alex, we can function musically without Matt-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt made an outraged noise from his seat and yelled, “I </span>
  <b>arranged </b>
  <span>this for you, you absolute f-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dennis coughed loudly this time, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Anyways</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwrHwZyFN7M&amp;ab_channel=ROCKMUSICHOLLAND">‘Fast Car.’</a>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tori and Haida, in sync from all their time practicing together in the band no doubt, came in immediately after this on percussion and guitar, and soon Dennis and Chelsea were dueting on stage, passing the lyrics back and forth between the two of them seamlessly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ve got a fast car, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I want a ticket to anywhere…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe we make a deal.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe together we can get somewhere...” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sounded </span>
  <b>great </b>
  <span>together, as they had at Chelsea’s birthday. Tori’s guitar work was quick, and Haida was relaxed on a percussion set behind all of them. With Min playing keyboard, Hamza was recording the performance for them; he wasn’t moving around like Min did on camera duty, but he seemed to have situated himself strategically for a good view. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The song’s conclusion met more applause, louder than any Joe had heard so far that night. Matt punched Chelsea’s arm when she walked past their booth but was still smiling and gave Dennis and Min quick fist bumps immediately after. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few more performances followed that group. By that point, Joe and his friends had finished eating their initial orders and were making conversation in between songs. A few of them had ordered desserts and other snacks at the counter. Joe and multiple others at the table had to forcefully avert their gazes when T.K. brought Kari a cinnamon hot chocolate without her asking. From his seat with the band, Matt was craning his neck to sneak a peek at the two high schoolers before glancing at Joe for some kind of visual cue. Joe just smirked at the blonde and nodded, hoping it would convey that </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>was happening. Matt grinned back and stopped straining his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, Matt was headed up to the stage again with Julian and Aaron this time. Aaron settled onto a stool with a guitar. Matt sat on a stool as well but without an instrument, and Julian remained standing in front of a mic, no keyboard. Joe blinked; he didn’t know Julian could sing. The keyboardist made quick introductions this time, and the three of them launched into a cover of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BXDsVD6O10">“River”</a> by Ed Sheeran and… Eminem. Joe blinked again, even he knew what that had to mean, but he’d only ever heard Dennis rap in their group. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lyrically, it was an odd song for the three of them to cover. There was obviously no personal connection to the song, but they sounded </span>
  <em>
    <span>fantastic</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Julian was a shockingly good rapper, and Matt sounded perfectly broken every time he entered on the chorus. When they finished the song, the applause rang loud again, and Julian threw in a cheeky bow that earned him some more approval from the room, including a burst of cheers from the second floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a long stretch of other performances after that, including a woman who covered “Broken Glass” who got Matt and his friends dancing in their booths every time the chorus hit. At Joe’s table, Mimi was sneaking occasional glances at Alex; the brunette woman was totally immersed with her friends—laughing at conversations in between songs, comfortable, confident, swaying along to good performances. Mimi wasn’t the only one peeking around though; all of them were working desperately to avoid looking at Kari and T.K. who were now talking avidly in between songs and sometimes during at low, private volumes. Yolei had abandoned her position between the two of them multiple songs ago by now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Between everything going on with his friends and the fantastic snickerdoodle scone he’d ordered, Joe was completely unaware and unprepared when Min dropped into the seat Matt had abandoned between him and Mimi. He startled and stared at her. Min snickered at his reaction and scooted the chair closer to him while the rest of Joe’s friends watched curiously. None of them knew Min well, but Joe was already feeling heat creep up his neck at the avid stare the short woman was directing at him. Truly a terror. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you ready?” she asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe gulped, “Ready for what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min just bit her lip but even that couldn’t stop the smile from spreading slowly over her face. That expression paired with the way Min jerked her head at the stage just as Matt and the rest of the band started walking up was enough. It clicked in Joe’s mind, and he went crimson. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt hadn’t said they were running </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>song tonight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe hadn’t really known what to expect from Matt writing a song about him, and he was too embarrassed about the attention to have asked Matt about it at any point. He had wondered how he would hear it first. Was it going to be posted online for Matt to send to Joe? Or would it happen at a concert at some point? It was such uncharted territory for Joe that he didn’t even know how to anticipate what Matt would do with the song or how Matt would eventually share it with him, but the timing made sense… It had been a while since that afternoon he had finalized it with his friends at the apartment.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min seemed to realize from the hue on his face that Joe had picked up on what was about to happen. Her smile softened, became less menacing, and she patted his arm, “It’s nice, Joe. Relax. The lyrics aren’t… super personal. I think he was more so trying to capture… the vibe, y’know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few of the people sitting closest to them at the table heard what Min said. Sora leaned forward and whispered, “</span>
  <b>Wait</b>
  <span>. Is this- are they- about Joe?” Min’s grin just widened at that, and Sora seemed beside herself at the romantic implications. Yolei was squealing at the implications. Izzy chuckled low and warm. Joe shrank in his seat.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The band had taken just a bit longer to set up than other acts that night. They were quick, professional and used to their routine together, but they still had more equipment than anyone else that had gone up so far. Tori spoke up first after testing his guitar volume, “Uh, hey, Matt. Wanna introduce the song?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was uncharacteristically sporting shades of pink and red across his face and stared down at his own guitar that he was fiddling with. He mumbled, “No, someone else-...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Haida burst out laughing at that and jumped in, “Alright, I got it. Hey everyone, we’re Hudie. You can check us out online if you like what you hear. Tonight, we’re trying out a new original for the very first time, so I guess you can say you’re our test audience. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJPicr0JwSY">This is ‘You.’</a>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tori entered on a guitar line first, but Matt started singing moments later. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“In the moments where I hear my voice but don’t feel like myself, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Wish I could hold you. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s only you.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s face had returned to its natural hue; performing seemed to calm Matt in a way that Joe couldn’t begin to fathom. He wanted to disappear from the public eye just being in the audience… Despite his natural instinct to melt away, Joe kept his gaze fixed on the stage—partially because he didn’t think he could take his eyes off Matt and partially because looking away might mean confronting whoever was watching him in the room. (He was positive that Min had positioned herself next to him in order to monitor his reaction to the song.)  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“When the night is over, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Out of all the places I could choose, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I go to you.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The song had grown louder and more triumphant as it progressed. At one point early on, Julian began setting off a recorded trumpet line—the same horn part that Joe had heard all of them discuss back in the apartment… The recognition that the trumpets set off—that this </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>was a song Matt had put together with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Joe </span>
  </em>
  <span>on his mind, that he had </span>
  <em>
    <span>worked </span>
  </em>
  <span>on it for an extended period of time—made the moment feel more real. The implications were flooding Joe, tender and heartwarming, embodying Matt’s generosity with his creativity and the care that he gave Joe so freely…     </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was also a lot of what made Matt such a compelling musician in the first place. During one of Joe’s numerous mornings in their apartment, Dennis had explained to Joe that Matt was like a fish with water when it came to music. He floundered without it. Needed it. Used it and relied on it in ways the others didn’t. Even Joe had recognized that Matt seemed to have a playlist ready for any given moment: cooking, walking around outside, shopping, doing homework, in the bedroom with Joe… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“But I’m learning what it’s like to open up a different side, </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Cause when something hurts this much I know it’s real…” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s attachment to music and lyrics always came through, but there was something authentic and desperate in his voice in that moment. Joe swallowed. He stayed fixated on the stage—on Matt—but his mind also traveled through the past handful of months. Moment after moment rising to the surface. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt waving a hand in front of his face at Woori Jib. Crashed on their couch and wrapped around a pillow. Playing harmonica with a group of random street performers. Playfully prompting Joe to follow him back on social media. Drunk and unspeakably affectionate over the phone. A hungover mound of blankets the next morning. Kissing Joe under mistletoe. Eating grasshoppers. Sharing his preferred Starbucks orders. Crying in a movie theater. Working beside Joe at either apartment. The cuddling. The sex. The encouragement and empathy. All of the meals, rushed or time consuming. And Matt, the whole time, grinning, smirking, messing with his hair, holding onto Joe tightly like he’d do it indefinitely if he could… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I go to you…” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The song ended with the entire band on one final note. There was a short pause before the room erupted. It was one of the only original songs of the night, and certainly the biggest cast of players. Matt’s friends were leading the charge on applause, but Joe’s friends were close behind. Chelsea banged on her table, while Hamza and Alex hollered next to her. Dennis had handled recording (so Min could spy on Joe), and he was shouting from the standing position he’d taken. T.K. was leading their large table in a round of cheers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min pulled on Joe’s shoulder to turn his attention to her momentarily. Joe wasn’t sure what his expression looked like at that moment, but Min seemed satisfied with it. She smiled at him and nodded, squeezing his arm for good measure. Joe smiled back. He didn’t know what else there was to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was a little flushed again on stage but looked pleased. Haida’s grin was face splitting as he leaned forward into his mic to remind the room, “Again, that’s Hudie. H-U-D-I-E. Follow us on social. We do shows around the city. Thanks all!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They packed up their things quickly and went back to their booth, but Matt glanced over nervously. Min gave him a double thumbs up and whooped; there were still applause echoing around the room. From the end of the table, Davis spoke up, audible enough for their group to hear over the ongoing din, “Hey… Do you guys think Joe is going to be T.K.’s brother in law?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Davis, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid </span>
  </em>
  <span>tactless-” The rest of Yolei’s rant was cut off as she shoved Davis’s chair, and the two of them began squabbling back and forth. Joe flushed at that, but he accidentally made eye contact with T.K. who had just finished rolling his eyes at Davis and Yolei. T.K. looked about as sheepish as Joe felt, but he was grinning at Joe in a way that felt appreciative. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Min gave Joe a final squeeze before she bounced off. She went over to Matt’s booth, no doubt to give the blonde a full report on Joe’s reaction, practically draping herself over Matt in a side hug. Meanwhile, another group, smaller than the band was setting up on stage and the open mic continued on. Joe wasn’t in it anymore though. He kept glancing over at Matt; Matt kept glancing back at him. Trading smiles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After the next song ended, Matt managed to slip out of his booth and wander over to the seat Min had temporarily occupied for him. For once, </span>
  <em>
    <span>for once</span>
  </em>
  <span> in Joe’s life, his friends actually seemed interested in respecting his privacy and pointedly turned away as the blonde scooted his seat up to Joe’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” said Matt softly, looking nervous in ways Joe wasn’t used to seeing from him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe still didn’t know what to say, but… If it was out of character for Matt to feel self-conscious, Joe could meet him halfway and take a step out of his own comfort zone. The senior smiled at Matt, hoping it could convey </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>of what he was feeling, before dipping down and pressing their lips together. Matt was too surprised to respond at first but kissed Joe back after a beat. When they pulled apart, he looked comfortable again and settled closely to Joe as the next song picked up on stage. Matt was done performing, so he and Joe got to whisper to each other during and in between the few remaining performances. They were mutually ignoring all of their friends at this point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The open mic came to a close soon after. The cafe owner retook the stage to announce the end of the night and “Fifteen minutes to closing!” and set people around Cafe Gabu Kashira in motion again. Matt stood and stretched while other members of the table did the same. Conversations about who was going home and who was hanging out started up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe trailed a hand up Matt’s arm, “Want to come back to my place or do you need to get your things back?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt frowned thoughtfully and looked over at Min and Dennis, “No, Dennis or Min can take my acoustic back, I’ll bring the electric with you to yours.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shouted this across the cafe at Min and Dennis who both gave him a quick thumb’s up in acknowledgement before continuing their departure chats with everyone around them. Everyone was shuffling around, saying goodbyes and gathering their belongings. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then, in the midst of all this, one quiet voice somehow got carried over the racket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“T.K.? Do you want to walk back together?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone at their table froze. Stockstill and staring. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. had frozen as well but a bright red was creeping over his face. Kari seemed to realize a moment too late that she had spoken out loud and in front of others because she also went pink. Both teenagers looked in opposite directions, away from the other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The pause dragged on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai moved first, looking around the table as if a solution or distraction would present itself to him—a way to save his sister from the public display of her personal life. When none appeared, the brunette’s eyes landed on Joe, and the senior had exactly one split second to register that Tai was about to sacrifice him for the sake of Kari. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god! You guys!” Tai exclaimed at a volume that was obviously forced. He even slapped a hand down on the table for good measure, “We never told all of you! Izzy, Sora, and I totally walked in on Joe and Matt the other day. They were seriously going at it! I mean, </span>
  <b>wow</b>
  <span>, huh? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Right</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Sora?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh!” Sora blinked and matched Tai’s volume immediately, “That’s right! Yeah, it was, um, it was a </span>
  <b>lot</b>
  <span>. So embarrassing. You should have seen Joe’s face.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mimi was already hooked of course, “How could you not have told me?! I can’t believe I missed that! What the hell…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>T.K. and Kari still hadn’t moved although the focus of the table was </span>
  <em>
    <span>starting </span>
  </em>
  <span>to shift. Matt took one glance at his petrified younger brother, and then Joe knew he was truly doomed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, Mimi, since you missed the show,” said Matt, in the same staged volume as the others before yanking Joe down by the front of his hoodie and smashing their lips together. It was completely sloppy work all around, but Joe knew Matt would kill him if he didn’t play his part, so he kissed the blonde back while Mimi cheered. Davis made fake vomiting noises, Yolei swooned, and Cody said, “Alright already, we get it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe had one eye open because, frankly, this was far from a real kiss, and could see that Matt did too. The blonde was making a pointing motion towards the exit of the cafe at their sides, probably surreptitiously directing his brother to escape with Kari while he could… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>...</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nobody could say that Tai and Matt didn’t look out for their siblings. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perhaps Matt felt they weren’t commanding enough of the attention from the table, because he arched up into Joe and let his hands grab at Joe’s back desperately. From the booths, Joe heard Dennis mutter, “Alright, what the fuck.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, it was just like that,” said Tai, loudly, gesturing at the two of them with broad sweeps of his arm, “except, you know, Matt was shirtless </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>on the couch </span>
  <em>
    <span>and-</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt broke apart from Joe so suddenly that it made a loud wet suctioning noise (Joe wanted to </span>
  <b>die</b>
  <span>) and looked around frantically, “Did we do it? Did they clear?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tai sighed and slumped onto the table, “Yeah, they left.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Davis looked around, “Wait, what-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cody blinked, “T.K. and Kari… left.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right, together,” said Matt, not even hiding it when he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He gave Tai a small salute. “Nicely played, Comrade.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You too,” Tai wheezed, a genuine and authentic panic on behalf of his sister finally fading from his face. Yolei was looking around frantically as was Mimi, but Sora and Izzy just folded their arms and raised their eyebrows. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well done, guys, that’s-...” Sora hesitated, “one way to give your siblings some privacy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was mirroring Tai’s posture, bowed over their table, “Anything for the kids, y’know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Izzy snorted and spared a glance at his roommate, “Joe, are you going to be okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe’s face was beet red now, but he managed to speak, “I’ll… recover.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt chuckled, “Sorry. Desperate times.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The blonde left their table to grab his belongings from the band’s booth, and Joe could dimly hear him offer an explanation to Dennis and some of his other friends that were accusing him of being the most disgusting perpetrator of PDA they had ever known. Joe started putting his coat back on as well, preparing for the cold night air that was inevitably waiting for them outside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Departures happened quickly after that. Tai came up to apologize to Joe personally, which Joe waved off. He knew why they’d done it, and, while he still wanted to vanish into thin air, he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost </span>
  </em>
  <span>glad he got to help the kids out. T.K. and Kari deserved a little privacy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soon, they had all left Cafe Gabu Kashira, and he, Izzy, and Matt were on their own—heading back to their apartment with one of Matt’s guitars in hand. Matt stayed close for the entire walk there and didn’t say much until they were alone in Joe’s bedroom, already halfway into pajamas after the relatively long night. The blonde blathered on about the band’s performance of “You”: how he hoped Joe liked it (“Min said it seemed like it, but-”), worried Joe didn’t like that he’d played it in front of other people like that (“I know you’re a really private person, but-”), and the song itself (“I think the lyrics are just ‘meh’ but-”) until Joe finally got him to stop the only way he knew how. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt melted into the kiss and brought both of his hands back to Joe’s shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After eventually pulling back, Joe pushed their noses together instead and mumbled against Matt’s face, “It was great. It was perfect. Thank you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s smile was blinding, and he rose up to kiss Joe in rapid succession a few more times, “Good. Then… I’m glad you liked it.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Matt hated mornings. Always had. He was more of a night owl by nature. He needed caffeine. Waking up was painful. Mornings were the worst. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>...They were better with Joe in them though. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Consciousness was returning to Matt slowly. He curled and uncurled his toes a few times. Became aware of the weight in the bed next to him. Contact from either Joe’s arm or side. It was hard to tell. That was nice though. Everything about Joe was nice. His hands, his frame, his jawline, his smile… Those dark eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt inhaled a little more deeply. Thoughts in his mind becoming coherent. He hadn’t given Joe a morning blowjob before. Occasionally, he did that for guys who slept over. It was hard to say what had initially given him the idea, but it had definitely started as a way to get guys to stay longer in the morning, linger with him. Not leave. Keep company. Eventually, it became a habit, and he did just genuinely enjoy getting guys off. The praise was nice too. But he hadn’t gotten around to that for Joe yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That last thought set him in motion, and he was glad that Joe had invited him over following the previous night’s open mic at the cafe. He rolled towards Joe’s weight in the bed and pressed his face into a pillow. Inhaling deeper yet and yawning. When he pulled back from it, he started blinking while his legs stretched out in various directions. Although the window did get decent light, Joe’s room stayed dim in the mornings which was nice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He finally managed to actually look over at Joe, wondering what the book of the day would be, but paused when he spotted the senior. Joe wasn’t reading anything; he was just lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. Matt frowned and propped himself up a little to get a better look, but Joe’s face was blank and impassive. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Joe?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked and looked over, “Hey. Morning.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt’s brow furrowed at the neutral greeting, “You okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” It took a moment for Joe to register Matt’s concern, but, when he did, he offered a small forced smile and spoke, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… Just, uh, thinking.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked around the room trying to see if there was anything identifiable that would have set this off, “Yeah? About what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe bit his lip, “I, um… There’s an email from Cornell sitting in my inbox.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A beat passed, but then Matt jolted forward, both hands finding their way to Joe’s sides while the blonde leaned over him. “And?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe blinked up at him. Matt frowned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You haven’t opened it.” He sat back on the bed, and Joe started propping himself up as well, rubbing at the back of his neck.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I haven’t.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you-” Matt hesitated, “do you want me to leave for this? I can give you some privacy. I’d totally get that. This is big.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-...” Joe stopped and looked around the room thoughtfully. “I honestly don’t know. I’m… nervous.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt pursed his lips, “Me too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe fell silent, staring at a patch of carpeting. Matt scooted next to him and re-established contact—waiting. It was Joe’s call, and he hoped that by now the senior understood Matt would respect however he wanted to handle this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was hard to say how long they stayed like that, but Matt was determined to let the silence drag out so that Joe could make up his mind. Truth be told, if Joe did ask him to leave, he would probably kill time in the area, just in case Joe decided to go to him (to despair or celebrate) as he had following the Cornell interview in the first place.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Cornell decision felt heavier than others—for a variety of reasons. Joe hadn’t heard back from Columbia yet, but NYU was already a no. This would be the second out of the three schools in New York to send Joe a decision. If it was bad news, then Columbia was the only option remaining for Joe to stay in the area for med school. Beyond that, there was the fact that Cornell was the interview that had sent Joe spiraling—“off script” he’d said to Matt. So far, there had been no consequences for Joe following that particular interview. His father hadn’t said anything to him, which implied that, for now at least, no one on the panel had said anything to Dr. Kido Sr. about his youngest son practically outing himself during his med school interview. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt mulled all of this over internally while he waited. He had his own investment in this as well. That went without saying. But this was Joe’s moment, and he wasn’t about to make it about his own fears for the two of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Joe sighed and started moving. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay?” Matt looked up. Joe stood and moved to his desk chair, rolling up to his computer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Joe pushed up his glasses, “stay there… I just… I want to see for myself but… You’re okay? Being here for this? One way or another?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt smiled a little, “One way or another.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Joe bit his lip as his computer finished powering up, and he logged in quickly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t take long for Joe to pull his email up after that. Matt didn’t have a good view of the screen, but basic motions of getting set up on his computer were familiar enough to know. The singer tried to avoid fidgeting or anything from the bed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This isn’t about you </span>
  </em>
  <span>repeated in his head like a mantra. He wouldn’t—he would not—rush Joe or put pressure on the senior. Not now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another long pause took place, and Matt could tell Joe was hovering over opening the actual email itself. The tension in the room felt thick, but it was also… Mutual. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt wanted Joe to get this. Not just for the sake of their relationship, but because, for possibly the first time in his life based on everything the senior had ever told Matt, Joe had spoken for </span>
  <em>
    <span>himself </span>
  </em>
  <span>during that interview, articulated a desire to do something for his own reasons. That had to be worth </span>
  <em>
    <span>something… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe clicked once. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Time suspended. The apartment felt silent in a way that defied physics. Matt would never ever know how long it stretched out. He imagined, no, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Joe was reading and re-reading whatever was in front of him. Good or bad, Joe had to be sure. Had to know. Neither of them moved, and the world was totally still. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Joe exhaled softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It could have been the beginning of a laugh or a sob, but- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The senior turned his desk chair back towards the bed and, before Matt could even process the grin that was blossoming across his face, lunged out of the seat to tackle Matt into the mattress—kissing him silly, once on the lips and then all over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh- Joe-!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe merely pulled back just enough to crush their lips together, and that was when Matt knew. It wasn’t desperate. It wasn’t sad. It wasn’t a loss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was smiling into each kiss. He wasn’t clinging to Matt, just bringing them together, colliding and pressing him down into the bed with a frenetic joy that Matt had never seen from him. Matt broke the kiss off just long enough to actually get a look at Joe’s expression—radiating celebration and confidence. Matt broke out into a huge grin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? For real?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe nodded, “Yes. Yeah, I’m-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before Joe could go on, Matt kissed him back, pressing up while pulling him down with his hands. Trying to meld them together. Laughter—the kind that only came from tangible relief—bubbled up his throat, or both of theirs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe tugged on Matt’s clothing first and whispered into his ear, “I want to be closer to you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was dressed from head to toe in Joe’s pajamas, as was Joe, but all of it came shedding off. The process was probably clumsy from too much energy and excitement, but it felt fluid to them. Dizzy with exhilaration. Brimming with hope. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t even really feel like sex at that point. Joe wanted to be closer to Matt? Well, Matt wanted to be closer to Joe. So they were. Faces kissed together or else one nuzzled into the other’s neck. Arms and hands never left, not even lifting away to move locations; instead, they dragged their limbs over each other and around each other, fitting into each other in every perfect way possible, until they were both finished and spent. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt knew enough to know that it wasn’t sex; this was love, and the word kept somersaulting through his mind, doing backflips off his heart, and thrummed inside his throat. That mantra from earlier was still in his mind though: </span>
  <em>
    <span>This isn’t about you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He wouldn’t do that to Joe. Not now. They had enough to celebrate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For once, Joe didn’t nag to get them out of bed afterwards, but, for once, Matt didn’t want to linger in bed. Joe had a world of good news to share with Izzy, with his family, with his friends, with </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>. So they got up together and washed off in Joe’s shower—glued together so tightly that cleaning up became a logistical challenge, but it hardly seemed to matter when Matt laughed so hard he almost cried after Joe got shampoo in his eye and Matt almost fell over trying to reach around for soap… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the day passed in a haze of joy. Izzy was the very next person to hear, and all three of them took their time eating together (Matt cooked) and talking excitedly well into the afternoon. Eventually, Matt had to leave to get back to his world, and Joe had phone calls to make—all of them positive. Leaving felt like pulling himself out of gravity, but, as soon as he hit the streets of the city again, Matt felt lighter than he had in ages. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joe was </span>
  <em>
    <span>staying</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Had received the validation of a lifetime from an interview panel he bared his soul for. And Matt got to be the first one to know about it. The person Joe had sought in a panic following that interview, and the person who got to be there when he got the acceptance. Late January didn’t even feel cold now. How could it? He was in love. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Cornell's Med School? CHECK~ </p>
<p>I'm happy for them ;w; </p>
<p>I know that this fic has been marked for 13 chapters for ages, but I am upping it to 14. Not because I'm planning more, but just because I realized I was trying to fit too much into chapter 12 here. With that being said, chapter 13 is currently about 40% written. I'm hoping to post chapter 13 AND 14 (the epilogue) on the same day. Hopefully this weekend, but we'll see. Thank you so much for following along with me on this! </p>
<p>if you want to follow me on twitter, I made a separate twitter account for fanfiction. it's just @cozyvaquita <br/>there's not much there right now, but I am planning on using that account more and as I write more fics :)  </p>
<p>I hope you liked the song choices! Thanks as always for reading :') Kudos and comments are loved and treasured!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm... very emotional. here we are... the last chapter... :') thank you so much for sticking with us!!! </p><p>it feels like I've had this chapter planned out for so long but the reality is that i've only been writing this fic for just over two months. so many pages though!!! this story has really consumed me and means a lot to me. i'm so grateful to everyone who's been reading it. :) </p><p>(REMINDER: there's also an epilogue!!!) </p><p>(if you're invested in this story or just generally enjoying it, please keep an eye on my end notes)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shigure had spent the better part of his Sunday studying for a Phys Chem II test that he had coming up on Tuesday. It was one of the only difficult classes he had left on his plate before graduating in the spring, and there was no reason to “tank” his GPA with less than an A now. He had given up too much for Columbia, for his career, for his <em> family </em>, to do less than perfect. </p><p>A full four years away from home. And still he… </p><p>He pulled his large parka coat tighter as a cold wind blew through the streets of New York, jammed his scarf further into the cracks around his neck, and pulled his hood up for good measure. </p><p>Four years away from Texas, and still he struggled with New York winters. </p><p>Unlike that struggle, the city’s skyline <em> still </em> pleased him. So many of his friends, most of them from the area, had teased him freshman year of college over his fascination with the buildings. It wasn’t like he’d never seen skyscrapers before; the Dallas skyline was beautiful, after all. He just couldn’t get used to how densely packed they were here, lining up to scratch at the sky in succession, until giving way to Central Park. Back then, Joe was one of the only people who <em> didn’t </em>tease him for getting lost looking up at the city whenever they were out on the streets… </p><p>He sighed at that thought and continued making his way to Starbucks. After a marathon study session, he liked (<em> needed </em> ) to get out and stretch his legs. It was only the afternoon, and he would be studying more that night, but he was determined to spend it out and about, drinking coffee and covering as much ground as he could. Maybe he would go for the obvious walk to Central Park today; that would <em> really </em>eat up the afternoon. </p><p>This strategy, taking marathon walks alone in between massive bouts of studying, had seen him straight through undergrad. The city and his presence in it reminded him of his goals—what mattered to him and why he did what he did. Moreover, he found that walking by himself after studying helped him internalize and retain more of the information. He could sort it out in his head, commit things to memory, decompress, and resume refreshed and ready for more. </p><p>He had the location of this particular Starbucks committed to memory. It was a perfect pitstop in between his apartment and the park, as well as various other walking destinations he might roam to during his study breaks. </p><p>Shigure pulled up short when he stepped inside and spotted a familiar head of dark blue hair facing away from him, towards the line. </p><p>It wasn’t the first time, <em> obviously </em>. Columbia was a relatively small school all things considered, and he and Joe were both pre-med, so, inevitably, they had ended up in classes together even after their breakup. </p><p>Their friends from the dorm had always teased the both of them about being basically the same person, but they were wrong. Joe was nicer by far. Shigure knew it. He was pretty sure Joe knew it too. Joe had been generous—too generous—following their breakup. Sure, Shigure took care of getting a room transfer (that was only fair), but Joe had freely offered to disappear from their circle of friends, even going as far as to say Shigure could provide whatever explanation he wanted to the others.</p><p>At the time, Shigure took Joe up on his generosity: hoarding their friends and merely citing that he and Joe had drifted apart as the cause for the breakup. Eventually, when they were juniors, he owned what he’d done a little more and slowly admitted to their friends that he had caused the breakup… and why. Some of them had probably started to suspect, but, after confirmation from Shigure, they started to reach out to Joe again—individually, so Joe’s departure from their whole group of friends remained a permanent fracture. </p><p>He and Joe were cordial when they did run into each other. Polite. It almost always happened in a classroom setting, and Shigure was almost always the one to approach and say hi. Joe seemed content (happier, perhaps) avoiding Shigure altogether. </p><p>Very occasionally, one of their friends would give Shigure an update on Joe. These were always delivered quickly in an attempt to keep things as innocuous and harmless as possible. They always focused on school or work—essentially boiling down to Joe’s continued academic success, juggling work and school, etc. No one had ever mentioned a relationship… </p><p>And yet, here was Joe, standing at the back of a long Starbucks line with a shorter blonde man that Shigure didn’t know at all. The blonde had one of his hands shoved in a pocket of Joe’s coat while he scrolled through his phone in the other hand. They were standing close. The blonde was talking about… sponsorships and designer shoes? </p><p>Shigure stared at the back of Joe’s head, temporarily stuck in place while he quickly reviewed his options. He could turn around and leave, but that would be 1) pathetic, and 2) it risked Joe looking out the window and seeing Shigure flee the scene—even more pathetic. Shigure resumed the stance he always took in these moments: he had created their breakup, so it was on him to initiate any further communication they had—to extend that polite olive branch over and over again in case Joe ever wanted to talk to him again. </p><p>He stepped further into the Starbucks and shuffled to the end of the line, no longer hesitating, and tapped his first (and last)… everything on the shoulder. </p><p>“Hey, Joe. Long time no see.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>New York was supposed to be a big city. <em> Supposed </em>to be. You weren’t supposed to just run into people at random street corners. Bump into a friend on the subway. Stumble across a classmate in Central Park. Encounter an attractive acquaintance at your favorite Korean take-out spot who, through a subsequent and convoluted chain of events, turns into your first boyfriend in years… </p><p>And you <em> certainly </em>weren’t supposed to run into your ex-boyfriend at the back of a Starbucks line while on a date with said current boyfriend (formerly the attractive acquaintance).  </p><p>That wasn’t <em> supposed </em>to happen. </p><p>Date was probably overselling what the day was anyways. He and Matt weren’t exactly going out, per se. Well, they were, but it was very much for Matt to earn some money. The blonde had recently accepted a really nice sponsorship deal with Starbucks. The franchise was working on 1) issues regarding LGBTQ+ representation in their advertising and 2) continuing to sell people on the image of a Starbucks cup as a desirable accessory when you were out and about. Matt’s task, in exchange for an amount of money that made Joe reconsider his own decisions regarding social media (but also not really), was to post a set number of pictures to Instagram featuring a Starbucks order throughout this month of February. Including, specifically, Valentine’s Day, which was annoying, but oh well. </p><p>Matt had agreed, he explained to Joe, for a few reasons: 1) he was a coffee fiend by nature, so profiting off that seemed like a given; 2) the representation campaign might be another hollow corporate attempt to land on the right side of contemporary issues, but at least it was a positive stance, and he could get behind that; and 3) he could justify using the money to buy expensive designer shoes for his roommates. </p><p>Joe had blinked at that when they stepped up to the back of the long line, “Why… are you buying your roommates designer shoes?” </p><p>“Min’s been eyeing these Steve Maddens lately,” said Matt easily, as if Joe would recognize the name (he didn’t), “and Dennis can always add some new Nikes to his collection.”</p><p>“But… their birthdays aren’t coming up right?” </p><p>Matt snorted, “Just for being good roommates. I don’t know, you’ve been coming over a lot. They’re being good sports about everything. I appreciate them?”</p><p>Joe shook his head and smiled, just about to respond, when- </p><p>“Hey, Joe. Long time no see.” </p><p>He froze momentarily at the voice and the tap on his shoulder. If he’d had the presence of mind, he might have rolled his eyes at the “long time no see” addition. As if <em> that </em> was necessary to include. He and Matt turned simultaneously with, Joe assumed, very different expressions. Matt was peering up at Shigure—curious, confused, open. Joe already felt guarded. There wasn’t bad blood, not really, but there <em> was </em>history. So much history.</p><p>“Hey,” said Joe, “yeah, it’s been a while.” He looked between Matt and Shigure, “Matt, this is Shigure. Uh, Shigure, Matt.” </p><p>Matt’s hand, the one he’d stuck into Joe’s pocket, tensed momentarily before the blonde pulled it out, put his phone away, and reached a hand forward, smiling, “Hey, nice to meet you.” </p><p>Shigure shook his hand immediately, a small polite smile in place the whole time, “You as well.” His gaze shifted back back and forth between the both of them, “So, what are you guys doing today?” </p><p>Matt blinked at Joe, and the senior recognized that he was trying to follow Joe’s lead through this conversation, so Joe shifted a little closer and rested a hand on the small of Matt’s back. The blonde’s back felt tense even through his coat. Joe blinked. That was weird. “We were just going to grab coffee then hit a museum or the park. Felt like an okay day to get some walking in. What about you?” </p><p>Shigure smiled further and seemed to settle more comfortably into his spot behind them in line, “Just walking. There’s a Phys Chem test Tuesday, so I’ve been reviewing all day, and-” </p><p>“-and now you’re going to walk around Manhattan for two hours straight,” Joe finished the sentence automatically. Some things didn’t change. Although, he glanced down at Matt standing next to him, some things did. </p><p>“Right,” said Shigure, smirking now and peering at Joe through his own glasses, “So, how’d microbiology end up last semester? My friend in the class said the final exam was a bloodbath.” </p><p>Joe sighed, “Well, it was. I got out okay though.” </p><p>“So an A, then?” </p><p>Joe rolled his eyes, “Right. What about you? The same?” </p><p>“Yeah, last semester ended fine-” </p><p>Joe nudged Matt with his arm and grinned, “‘Fine’ means straight As.”</p><p>Shigure just shrugged, “That’s what it means to you, too.” He shook his head and turned to Matt, “Sorry, I’m being rude. What-” he hesitated for the briefest of moments. </p><p>Joe picked up on it immediately and did actually roll his eyes at that. <em> Right </em>. Shigure could be such a pretentious prick sometimes. He hoped his response was quick enough to cover it for Matt though, “Matt’s a junior in engineering. Mechanical.” </p><p>Shigure blinked and smiled, “That’s great. How’re your classes this semester then? Brutal junior year or-?” </p><p>“No, I-” Matt fidgeted a little, and Joe’s brows furrowed at that, “I took on a decent enough courseload the first two years to keep things… reasonable. It’s not so bad. The lab time is the biggest scheduling issue. I always have to find time during the day.” </p><p>Shigure tilted his head as they all moved forward up the line, “Why’s that? I feel like most of the engineers I know log all their lab time late. Jam sessions too, that sort of thing.” </p><p>“Oh,” Matt shrugged, “I go to the jam sessions when I can make it, but I’m mostly, um, working on music in the evenings, so I try to take care of lab time during the day.” </p><p>Shigure’s face had scrunched at the music mention, so Joe jumped in again, “He’s the lead singer in Hudie.” </p><p>Matt squirmed back into Joe’s hand and rolled his eyes, “We’re not a household name. He’s not going to-” </p><p>“Wait,” Shigure narrowed his eyes, “is that why you look familiar?” </p><p>Joe blinked, “Since when do you actively listen to music?” </p><p>Shigure shook his head, “Not me, but I think Tracy listens to them. We’ve been studying at her place a lot lately and you know how she is hosting. Music on 24/7.” </p><p>Matt was at this point merely blinking back and forth between the two men, so Joe offered, “She was in the same study group as us freshmen year.” </p><p>“So what’s that like? Balancing school and the band? That must be an impressive schedule to manage.” </p><p>Matt shrugged, “It’s really not so bad. And working on stuff for the band is fun. I mean, I like all of it, so… It’s no big deal.” </p><p>“He keeps a pretty tight schedule,” Joe added, fighting the urge to frown at Matt. The blonde was almost always humble about music, but right now he was extending beyond his usual humility and into outright debasement. </p><p>Shigure nodded and smiled, “Impressive. But, Joe,” he added, looking back to Joe and actively establishing eye contact, “we’re beating around the bush.” </p><p>They were, and they both knew it. Second semester seniors on the premed track, so there was one elephant in the room that couldn’t be ignored. Matt was still passing his gaze back and forth between the two. Joe trailed his hand up Matt’s back to rest it on the blonde’s shoulder. </p><p>“I guess so,” he began. “Where’d you apply? Any thoughts of going back to Texas?” </p><p>Shigure frowned a little, “I applied to Baylor as a backup, so yes. But not really, no. I mostly scattered for stronger programs. What about you?” </p><p>Joe nodded at the other man’s response. That made sense. Shigure didn’t have a strong affinity for any state. “I hit all three programs here and branched out a little for back up.” </p><p>Shigure smiled, and his gaze flitted briefly down to Matt, “So, you were trying to stay?” </p><p>“Yeah,” said Joe just as they shuffled forward up the line once again, “Definitely.” </p><p>“You didn’t used to care about that.” </p><p>Joe shrugged, but his hand on Matt’s shoulder squeezed, “Some things change.” </p><p>“<em> So </em>,” Shigure drew the word out a little. Joe just smirked back at him. It was a high stakes, tense kind of question to ask. So much was riding on it after all. They both understood that. Shigure hesitated one more time then went for it, “Are you… going to be able to stay?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Joe smiled, “I am… Uh, Cornell, specifically. What about you? Where are you ending up?” </p><p>Shigure was blinking a lot and seemed genuinely unsure how to answer. Joe’s eyes widened impossibly as he started to realize. <em> No </em> . There was no way. <em> What are the odds? </em> Shigure cleared his throat, “Uh… I’m staying in the city too. Cornell was one of the strongest programs I got into, and it didn’t seem practical to start over in a new city again when I already have connections here.” </p><p>“Wow, uh,” Joe coughed, “that’s-... Congrats.” </p><p>Shigure averted his gaze to stare pointedly at the menu, “Congrats to you too.”</p><p>“Congrats to both of you,” Matt smirked while also staring at the menu, but the smirk felt forced to Joe and Matt still felt tense under Joe’s hand. Joe was still holding onto Matt’s shoulder with one hand but started rubbing his thumb into his shoulder for good measure, even going so far as kissing the top of Matt’s head while they continued to wait. It was weird that Shigure being there was stressing Matt out. If that was what was happening. Joe wasn’t quite sure. He knew Matt was protective of people; maybe he was just on edge in case things turned sour. </p><p>Shigure observed their interaction quietly but was still smiling. That, in and of itself, was <em> so </em> weird. Everything about this was weird. Running into Shigure like this with Matt next to him? Weird. Shigure looking like he was… happy <em> (???) </em> for Joe? Super weird. Matt acting as if <em> Shigure </em> was making him nervous? Very super weird. Shigure attending Cornell next year? <b>Super </b>fucking weird. And mind boggling odds too. </p><p>They were almost at the front of the line now, so they settled into small talk about Cornell’s program, swapping quick stories about how their families reacted. Joe asked Shigure which other invitations he had considered accepting to other schools, and they both overviewed the details of acceptances and rejections they’d received. Matt was largely quiet for this, but he stayed close to Joe’s side the entire time until they were truly at the front to order. </p><p>Matt and Joe ordered together (espresso macchiato and chai latte, respectively). When it was time to pay, Matt took out the swipe card he’d been sent by the company; his orders would be free for the month of February, and the card also allowed Starbucks to track his frequency and look out for his sponsored Insta posts. The barista taking their order looked at the card and raised an eyebrow at Matt, who shrugged sheepishly and went, “Heh.” </p><p>She leaned forward and squinted, “Are you like a celebrity?” </p><p>Joe snorted, but Matt squirmed, “No, definitely not.” </p><p>“<em> Hm </em>,” but she didn’t say anything beyond that and moved onto Shigure’s order (flat white, almond milk) next. While the three of them stood off to the side, Shigure struck up conversation again. </p><p>“Free Starbucks?” </p><p>“It’s just for February,” said Matt quickly, “I took a sponsorship deal.” </p><p>“That’s a nice perk.” </p><p>Matt made a small noise of agreement and jerked his head in a nod. Joe blinked and was thinking over what to say when soon enough, their orders were brought to the counter. </p><p>“I guess…” Shigure trailed off as Joe and Matt grabbed their cups, “We’ll keep running into each other then.”</p><p>“Yeah, looks that way,” said Joe. He wondered what that would be like. Shigure would be much less avoidable in the same elite program. </p><p>“You, um,” Shigure hesitated, “At some point, we’re planning on getting together as a group for a graduation party. Later in the spring, I mean… Let them invite you. Think about coming. They’re your friends too.” </p><p>Joe wasn’t sure what to say to that, but he had to say something, so, “I’ll… think about it.”</p><p>Shigure just smiled, “Good. Think about it. I’m glad we ran into each other. Matt, it was nice meeting you.” </p><p>“You too,” said Matt, managing a smile and wave with the hand holding the cup. </p><p>Joe and Matt left while Shigure waited on his order. As soon as they’d turned away from the store and walked about ten feet, Joe exhaled audibly, “Sorry about that. I can’t believe we just ran into him like that…” </p><p>Matt was fiddling with his coffee cup, “Don’t apologize. Just a small world…” </p><p>Joe paused for a second to run a hand along Matt’s back again, “You okay? You were really tense in there. I was surprised.” </p><p>“I’m fine,” said Matt, but his tone sounded forced. He shook his head then looked up at Joe, “What about you? Was that…?”</p><p>Joe shrugged and smiled, “Awkward, I guess. It’s not like we never run into each other though. We’ve had classes together before. Weird just bumping into him out and about like this though… Oh well.”</p><p>“How do you feel about him going to Cornell too?” Matt asked. His head was tilted, and he looked a little pouty. </p><p>Joe sighed, long and heavy, “I don’t know. I mostly just can’t believe it. Those are crazy odds. Both of us getting in <em> and </em>choosing it.” </p><p>“Yeah…” Matt trailed off, and they settled into what Joe thought was just a pensive reflective silence, walking along towards Central Park.  </p><p>“Hey, Joe?” </p><p>“Nn, yeah?” Joe stopped and realized Matt wasn’t immediately next to him anymore. He’d been so lost in thought that he hadn’t even noticed when the blonde had paused walking a few paces behind him. Matt was staring down at the ground but looked up and made eye contact when Joe came to a full stop. </p><p>“What would-” Matt hesitated, “What would you do if he changed his mind?”   </p><p>Joe tilted his head, “Shigure? Changed his mind about what?” </p><p>“About… everything. About you.” </p><p> Joe blinked. If Shigure changed his mind about… Joe? </p><p>Joe snorted and then broke into a full round of laughter. The idea in and of itself was ridiculous enough, but the implication—the mere suggestion—that it would matter at this point, that Joe would, what, abandon Matt? That was so laughable, so <em> insane </em>, that-</p><p>Joe stopped laughing abruptly when he spotted Matt’s face. </p><p>The blonde had still not moved, but, in response to Joe’s mirth, his expression had completely dropped off. He looked crestfallen. <em> Lost </em>. Joe’s eyebrows pulled together in concern, and he turned around fully and closed the distance between them, bringing one hand up to brush along Matt’s neck and his jawline. Matt looked away at the contact. Joe’s frown deepened. </p><p>“Matt, what-” He hesitated but pulled on Matt’s chin to bring their gazes back together, “You’re serious?” </p><p>“I just-” Matt bit his lip, but his expression grew a little defensive, “It’s not- it’s not a <em> ridiculous </em> question. If anything, he… I mean he’s <em> likely </em>to change his mind about his family and lying to them. He’s gay. That’s not going to change. Eventually, if he gets sick of lying to them, or just-” </p><p>“Maybe. I’m not so sure about that,” said Joe, “his relationship with his parents is different than mine. They might be homophobic, but they’re a lot warmer. More nurturing. He feels like he owes them everything. They immigrated here themselves for him and his sister; my family’s been here longer.”</p><p>“It’s a big lie to commit to indefinitely,” Matt countered. </p><p>Joe sighed, “It is. Sure. But, Matt, I don’t know why that would have anything to do with me. Not now. Not anymore.” </p><p>Matt faltered but pressed on, “You just… You two have so much in common. There’s so much <em> history </em>there. And tension. I mean just standing in that line felt-... What if- what if you want someone you have more in common with? Someone more level headed who’s as smart as you and-”</p><p>Matt seemed to be working himself up to tears if the red starting to line his eyes and the water welling up in them was any indication, but his voice shook and broke off when Joe brought his free hand up to the side of his face. The senior was grateful they were standing off to the side on the sidewalk. Matt seemed determined to avoid eye contact. </p><p>Joe’s voice was firm when he spoke, “I’m sorry I laughed. I didn’t realize you were being this serious.” </p><p>Matt’s eyes darted up to Joe’s momentarily but then flew back to a patch of pavement. </p><p>“Matt, listen to me,” Joe carried on, “I laughed because that’s how completely ridiculous that idea is to me. I-... I mean, what are you suggesting? That if Shigure decides he wants a relationship I’d leave you for him?” </p><p>The way the blonde bit his lip was confirmation enough. Fear was swimming in Matt’s eyes. Joe shook his head. His thumb brushed along Matt’s cheek. </p><p>“That is… I can’t even imagine wanting to do that,” said Joe. “Shigure and I have a lot in common, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. And we’re not exactly the same. He’s competitive and pretentious. He gets cold when he’s stressed or in a bad mood. And beyond all that… He <em> left </em>me. It was brutal. Yes, I offered to let him take our friends from Columbia, but he still took me up on that offer and left me sitting in a dorm room by myself until Izzy and the others realized something had happened and swooped in.” </p><p>Matt looked up at that, studying Joe’s face closely. </p><p>“You would never do something like that,” Joe went on. “I don’t think I’ve ever said this to you before, and that’s on me, but do you have any idea how brave I think you are because of how you’ve been living your life? You’ve been out since high school. Not just in your personal life. Out in the band. I scrolled back far enough into your past performances to know. You <em> never </em>sang about female pronouns, even for covers.</p><p>“I love that. It’s inspiring. I really mean that, Matt.” His hand cradling Matt’s face moved down to the blonde’s neck and shoulder. “You’re straightforward, and unapologetic, without being mean or harsh. Somehow, you do that while also looking out for everyone around you. I can’t believe that your first thought after Starbucks reached out to you was that you could use the money to buy your roommates new shoes that they want-... I mean I can totally believe it because you just do this kind of stuff for people around you all the time.”</p><p>Matt bit his lip, but Joe was far from done. </p><p>“I-... When we talked at my apartment for the first time… I was already so impressed that first day. The way you know what you want. Chart your own course. I thought-... Being around you for the past few months helped me see myself differently. Watching you make decisions and move forward made it easier for me to think that way about my future too. If I got into Cornell because of what I did during the interview? That’s you. You got me thinking about my future differently than anyone else ever has. And I love you for that. I feel <em> lucky </em>every time I’m reminded that we’re-”</p><p>“What’d you say?” </p><p>“I-what?”</p><p>Matt was blinking up at Joe. His eyes had widened, and his expression was shifting. </p><p>“I-...” Joe paused and realized what he’d said. A blush steadily rose up his face. </p><p>The word had been rising in Joe over time, bubbling to the surface only now after building up for what seemed like ages. He couldn’t even say when it had started. Was it listening to Matt sing a song for him in front of virtually all their friends? Their first time having sex or the morning after? Maybe the quiet intimate night they’d spent together in his room, just talking, as his friends partied on outside. Or the mistletoe. Or watching Matt unpack a picnic lunch for them out by the waterfront in Brooklyn. Or maybe, Joe thought, it had started from the moment Matt followed him back to his apartment—flirting, laughing, asking questions, taking a vested interest in Joe’s life so immediately and passionately that it sent Joe off the rails, ricocheting away from his mundane routine and into a new chapter. </p><p>… Then again, it didn’t really matter when it had started.    </p><p>A small smile played at Joe’s lips while Matt kept staring at him with large (hopeful?) eyes. </p><p>“I love you. I hope that’s okay.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Why… are you buying your roommates designer shoes?” </p><p>“Min’s been eyeing these Steve Maddens lately, and Dennis can always add some new Nikes to his collection,” Matt replied right away.<em> My dad could use a new windbreaker too… </em> He filed that thought to the side for later and wondered who else he could get some shopping done for. </p><p>“But… their birthdays aren’t coming up right?” </p><p>“Just for being good roommates,” said Matt, like it was obvious (it was), “I don’t know, you’ve been coming over a lot. They’re being good sports about everything. I appreciate them?”</p><p>Matt very rarely accepted any sponsorship deals. He generally only agreed if  he liked the product/company, <em> and </em>if the company approached him respectfully in the first place. Beyond that, there were other things to consider. But when he did accept sponsorships, he generally didn’t save the money or much of the money, opting instead to use it on people around him.</p><p>He was just about to comment something to that effect when- </p><p>“Hey, Joe. Long time no see.” </p><p>Matt blinked and stared at the man that had approached Joe. He supposed he hadn’t met any of Joe’s friends from school, just the friends Joe shared with his brother. </p><p>Joe’s voice sounded a little off when he spoke though, “Hey, yeah, it’s been a while… Matt, this is Shigure. Uh, Shigure, Matt.” </p><p>Matt tensed immediately and stared harder. Shigure was… Matt didn’t know what he’d been expecting. He hadn’t exactly tried to visualize Joe’s ex or anything, but… He supposed if he had been expecting anything it would have been someone more like Izzy or Sammy. Shorter, slight. Bookish. But Shigure was… </p><p>He was tall, virtually the same height as Joe. In fact, Matt couldn’t even say confidently which one was taller. They were almost color swaps of each other. The same height and build. Shigure’s glasses were darker and thick rimmed. His hair was a dark orangey brown. His eyes… Were less round than Joe’s and didn’t feel as friendly, but there was something about their posture—the way both of them carried themselves… </p><p>Matt rushed to snap to it and went for a handshake. He hoped his smile looked natural, “Hey, nice to meet you.”  </p><p>Shigure gripped his hand back and looked ridiculously dignified and professional about the whole situation, “You as well. So, what are you guys doing today?” </p><p>Matt looked to Joe immediately. He wasn’t sure how Joe actually wanted to handle this situation. Were they supposed to be polite? Mean? Did Shigure realize they were dating? Matt had had his hand in Joe’s pocket just before Shigure said hi, but maybe the other had missed that. Did Joe <em> want </em>to Be A Couple in front of Shigure or-?</p><p>Joe’s hand rested on Matt’s back as he explained, “We were just going to grab coffee then hit a museum or the park. Felt like an okay day to get some walking in. What about you?” </p><p>Joe’s hand on Matt’s back should have been reassuring, but instead it felt strange that Joe would be so forward in front of an ex. Not that Matt had ever seen him in front of an ex, but still.</p><p>Shigure was smiling and looking thoroughly unphased and unawkward, which was not at all how Matt was feeling. The taller man shrugged and answered Joe’s question easily, “Just walking. There’s a Phys Chem test Tuesday, so I’ve been reviewing all day, and-” </p><p>“-and now you’re going to walk around Manhattan for two hours straight,” Joe concluded. Matt blinked. <em> Oh. </em></p><p>“Right.” Shigure smirked at Joe, and Matt felt himself shrink. “So, how’d microbiology end up last semester? My friend in the class said the final exam was a bloodbath.” </p><p>“Well, it was. I got out okay though.” </p><p>“So an A, then?” </p><p>Joe rolled his eyes, “Right. What about you? The same?” </p><p>“Yeah, last semester ended fine-” </p><p>“‘Fine’ means straight As,” said Joe, apparently for Matt’s benefit, but Matt barely reacted when Joe bumped him with his arm. He was looking up at the both of them because of the height difference, but that wasn’t why he felt… small. Dwarfed by the obvious history that had passed between them. Matt could feel his psyche starting to fray and lose rationality. He tried to hold onto it. Joe was standing right next to him after all. </p><p>“That’s what it means to you, too,” said Shigure, highlighting their commonalities before turning his attention down towards Matt “Sorry, I’m being rude. What-”</p><p>Matt had only just met the man, but that small hesitation was enough. He’d wanted to ask what Matt’s major was and hesitated when he realized he wasn’t sure Matt had one. Matt bit his lip, and Joe answered the unasked question, “Matt’s a junior in engineering. Mechanical.” </p><p>And there was the look of surprise. “That’s great. How’re your classes this semester then? Brutal junior year or-?” </p><p><em> He’s just being polite </em>, thought Matt, but he knew he couldn’t stay mute in this conversation indefinitely so he jumped in, “No, I- I took on a decent enough courseload the first two years to keep things… reasonable. It’s not so bad. The lab time is the biggest scheduling issue. I always have to find time during the day.” </p><p>“Why’s that?” asked Shigure,  “I feel like most of the engineers I know log all their lab time late. Jam sessions too, that sort of thing.” </p><p>“Oh,” Matt shrugged. It was true. Most college students opted to work on their projects in the lab at night. Coordinating with friends. Bringing coffee or soda for caffeine and basically turning it into a party. A horrible grind of a party. Matt just couldn’t operate that way on top of his other commitments. “I go to the jam sessions when I can make it, but I’m mostly, um, working on music in the evenings, so I try to take care of lab time during the day.” </p><p>And then, embarrassingly, Joe added right away, “He’s the lead singer in Hudie.” </p><p>That felt so stupid right now, so shallow and vapid. And name dropping the band as if… Matt rolled his eyes, “We’re not a household name. He’s not going to-” </p><p>“Wait,” Shigure said, and Matt pulled up short, “is that why you look familiar?” </p><p>“Since when do you actively listen to music?” </p><p><em> Then why did you bring it up? </em>Matt groaned internally. </p><p>“Not me, but I think Tracy listens to them. We’ve been studying at her place a lot lately and you know how she is hosting. Music on 24/7.” </p><p>“She was in the same study group as us freshmen year,” Joe explained and Matt nodded in acknowledgement. </p><p>Names Matt didn’t know. Habits Matt didn’t know. Matt felt some more of his rationality seep through his fingers, melting into the linoleum. The handful of months Matt had known Joe started to feel smaller and diminished as Shigure made him increasingly aware of how much of Joe he’d missed out on and wasn’t there for. </p><p>It wasn’t fair to react this way. Joe had encountered so many exes and previous flings of Matt’s and been a good sport about all of them. Sure, he’d needed reassurance from Matt along the way, but he’d never expressed doubt in Matt. Had he <em> felt </em>the way Matt was feeling right now, standing here and feeling the shadow of Joe’s ex stretching out in front of him? Shigure felt like such a massive part of Joe’s history—one that Joe couldn’t even discuss freely without prompting…  </p><p>“So what’s that like? Balancing school and the band? That must be an impressive schedule to manage.” Shigure was being extremely polite, and even that was somehow intimidating.<em> Intimidating? </em>Was that it? </p><p>Matt didn’t want to talk about the band like this. Not with Joe’s ex who, like Joe, was studying to go into medicine. Being in a band seemed inadequate in comparison, so Matt answered and tried to downplay the time commitment. He didn’t want to stay on this topic.  </p><p>“He keeps a pretty tight schedule,” Joe added. Matt shifted uncomfortably. </p><p>“Impressive.” <em> So polite. </em>“But, Joe, we’re beating around the bush.” </p><p>Joe brought his hand up to Matt’s shoulder before he replied. That should have been comforting, but a treasonous horrible thought had wedged its way into Matt’s mind. Was Joe <em> trying </em>to brag about Matt? Show him off? Make Shigure jealous? Matt reeled away from those thoughts as rapidly as he could. </p><p>He pulled himself back to the conversation. They were talking about med school applications. Shigure had only applied to Texas as a backup but applied to a variety of locations.</p><p>“I hit all three programs here and branched out a little for back up,” Joe responded.</p><p>Shigure smiled and looked down at Matt who tried not to squirm, “So, you were trying to stay?” </p><p>“Yeah. Definitely.” </p><p>“You didn’t used to care about that.” </p><p>“Some things change,” said Joe, while squeezing Matt’s shoulder. Right. That was right. Matt was a thing that had caused things to change. He knew that. </p><p>“<em> So </em> , are you… going to be able to stay?” <em> Both of them smirking at each other like that… </em> </p><p>“Yeah, I am… Uh, Cornell, specifically. What about you? Where are you ending up?” </p><p>That felt better. That reminder. Matt smiled a little. Joe was staying. Right. </p><p>“Uh…” Matt had been glancing up at the menu, but the heaviness to Shigure’s hesitation brought his attention back up towards the taller man. Then Shigure spoke, and it felt like the floor fell out from under Matt. Staying in the city… Cornell… Because, after all, Shigure had connections here… </p><p>“Wow, uh, that’s-... Congrats.” Even Joe didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. They would be classmates. Peers. From undergrad straight into… </p><p>“Congrats to you too.”</p><p>Nothing but sheer force of will got Matt to smirk and add his own, “Congrats to both of you.” He couldn’t even bring himself to make eye contact while he said it. Joe started rubbing a thumb into Matt’s shoulder and kissed the top of his head. It didn’t feel right, and that was when Matt knew he was really spiraling, but he couldn’t stop himself.  Joe was usually so shy about public displays of affection in front of people they knew. The anonymity of a crowded sidewalk when it was just the two of them was one thing but here? Now? In front of Shigure in this line that they were stuck in? </p><p>Shigure and Joe started talking intently about Cornell, but that soon turned towards their families. A strong reminder of the intimate history both men shared. And their similar familial backgrounds. Matt wanted to rocket himself out the window. </p><p>“My mom cried when I told her,” said Shigure. </p><p>Joe smirked knowingly, “Because it means you’re staying in godless New York or because she was proud?”</p><p>“...Probably both.” </p><p>There was an ease to their back and forth, a familiarity that was sending Matt lower. Even as Joe recounted his own family members’ reactions, Matt tried to hold onto the knowledge that Joe had already given Matt a thorough play by play of each conversation, but Shigure knew enough about Joe’s family to offer his own insightful feedback to all of it. </p><p>“It’ll be nice when Jim’s back in New York. I’m sure he’ll want to take you out to celebrate. He must be… really proud.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Joe was smiling, “he is.” </p><p>Ordering their drinks came as a blessed relief for Matt. That was until the barista had to go and squint at his card. He tried to dodge out of the interaction, but, inevitably, she asked, “Are you like a celebrity?” </p><p>“No, definitely not,” said Matt, hoping his voice was firm enough to end that. She dropped it and moved onto Shigure’s order next, and the three of them ended up waiting on their drinks together. Shigure was, of course, still politely interested in making conversation.  </p><p>“Free Starbucks?” </p><p>“It’s just for February. I took a sponsorship deal,” said Matt, and he wanted to cringe. Sponsorship sounded so… <em> Eugh </em>. </p><p>“That’s a nice perk.” </p><p>Matt agreed but was spared saying anything else when he and Joe’s drinks were brought up to the counter. </p><p>Then Shigure highlighted the last thing Matt wanted to hear, “I guess… We’ll keep running into each other then.”</p><p>“Yeah, looks that way,” said Joe. Matt wished someone would toss him into one of the trash heaps stacked around the city. </p><p>“You, um… At some point, we’re planning on getting together as a group for a graduation party. Later in the spring, I mean… Let them invite you. Think about coming. They’re your friends too.” </p><p>“I’ll… think about it.”</p><p>Whatever rationality Matt had left fled the scene. It was perfect. Too perfect. Their story. Fraught with tension and shared angst that they had in common. Shigure, unable to bear his family’s disapproval, breaking them apart, and then, years later… Maybe- </p><p>“Good. Think about it. I’m glad we ran into each other. Matt, it was nice meeting you.” </p><p>“You too,” said Matt automatically, and he tried not to scream with relief when they left the store. The relief was short lived anyways because as soon as they had stepped away from the storefront, Joe started up again.  </p><p> “Sorry about that. I can’t believe we just ran into him like that…” </p><p>Matt wanted to play it cool. He really did, but he had never felt less cool. At least not around Joe. “Don’t apologize. Just a small world…” </p><p>Joe ran his hand up Matt’s back and asked, “You okay? You were really tense in there. I was surprised.” </p><p>“I’m fine,” Matt forced out and tried to pull himself back to his boyfriend. Joe was the one who had just run into an ex. He needed to see if Joe was okay. “What about you? Was that…?”</p><p>Joe shrugged and smiled. Matt plummeted some more at Joe’s smile. “Awkward, I guess. It’s not like we never run into each other though. We’ve had classes together before. Weird just bumping into him out and about like this though… Oh well.”</p><p><em> Weird bumping into him with me th- Oh my god, </em> <b> <em>stop</em> </b> <em> .  </em></p><p>“How do you feel about him going to Cornell too?” Matt asked before he could stop himself.  He knew he didn’t want to hear the answer and yet… </p><p>Joe sighed, a little wistful, “I don’t know. I mostly just can’t believe it. Those are crazy odds. Both of us getting in <em> and </em>choosing it.” </p><p>“Yeah…” They were crazy odds. It was <em> crazy </em> . This story between Joe and Shigure. The idea that things were lining up like that. And, really, what were the odds that Shigure would stay away forever? What were the odds that the man Matt had just met would really commit to living his entire life closeted? That he would never seek an actual relationship again? That he would never seek <em> Joe </em> again, <b>especially </b> if Joe was <b>right there </b>alongside him for every year of medical school? </p><p>Matt stopped walking and stared at Joe’s back. He hated what he was about to ask, and he hated himself for asking it. </p><p>“Hey, Joe?” </p><p>“Nn, yeah?” Joe stopped and seemed surprised that Matt wasn’t next to him.</p><p>“What would-” Matt hesitated, “What would you do if he changed his mind?”   </p><p>Joe tilted his head, “Shigure? Changed his mind about what?” </p><p>Matt struggled to explain but didn’t know what else to say besides: “About… everything. About you.” </p><p>Then Joe started laughing, and Matt felt the ground collapse out from under him for the second time that afternoon. </p><p>Matt had no idea what his face must have looked like, but Joe stopped laughing immediately, as if he’d been hit with a brick. The senior backtracked and walked over to Matt, guiding them off to the side of the pavement and out of the mainline of traffic. When he brought a hand up to Matt’s neck, the blonde looked away. It felt shameful even asking about it, but he just couldn’t stop that compulsion and besides Joe had <em> laughed </em>and then- and now- what would he- </p><p>“Matt, what-” Joe began but stopped to physically direct Matt’s face back to him, “You’re serious?” </p><p>Matt rallied and tried to explain. At the very least, thinking that Shigure might change his mind about not dating <em> any </em> men was rational. “I just- It’s not- it’s not a <em> ridiculous </em> question. If anything, he… I mean he’s <em> likely </em>to change his mind about his family and lying to them. He’s gay. That’s not going to change. Eventually, if he gets sick of lying to them, or just-” </p><p>Joe cut Matt off and even that stung a little, “Maybe. I’m not so sure about that. His relationship with his parents is different than mine. They might be homophobic, but they’re a lot warmer. More nurturing. He feels like he owes them everything. They immigrated here themselves for him and his sister; my family’s been here longer.”</p><p>Hearing Joe talk about Shigure’s family like that hurt too. </p><p>“It’s a big lie to commit to indefinitely,” said Matt. He couldn’t even conceive of it himself. Lying like that? Just… forever?  </p><p>Joe sighed, and Matt tried not to compare it to sighs he’d heard from Sammy back when Sammy was getting tired of him. He tried, he really tried, not to hear that same tone of exasperation in it. “It is. Sure. But, Matt, I don’t know why that would have anything to do with me. Not now. Not anymore.” </p><p>Anxiety boiled in Matt’s gut, rose up like bile, pooled in his mouth, and he finally vomited it all out, “You just… You two have so much in common. There’s so much <em> history </em>there. And tension. I mean just standing in that line felt-... What if- what if you want someone you have more in common with? Someone more level headed who’s as smart as you and-”</p><p>Matt cut himself off when Joe’s hand took his face firmly, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at the senior. Half of his mind was still wailing about Shigure and Joe, while the other half wanted to launch himself into the stratosphere for airing all that dirty, ugly, awful insecurity—for sounding so <em> unhinged </em>. </p><p>Joe was the opposite of unhinged. He always sounded calm and collected (unless he was dying of embarrassment, that is), but now he spoke <em> so </em>deliberately, like he was trying to tape Matt back together with every syllable, “I’m sorry I laughed. I didn’t realize you were being this serious.” </p><p>
  <em> He didn’t- he didn’t think that-?  </em>
</p><p>Joe kept speaking in that same careful manner, “Matt, listen to me. I laughed because that’s how completely ridiculous that idea is to me. I-... I mean, what are you suggesting? That if Shigure decided he wants a relationship I’d leave you for him?” </p><p>Yes. That was it. And the idea was so petrifying that Matt hadn’t even let himself fully think it. Joe brushed a thumb along Matt’s cheek. </p><p>“That is… I can’t even imagine wanting to do that. Shigure and I have a lot in common, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. And we’re not exactly the same. He’s competitive and pretentious. He gets cold when he’s stressed or in a bad mood. And beyond all that… He <em> left </em>me. It was brutal. Yes, I offered to let him take our friends from Columbia, but he still took me up on that offer and left me sitting in a dorm room by myself until Izzy and the others realized something had happened and swooped in.” </p><p>Matt looked up and peered at Joe. His story was supposed to sound painful, but Joe didn’t <em> sound </em>pained. Not really. He was just looking at Matt, like he was determined to get him to understand something. Like things were going to be okay. Matt blinked. Were they going to be okay? </p><p>Joe’s voice went softer when he spoke again, “You would never do something like that. I don’t think I’ve ever said this to you before, and that’s on me, but do you have any idea how brave I think you are because of how you’ve been living your life? You’ve been out since high school. Not just in your personal life. Out in the band. I scrolled back far enough into your past performances to know. You <em> never </em>sang about female pronouns, even for covers. I love that. It’s inspiring. I really mean that, Matt.” </p><p>Joe’s hands moved downward. Matt didn’t move or shift at all. Joe had traveled that far back into his performance history? Well, Min had shown him some clips and videos from high school but… It was true. Even back then, Matt never pretended that he was attracted to girls, not in any capacity. He adjusted lyrics, changed pronouns, did whatever he had to do to make sure his singing would only ever identify him as gay.</p><p>Matt chewed on his lip, listening intently while Joe went on to talk about… how much Matt cared about others. It was ridiculous though. How could he not look after all his friends when they were the ones holding him together all the time? But Joe sounded so warm and sincere. He was so believable. So trustworthy. </p><p>“I-... When we talked at my apartment for the first time… I was already so impressed that first day. The way you know what you want. Chart your own course. I thought-... Being around you for the past few months helped me see myself differently. Watching you make decisions and move forward made it easier for me to think that way about my future too. If I got into Cornell because of what I did during the interview? That’s you. You got me thinking about my future differently than anyone else ever has. And I <em> love </em>you for that.”</p><p>Matt blinked and felt like he’d been struck by lightning. He stared at Joe openly. The senior was still talking, but Matt couldn’t hear any of it.<em> He just- did he?- I think- </em></p><p>“What’d you say?” Matt’s voice was small. </p><p>“I-what? I-...” Joe stared down at Matt, blinking as if he’d surprised himself. And then his face started to flush, which, really, was the best confirmation Matt could get. </p><p>Hope sprang up within Matt’s chest. He waited. <b> <em>Hoping</em> </b> . Watching Joe’s reddening face. Joe’s nervous hesitation. He thought over everything Joe had just said with increasing clarity. <em> Love… Love… </em>He’d been thinking the word openly ever since Joe got his acceptance into Cornell a week ago. Hadn’t vocalized it to anyone, not even Min or Dennis. He was second guessing himself, wondering if it was too soon, too fast to be using that word. He didn’t want to scare Joe off by being too emotional… </p><p>Joe smiled and finally said it again, “I love you. I hope that’s okay.” </p><p><em> “I hope that’s-” Is he </em> <b> <em>serious</em> </b> <em> ? Motherf-  </em></p><p>Matt flew forward and barreled into Joe who stumbled backwards and probably almost fell over. Joe’s arms wrapped around him automatically. Both of them had spilled a little coffee. Unfortunate casualty, but Matt couldn’t begin to care. </p><p>“Did you-” Matt began, but his voice was muffled because his face was smashed into the front of Joe’s coat, “did you <em> really </em>just ask if that’s ‘okay?’” </p><p>Joe chuckled a little at Matt’s indignance, “You haven’t said if it is or not.” </p><p>Infuriating. Matt fumed and huffed before pulling back enough to rise up and kiss Joe fiercely. It was a relatively quick kiss though. He pulled back to continue staring at Joe’s face. Taking it all in. </p><p>Joe was smiling patiently, “You still haven’t said.”</p><p>“I-” Matt’s face went red. He could feel himself getting choked up, and he <em> hated </em>that. Joe just kept staring at him with that same pleasant, expecting expression in place. Like he wasn’t annoyed with Matt. Like he understood. Like he didn’t mind if Matt freaked out over a run in with his ex. Matt realized he’d seen this look on Joe’s face before in some form or another countless times. Every time Matt had a moment, Joe was perfectly patient about it. Profoundly understanding and accepting. </p><p>Tears pricked at the corners of Matt’s eyes, and Joe actually did look surprised at that, moving to pull Matt a little closer. It wasn’t “like” he wasn’t annoyed with Matt. Or “like” he understood. He did. He did understand. And he wasn’t annoyed. More than that, he wanted to be there… For Matt. </p><p>“Can you…” Matt’s voice was quiet, and he couldn’t take his eyes off Joe’s face, “Can you say it again?” </p><p>Joe blinked, and his smile pulled a little further. He nodded, “I love you, Matt. I probably have for a while. I <em> definitely </em>have for a while.” </p><p>Matt started to smile, slow and nervous. </p><p>Joe pressed their faces together, “You still haven’t-”</p><p>“Shut up,” said Matt, but his voice was soft and a couple of tears had started traveling down his face, “Just- I-...” He inhaled shakily. Joe smelled nice and familiar. The last of his anxiety from before <em> finally </em> melted away, and he <em> finally </em>spoke, “I love you too. I’ve been… um, thinking it ever since you got accepted to Cornell.” </p><p>Their faces were so close that Joe barely had to move to kiss him, but Matt felt like he was breaching the surface when their lips met. Like he’d been struggling to swim towards air for ages and finally- <em> finally-  </em></p><p>Joe’s nose nudged up against his as he pulled back a fraction, just enough to speak, “Feeling better about before?” </p><p>Matt bit his lip, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t- I couldn’t- I just thought-” </p><p>“It’s okay,” said Joe, and everything about how he said it and everything about <em> him </em>made Matt actually believe it. It was okay. It was really okay. </p><p>Matt broke out into a wide smile, and they stood there like that for another moment. Smiling. Staring. Swapping kisses. Eventually, the coffee cups in their hands reminded them of what they were supposed to be doing. And that there was a city around them. So, holding hands, they started walking again. </p><p>Walking felt weird. Matt felt a little like he was floating. He looked up at Joe, “I don’t know what to talk about now.” </p><p>They both started laughing a little at that. Joe was blushing, but he sounded calm and thoughtful when he responded, “Actually, I have an idea…” </p><p>Matt blinked and tilted his head, “What?” </p><p>“Just… A way to make things a <em> little </em>more official. We’ve been putting this off.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alex cracked her knuckles and stretched her neck to the left and right after putting her acoustic guitar to the side. She sighed, feeling the Sunday blues coming on, and started scrolling listlessly through her phone. She followed quite a few musical artists on Instagram. Maybe a post would spark some inspiration for her… <em> Wait </em> . She paused and started scrolling back up to a post she’d passed. It looked innocuous enough, but- <em> Wait </em>. </p><p> Her eyes scanned it quickly, and she breathed out deeply before her lips pulled into a satisfied smirk, “Wow…” <em> Would you look at that...  </em></p><p>She shook her head, smiling and chuckling and pulling up her messages to start up the chain of gossip.<em> If gossip is even the right word for this </em>. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sora gasped and almost dropped her phone, “Tai! <em> Tai </em>!” </p><p>“Ow-” Tai jumped as Sora smacked his arm repeatedly, “Quit it- <b>what-</b>?” </p><p>“Look!” she shrilled, shoving her phone into his face. </p><p>The two of them were hanging out after Tai’s regular Sunday training session. Sora had offered to accompany him to Chipotle where she would eat a reasonable amount of food for a human and Tai would… exceed mortal limitations. She had been scrolling along casually while they walked, but then- </p><p>Tai’s eyes widened as he looked at Sora’s phone.</p><p>“Give me that,” he said, snatching it from her to get a closer look, “holy shit.” </p><p>Sora made a squeaking noise, “I’m-” </p><p>Tai looked up at her, grinning, “Wow.” </p><p>She bit her lip, “That makes me <em> so </em>happy.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Trei shoved his duffel bag into a locker and started making his way up to the dance studio, checking his phone casually while he did so. He scratched absently at the stubble messing up the clean lines of his shave. He’d need to fix that later… </p><p>As he walked up the stairs of the gym towards the studio floor, he checked his phone. He’d just scroll down Instagram really quick before pulling up some good music to get into a flow with. </p><p>Trei paused. Hovering over a post by Matt. It didn’t look like much, but that was the tell… Matt never posted pictures so mundane… </p><p>Trei read and felt his lips pull into a small sentimental smile. He didn’t hesitate to like the post. <em>Nicely done,</em> <em>Baby Blue</em>. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Have you guys seen this?!” Yolei was almost frantic with excitement, waving her phone around as she stormed over to her friends at the park nearest their apartments. Cody, Ken, and Davis all blinked at her benignly. </p><p>“Yolei… what?”  asked Davis. </p><p>“LOOK,” she practically howled at them, lobbing her phone at Cody, who was luckily experienced enough with Yolei’s antics to catch it. The smaller boy blinked down at the post open on Yolei’s phone. Davis and Ken crowded up behind him, and all three of them stared at the screen. </p><p>“<em> Wow </em>.” </p><p>“Wonder if T.K.’s seen yet…” </p><p>“That’s wonderful!” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p><b>Alex:</b> look at Matt’s insta </p><p> </p><p><b>Chelsea: </b>??? </p><p> </p><p>Chelsea didn’t need to be told twice. Especially when the alternative was a theater history paper. She dropped what she was doing and went straight to the ‘gram. She blinked at first. What was Alex’s deal? This post was just a- </p><p>
  <em> Oh. My. God.  </em>
</p><p>Chelsea squealed and prepared to send a flurry of messages, kicking her feet in the air and falling back onto her bed while red hair fanned out behind her. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Mimi was on her way to see her parents for dinner when she pulled Instagram up. She paused when she saw that Matt had posted a-... Well, that wasn’t his usual. Mimi squinted and clicked into the caption to read all of it.</p><p>… Then she re-read it. </p><p>An impossible grin spread across her face. </p><p><em> Joe </em>. She gripped her phone to her chest and smiled around the subway car. It felt like Joe had been looking out for her her entire life, and she… She just wanted him to be happy. Knowing that, seeing that… Mimi sniffled, still smiling, and went for Izzy’s contact information. There was no way the redhead had seen this yet. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Haida was lying on the couch at Aaron and Julian’s apartment when he came across the post. He paused immediately; he always made a point of reading Matt’s posts, after all. But this seemed… While reading, his eyebrows furrowed and a small frown tugged at his lips, but by the end of it a wide grin spread across his face. </p><p>He stared at the post a little longer, but he wasn’t seeing it. </p><p>Another day, another night, was on his mind. Wandering over to check on Matt at his apartment while they were in high school because the blonde wasn’t answering his text messages. Finding Matt, shorter, thinner, hair a mess, just sixteen years old, slumped against a wall by himself… The things he had said about himself. The way he’d cried like he was going to shake apart. His garbled explanation to Haida about how worthless he was. His disregard for himself… And Haida, at seventeen, trying to understand how one of the best people he knew could think so little of himself. </p><p>He read the post again—smile only growing until he was beaming. </p><p>“Hey, guys,” he said, liking the post and sitting up to wave his phone around while Julian and Aaron looked over, “Check this out.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Izzy stared at the incoherent thread of texts he’d received from Mimi simultaneously demanding that he look at Matt’s Instagram and asking him repeatedly if he’d seen it yet. Izzy sighed and sent her a message to just chill, then pulled up Matt’s profile directly. </p><p>He read the post once and immediately smiled, pushing his desk chair back and surveying his bedroom and his apartment with Joe. He was thinking about the dorm though. It had been over two years ago now… </p><p>Mimi had texted the group chat asking if anyone had heard from Joe. She’d been messaging him for help on homework (per usual), but he hadn’t gotten back to her. Joe ignoring and missing a request for help from any of them was strange enough, but he had such a soft spot for Mimi—a protective streak leftover from their childhood summer camp adventures when he’d always look out for her or sit with her while she cried and fussed. </p><p>Izzy hadn’t thought twice about taking the short walk to Joe and Shigure’s dorm to check on him. He still remembered what it was like. Knocking and announcing himself. Checking to see if the door was unlocked. Stepping foot inside and seeing a room that was half empty and Joe lying facedown on his bed like the world had been ripped away from him. </p><p>Izzy swallowed. Joe was his best friend, and the ramifications of Shigure had been devastating to deal with. Joe had never been the most confident guy in the first place, but that breakup had certainly compounded matters. Izzy had spent the past two years watching Joe resign himself to being alone while <em> also </em> resigning himself deeper and deeper to a career path that he hadn’t chosen… The past few months had revolutionized all of that though. Matt had somehow reignited Joe’s love life <em> and </em>upended Joe’s mundane march toward medical school. </p><p>The redhead smiled. That was… quite a lot to be grateful for. He opened his messages with Mimi again (she’d ignored his request to chill and was still spamming him), but not before sending a message of gratitude to Matt. </p><p> </p><p><b>Izzy:</b> I’m really glad that you and Joe are together. </p><p> </p><p><b>Matt:</b> i’d ask where that’s coming from but that’d probably be playing too dumb </p><p> </p><p><b>Izzy:</b> Definitely. But… seriously. Thanks. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Min’s eyebrows scrunched together, “Matt posted a picture that <em> I </em>didn’t take.”</p><p>From his end of the couch, Dennis snorted, “Remarkable. Almost as if it’s <em> his </em>Instagram account. Come on, you said you wanted to work on-” </p><p>“Oh! OH! <b> <em>OH</em> </b> !!! Dennis, <em> Dennis </em> , <b>Dennis-</b>” Min scrambled across the couch in a flurry and all but dropped her phone into Dennis’s lap. Her roommate raised an eyebrow and took her phone up, looking at Matt’s post and reading the caption. He blinked once. Twice. </p><p>“Oh…” </p><p>“Dennis!” Min clapped her hands together, and he looked up at her grinning. </p><p>“Wow, that’s-...” </p><p> They shared a look. Memories passing unspoken between the two of them. </p><p>Matt following them to Min’s home on his first day of school with them… His nervous hand holding with Sam… Lying next to him in his bed listening to music after the break up… Urging him to reconsider things with Trei when it became obvious that Trei wasn’t looking for love… That hollow look on his face after Dustin would head out, or Travis, or any of the other random guys… </p><p>Min’s eyes welled up, and Dennis shook his head and rapped her lightly on the side of the head, “You’re both saps. What’d I do to-” </p><p>He broke off and started blinking a little harder. Min smirked at that. </p><p>“Just admit that you’re happy for him too!” </p><p>“I-... Yeah, I am.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“T.K.?” Kari paused and looked back at T.K. whose pace had slowed considerably. T.K. shook his head but couldn’t stop staring down at his phone. </p><p>“Sorry, it’s just-... Reading this Instagram post my brother made.” </p><p>Kari tilted her head and walked over, standing close to T.K., “Let me see.” </p><p>They both bent their heads together and read. Kari gasped quietly and looked up at him. </p><p>T.K. was blinking down at his phone and smiling. He thought about how tightly Matt would hug him when they were kids after the divorce. Sometimes crying when their parents split them up (and then T.K. would inevitably cry too). At one point, Matt had stopped crying in front of T.K. altogether, but he would still update his brother on other aspects of his life.  </p><p>T.K. thought about every time Matt had to drag himself through another debrief/review of a breakup for his younger brother, determined to keep T.K. up to date on his life even if recounting things made him sad… </p><p>And T.K. thought about Joe following his breakup with Shigure. How Joe had been a shell of himself for ages but still, even like that, came through for the rest of them. Tutoring them when they needed it. Acting as their sounding board (mostly for Mimi, but certainly the others as well). Patient to a fault. Able to shoulder their needs whenever they asked for his help or input. </p><p>Matt and Joe together. T.K. couldn’t think of two people who put others first more often than either of them. He smiled broadly at Kari. </p><p>She giggled, “You know, you get credit for coming up with this idea in the first place.” </p><p>He smirked, “Yeah, I guess you’re right…” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Matt sighed and pocketed his phone. </p><p>“Quite a few notifications going off.” </p><p>“Hm, mine too,” said Joe before putting his phone away as well. “Not as many obviously.” </p><p>Matt rolled his eyes, “It’s just the Instagram notifications that tip the scales. Although-” he blinked, “Ah fuck, my dad checks my Instagram, and you haven’t even met him yet.” </p><p>“Oh,” Joe straightened up at that, “Um.” </p><p>Matt snorted, “Well, look forward to that sometime soon, I guess.” When he spotted the nervous look on Joe’s face, he shook his head and smirked, “He’ll love you. You really don’t have anything to worry about there.” </p><p>“If you say so,” Joe mumbled. </p><p>“I do say so,” said Matt before standing and holding out a hand for Joe. They’d taken a seat together on a bench at the park to work on the post together, but now it was time to keep moving through their Sunday in the park. </p><p>Matt’s phone was set to Do Not Disturb, but, out in the digital verse, his most recent Instagram post was blowing up. The picture was pretty simple—a departure from his usual feed: clips of performances, candids that Min took, the occasional selfie… </p><p>No, this was just a picture of two Starbucks cups placed side by side on a park bench, although two pairs of pants were visible along the edges. He and Joe had set up the shot intentionally. Joe was anonymous in the picture. Since Matt had ordered their drinks, it was only his name on both labels. The edge of Matt’s jeans lined the left side, while Joe’s framed the right. The post also featured a caption that was longer than Matt’s usual: </p><p> </p><p>#ad #sponsored #starbucks #theypaymeforthis #canUimagine???</p><p> </p><p>(i just like coffee, ok????)</p><p> </p><p>Okay, now that that’s out of the way: </p><p> </p><p>Hey all. been noticing the comments section lately. avoided acknowledging it on purpose. tbh it still seems really speculative to me. i mean, what do you guys have to go on?? more of the covers are romantic lately? I mean, I guess. </p><p> </p><p>But whatever, congrats internet detectives, you’ve figured it out. I’m extremely in a relationship. To be clear: we’re asking for privacy. There isn’t going to be a face reveal or obnoxious “Q&amp;A wItH mY bOyFrIeNd” posted to any of the channels. You’ve always been cool about stuff, so please don’t screw that up now. What I share is my business, and, in this case, it’s our business.</p><p> </p><p>So what does all that mean? It means 1) that this post is peer reviewed (yes, he’s forcing me to use punctuation right now). 2) you’ll probably hear a little bit about it every now and then in the interest of authenticity. But please don’t seek more information than what we’re offering. Not everyone wants the attention. Tbh I don’t really want the attention either. </p><p> </p><p>Decided to make this post today for a couple of reasons. First, the comments were reaching critical capacity with nosiness, so it felt like a good time to intervene and remind you to be respectful. Pls and thnks. But also… I’m in love and that felt important enough to share. </p><p> </p><p>I don’t want to imply that a relationship should be the thing that heals a person, but I’ve felt… broken for most of my life now. Music always helped, and I don’t know where I’d be without any of my friends or family. You all know that late last year Min and Dennis saw me off to therapy for the first time too, which I do recommend for anyone struggling. But beyond all that, I’m happy, really happy, right now with him in a way that just hasn’t happened before. And it’s mutual, which is cool. (bf is objecting to the use of the word cool here but i refuse to change it, this is cheesy enough) </p><p> </p><p>I guess what I want to say is that it doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship that heals you, but what I’m learning is that relationships in general can help all of us heal. So, y’know, go out there and be there for each other and shit. </p><p> </p><p>(he thinks i’m done writing this post lol. rookie mistake. anyways, like i said, very in love. he’s the most patient human i’ve ever met. also v handsome. and smart which is sexy. probably why he’s so good at dealing with my bs. serious question i ask myself all the time now: how does a person get so nice???? i dont have an answer but i am very grateful that he is this way. you should probably expect more romantic content but i’ll try not to be too gross. ok gotta get back to this date now!!)     </p><p> </p><p>Anyways, that’s all, sorry for the essay, ttyl.  </p><p> </p><hr/><p>     </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>woops accidentally made myself cry a little :') (I hope you liked meeting Shigure. He's a complicated guy who made a painful choice. If you want to really feel some things, "Samson" by Regina Spektor is the Joe/Shigure anthem.) </p><p>the epilogue will be posted shortly (24 hours at most!). it's already written; i just need a minute to sit with it (and have taylor read it over just like she's read all of these chapters over for me because she is THE BEST.) </p><p>if you want to follow me on twitter it's @cozyvaquita<br/>I'm barely using that twitter right now, but I plan on using it more and more for fandom stuff :) </p><p>you might have noticed that this fic is now added to a series. I AM planning to write more stories for the Mostly Bad Timing Universe. Actually, one of them (a oneshot) is already written. If you're invested, keep an eye out or subsribe to the collection. There's going to be more. ESPECIALLY if you've been curious to see more of Joe's family in this AU. A lot of what I have planned is focused on resolving his family dynamics. (also Joe's gotta meet Matt's dad!!) </p><p>thank you so much for reading and being here for this :')</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you so much for being here :') </p><p>twitter: @cozyvaquita</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span> The front door to the apartment opened, and Matt barely looked up from the stove, “Hey, Babe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” said Joe, a little out of breath as he removed his sweater and shoes at the door, “What are you…?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just stir fry,” said Matt, pushing the meal around the wok a little more. He smiled automatically as Joe wandered into the kitchen. His usual cooking playlist was emitting from a bluetooth speaker stationed at the counter opposite him. Everything about the moment was familiar and comfortable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe stepped up behind him, encircling Matt’s waist in both of his arms and pressing his face into Matt’s hair and neck, “It smells good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm,” Matt hummed, “How was class?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Joe mumbled, burying deeper into Matt’s hair, “you smell good too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt smirked at that and nudged Joe with his elbow, “Thanks. But I need to watch this right now…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe sighed and stepped back a little to lean against the kitchen counter opposite the stove, rubbing his neck. He watched Matt’s back while the other kept tending to their dinner, “I love you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt glanced over his shoulder and smiled, “Love you too. You didn’t actually say how class was today.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was fine. Nothing new today. But I do need to work late tomorrow on that presentation with Shigure and the others though,” he added. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you guys know where you’re working?” Matt blinked and looked over his shoulder again, “We could host if you need a spot. I don’t mind cooking more.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe smiled a little at that, “You already cooked the last time we worked on a project.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind,” Matt shrugged, “I’d be cooking for us anyways.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe chuckled, “Well, if you’re sure, I’ll offer. Don’t you have practice tomorrow?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Matt paused to think, “we have practice on Thursday.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The band’s schedule was a little lighter at the moment. They were currently focused on putting their next album together—not concerts—so practice mostly consisted of getting together to rehearse or collaborate on whatever songs Matt or Julian had cooking for them. Joe smiled; Matt had been out of undergrad for over a year now, but Joe was still impressed that Hudie was performing and working on music despite their other careers. It helped—a lot—that Matt’s schedule for work was so flexible, working at an engineering firm that only required him to come into the office in person 2-3 days a week as long as deadlines were being met. That gave the blonde ample time to get work done for the band with assistance from Julian who worked with the same music production company that they recorded with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe stretched a little and rubbed a hand along Matt’s back as he departed the kitchen, “I’ll be right back. How long do you think?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just 10 more minutes. You had good timing today,” said Matt, turning to peck Joe on the cheek while he walked past, “If you’re gonna shower, be fast.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe always took fast showers anyways, but he heeded that warning on his way through their living/dining room. Theirs was a two bedroom apartment, although the second room functioned primarily as a work space for both of them. The half (well, more like ⅓) of the room by the window was taken up by Joe’s desk and accompanying bookshelves—clean and minimalist. The remaining ⅔ of the room was… Matt’s. There was a futon that Dennis or Min sometimes crashed on (they said the futon was for any guests, but the reality was that the futon may as well have belonged exclusively to Matt’s best friends). All four of Matt’s guitars lined one wall. Matt’s old bedroom coffee table was there and </span>
  <em>
    <span>still </span>
  </em>
  <span>covered in sheet music and other related items. And his overly large slouchy armchair took up the remaining corner of the room, right next to a drafting table that Matt used for engineering projects. Any free space on the walls was covered in soundproofing, so that Matt could work on music without disrupting their neighbors (or Joe), but there were also photos up and framed of all their friends interspersed…  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In many ways, the room was a representation of how their lives had come to fit together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe was headed straight for the bedroom and adjoining bathroom. They’d kept the bed from Joe’s apartment. Some of Min’s photography was framed and hanging on one wall. The shorter dresser also featured some of her photography, not her artistic pieces though; it was a long series of connected frames, each one housing a candid Min had snuck of the two of them throughout the first two years of their relationship. She’d given it to them as a two year anniversary present. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe showered quickly per usual and was soon toweling off his hair, returning to the main living area in sweats and a plain t-shirt. Matt had managed to set most of the table—including chopsticks—while Joe was washing off. That was fine though. Joe would handle all the dishes and clean up post-dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they were both settled in at the table, Joe finally got around to asking, “How was work?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only stopped by the office space this morning to check on some things,” said Matt, “all good. Easy deadline for Friday. We’re almost done actually.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt’s tight scheduling throughout undergrad had trained him to work quickly, which made his flexible hours even more ideal. He typically met deadlines with ease which allowed him to maximize the rest of his days for music. Likewise, Joe’s tendency to wake up early and get work done meant that he and Matt usually had time together in the evenings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Per usual, they were sitting at the same corner of the table. Matt liked to occasionally spread his legs across Joe’s lap during meals, trying to stay as close as possible. Joe was happy to oblige, and rested the hand that wasn’t helping him eat on Matt’s knee. Matt smiled at the added contact, “Then this afternoon, Julian sent me some notes on the new song, so I worked on that. Sent it over to the others to have them start practicing. We’ll see how it all sounds on Thursday.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’re his notes?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. I agree with all his points, so we don’t have a lot of ironing to do on this one. Needs a title though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe just smiled at that and scooped up some more noodles and chicken. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt tilted his head, “What’s up? You’re being quiet.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The med student took his time chewing before answering, “I was going to wait until after dinner to say anything,” he sighed and sipped some water, “my parents want to visit this weekend. They’re trying to get us all together for lunch or dinner while Jim’s in town. And they want to pick something in the area so they can swing by and see the place again afterwards.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Aah</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” said Matt, biting his lip. “Do you want me around for that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe shrugged with one shoulder, “It’s your call. Do you feel like lying this weekend?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Matthew the Very Straight Roommate can make an appearance if you need him there,” said Matt, smirking and taking another bite of stir fry, “but I want </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>to decide if you need him there or not.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe rolled his eyes and joined Matt smirking, “I’ll be fine either way. I can always tell them he’s spending time with his girlfriend who’s taking care of her sick… What? Is it her mom or dad having health struggles?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt clucked his tongue, “Come on, Joe. It’s her mom. Sick with MS. Keep up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, right,” Joe nodded, smirk pulling wider as his hand slid off Matt’s knee and seeked the other’s hand. Matt met him halfway, and their fingers interlocked beneath the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt sighed and squeezed Joe’s hand, “I guess… if you don’t mind, I’ll sit this one out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe smiled, a little sadly, “Okay… I’m sorry my parents don’t get to love you as much as yours love me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was true. Matt’s parents were obsessed with Joe. Natsuko, who had always struggled to accept her son’s sexual orientation, had actually come around </span>
  <em>
    <span>because </span>
  </em>
  <span>of their relationship. Something about realizing that Joe—who she’d watch grow up alongside her youngest son, trusting him to look out for T.K. every step of the way—was also gay and struggling with his own parents had gotten through to her. And Hiroaki was just blessedly relieved and grateful for the stability Joe had brought to Matt’s personal life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt snorted, “Their loss. At least Shuu and Jim love me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True,” said Joe, “they’re pretty big fans. What are you going to do instead this weekend?”    </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, Trei and Chelsea asked me to go clubbing with them anyways, so maybe I’ll just spend the day at someone’s place. I was going to bring that up later too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds good,” said Joe, running a thumb along Matt’s hand, “who else is going?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not sure yet. Definitely those two. Min and Dennis will be there if they’re free though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe frowned, “You’ll be careful?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt rolled his eyes, “I’m always careful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe’s frown pulled a little, “Last time, those creeps-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We had that under control,” Matt cut him off, but he was smiling at Joe’s concern, “No big deal. Will you feel better if I make sure Haida comes too?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” said Joe immediately.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt snorted, “I’ll be sure to let him know how much faith you have in him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, he’s basically your bodyguard in that kind of scene.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They got into a small debate about Haida’s bodyguard status for the rest of dinner, still linked under the table. After eating, Joe took care of the dishes, while Matt changed into pajamas and started fiddling on his acoustic guitar in the living room. Joe liked it when Matt played while he cleaned up; it always made the time go a little faster. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the kitchen was back in order, Joe joined Matt on the couch but not before grabbing one of his textbooks for med school and bringing it with him. They spent the majority of the evening like that. Matt played guitar music softly, occasionally jotting down some ideas, while Joe took care of some studying, occasionally pausing to share something interesting with his boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Matt put his guitar to the side and draped himself on Joe’s side, letting his head roll onto Joe’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” the taller of the two asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm, just a little tired,” Matt yawned, “I’ll help you set up the apartment on Saturday morning. Get it arranged for your parents.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe bit his lip. They both knew what that meant. Hiding all evidence of the relationship, shoving it into the office because Joe’s parents believed the second room was Matt’s own bedroom. Roommates. Right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to help with that,” said Joe quietly, “they’re my parents. My mess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wrong,” Matt mumbled, tucking his head a little more securely between Joe’s neck and shoulder, “it’s our mess. I don’t mind helping.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He inhaled and let his eyes flutter shut; Joe was so comfortable to lean on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go to bed you know,” Joe said, speaking quietly and kissing the top of his head, “I’m going to be out here for a while longer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Matt protested, shaking his head so tufts of blonde hair tickled Joe’s jaw, “I’m comfortable… keep telling me fun medical facts.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know about ‘fun,’” Joe chuckled, “sickle cell isn’t exactly-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhh,” said Matt, pulling his legs in closer on the couch, “I like listening to you talk about all of it. And you feel safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe exhaled out his nose, “As opposed to our very not safe, scary bedroom?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joe smiled, feeling his heartstrings pull at Matt’s words, “Okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stayed out in the living room for another hour. Joe stopped reading facts out loud when Matt stopped responding, letting the other actually start dozing off. When Joe was finally ready to turn in, it took multiple kisses and a couple of shoves to get Matt up and moving again. They finished getting ready for bed together and ended up sprawled under the covers in their usual formation: Joe was lying on his back with Matt pressed up against him, one arm wrapped tightly around Joe’s torso. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Across the room from them, Min’s candids were barely visible in the dark, but they were there—outlining and detailing the past two years. One image was much like the scene from today: Joe wrapped around Matt from behind while the blonde cooked. Another was a shot taken of the two of them walking together in the city from behind, hands linked loosely in between them. A picture of Matt, playing harmonica, with his legs strewn over Joe’s lap, while the blue haired man read. The two of them kissing in the corner at an apartment party. Matt tackling Joe backstage after a concert. And one photo that Min had truly risked life and limb for, taken at the old MDM apartment early on in the relationship. She’d snuck into their room at the crack of dawn and taken a picture of the two of them sleeping. The lighting was dim, but Matt was still clearly stuck to Joe’s side with one of Joe’s arms wrapped securely around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things were exactly as they should be.   </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there we go. :'3 </p><p>thank you again so much for reading! i had a lot of feelings about these two to get out of my system. i still do. this fic is now added to a series where i will be posting more stories from within the same AU, so if you're invested in matt and joe and their friends please consider checking it out or even subscribing to the collection! a lot of it will be focused on their families too. </p><p>aside from writing more digimon stuff, i also have multiple stories planned for Fire Emblem Three Houses because I have sylvix brainrot. so that'll be coming sometime in the nearish future. I'm planning on juggling digimon and fire emblem fics moving forward. </p><p>twitter: @cozyvaquita</p><p>thank you thank you! kudos and comments are treasured!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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